what does yoru husband do around the house? i am trying to see if muine is in the right or not … he works all day from 8-5…during that time i am home with our twin toddlers and taking care of them…i also go to school online and that takes a chunk of my day too…i clean up as much as i can and have dinner on the table when he gets home…when he gets home he goes straight to video games while i am cleaning up dinner and taking care of our kids…should he not be helping? he said he works all day and needs to relax…but what about me?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What does your husband do around the house?
He should absolutely be helping. If anything playing and spending time with his kids so you can get stuff done etc.
Having five kids myself it doesn’t matter between my wife and I we both try to help each other out with kids and housework, I get his point of view also but he should definitely help out then have a separate time to decompress etc when everything is done.
Id love to clock out after 9 hrs. That’s ridiculous. He needs to be helping. Just bc he works does not absolve him of his duties at home and as a partner. Ypu did not start a life and family with him to do everything alone. Hes not being considerate of your feelings at all
In my house, nothing really. I do it all for many reasons. We like it this way. Now if I need help I ask for it, which hardly happens because I try not to. I love it this way.
we have 5 kids. Husband works during the day. 2 kids are at school then I’m home with the 5 year old and 3 year old twins. Husband will come home and help make dinner. Help clean up after the kids with me. Go to the store if needed. Do laundry and then go to bed. He’s always helping
Nothing! Threw his ass out!
You work all day too. He should be helping.
Im thankful that my hubby works and still manages everything around the house. He definitely should be helping you.
He absolutely should be helping. You work all day too. Taking care of 1 baby is hard, you have twins.
Before our baby - I had 2 kids already I cleaned the house , worked 2 days a week and cooked dinner everyday , feed his hunting dogs 2 days a weeks (15 dogs) did all the laundry and mowed the grass and took the kids to school ! After the baby and being pregnant again I take the kids to school , take care of the baby , wash clothes - he helps with that now - he helps with the dishes and he washes the baby ! He does her bottles every other day - and he helps me get up with her at night but I am very sick ! He works 7-3 with a hour drive each way !
We both work full time. He each do house work. Honestly he does more than me. I am very lucky
God I get sick of this behavior from men! My ex was the exact same way, and always told me he’d help but never did, that he needed to relax for an hour, always turned into me going to bed with our daughter and him staying up late. Just because he works doesn’t mean he should be free from helping manage his house. You work all day too!
Leave him home 24 hours with the kids so he can see how stressful and exhausting it can be!
My husband does all the laundry! We are def a team. We both work, him more than me and we are PARENTS together NON STOP.
We take an equal rest approach instead of an equal work approach. Basically if I’m not resting neither is he, we’re both up cleaning and pitching in until everything is done and we can both rest.
You’re working all day too. Taking care of the house and the kids and going to school. When he gets home he can clean up after dinner and spend some time with his kids. And get them ready for bed with you.
My boyfriend comes home, helps with dinner, walks the dogs, burns garbage, helps clean up after dinner, helps get the kiddo out the door for softball. Unloads the dishwasher if I didn’t get to it.
I would be mad. Yes he’s entitled to down time for himself but you are as well. My fiancee works 6am to 430 pm then comes home and takes over with the kids while I finish dinner etc. Then we both clean up and get the kids to bed and have our own down time then. I work midnight shift tho so a lot of times when he comes home he takes over feeding the kids, clean up, and bed time so I can rest a little before work.
I do everything inside period, I like things a certain way. He takes care of everything outside, I hate yardwork so I’m OK with this
My husband is supervisor on 3rd shift so not only r his hours funky he has long hours. He takes out the trash and does all the lawn maintenance or anything that needs fixing etc. He will help with cooking and occasionally dishes but we have a dishwasher not hard. I was n fold laundry and he will put it away. Otherwise I feel like that’s fair
We have 5 children 24/7, plus an additional 2. We both work outside of the home. He and I share all household responsibilities
Give him back to his mother tell her to wake up to herself and retrain him
Stop making dinner and see how long he plays video games
I think more people need to realize that being a stay at home parent is a full time job as well. Talk to him and if he doesn’t start helping then leave.
My partner works full-time and will come home and help he never just sits down. He will ask if there is anything I need help with first.
He often helps with dinner and dishes and takes over with our toddler to give me a rest.
My husband works 11 hours, comes home and takes out the trash, helps with the dishes if I haven’t already gotten to them, and then spends time with our girls before bed.
You’re working too and being a SAHM is stressful. He needs to pitch in more.
I’m a stay at home mom and my husband works 6 days a week 10 hour days and he does yard work, cooks his own food , helps with the kids and animals , does dishes sometimes etc…
My husband works full time and I stay home with our kiddo. He honestly does more cleaning and bathes our toddler more than I do. I’m always so burnt out. Hubby is happy to pull his weight and more while I work on my executive dysfunction.
I also struggle with mental illnesses a lot
When I was a SAHM I did it all. Did I mind? Of course. He did help when needed. But I did 95% of everything. Why? Because it was a privilege to be able to stay home. I didn’t want him to work all day and come home to have to clean and cook. I don’t look at staying at home as a job, but that’s me. I’m sorry for those who think raising your children is a job. It’s a reward. After my husband came home from work we spent that time together as a family. I guess since most of you think it’s a job, we clocked out from our jobs and enjoyed time together. Now that we both work full time and our kids are in school and extra activities, we don’t get that reward of spending time together since we are always on the go now.
Mine works the same time as you and he’ll come home and help with whatever I need rather it be supper, laundry, cleaning house, or the kids. And then once everything is done he’ll go play his video games until about 9:30/10 and then go lay down with me and watch our tv shows and spend time together.
Hell, my hubby is a gamer and trys that sh*t with me. That’s when I just leave our youngest child, 5mo old with him. In His play pin and leave to the bedroom to rest. Our older kiddos playing in their room. When I came out of the room, baby boy had an almost finished bottle. So I’m guessing he made him a bottle lol. Baby boy wasn’t crying.
Sometimes you have to force dad’s to actually be dad’s to their kids. My hubby works from 5am to 3pm, so he has long work days too. Working four days in a row. So I know some days he’ll be tired and want to relax. I let him for a bit before asking him to do things. I’m a stay at home mom and work as being a mom 24/7, and it’s hard. I’m glad my older two go to school to give me a little break, but I still have my infant. So yea, I get zero breaks unless dad helps.
My husband works 7am to 530 pm Monday through Friday. I have some health problems that limit my mobility some days and my overall health.we also have 6 kids 2 of which are at home all day.if he comes home to stuff not done( which is more often than not) he just does it.he knows how I can feel from day to day because of my health and he knows it needs done. Complete opposite from my ex husband who would get mad if I forgot to pack a fork in his lunch box,would come home after working only 3 10 hour days each week and either play video games or go sit at the neighbors and shoot the shit with him
As long as ny partner is doing something, building, making repairs etc, I’m not concerned with him doing housework, but if no construction is going on then he helps
My husband comes home and completely takes over most of the time. He knows being a stay at home mom is exhausting & incredibly boring, he really is the best. Our kids are gamers, not us Lol
Being a stay at home mom is the most difficult job. Every once in a while video games is fine but he should be helping out after work too.
My husband and I rotate through house work and we have taught our children the same from the very beginning of their lives. He and I have both always worked but he is a soldier so his job takes priority. Anytime either of us are at home we do whatever needs to be done. If one of us is doing housework and we have the kids under foot we simply have them do it with us and that’s how they have learned. He doesn’t get to check out simply because he works outside the home and you do not. Sit down with him and have a discussion as soon as possible and explain that his behavior is not acceptable. You shouldn’t have to ask for help or explain what you need him to do either, a married couple share equal responsibilities in the home.
Mine works all day then comes home sits we talk about our day and thrn he is usely outside messing with something comes in for dinner helps clean up after then we watch our shows our I do and he is back outside for the evening I put or son to bed but he is 7 so all I say is bed time lol then he will come in see if I need anything done when I go to bed he gets on his game system for a few I go to bed way before him
Ask him how much he would be doing if you also worked outside the home. I guarantee he just thinks you should do it all. When there are able bodied adults in a home, they should all be participating in its upkeep and in raising and caring for children. No one needs and extra fully grown child…
Yep he should be helping but good luck with that. Mine home 24/7 and doesn’t do SHIT.
He pays my rent and bills, so he doesn’t have to help me at home. On his days off, Thursdays and Fridays, he gets up with the kids for school. And if I need help he helps. We have 7 kids.
I work 1st shift he works 3rd shift and helps when can when not sleeping. He helps on weekends. He helped yesterday some what today and works tonight.
A relationship is about teamwork…it takes two to makr it work…just because one works away from the home doesnt mean they get out of home responsibilities
You already know your answer.
He does nothing he’s the only one that works leaves before 5am and gets back by 6pm
He needs to be helping. You have the most important job which is taking care of the kids. He lives there too and it’s his kids too. If you both put in a good hour every evening on the house, then you could all relax together and be a family. It’s as much his responsibility to make your family life run smoothly.
If he can’t help clean he doesn’t need food ready and warm🤷🏻♀️ you don’t get to relax and ignore home life just because you “work”
My husband comes home and cleans off his work day and jumps right in with what needs to be done around the house. He understands that I am too, working (just from home) I take care of kids, animals, and the house plus getting everyone to appointments and their sports. He says you can’t clock in and out from being a parent and spouse. He also plays video games but he waits till the kids our asleep and I go to the gym. He still has other times just to himself to relax and unwind and he’ll turn around and give me the same thing. We are partners in life, no one is held above the other.
My husband works 6 days a week from 9am to 10pm
And comes home shower the kids and takes them to bed. The day hes off he cooks and helps me clean.
In the same situation here except mine will game on days I have things under control, if I don’t he will lend a hand with cooking or taking care of trash, or taking control of our toddler and the dogs, which gives me a bit of a break to go outside for a minute by myself. I do all the deep cleaning and everything, I don’t mind because he ensures I get a sanity break when I need one, and he gets his video games 3-4x a week for a few hours.
I will preface this with I am self employed and work at home but I take care of about 95% of the laundry, cooking dinners, grocery shopping and doing dishes as well as many miscellaneous things like taking garbage out on garbage day, taking vehicles for service, and taking our 4yo for doctors appts etc. On top of this I also take care of our 4yo full time so I feel if I can do all that pretty much anyone can if they have the desire. It is a lot and a big expectation for any one person to take on especially if they work full time but it can be done. Would I love to watch tv or play video games sure I would but that’s just not in the cards for me right now as my family responsibilities are more important.
I have 4 very active kids I’m a SAHM. Husband works and does yard work. He provides everything. So I should do the rest. My husband is not above doing house things, I just do it because I know what he does for our family. But say you had a job too, you would still be doing things even after work. It’s just the female make up. It’s how God made us.
Being a parent to those kids is just as much a job as any “working income” job. He brought those kids into the world with you and should be doing his part. Tired or not, those kids are his responsibility as well
My husband works 8-5 in a physically demanding job and he comes home helps with our 8 month old and 3 yr old and some nights cooks dinner. Up until recently I was working flat out and he was doing all of the cooking and cleaning. We try to work together most of the time.
He does dishes, laundry, garbage, cat pans and mopping
My husband comes home, changes out of uniform and jumps into helping me with whatever I need. Taking to and from practice or whatever, he cooks dinner most nights that he is home unless I do a crockpot meal.
My husband is also the only one that “works”. We have 5 kids and I am a full time college student.
Help clean up after dinner then go play video games or cook ya own damn dinner n while ur at it put a load of washing on, bet he starts helping with a few things around the house if you tell him that
My wife works 4:30am to 3:30 pm im a stay at home dad I homeschool my oldest while the two middles are in school then I also have a 3 year old at home we split up doing cleaning and cooking and taking kids to practice
Yell about nothing gets done & sleep then go to work. (Not a hard job either)
He needs to be helping!
I love having my husband come home to a clean house, hot food, kids taken care of and him getting into comfy clothes and playing video games or watch TV. He deserves a break and rest as well
He can relax when the kids BOTH of you made are in bed. End.of.story.
I am constantly appalled at the lack of involvement from fathers. I understand my husband is a unicorn of sorts, and I count my blessings every day to have him. But he is an example of ‘they will do it if they want to’. I am a SAHM with 2 toddlers and pregnant with our third. This pregnancy has been tough to say the least and I am pretty much bedridden whenever I can. My husband is a business owner working a very labour oriented job. Right now, he gets home, makes dinner, feeds and bathes our kids, puts them to bed and then cleans up by himself. On a typical day he bathes them anyways - by choice - because he wants that extra time with them.
If I man wants to be involved in his kids’ lives, he will be. Kids don’t choose to be born, but you both chose to be parents. Dads need to step up more…
My husband would work full time and still even get up with the kids in the middle of the night plus help me clean out after them. Bath time was always his time our kids loved daddy giving them baths. We both take turns cooking dinner. It’s team work
My mother raised 13 kids hand washed our clothes had us in routine we had a clean house food on the table by 6pm we were in pjs waiting for our dad to get in so we sat down as a family to eat! What is your complaint! If you can’t communicate with your husband why did you get married and have kids
My boyfriends schedule is 4 days on and 4 days off. He isn’t home the 4 days he’s at work. But on his off days when he does come home. He helps with both our kiddos. One is 7 years old and the other is 6 months old. He also helps around the house. If I cook he usually does the cleaning up. Or we do it together. Yes, he does play his video games but we usually do it as a family mostly. He doesn’t just come home and not do anything on his off days. He also if he wakes up before me he lets me sleep and will shut the door and take care of the kids until I wake up. I’m currently a sahm right now and the 4 days he is gone it can be tough. I was also a working mom as well and I would be tired when I got home but still took care of kids. His job is tough as well being what he does. But he does help out. He doesn’t just sit around and make me do everything on his off days. Talk to him, tell him how you feel, maybe join in on the video game if it is multi-player, get him to join in in cooking a meal yall both like together, he may just be worn out from work and gaming may be his destresser and he just doesn’t realize how you feel.
Teamwork makes the dream work. I am a sahm. My oldest is almost 11, we also have a 8yo,5.5yo and almost 4yo.
My husband helps with anything and everything. He says he does because he also lives here, the boys are his kids too and I’m not HIS mother.
He wasn’t always this way. But over the years things have improved. He is not a child, he can take care of HIS house and HIS kids.
Trash to the curb - cook here and there, load and unload dishwasher occasionally and help if I ask
We both clean and we both work and we have 6 kids together so its true what they say. If he wanted to, he would. work has nothing to do with it. He should be helping or you can focus on your relaxing and not worry about his dinner. He can make something before gaming all night apparently.
U need to tell him u have an all day job too and that u would like some help
I marriage should be half an a half , but if he is the only one who brings money to the house it’s fair that the kids and house work will be your responsibility, I’m not saying that he shouldn’t help . Talk to him about what you need help for, if he doesn’t want to try to hire someone one or two days a week for a couple of hours so you can rest a little
Video games are for children not grown ass men who are trying to accomplish goals in life.
He did nothing. That’s why I divorced him.
Over the years my husband has always been involved with our kids, the house, etc. As the kids got older, our lives changed, we all adjusted. Our kids did chores starting at age 3, doing age appropriate things. I became a SAHM when they were 7 and 10 years old, they still had chores, he still helped around the house. Put your kids on a strict night time routine of bath at 7, read a book at 745, lights out at 8, no excuses, no getting out of bed. Then it’s you and dad time. Give it a try, though if he’s a gamer, I am guessing he won’t adhere to change as the kids won’t either. But you can sure try!
Mine does the same thing. Or comes home and naps. I don’t make dinner every night because hes never hungry when he gets home and our son (4 years old) is picky af with food! we have a 3 month old daughter too. I clean as much as I can during the day but I do childcare in our home and watch a dog as well
Yes he should be helping you.
Fix it now or it will be forever that way…
My husband has always worked full time and has never complained about helping with the kids or the house when he is home. What you have is a manchild.
I’m a working mother. I work 830am-5pm, I bring my dsughter to and from school, my husband works 7am-5pm - and I take care of EVERYTHING in the house. He is the bread winner and pays a good chunk of the bills, i feel as if thats where I pick up the slack on my end.
My husband does contract work. I pretty much take care of house and kids by myself. I’m fine with it. He provides everything we need and gives us money to go places and out to eat…even if he can’t come along. I believe, if you stay at home,you are responsible for the house and kids while he foots the bills and should be allowed to do what he wants in his off time. My husband will watch the kids if i have a drs appt or need to go grocery shopping or holiday shopping. Does yard work and takes time to play with the kids each day a little,but i am responsible for cleaning,cooking,kids,drs appts,etc. Even set up his drs appts. Kind of crazy to ask someone footing all the bills and working their butt off to also do your half of the work as well.
Well right now we work at home together. He Is the better cook so he cooks and I clean after(a few days this week I’ve been tired so he’s done the clean up. Have been sharing laundry ( he’s so good at folding)
But before he was working 12 hrs (12-12)of hands on work. But he’d still make ME a full meal at 1am ( he really is a fantastic cook)
Honestly. Either they want to or not
It’s team work and partnership !!
If they have that mine set you’re never Gonna change that! I delt with that for years and they are intitlled selfless boys.
Switch positions. See if he likes to be a stay at home dad while you go to work and bring home income. And when you come back from working a full day, try helping out with all the chores. Doesn’t sound right?
My fiancé works long hours but makes sure to play with the kids and help clean up the kitchen when he gets home.
Some men aren’t like that and it’s so sad. Their brains and set to the 50’s where men didn’t help their wives with their children and house chores and it’s disgusting.
But if you didn’t communicate with him before you had kids about this, then I doubt he will change.
When my husband comes home from work he will sometimes help make dinner, helps with our son and does the dishes and helps clean a bit.
Mines the same way he works so he doesnt have to do anything else is the mindset
Me and my husband have an agreement that our me time is after the kids r asleep, he works 6-2 we have 1 vehicle so we load all kids up take him to work and pick him up, he does have the work at home when he gets home. Me being home taking care or the kids alone and doing house work is just as much of a job as him being away from kids for 8 hrs doing a job.
I would never allow for my kids Father to just “go in his cave” while I am watching the kids and taking care of all the household duties.
This is not the 1950’s. Men and Women are equals and there are no excuses for a Man to not want to be actively involved in his children’s lives.
I would give him an ultimatum and say “Hey, you could be working every day and paying child support to me if you don’t want to ‘help’ with your own family.” AND they would be his total responsibility on the weekends you don’t have them…sooo
My husband wakes up and showers, makes coffee and my daughters lunch for school, then he wakes my daughter up and takes her to school, then he works from 8-2:45, picks my daughter up from school, works from 3-4:30, makes dinner, cleans up dinner, shares in whatever we need to do for the kids, bottles/change diapers/baths, then we all go to bed. And on the weekends he cleans the whole downstairs of our home and does all of our family’s laundry. We share most of our family and household responsibilities, but he has been carrying most of the load throughout my pregnancy last year and since I had our son on nye.
Ew, misogynistic comments from women🤢 yes, he should be helping you 100%. You both work. Your job is just not out of the house. He can relax when the kids go to bed.
Mine helps regardless of work(most days) he gets lazy days, as well as I do. Staying home is working as well especially with children. Homes are a lot of upkeep that guys generally know nothing about. He should definitely be helping majority of the days and then maybe you wouldn’t complain on the one or few days he says he’s just beat and wants to “relax”.
My partner works 8am-5pm, I work 4pm-9pm witch means my partner does dinner time, bath time, bedtime! I always make sure dinner is cooked and ready to go to make sure his evening goes alittle smoother! In my eyes everything should be equal, he wanted kids just as much as I did
Mine is the same. But if I ask him to do something then he does it
Just about anything I ask him to…we are a team
This post has made me realize I’m pretty lucky at home. I needed this today. I hope things improve for those of you struggling.
No way. We always work together get dinner done and cleaned up and kids in pajamas etc before he gets on video games. He relaxes on his game while I relax watching tv in room or I’ll play on my phone while he’s on game in living room. We wait to relax together.
Childcare would be free if it wasn’t work, but it is and should be treated as such. We both have lazy days, sure, where the other worked harder than the other one and we pick up the slack, but I am never left to do everything on my own. For instance, if I was cleaning up after dinner, my husband usually takes care of our daughter and puts her to bed. We have a way better relationship when it is like that and neither of us end up to exhausted to spend with each other at the end of the night. Do I expect him to go mow or do hard physical labor after he goes to work all day? No, but he often helps without me even asking and I really appreciate kt
He should still help in the evening whether he works or not. It’s his kids too
Same boat it’s depressing
Almost daily he does; Dishes, Washing, Sweeps floors. Will take over or do any kid related task if asked (I.e finish bathing kids, or do the dinner table/high chair clean up). I do the cooking & kids daily & the deep cleans of the house. He wouldn’t know how to clean a shower or what a mop is.
My husband works 5 days a week from 6-2. I’m disabled at home all day. I cook 6 nights a week and keep the house and laundry clean. He cooks on Saturday, that’s the day I do grocery shopping and errands, so he helps with cooking that night. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you don’t work, with 2 small children, you definitely work all day. You’re his wife not his momma.