What qualifies as abuse?

I’m not being funny if your kids ain’t listening then that’s going to be the result . Annoying kids is not fun

It seems like an accident. But it definitely sounds like you need to work with your kids on being a bit more gentle. There’s a difference between rough housing, and then being rough or agressive when Dad’s told you a game is over because you were doing the wrong thing.

Not abuse just rough play.

Roughhousing is a very important developmental tool for children. It helps them learn about the limits of their body, and their sense of being in the world. Also great for their relationship with dad. I’m a mum and I roughhouse with my kids and we never laugh as loud as we do then!

I was like this with my dad and uncle when I was little and they were big men. If I got hurt I eventually learned my lesson and continued with the roughhousing. I remember being thrown across the room when I was being beyond annoying around dinner time and when I landed on the mattress on the floor (which everyone but me knew was there) I got the message :joy:

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He sapunds like a fab dad tbh! X


The way you’ve worded it, I honestly don’t see any abuse in this… but you clearly do to even bring it up… So I’m not sure what is really happening here :woman_shrugging: you’ve been with a gentle man for 22 years and now you’re hung up on this… I really don’t get this one. Feel like we’re missing some really important details to actually give an informed opinion on a subject like child abuse.


If your worried about it that should say something! You don’t quite trust him is what I am reading.


Sounds like kiddo needs to learn boundaries. If he says stop and means it, just like everybody else, it means stop. The way you worded it, it sounds like he did what he could without hurting her to get her to realize he really meant that he was done.

Sounds to me like normal play banter but kiddo definitely needs to learn boundaries, when someone stays stop and they mean it, it means stop. :woman_shrugging:t3: my 5 year old is working through learning this himself.


I wouldn’t say that was abuse. You yourself said they all rough house all the time, you also said your daughter thought it was a game. It sounds like he just finished it off tossing her into a padded area to finish her rough housing she started and walked off because he didn’t want to play more because he was irritated about the cards.

Bottom line, y’all been together 22yrs and should be able to talk to one another so talk it out with him. Seems like y’all have a good relationship and he’s a good dad. :woman_shrugging:


I feel like during the whole time reading you were trying to defend him. Sorry if I’m wrong but if you have to ask it kinda seems like you know what’s going on is wrong. Kids are kids but out of irritation and anger there shouldn’t be physical contact. There’s a difference in discipline and hitting out of anger, IMO.


I totally get where you’re all coming from, but when it comes to him rough housing with them and them telling HIM to stop does HE? That could be where your kids have learned that stop doesn’t always mean you need to stop if he doesn’t when he is the one playing with them. Just have a chat will all of them about stop means stop :raised_hand: aside from that I don’t think he’s an abusive man.


If he didn’t grab her hard enough to leave a mark, wasn’t trying to scare her and just wanted her to stop and sit :woman_shrugging: well sometimes kids do need to just be sat down to bring themselves back down, there is definitely better ways he could have done it, he could have communicated that when he says stop it means stop and if it doesn’t stop then next time the answer is no for playing


Not abuse but certainly could become abuse. He needs work on his patience and anger issues. He gets away with this behavior because they are kids whether they keep coming back or not…. It’s not acceptable from him!


Next time just tell them all "not so ruff, someone will really be hurt please " and if that doesn’t help talk seriously to them/him about how you feel


:joy::joy::joy::joy::joy: my 2 year old is like that with his older brothers. To him it is fun. He yells John Cena and jumps then push him off or away when they had enough. He is never hurt, but it kinda gets tiring. We have taught him though, ‘no more.’ sternly and without giggling (I have 7 kids and only one girl) so yeah.


I think you are being ridiculous if he’s not abusive to u he’s not abusive to ur kids! Kids get on our nerves sometimes and we react in ways sometimes we shouldn’t so maybe he didn’t handle it well I get ur being a protective concerned mom but your kids seem to know how to push buttons and might need more discipline and to learn how to listen and do what their told SEEMS LIKE MAYBE THIS IS WHY HES GETTING AGGREVATED BC THEY ARENT LISTENING OR TAKING INSTRUCTION WELL


If the kids keep going back, leave them be… I was raised by a single father and a older brother, I’m mean as shit and don’t take no shit from anyone because of it. Fathers make kids tough, they seem to like it. If they didn’t they wouldn’t keep going right back.


It doesn’t qualify as abuse. I used to love to rough house with my dad when I was younger. Sometimes I’d accidentally get hurt and sometimes he’d accidentally get hurt but despite getting hurt I’d always want to run back for more.


I would say it’s a step away from abuse.You guys should have a serious conversation about.Maybe they should stop the rough housing before someone does get hurt.You will also be guilty or charge if something goes wrong and u were there or knew it was happening.


I grew up rough housing with my dad. We still rough house till this day :rofl: he always tries to dead leg me, trip me and what not. I know I few times being little that I didn’t realize when my dad was irritated and I would cross boundaries. My dad has a short temper, but never have I ever though that my dad was trying to hurt me. It sounds like a similar situation.


I would be telling your kids to back off. He’s clearly had enough. Kids need boundaries and it sounds like they’re running the show tbh. Of course he’s gonna get frustrated when they’re jumping all over him.


I grew up rough housing with my dad. My older brother and I both did. I think there was numerous times that exact scenario you described happened. It’s a hard place to learn physical boundaries and kids will push and push. If you don’t like him to rough house now is the time to put your foot down as it only gets worse for the next couple years until kids realize body boundaries and what is acceptable.

Though I grew up with it. I hardly let my husband or kids do it. And when they do it’s very minimal before I say. Okay too much.

I vividly remember you mom saying the same and it being followed by “someone is going to end up crying”. It was always me🥲 but I would jump back in as well. Kids just don’t know when to stop🤷‍♀️

I don’t come away with abuse from this in any way. But you know him best. Deflecting your child when they are doing something physically inappropriate it perfectly okay as long as your intent is not to injure them.

I would express my concerns and just be straight up that you don’t like the rough housing or the standard of body boundaries it’s setting.

Best of luck


I wouldn’t say it’s abuse but this a good time to teach consent to everyone involved. When someone says stop or no, wether they are perceived as joking or not, then stop. That way if the kids or your spouse still want to play it is known and if not they know those words give them the correct control they should of their bodily autonomy and they won’t be taken beyond their comfort level. Plus a good lesson not many people receive.

Maybe have a family discussion about consent and what stop and no truly means then be the example that when stop and no are said boundaries must be respected.


Sound like rough housing to me.
The shove at the end sounds like he’s had enough and the child wasn’t listening. He did a little push onto the couch. I’ve had to do this to settle my boys down a few times too.


He needs to remember that HE is the adult, and needs to behave accordingly.

YOU need to remember that your first priority, above EVERYTHING, including SO of 22 years, ARE YOUR CHILDREN. If you do not feel they are safe, if you feel like they are not being treated properly or appropriately, if you would not want your Daughter to grow-up thinking his behavior towards you and she and her brother is acceptable, then you need to leave. Period.

There are no do-overs in this life. Your children will never be 5 and 3 again.

I believe you already know the correct answer. It may not be the easiest answer, it may not be with most convenient answer, but it is what it is. And it needs to be, absolutely, unequivocally, without a single question or doubt, what is best for your kids.

Children would rather be FROM a broken home than to live in one…

Good luck….


With kids you get what you give, they learn what’s ok by our actions. So if he doesn’t like it he needs to realize they’re getting it from him and he needs to stop being so rough and make it clear there’s playing and there’s serious. Your children also need to be corrected in a healthy way, by telling them, daddy said the cards were done and that was not nice of you to jump on him afterwards to try to get your way. Dad also needs to apologize saying that wasn’t nice that I pushed you I was just frustrated but there’s no excuse I’m sorry. It teaches her what he did was wrong and that she also shouldn’t go around shoving, as they’re sponges and will potentially pick this up. Last I’d like to say that your husband needs to listen when they say no to again reinforce when he says no that it’s taken seriously. Children seem to mirror our behavior.
I don’t think your husband meant anything by it, but it’s definitely a learning experience for everyone involved.


Definitely not abuse since there was no intent to truly harm the child let alone for it to happen multiple times. Sometimes a kid needs to hit their head to learn that the floor is hard, if that makes sense


For gods sake stop the rough housing!!! My mom would always lecture me about playing like that with my 4 boys but I didn’t listen till it was too late!!! One day I decided to jump on my 20 year old and bear hug him well that’s all it took for an emergency room visit! The surgeon told me I popped my sons lung and let me tell I felt like the worst mom on the planet!! The nurses and everyone there try to brush it off like “it was all out love, you were just playing”!! But no shit like that can happen!! So step up and stop the roughhousing before something happens.


Because he roughhoused with them, they dont respect him. Put a stop to it, talk to him ASAP, then talk to the kids together. One day, one of them god forbid could get seriously injured, by accident.


Definitely not abuse. You said she’s not hurt, right? I’m confused.


This is not abuse she disrespected his boundaries, wouldn’t stop and he pushed her into a sitting position on the couch.
You yourself said 22 yrs no abuse… Sounds to me like your fam needs to sit together and discuss boundaries. Stop means Stop. No means No.
Rough housing is completely an enjoyable activity with kids, but, when it’s done it’s done.


Seems like stuff i loved as a kid. Its all fun and games unless she gets hurt. Pushing her down onto the couch is just funny just like making them fall everytime they try to get up lol.


There is a HUGE difference between abuse and playing rough with dad.


It must be difficult if you’ve not grown up in a household where you’ve seen this dynamic but, from what you’ve said, I see absolutely no abuse. (I was a police officer for 11 years, 7 of which I specialised in various safeguarding roles, including time spent investigating matters relating to child protection).


Maybe have him sit the kids down and set up “ground rules” one of them can be explaining that stop means STOP.


I wouldn’t say abuse. But def something y’all should talk about. Dads also like to ‘toughen’ up kids and us mothers have more of a gentle touch. It’s still something that bothers me but I stay quiet because I want my kids to be more wild and adventurous than like me who’s afraid of getting hurt lol


If you weren’t raised around rough housing I can see where you’re confused or concerned. Coming from a family that rough houses (me as a kid and my kids with their dad) it all sounds pretty normal to me. But you could always talk to your husband and just let him know you’re confused by it and I agree with the comment above about talking to them all about stopping when someone says stop- that’s usually where the “booming dad voice” happens in my house; he asks them to stop (usually because he’s getting hurt) and my daughter doesn’t and then it’s a problem but not in any way an abusive situation.


The biggest issue I see is that the kiddos seem to not know when to stop and that needs to be corrected, I understand they’re all having fun rough housing, but it needs to be taught to them to know when to stop. I also don’t see any signs of abuse either. If he’s never hurt you physically for the whole 22 years, the real issue is kiddos who think everything is a game and your hubby getting frustrated which is completely understandable because the kiddos need to know when enough is enough and when to stop.


Not abuse in my opinion cuz he’s not cruel or violent. Parents play with their kids differently. However, I will say that everyone needs to learn about consent and body autonomy. Everyone is saying “teach your kids to listen” or something of the sort. But if everyone (parents and kids) respected when someone says “stop” or “don’t do that, I don’t like it,” than that could help with that. There’s a Bluey episode btw about how the dad played too rough with the youngest and they had a talk about it.

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It sounds cliche but have them make up a safe word so if they really feel hurt they know when to stop the Stafford could apply to Dad and the kiddos because kiddos could really hurt adults too


You need to talk to him if you’re uncomfortable enough to come to social media. Sounds like rough housing to me but everyone has a comfort level my son is 4 and doesn’t like to rough house as much as his 3 yr old sister. I don’t play that way with our kids so they aren’t rough towards me I don’t enjoy that kind of play they treat their dad like a jungle gym lol

I use to wrestle with my dad in the same way so I don’t think it’s abuse.

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I think it may be due to her not having it growing up … I always play fought with my dad and siblings. I think he was just having an off day and got irritated…

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It really sounds like he’s just showing the child that the child can’t jump on him or invoke on his private space without being punished. The child will learn that they can’t jump or clobber, or be aggressive to get their way,

I think it’s a lack of discipline with your kids (no means no). I have 2 girls and my their father has wrestled ROUGH with both of them over the years. But one rule has ALWAYS been, no means no. I mean… They say uncle, but same thing. Now my kids can defend themselves AND know the limits of their own bodies and when they’ve had enough, dad listens. Maybe have dad figure out a code word for them when everyone’s done. And they wouldn’t come back for it if they weren’t having fun. It doesn’t sound like abuse. It sounds like 2 wild kids that don’t understand no, and a father (and probably mother) who hasn’t taught boundaries and when enough is enough. Better approaches on everyone’s part.

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Not abuse. But if you’re that worried about him abusing your kids why are you with him? Tell him to take parenting classes


His fault for teaching them to be roughians😂 that was literally taught behavior and if he’s getting frustrated and your daughter wouldn’t listen to where he has to use physical force, there needs to be a family meeting/sit-down on what’s okay and what isn’t. If boundries are set they HAVE to be respected and that goes for each individual. Teach teach teach.

I think you need to start with your children. They need to learn boundaries. If someone says stop, then they need to stop and not continue until they are satisfied. Parenting needs to come into play!

There is a better way it could’ve been handled. But he didn’t hit her. It’s time to teach your kids about boundaries. And talk to him about keeping his cool a bit better.

It sounds like the kids need to learn what no and stop mean, and maybe you need to learn to vocalize what you feel he should have done different. My hubby did some thing similar with our boys once and I felt it was too much and too rough. We talked about it, and he apologized to both me and the kids and it never happened again. The kids are being too rough and not listening and he did the same instead of using words and making them listen. Simple fix if he’s really not abusing them.

I think you all need to sit down and talk about boundaries. If this kind of rough play makes you uncomfortable then say it and explain why. Perhaps they can have dedicated rough play time with rules but any other time they’re to use gentle/kind/soft hands :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Your post doesn’t make sense. I’m lost because your construction of sentences are totally out! From what I got bit by bit it doesn’t seem like abuse. Your kids need boundaries, teach them that and if he is doing it then his being a father. You don’t have to have a father to know what it’s like to be one same as a mother. He is human and his own person too not just a father so obviously he gets annoyed at times especially if they jumping on him and going on so if he should push them away without using deliberate force and actually trying to hurt them then what’s the issue?

Not abuse but you should talk with them together about boundaries and understand when to stop. If the way he handled it bothered you then sit him down alone and calmly voice your concerns that u arent comfortable with that level of dicipline. ( like with some parents spankings are ok but arent comfortable with belts or switches) let him know you just want to make sure yall are on the same parent page so to speak. Maybe yall can make a board or list of rules rewards and consequences to help the kids visually and mentally understand that certain behaviors wont be tolerated and when you tell them to stop and they dont this is what will hapoen

I don’t think it’s abuse. However, I do think you need to teach everyone in your house that stop means stop. I taught my son very young how to speak up about people touching his body in any way. If I were to be tickling him & he says stop i would immediately stop. If he wanted to be tickled again he would let me know. Bottom line is you should sit everyone down and explain the importance or consent and to stop when someone says stop.

Not abuse he sounds like a great dad , he just needed to set a boundary at that moment! Leave him alone he’s a parent too

Not abusive… but I think the kids need to be taught when enough is enough we all stop not keep going back for more and if they can’t no more playing roughly. Personally I don’t like it but my kids either don’t stop or take it to far until someone is crying

I really don’t think he meant to be abusive. When mom or dad says no/stop, it should be the rule.

My husband is rough… he don’t mean to be but he just is… but its not out of anger or malice.

Need to teach the kids when to stop and not go back for more. Both sides need boundaries. My mum would always say in a stern voice ‘ENOUGH’ before my dad would really get the :poop:’s.

I’m sorry this is not abuse and I think it’s ridiculous that’ you are even questioning it. This is a dad telling his child to stop and they wasn’t listening. The child doesn’t seem to know what stop means. If he meant to hurt her different story but he sat her down to tell her to stop.

This sounds like normal childhood behavior, and reactions. I went through abode. Broken bones, bruises, dislocated limbs, cowering in fear every time he was due to come home, and a constant degrading of my self esteem and worth. That’s abuse.

Not abuse at all. It’s boundary building. He said NO. They continued. He corrected. They continued. They will learn what playtime is and when it is over.
You need to sit all of them down and set some rules! Don’t use terms like “stop! Don’t!” When playing. It confuses people in the long run. When SERIOUS of wanting the play to stop… say “PLEASE STOP! I’m done playing” so there is zero confusion and it helps build boundaries. You can also make an “adult” word for the adults to use… “stop now, it’s done” when they get too rough or it’s time for adults to do adult things. :grin::grin: making one sit because they aren’t understanding it’s a serious moment and not one for a child to jump on an adult to get their way.
Totally not abusive in any manner and not inappropriate in this situation. Set rules and “words/phrases” and stick to them. If one of the kids uses one and the play stops so they can “win” or get the upper hand you CANNOT resume the play if they say “just kiddinggggg”. No. The words were said. We are done for today. Period. It teaches them you don’t play around with boundaries and you respect them and don’t manipulate with them. :grin::grin:

I wouldn’t call that abuse. You can ask him to be a little softer playing and to work on his patience a bit though

What was the point again in this ? Lol . So she’s worried yet trying to justify his shit ? sounds pretty dumb . either there’s more we don’t know about or she’s just being a fucken escandalosa :roll_eyes:.

Honestly. It sounds like your kids are rough, so is dad. They play rough, dish it out rough, need to take it rough. I see nothing more then a dad who give it back within respectable boundaries. The fact your fishing for abuse advice here is the only red flag.

Maybe introduce a word and sit down and discuss it. It can be any word but all need to know the meaning and abide for it to work. My hubby rough houses with our 3 yr old grandson but they both know “enough” means just that

Did he push her in a playful way that went too far unintentionally or was he pushing her out of anger

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My dad roughed house with us everyday when he got home from work. Dont over think it mama. Sounds normal to me. But if it makes you feel uncomfortable have a sweet talk about it and ask him to be a little more gentle. But from my prospective hes fine… my dad would always play rough and play boogeyman to scare us and wed scream and cry but always run back to him wanting to play more.

I would not consider it abuse, coming from a childhood where we rough housed a bit and raising 4 kids myself but I would say that’s a bit rude. I don’t like my kids being rough like I was because it can easily be too rough, taken the wrong way, and lead to problems…

Explain to him that his reaction was too rough and they all need to have a clear indication when playing is done and it’s time to be serious. My ex would over exaggerate the kids hitting and they thought it was funny…I had to step in and define when that kind of play is ok and when it’s not because they were no longer hitting out of play and actually hurting people.

That’s not abuse. It’s just not putting up with kids bull sh. My partner is the same and I say it’s fair lol kids can be dicks sometimes

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No abuse there, although no.offence but the kids need to learn the word no

I’m 33 next week and me, my father and two brothers still all rough house with each other. It does sound like your kids need to learn some boundaries. Dad said stop, no, enough ect so they should listen. Also, you said they tell him to stop then they run back for more? None of this says abuse to me

This sounds like playing? Sounds like you should talk to a professional about your worries and sort it out before you approach your husband.

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Not abuse but your kids need to be taught about boundaries, and that no, means no.

Several comments mentioned growing up with rough housing. You’ve been together for over 20 years , children 3 and 5 should have grown up with certain agreeable boundaries. So, did the children just recently enter the picture? It would be wise to talk to a family counselor for all concerned. It’s a win win.

I think he is totally fine. Both kids and adult perhaps need more explanation of boundaries…

That is not abuse, it is him making a boundary for her to learn that done is done, no is no. Simple.

My kids are ROUGH. My youngest has a game she plays with her daddy where she stands up and he pushes her back on the sofa. She’ll scramble to stand back up so he can push her again. This would go on for hours if he’d let it. One time he fell asleep on the sofa and she didn’t realize so she stood there for 15 minutes waiting for him to realize she’s there and push her.

You yourself said it they’re just rough housing if he was actually going to abuse them kids I’m pretty sure he would have done it by now I remember playing with my dad like this.

I see it as he was trying to enforce it wasn’t a game in the only way he could. I know sometimes I practically have to hold my daughter down when she’s super hyped up and it’s time to stop or go to bed since she’s 2 and hasn’t really grasped the concept yet.
Maybe have a family sit down and go over boundaries and that when someone tells you they’re done playing, you should stop or find someone who does want to play.

The fact that you are posting about this makes you such a good mama! It sounds like it’s perfectly fine! - I highly recommend the book “raising good humans” it talks about gentle non-reactive parenting and boundaries… it is such an amazing book! :yellow_heart:

Im 50 with 2 sons and 8 grands and my sons are great dads… Most dads can be counted on fir lots of fun and play and are INDISPENSIBLE for teaching the difference between rough housing and going too far - bullying… My own dad played with me and my bro… Kids need play AND normal boundaries and dads are the main ones reaponsible for teaching that and diaxipline and self control

Kids are hard to deal with sometimes and can really know how to push your buttons. You should bring up the fact that it bothers you and suggest him to just try and ignore them next Time or send them to time out if you guys do that. I see it in no way as abuse, but as putting your child in their place. They need to know that it’s no okay to jump on or “attack” people and that it will not help them to get their way

That’s not abuse but I would say the kids need to learn when it’s time to just chill out. They also need to realize when they say “stop” but then jump back in and continue it totally contradicts what they said. If you say “stop” that means you’re done rough housing or whatever it is you were doing. Because if you say it and don’t stop yourself it sends mixed messages to others and they won’t know how to respond properly.
But dad is sending them mixed messages as well so he’s gonna have to fix that.
These kids never gonna learn when to stop because they aren’t being taught that “No Stop” really means “No Stop”.

It’s ridiculous to compare it to abuse. Is your parenting that needs work.

Jessie Preston I feel like it’s more likely that she read something and is now wondering bc she wasn’t raised with any male influences. It doesn’t sound like she was raised with any kind of brothers, men,or rough housing or even has any understanding of what abuse is. Ppl who weren’t raised around rough housing or anything else really have no idea. I have seen ppl that were raised by females and no brothers…that weren’t allowed to rough house or play rough that really don’t understand when they have their own children, especially if they have boys that want to play rough. They usually get on to them like it’s not natural for boys to play that way. It could also be a cultural difference for her.

It sounds like the kids aren’t crying, and are loving it, don’t bubblewrao them! This is no different to what would happen if they were playing sport, and seems like it’s something fun the kids and the dad have going on! If you make them too soft they’ll be targets for bullies, and sounds like he has all the love in the world, just he enjoys messing around with them! They can come to you for cuddles and be there in case they bring it up or want to talk to you, but sounds like it’s all done with fun intentions

The kids need boundaries which they seem lack when it comes to knowing when someone is done. Even adults have their breaking points. While I don’t condone a parent shoving a kid to a sitting position, it seems as though in that moment he was overwhelmed. It concerns me that no where in your statement does it say that you asked them to stop or assisted in stopping the situation. As a couple and parents, you are a team. You know your SO after 22 years to know where his breaking point is and can also help stop the kids. Your kids are disrespecting their father which needs to corrected. He’s not a punching bag. Your kids sound like they are abusing your husband and not the other way around. They need to know that stop and no mean just that. They need to respect a person’s boundaries and personal space. You need to help teach your children to respect their parents. Would he allow the kids to do these things to you? Would you expect him to interject and say enough is enough? Look at it from his perspective. While it’s fun to wrestle, there comes a point when they need to know to quit. Figure out the appropriate punishments but first you need to sit down and talk with them. My partner also did these things with my children when they were smaller but when he said stop, if they didn’t, I stepped in. I never want him to get frustrated or feel disrespected like his feelings do not matter. Kids can hurt just as much with their boney knees and elbows and sometimes a break is needed or explained that they don’t need to be so rough.

Nah that’s just rough housing my dad did it and my hubby fake body slams the kids on the bed and they think it’s hilarious. This behavior is normal in our house

It doesn’t sound like abuse. Maybe they should use a different word that means they are serious about ending play time.

It sounds to me like they just need to have a conversation about the right times to roughhouse and that stop means done for now, and then really enforce it

I don’t allow rough play in my house because the kids don’t know when to stop

No rough housing is what kids require from their dad. Sounds like they actually have a good one.

He made her sit on the couch lol. It’s not abuse. He sounds like a great dad that loves playing with his kids. And sometimes u have to be a little rougher to get through to them that it’s not time to play or rough house.
My son’s father is the exact same way.
If he punched her in the face, yes that’s abuse. He pushed her down onto the couch lol.

Sounds like it’s just playing rough. My ex would play just like this with my toddler and she’s only cry so she can escape all too run back and do it all over again. That’s just how they played with each other. But when he’s her her too riled up and hyper to where she don’t know if she’s laughing or crying or she gets too physical I put an end to it to give it a break as it gets to be too much for her sometimes and she just don’t know how to stop!

I’d say things are OK.
I think the children understand that their relationship with dad is unique and can understand that your teaching is generally and most people but dad is different.
However follow your own instincts.
This changes completely if your partner is not the children’s father. I would not trust a partner who is not the father with your children. So many cases like a male lion on another lion’s offspring.
I had a 6 yo step son who without any previous animosity or anger came charging at me in the garden. I had two buckets in my hand and thought he was passing me.
He hit me with all his force in the nuts.
I saw red and lost it. The worst moment of my life I went to kick him but hit the ground and broke my toe. Then settled down and told mum.
The psychologist aggreed with me that it was Oedipal and the boy literally aimed to unman me but my focus was even still how could I do that? I also had three children of my own that I would never hit.
In retrospection his father had said he wanted to cut off my balls (he had been Iranian mujahideen) so I think the father instructed the boy!

If you are uncomfortable in any way than it’s a red flag

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No, it’s not abuse. Though he could have handles the situation better.

I play tickling game to teach my son when people say stop to stop. We take turns at ticking each other and when we hear stop. We stop. I started when he was 2. Now that he is 3 I added things like “I don’t like it anymore”, “I don’t want to play anymore” and also to stop laughing or to move away. Play a game so they understand. It will also help the understanding of consent when they are older.

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Sounds completely normal to me. It sounds like your kids maybe aren’t listening to him when he says no.