Therapy, could something else be going on undiagnosed? Do they have separate outside constructive activities to blow off steam since you have very little screen time in the house? What else do they do besides school work during the week? They could just be bored as hell. I agree, they need more time in bed as well and maybe even a bedtime for the weekends since they can’t behave better during the week. Take away privileges and the extras.
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When I was a kid my mom took everything out of my brother’s room all he had was a bed & blankets. He had to earn everything back little by little. And she decided what he got back & when( the things he liked the most were last).
Move bed time to 8 pm. Also sounds like they need something constructive to do.
Ground em till they act right. Privelages are earned, not handed out
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I had the same problem when my daughter who is 13 almost 14 got in trouble. What do you really take away during this pandemic? She lost her phone for at least 2-3 years but what else is there to ground her from? She is already stuck in the house with us so there really isn’t much to take away. I had a stern heart to heart with her. Opened her eyes to a lot of things that’s for sure. She still gets snippy at times but she’s learning her way slowly. I would suggest that you sit them down together and separately and talk to them. Explain to them what happens when they talk to others that way. Go online and search for examples of kids who are a little older and disrespectful towards others. My son who is 21 was really nasty for quite some time and she seen that. When she was old enough to see what effect it had on others, she always said she never wanted to be that way. I use that as my example to her. My son is a TOTALLY different story. I’ll explain him to you if you want to know, just message me for that!!!
Yes sit ups push up wall sit lunges exercises works out their bent up frustration and gives them time to think
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My daughter is 5 and Im having the same problems. She is just down right disrespectful. I hate spankings because I was always whipped with a coat hanger but I did learn my lesson. However…I’ve had some salty ass people in my life who have called cps on me over nothing so Im scared to spank. My daughters grandpa on her dads side has been trying to get my daughter from me since the day she was born. He has failed epically so far but I dont wanna give him any kind of leverage.
Change bedtime to 8pm, they can read until 9 if you like. On any day that any of them behave well then that kid(s) gets to stay up until 8.30. One day at a time makes it achievable.
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They sound pretty normal to me. Siblings argue. Unless it comes to blows or verbal abuse, let them work it out. Disrespectful to parents is not acceptable. I always listened to anything my kids had to say, as long as it was said respectfully. They got one warning, because some things were emotionally charged. After that, they started losing things. No screen time today, and now you’ve lost your game time, now no friends, no phone, etc. Keep in mind the punishment has to fit the crime. An argument with a sibling does not warrant 10 days without a phone. If the punishments are that severe, they have nothing to lose. They might as well get more aggressive. If you lose everything for the slightest thing, then go for maximum.
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Get them both their own journals. Have them sit in their rooms and write their thoughts down nightly for 20-30 minutes. If they start out just doodling, that’s fine too. Once they realize they have a safe place to write their thoughts maybe it will help, it did with my grandson. Adults aren’t they only ones suffering in this pandemic. These kids worlds have been turned upside down this last year, they need to be able to express their thoughts on paper, but as the parents you have to promise NOT to read their journals unless and until the are willing to share. My grandson would get upset to the point of having meltdowns, he is 13, and he has been journaling for about a year. After a few months of writing down his thoughts, the good and the bad, he learned how to verbally speak his feelings without the anger. Kids need reassurances right now and they need to know they can express their feelings without fear of being punished.
You’re doing it right. They are learning/testing the boundaries. You’ll be shocked in just a few more years how wonderful they turn out!! My strong, argumentative, sassy kid turned into a wonderful WONDERFUL woman raising 3 kids. I’m so proud of her. She was a tough kid but I wouldn’t trade her for anything.
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Grounding can go however long you as the parent think will be good enough; maybe at first do a week. If it happens again go to 2 weeks, again go to 3 weeks, and keep going up until they get the picture.
I saw someone mention reading. I’d second that along with other educational punishments. My dad had all 5 of us sit down and learn the alphabet backwards. Couldnt get up or do anything we wanted to until it was memorized. I still have it memorized
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Sounds normal to me.
They sound like kids. They need positive reinforcement. You can only take so much ,you also have to give. If they get treated the same whether their being good or bad and doing chores etc, their just going to not give a fly.
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No devices! That usually does the trick
Have them write a letter maybe then their actions motivations might be more clearly explained
honestly before grounding is sit them down in two different areas that don’t have distractions and set a timer for an hour or 2 with paper and a pencil. Get them to write any feelings or thoughts they have. Helps them to regulate their emotions and you will get a better understanding.
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Remove all electronics and turn off WiFi ASAP!!
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Take everything out of their room. And I mean everything but the bed and dresser. Take their clothes out too. Do this for a couple days or so to make them earn back their stuff. Keep them sitting in their room with absolutely nothing to do for a day and have them think about things. Also have them write reports or out of the dictionary. Have them earn back one item at a time so they can see how hard it was for you to struggle to buy those things for them. Im strict. All that talking goes in one ear and out the other. All you are doing is constantly repeating yourself. So if they want to constantly keep doing the same things, then make them write write write write and write! They will soon get sick of it.
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Are they going to in person school or no?
Spend more quality time with them. They sound like they are attention seeking.
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8 seems a little too young to ground. Spanking also has proven to be a very negative form of punishment as it can certainly lead to lashing out and more negative behavior than your experiencing now. Give them a journal. Every night they write in it and if they want to share it with you they can leave it on your bed with the option of you writing back. You can also try positivity notes, each morning leave one on their door to start their day feeling good about themselves or the day ahead. Set weekly goals. If they can accomplish what you’ve set out for them to do in a week they can choose something special…one on one time with mom, picking their favorite movie to watch as a family, a new board game, etc. Positive reinforcement is going to get you much farther than spanking, losing your shit and trying to stick to a punishment.
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When my son is out of line he writes lines. Just like we used to in school.
You mean they be kids.? Hell this is my kids on a daily. We just separate them for a bit. But you might want to try consistency and not being so Excessive.
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sitting on the couch all day??? Jesus it sounds like you’re way way way too brutal. It sounds like they’re crying for your attention. Maybe try spending a family day doing something fun .
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Therapy is necessary, grounding or punishment is not.
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Kids are going to act like this, especially with everything going on. They may be bored. It is winter and the middle of COVID. Interact with them, take them to do things. They sound like normal kids working through abnormal things. Be kind, and gently explain to them why their behavior is unacceptable.
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Have them do something for someone else when I had these issues with my son age 10 I made him volunteer at the nursing home for an hour he read elderly folks read books or play games with them I know with covid that’s restricted in most areas but they can donate old toys it teaches them respect and then it starts to rub off at home
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Wow, are you listening to YOURSELF? They’re literally never listening to anything??? They already do daily chores… Take that as a parental win, praise the hell out of their accomplishments and then choose your battles and by that I mean stop putting rules to everything. They’re well past being over parented and they’ll stop bullying each other when you stop. Just off the top of my head.
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Kids reflect the actions of their parents.
It doesn’t matter what you say, they do what they see you do.
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What ever my kids did that they shouldn’t do, I would make them do the same thing over several times, according to their age. If they run up and down the stairs, they had to show me how to walk up and down 50 times properly. If they argued or fought, they had to hug each other and say I Love you. If they said a dirty word, they had to show me how they said it, this always made them feel silly,lol. I raised three and they are all great young men and women today. No regrets for discipline.
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you forced your kids to sit on the couch all day and then wondered why they were acting batshit afterwards?
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Sounds like you need to talk! You’ve alienated them by just punishing and not talking. Read your description of how they are being treated and ask yourself if you’d be ok with your boss or family member coming anywhere close to treating you this way if they thought you were out of line. Children are people! Treat them as such. Are they being awful…sounds like it. Have you asked them why? Right in that moment stop and ask them why! Why are you speaking to me like that? Is that acceptable? No…then stop it immediately. You don’t like it when I’m disrespectful to you…don’t do it to me. All I had to do was look at my kids and say… “unacceptable” and they got their shit together immediately with an apology included. (Don’t forget to thank them for the apology and then acknowledge that you’re moving on from said incident) If they are being disrespectful to each other tell them…unacceptable and have them apologize and then do something nice for the other. They can choose what it is going to be and if they don’t find something in an appropriate amount of time pick it for them. (Do one chore the other person was going to have to do or something) Make sure after it’s done they are thanked by the other for the apology and nice thing done. Tell them why you expect the things you expect and make sure you acknowledge the good things you see. Effort that is recognized will continue. Communication is always your best investment. Are they having a bad day? Let’s talk about it. Everybody has them but they don’t get to take it out in other people so adjust…Remove yourself to go spend some time alone if you’re in a bad mood but don’t infect other people! Tell them what is acceptable and what is not. Ie…if your sister is driving you crazy or doing something she shouldn’t be it’s appropriate to let me know but it’s not appropriate to be her parent. That’s my job not yours. If you can’t handle not bossing her around then don’t be around her. Remove yourself.
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Well, it sounds like they’re just being kids… but we had our kids do wall sits when they got in big trouble (which didn’t happen often) 
sounds like someone needs to incorporate positive reinforcement
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Truly listen to your kids, show them love, goof off with them, let them decompress, give them their space. Model the behavior you want and you’ll have great kids. They already sound like amazing kids. Your kids need loving parents not drill Sargents.
My 15 year old writes sentences 
. How many depends on how bad the behavior is. It was 500 for skipping school.
I know this is hard to believe … But children are allowed to have feelings the same as adults. You can’t expect them to be happy all the time. Spanking an 8 or 11 year old isn’t the answer. Maybe you should sit down and get to the root of the problem by TALKING calmly to them. Do you give them one on one time with yourself ? Your husband? Maybe they’re frustrated… maybe they miss their friends. Who knows. But punishing them for having feelings isn’t exactly the way to go.
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I did quality days with my boys
They had to go to the upstairs all day together and told them I didn’t care as long as their was no broken bones , blood or fire . I didn’t want to hear about the issues learn to work it out .
Only had to do twice I think
Do you ever spend time doing fun things? Nice things? Happy times? I know your post is short to be focused on the issue, but it sounds like a rather dreary life for a kid based on what’s there. I’d start focusing my attention on making happy times with them, snuggles and stories, making cookies, building a fort out of pillows and blankets, making a cardboard box castle, etc. with the caveat that they can’t participate if they can’t be nice. But you have to show them the nice and respectful ways to disagree, resolve conflict, and question authority. They shouldn’t have to be perfectly behaved all the time just because you think you’re entitled to respect. Conflicts happen, and punishment isn’t always the best response.
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My boys are 9 and 7 and fight constantly. I let them as long as they don’t put their hands on each other. Kids are smart. They figure out what works and doesn’t work in relationships with other people. Disrespecting me or using hands instead of words earns them sentences. Grounding and time outs punish me more than them (
) but making them write “I will not disrespect my mom” 10 times in neat handwriting when they’re being little turds calms them down and helps with penmanship 
Win/win
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Sitting on the couch “all day”? How long are the punishments for these kids?? Good lord. You take away dessert that day, or make them give up their hour of screen time, or you take the book they’re reading away for a day. And you follow it up with a discussion of what type of behavior you need from them, and then ask them what they need from you to foster that behavior. Then praise them for it every chance you see them behaving in an expected manner. You don’t make them sit on the couch for 8 to 10 hours – in the middle of quaratine no less! lol. That’s messed up. Yikes. 
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Match their respect so they know how it feels.
Do lots of activities with them, Board games, nature walks, start a little indoor “garden “ in cups, crafts, etc helps with team building, keeps them occupied, makes memories. When they have something to look forward to it enforces good behaviour, positivity towards one another. I kept my boy super busy when they were little like that. “Grounding “for a day or an evening is appropriate for that age. Supper then bed, and no fun activities for the day.
Bedtime 8;45. Then. 8:30. Then 8:15. They’ll get it.
I’m having the same issues. I don’t think grounding, time out is affective. I’ve tried it. I think the problem is boredom. They’re stuck together so they’re bond to fight. Nothing better to do than be destructive. I think the more appropriate question is how to keep them occupied, entertained & challenged. Anyone with ideas?
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Try reward charts and list the behaviour you’d like to see.
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What do they really love to do. Take it away
We use to have my kids hug on the couch until worked things out
I think most are right here. They are allowed to have feelings and be upset just like adults but they are young and don’t have that filter or sensor to maintain control of those emotions. Mine are 13 and 15 now. But I let them have their fit/outburst whatever and after cool down just talk to them. While it’s ok to hate something, be mad, or just not like me at the moment we have to be constructive and apologize. Also I apologize when I feel I’ve been too harsh or wrong. Let them know we are all human and emotions are hard. But you all love each other anyway. My kids now will come apologize after slamming a door and say they want to talk to fix the issue. Just remember life is hard on all of us no matter the age
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I grew up with ass whoopings, and everything in my room stripped out and told to just stare at the walls. When my attitude got better and grades,I’d get stuff back little by little. Sometimes for weeks to a month or 2 at the most.
No one’s kids are amazing. They are all assholes, kids are assholes. And they are “that age” unfortunately. Some grow out of it and some don’t… No advice but stay strong momma.
Lol we all feel ya. I actually pay my son to be good. He is 5. It works great.
I don’t want no one to be mad at what I’d say but in all honesty if I disrespected my parents in their face ID get hit in my face on the spot. If you ain’t leaving marks on them it’s fine but beat their 
they know better. I wish my son would like if he ever tried to put his hands on me id beat his you pushed them both out (or c section) but either way you birthed them they need to respect you even if they don’t like it for awhile. My mom would always say “I brought you into this world and I’ll take you out”. My mom would ground us for like a week an my dad never let anyone of his kids go outside the house without him.
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Pick and choose your battles they already do chores. I understand the disrespect but maybe take a step back and see how you might be disrespecting them. They are probably bored and are just as effected by COVID as we are. Give them a break these last 2 years have been hell. Listen to your kids and look for the “unseen” communication such as weird moods being scared or angry for seemingly no reason. Tell them you are proud of them if they only get treated differently when they do bad things to them it shows “I can get mom’s attention by screaming or being an asshole” yet if your kids get positive reinforcement too they will also think “mom’s gonna love how clean the living room is, I think she will be proud” they are children they don’t communicate and think 100% the same way adults do.
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I agree with everyone else, it sounds like your the problem. Ease up, praise the good, get involved with getting to know them and maybe have individual date days with them. If outwardly their ok then you know the problem is home. If you have a husband, you might want to think about how your treating each other in front of children.
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Sounds like they are fighting you and each other all the time because they probably feel like animals trapped in a cage.
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Calm yourself and ask them nicely to sit down for 5 mins and listen to you. Poor your heart out to then. Tell then how you feel the way you do, tell them why you feel the way you do, explain to them the consequences this situation does to you and then ask them to say their thoughts about it and listen in return. Heart to heart discussions will solve your issues. I hope so.
I’ve put my pre-teen in a time out. I’ve told her if she wants to act like a toddler, I can treat her like one. She didn’t like it. That’s kinda the point 
every kid is different. I’ve found making mine do wall sits seems to be more effective than grounding.
Maybe try this to open up communication. They have several different ones for mother/daughter or son and dads as well. Great communication tool and fun for both parent and child.
Just Between Us: Mother & Daughter: A No-Stress, No-Rules Journal (Activity Journal for Teen Girls and Moms, Diary for Tween Girls) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0811868958/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_WHNP4GJ5XAQS8T4Z5PH6?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Sit down with your kids and ask them what you can do better as a mom? Ask them if there’s anything you do specifically that may be hurting their feelings / frustrating them. I’m totally with you, they should not be disrespecting you and should be listening but the fact that there aren’t other problems outside of the home makes it seem like there’s something going on.
I would definitely ask them what’s really on their heart and mind when it comes to you and your husband (parenting wise). Maybe you’re doing something that’s hurting them emotionally and you don’t even realize it?? I think a serious talk is needed. let them let all their feelings out without you interrupting or getting defensive / angry and see how much comes out that they may have suppressed. This also gives you the chance to be transparent with them and let them know how their behavior is affecting you. Hopefully that can lead you in a better direction. Hugs to you.
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Physical activities over here. Go ahead and judge. Ever done a wall sit for 3 minutes? How about 20 birpies. I have yet to try this technique but it’s what works for hormonal brothers.
Gentle parents unite is a great page i would recommend
Why is an eight-year-old and an 11-year-old going to bed at the same time?