So I went to a family gathering today. My aunt and uncle are having issues with my 18 year old cousin (which in my opinion has become a problem due to their lack of parenting) My aunt and uncle had mentioned to my mom and dad that they wanted my cousin to come and stay with them 2 weeks this summer to try to see if they could help him. The issues he is having is a general lack of motivation to do better. He’s failing senior year in an expensive private school, he is not keeping part time employment, and they just can’t get him to care. I am very close to this cousin. I know he cares. I know he wants to do better, and he has no direction. They aren’t teaching him how to solve these problems; they are just lecturing him and shaming him. Rather than him staying with my parents for two weeks, I would like to offer him to stay in my spare bedroom for three months so that he can be in a house that will teach him how to conquer the daily responsibilities of being an adult. He will have clearly defined rules and the specific task he has to accomplish. One issue I’m having is that I would like him to have an 8-5 job so that his schedule matches mine. What are entry-level jobs where an 18-year-old could be working 8-5 (or similar 8 hour day shifts)? I am working on presenting this to his parents with the rules that will be expected, the rent he will have to pay, and my plans for what I would like to teach and mentor him. What I cant come up with are entry-level 8-5 positions! Any advice about the job or ideas on how I can help him while he stays with me is appreciated. To give a little background, I am in my late 20s and have one child who I have full custody of.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What is a good entry level job?
I don’t have any suggestions for jobs but this sounds like a lovely idea to be honest!
If he is struggling could he also be undiagnosed ADHD or something else?
Some of what you described does sound similar to some of this but you haven’t mentioned much and I’m not a Dr…but it might be worth looking into.
Get him a job at like lowes or home depot
Community Colleges offer aptitude tests to see what you might be good at. He could take the test and an intro class. See if it peeks his interest.
This is a great idea. Learning the value of hard work, responsibility and building a sense of self value and self esteem is very important when you’re coming into your late teens early 20’s. Does he have any personal goals or things he would like to achieve? Maybe helping him achieve those things would help to motivate him to get a stable job. I’ve only recently seen my own self power and only did that by accomplish tasks I didn’t think I could by myself.
There could be a multitude of reasons that he isn’t trying or putting in any effort, could be depression, could be something else who knows, but don’t expect him to all of a sudden get motivated and hold a full time job now, don’t push him too hard until you can see a difference in behavior, but if you’re not careful it could push him away further
Do mean a job for the two weeks? Orrrrrr?
Now that I read it fully.
Target is pretty flexible with hours if you have on near by! If he chooses Target make sure to start the at least two weeks early as it takes FOREVER.
Better question should be how do I get him a job working towards what he loves to do to motivate him to succeed. He may not be an office type person? He may need hands on, like a trade? Forcing him in to an 8-5 schedule may not be ideal depending on what he likes to do. I definitely think it’s super kind of you to take him under your wing since you’re close to him. And being close in age you may be able to relate a little better to some of his struggles. What does he want to do, does he want to be a banker or mechanic? Help him search want adds in the fields he’s interested in as a way for him to see what these jobs are like. Base rent off of his pay for that job. Make it as real life as possible working towards goals he sets
You can also look into Voc Rehab programs they can be assigned a counselor and they can do job shadowing and learn job preparation skills.
I would do a trial run of a short amount of time first so you can first hand see his demeanor in a living situation before going all in for an extended period. If he is failing senior year, will summer school be an option for him to graduate even if it is late?
Some retail places like Starbucks, Walgreens, etc. Can accommodate hours like that but the may also require nights and weekends when you are off as wrll.
He’s failing his senior year. His priority should be school. Not a job. Even in the summer he should take summer school if he does not graduate.
He could apply through temp agency’s in my experience they ask what hours your available for and they work around that. It could give him an opportunity to more then just one job which could help him find some kind of direction.
Hotels can be a great options. Front desk or housekeeping. Learn great skills and if he enjoys the industry, so many opportunities to move up into management roles for a solid career. Hospitality also offers to opportunity to live almost anywhere globally, get into resort type properties, etc.
I started being a temp at 19 and I had no skills. I worked for different temp agencies for over 10 years to get that experience of working. It was very beneficial to me and helped me gain so much experience in the work world.
I don’t know where you live but go online and look up temp agencies in your city and call them and they will be happy to talk to you about what he needs to do to get on with them. It’s a free service to you and they have clients that pay them to send them ppl for these assignments.
I plan on doing this with my own kid when she’s old enough.
I’d say find a job around those hrs not necessarily the exact and remember u could over do it for him so a job is a great start, if he lacks motivation throwing him into a full time job is a bit, give him chores and help with a job, not everyone moves to the same beat, where is the “fun” do u have any of that planned? Sounds like he may b depressed and u just don’t snap out of it, ooen ur eyes and ears , him staying with u may show u why he’s acting the way he does, dig soul deep, u will find that answer
if it’s near the summer, any lawn service, But he is also at the age there could be some mental issues going on, that he really doesn’t know how to deal with, so a therapist also wouldn’t hurt, just to make sure.
Factory jobs temp services can help
Look up your states minor laws first. If he isn’t graduating this year he is considered a minor in most states and may have required hours he can and can not work.
Maybe like a temp job answering phones or like Starbucks maybe cvs like something easy but also he really should be focused on school
Has anyone considered depression or anxiety? It may be worth checking out.
Definitely your place…two weeks won’t change anything but three months might. Might!
He maybe bored in school if he is highly intelligent.
Consider allowing him to get his GED.
Find out his interest, a trade school maybe what he needs.
Sounds like no one has sat down with him and found out what HE wants to do.
If he’s failing school he doesn’t need a part time job, he needs a study partner and the practice his school work more
He may be depressed. I mean it sounds like he may need someone to care enough to get him some help!
Hotels, fast food, etc. but also realize he’s an adult legally and you can’t force him to do anything. One he has tenancy in your home the only way to remove him is eviction. If he doesn’t even know how to do any hard work this is going to be difficult for him to learn. You also need to have realistic expectations that he may not know how to do the basics of anything including self care. Honestly it sounds like your aunt and uncle are reaping what they showed and don’t like it and are now pushing that issue to you. They need to be the ones to sit him down apologize for their inability to parent and say hey let’s work this out together. Neglect comes in many forms. Also since he’s failing he may be busy in summer school so he can graduate and may not be able to have a job. You just need fluidity for this situation and a lot of compassion and patience.
Retail is also great being work for teens and young adults, especially the mall hours can typically easy work around school.
That’s where I started, the manger tells me I can come back anytime but I love my current job.
Assuming this is after the school year, how about a summer camp?
What are his interests, there are so many jobs out there but it will help if he likes what he is doing
CEO of Amazon? COO of BOA? He has to start out somewhere.
If you’re close now you will not be at the end of the 3 months if it makes it that far. Do you just need help with rent or are you generally trying to help him?
depression can cause the desire to want to do things but not motivated to actually do it… poor kid
Say what now!!! So you want someone to do your chores and pay you for it. Great deal for you.
Sounds like his parents failed him completely n they just don’t want to fix it
I work at a hotel 7:30-3:30
I don’t know about jobs that start on day shift but any type of convenience store, Walmart, Lowe’s, etc near you is probably hiring. Our Walmart has a 4am-1pm shift and 1-10pm shift. My son worked the later shift for about a year and switched to a different position there that is either 5am-2pm or 7am-4pm. Also at 18, an evening shift might work better for him. My son preferred evenings from the time he started working at 16 until he started this shift. He is almost 20 now.
I think it would be best to ask him what kind of job he’s interested in. Making him get a job that’s he has absolutely no interest in will only make him less motivated. I’m not saying he’ll be able to get his dream job but he should definitely have some say in it.
There’s probably much more emotionally than just not caring. And you may be in for a world of disappointment if you think making him "wake up and be your idea ofbwhat adulting is’ fails. Maybe find out his interests? What would he enjoy doing? I’m stuck in fast food because I started there, I can’t get anyone else to hire me and I’m in my mid thirties now. I thought by becoming a manager it would open doors to other occupations but no ones head turns for any other occupation to hire me. He isn’t going to be motivated to go to work with a job he doesn’t like.
He may do better on a second shift job at his age, you can’t expect to run his life and schedule all you can do is offer guidance. The way you’re stepping up to this although I know it’s out of love is too overbearing to be successful.
How can he work full time? You said he was still a senior? Maybe make him focus on school, Get him a tutor get his grades up
If he’s a senior in high school have him look up some internships. When i was that age i did one at a lab at the university by me. It was 8-5 and paid terrible but good experience. Let his interest guide him to where he wants to go he’s still a kiddo!
If he’s in school , how’s he going to work 8-5? Unless I missed something
Garden centers are perfect for this kind of situation.
I would first find out what interests him… He might like art, music , welding ect then go from there.
Maybe check into apprenticeships that he would be interested in so setting him up long term too
Sounds like he needs a therapist and evaluated for depression.
Sounds like he is batteling depression and your desire to micromanage wouldnr be of any help in that manner. Honesty it sounds over bearing to me.
Could he be depressed and added stress is triggering a lot of it
Perhaps a part time job and a few months in trade school so he can learn something and learn to be proud of his accomplishments?
Working 8-5 and going to school would be difficult for an 18 year old. Maybe a life coach would be helpful for him, to explore various careers, life goals, etc.
School and jobs are sometimes overwhelming if school doesn’t come easy for the individual. Some kids don’t need to study long and get good grades and work a side job. Some kids can study for 2 days straight and pull off a c. All people learn at a different pace. Maybe drop the job until he does well I grades first. Let up Some. Maybe he is struggling to keep up? So he is giving up? Plenty of time to get a job when he is done with school. He has a life time to work. He doesn’t need a councler and a therapist…he needs an open mind and maybe a tutor. Maybe support instead of everyone expecting more than he can handle atm. Maybe he’s trying and his trying isn’t good enough so he’s giving up. Help him instead of judging and belittling.
Like my kids…school 1st…sports 2nd. Should be same…school 1st…job 2nd. Struggle with one, drop number 2.
I was selling cars at 18 for a Cadillac dealership. The money is great, if you know how to hustle. I’m a talker (but not a bullsh!tter). Always have been. I made my first sale on my first day out of training. He can do it, but he has to be willing to put in the work. He can make anywhere from $500/mo to $5000+/mo. It’s completely up to him.
I’m assuming he will have graduated by summer obviously. Is he good with people? What does he enjoy ? Looking back on all my jobs I worked at a tim Hortons/coldstone (coffee donuts and ice cream ) it taught me customer service. I used the ovens. Made ice cream in the back. Laughed with team members. The morning rush was non stop at the drive through from 530am-1030am but it made the first half of my day go by quick. Working in that fast paced environment having my day go by so quickly made it seem less painstaking.
Good luck! Hope it works out for you. However, if he’s not willing to be motivated at home for his parents, hard to know if he’ll be motivated for you.
It sounds like he’s battling some pretty serious depression. I would put him into some counseling and possibly get him to a doctor to look at medication to help him until he’s back caring about himself and his future. I wouldn’t recommend putting him into work full time right off the bat, but a part time job is a great idea! Find out what he’s interested in and what gets him excited and try to find a job where he can pursue his interests. If he has the energy and is excited about a job, he may want to do it full time, but I wouldn’t force it right off the bat. Some good jobs that are fulfilling could be working with animals or kids. Something that gives him a purpose or something that depends on him to thrive. Vet med is a good idea; however, it’s also a very difficult job. I work in vet med as a receptionist, and it’s tough, but it’s very worth it. You can also look into pet boarding or grooming facilities, animal shelters, pet daycares, or rescues, or possibly some daycares for kids as well. The biggest thing is finding something that he’s passionate about and ensuring he gets fulfillment and joy out of. If he doesn’t get that out of a job, he’s likely to just quit and it will actually hurt him more than help him. As far as rent goes, I’d worry about getting him established before charging rent. I’d have him help out around the house, cook dinner some nights, clean the shared spaces in the home, keep his areas clean, and help out with your child in order to earn his keep until he’s able to get out of the funk he’s in. Once he does start paying rent, I’d put it away and save it for him to have a good down payment or deposit for his own place when the time comes.
Could be undiagnosed or unmediated ADD or ADHD.
It sounds like he has depression going on. In my humble opinion, he needs therapy not being passed around. He needs a couch to help him life skills. He does not need a jailer or another mother. While I admire your willingness to take on this project, I dint think moving his oroblem to another house is going to change the problem.
I know you didn’t ask for my opinion. Sorry
But if you are wanting job options
Factory work usually has 3 shfts to puck from, alot of fast food places have morning shifts, or if you know people with a business talk to them. My husband would hire high school guys seniors to teach how to weld for the sinner he enjoyed teaching znd they learned a skill.
Car porter at a dealership? He would be moving them around, taking them through the car wash etc. Work at an auto parts store. Having some knowledge of that stuff can also help when he’s independent with his own vehicle.
Honestly, he’s 18 and considered a legal adult. His parents can’t make him do anything or make him go anywhere. They can tell him they want him to gonto so and so’s house over the summer but they can’t force him. I love what you want to do to try and help him but the same goes for you too. You can’t make him come to your house. What he needs is therapy. Not a pt job when he can’t even be bothered to do school. He can decide to quit school right now and his parents can’t stop him. Me personally though, I wouldn’t move him in with you. You can be close but that doesn’t mean you have to take on the responsibility of “fixing” him. Once he moves in, the only way you’re getting him out is through a legal eviction.
Another idea–start him with a part-time job for any hours. He’s at an age where he is flexible for scheduling. Lots of businesses are hiring for that. Another option is go to a temp service in your area. They have all sorts of jobs they can match him with.
He’s clearly not getting the help where he is people she’s trying to help and this is a start ! I battle depression and honestly my work family does more to help than my actual family
You should have start off with a part time job first. Get him used to working. Sometimes getting a teenager to go straight to working 8 hours a day isn’t the best option. Fast food joints, grocery stores, etc are all entry level jobs. Make sure he graduates because most to all places won’t hire if you don’t have a diploma. Right now, just try to help with school. One thing at a time.
private schools are the roughest thing ever. they teach you so much more than a public school but they also tack on the pressure. i feel that and I hope you understand he probably won’t have motivation for a while and have patience with him
If he is failing his senior year I would have him focus on his grades and the job will come after graduation.
Convenience stores, restaurants, a paid internship, check with a college if there are local ones to see if they have anything open where he can learn a trade while getting paid as well. Summer teaching jobs too! Ask him what he wants to do after high school and help him look into jobs that are in that area.
These are just some suggestions!
Pretty much any retail or customer service
He’s not keeping part time employment yet you think he will take to a 9-5 job and be responsible about it? Why wouldn’t he just not show up for work & play video games all day & laugh at you when you ask him to do chores? How would you overcome that? What makes you think you’d be any better than his parents or your parents? Perhaps you do have insight and training, I don’t know, but be careful.
Sounds like he needs to be evaluated for depression, learning disabilities, more, and get some therapy. He’d also benefit from tough love with positive reinforcement and negative consequences.
Hope your cousin gets the help he needs and your plans are successful.
Mental health comes before school and a job, especially in teenagers. It is too often overlooked and dismissed. Applying more pressure will not help.
Salvation Army thrift store jobs are between 8-6 with being closed on Sundays. Not sure if religion would be a good or bad factor for your family but they are Christian orientated.
Walmart, my husband does the hiring at our local store and loves the environment. The pay starts at $13-16.50 and the schedule depends on what they need but he works with people. Also, everyone can benefit from counseling. It’s nice to have someone to talk to without worrying.
This was me… undiagnosed ADD. Lectures don’t make it easier to navigate life
Stay out of it. Don’t get. Heart.
Have him focus on graduating the job will have to come after because responsibility was obviously not thought early on and will have to be pushed on him after graduation. I just don’t understand how some parents want a great responsible child to be come a great responsible adult if they don’t teach them this at a young age discipline seems to be lacking and now just like the saying goes “You reap what you sow” best job right now is a part time at a fast food restaurant He will learn how to make that dollar the hard way
Has anyone bothered to ask him what he wants or his goals in life? He’s 18. Sit down and have a conversation with him.
Maybe his problem is that older adults sit around & make decisions for him? You’re going to take him out of his environment, away from his friends, parents, everything to set rules on an adult? You also want to choose his job so he can pay you rent? It’s not going to help him. Hes just going to fight you. He sounds depressed. Encourage him to get help. My guess is his depression comes from everyone running his life for him instead of letting him have a life. Encourage him to find a job that interests him. Help him save. My son was just like him. No motivation in things he’s told he has to do. But he set goals for himself & way surpassed his goals. I offered advise. Some he took some he didn’t. I supported his choices. I wish he’d be better at cleaning but we can’t win everything .
You think you gonna fix him? His parents can’t make him want to work. Neither can you. He’s needs to fall on his own face and pick himself up. HE has to do the work. NOT U OR HIS PARENTS
Maybe have him go through a free job training course, first. They’ll help teach him how to interview, write a resume…
you study to pass or you get help from teachers , guidance counselor ,can’t hold a job ,why …He is at an age to make his own decisions to choose his life path ,parents can only do so much than it’s up to him ,
I dont understand how you think a senior currently in high school is supposed to hold an 8 hour job the exact same hours he’s supposed to be going to school, minus 2 give or take. If he can’t handle a part time job, there’s no way it’ll get better adding more hours at work. Are you talking about a summer job or a permanent job after high school? If he wants full time, most employers require a high school diploma. What does his work history look like? How many part time jobs has he had? With younger applicants, I like to call their previous jobs and see if they were reliable and came in. If they have multiple jobs on their resume, where they job jump a month or two here, a month or two there, or they purposely leave jobs out, or they had issues with a previous boss, I dig deeper, as that’s a red flag to a potential employer. As an employer who hires pretty often, I can tell you, the expectations in a full time position and part time is the same. If he doesn’t care about the job he’s interviewing for it’ll be obvious to the potential employer during the interview process. When asked why he wants to work there, he says “my mom, dad, cousin is making me…” that tells me he doesn’t really want the job. You can make all the rules you want as far as making him get a full time job and babysitting him after work daily, but you can’t hold his hand and make him show up, and actually do the job and be self motivated. It sounds more to me like you’re looking for a roommate who helps with rent, rather than being his mentor. He is at an age where he needs to learn every choice has a consequence. If you dont do the work, you fail the class. If you fail the class, you don’t graduate and you retake the class next year. If I were his parents, I’d put him in public school so he understands what a privilege a private school is and give him the wake up call he needs. Sending him over to you or your parents doesn’t fix their lack of parenting and boundaries. That’s gonna so be there in 2, 3, 5 weeks, months, years or whatever amount of time they think it’s gonna need to be to “fix him.” Just like you dictating every second of his life probably won’t help when he’s had no rules and parenting the last 18 years. He will fight you every step of the way if you try to micromanage his life. You can’t fix him if he sees nothing wrong with his actions. This could be you biting off more than you can chew. At this point, I think it would better for him in the long run to hold him accountable for his current poor choices. School isn’t a priority? So the job goes, along with the extra money, car, cell phone everything. Social time with his buddies goes, all extra curriculars, done until his grades are back up and he isn’t going to fail senior year. If he does fail, he repeats senior year in its entirety. I think you should have a talk with his parents. This isn’t gonna be fixed by sending him away. They need to get serious about what their son needs and set some boundaries themselves. They created this attitude by not putting in the parenting time, teaching the hard lessons, and setting boundaries with actual consequences. If they haven’t tried making boundaries and setting rules, they should start there, not just pass him off on some other family member because it’s easier. That’s not a parent. This should remain theirs to fix. Whichever way this goes, expect conflict. If he’s gotten away with this this long, any change any one of you implement will be met with resistance. Good luck, however this turns out. If you do go along with your own plan, I suggest you sit down with him before you do his parents and see where you can find some common ground. If there is none, I wouldn’t advise taking this on. If he recognizes there are issues, and asks his part in it, then you can at least work with that. If not, he will fight tooth and nail the entire way. Find something he’s interested in and work from there as far as a job. While it’s good to have a cousin who cares deeply, I hate to see what it would do to your relationship if this doesn’t work. Think about that too.
Construction labour usually those hours, and good starting wages too. But hard work, he’d have to know that going in. Tons of work there though, he wouldn’t have a problem finding labour work
in the right restaurant, he can make BANK!
i have been a waitress my whole life, and i have always made my RENT just on thurs, fri, and sat, every week!
teaches him ALOT of patience, human interaction, and gives him a taste of being in the restaurant business for just the experience.
If you said it’s lack of parenting then why don’t you just let him be. Love him and help him figure his shit out. It’s COVID bro and these kids are fucked lol. Working an 8-5 isn’t gonna solve anything, he can do that at his house. He needs someone to care about his well being, not his paycheck.
Best bet, talk to him see what he’s interested in then come up with the plan to present to his parents.
I used to work panera 8-5 !
Also …if he waited tables on weekends he would get mad cash !
Power company is also a great job for a guy tht age starting out
retail work can be those hours. at my grocery store the senior cashiers normally get the day shifts though and the lowbies get the evenings. Which I hate because I am not a morning person! Yet I have been there forever.
Military he can even do the reserves or a trade school see what he’s into a lot of trade schools have paid training and they are 8 to 4
It’s very great that you care so much. That alone could influence some encouragement on his part
I feel like this happens a lot at the age of 18 for many kids. Mine is going through this.
We work pretty hard at teaching her. Trying to foster a healthy bond to a good work ethic and problem solve, but when it comes to certain things, they just can’t be bothered to take notice nor care.
It’s been a huge struggle. Sometimes with these personalities advice I got from a psychologist was to create an atmosphere that not so comfy. ** not unhealthy** just not full of all the coziness that their 14yo selves once had. Make them pay a bill. Make them be out at wrk, school, jobsearch, etc; coordinated with whatever the issue might be.
Your idea could work. I think it’s thoughtful.
But unless you know 100% what uts exactly like for your cousin and also what your cousin is 100% like when your not there, don’t believe so much it’s one way or another on their parenting.
Ask him what he has interests in. Kids this age often feel unheard. They are not quite adults yet nor children. Age to me is just a number and maturity for boys can come a little later. Talk to him about maybe learning a trade and see if a local community college has a program to support this and find a part time job he can manage while taking a few courses.
Get him a good life coach. A good coach will help motivate, direct him and literally set about a plan that this young man can get passionate about. Stop coddling him and start helping him to become a responsible person by getting him the professional help he needs. Good luck
Data entry at a pharmaceutical research place
He could work at a car dealership as an oil changer, most techs start there and move up, plus if he’s really motivated, they could offer him tech training and they pay for it. There are some guys after a few years and experience that make $35-$40 an hour and never had to pay for any training or certifications.
Server, front desk at a dental/clinic, usps
Hahahaha. Do it. You will quickly realize you are not the parenting expert you think you are. I think it will be a great learning experience… FOR YOU.
Wishing you plenty blessings, hearts that act act out on their goodness are rare. I hope your parents agree.
Sometimes all they need is a little structure and praise from another person close to them.
he is failing senior year but yet you want him to get an 8-5 job ? … he should be focusing on finishing high school and graduating and nothing more right now …
tell his parents to stop being lazy and actually parent their child … it’s obvious he is struggling … they need to step it up and figure out why … get him a tutor maybe if needs that extra help … get him tested and see why he is struggling … get him into counciling