So I have been with my boyfriend going on 4 years now … we have an almost 3 year old . I work full time and he receives social security for disability… I honestly don’t mind working so it works out … I guess my main question or concern would be as a stay at home dad shouldn’t he be teaching and spending quality time with our son .? More than half of the day he’s on his game not really investing much time with our son, like about an hour so he says he plays with him… Doesn’t clean or cook everyday even at least for the baby … Doesn’t take him outside to run around because he “doesn’t trust people out here”… I mean yeah he changes his diaper gives him his medicine cuz at the moment he’s sick and gives him some crackers and pouches throughout the day but there’s no structure … He lets him do whatever he wants … Not saying he’s a bad toddler but when I get home and I have to be stern with him its hurtful… I have to be the provider , mother, responsible one … I’m just really stressed I guess …
Well my question is…what sound got be doing as a stay at home mother?? That’s basically what I would hope my partner did if he were stay at home dad… Also, at that age your son shoukd be going to some kind of morning grouo for interaction with other kids, help his development, his speech… Around 3 this is when toilet training may start, ect… Sure your partner can play his game if your son has a nap…personally, I’d get my child into day care part time and the partner working part time.
He should be doing the same thing a stay-at-home Mom does. Cleaning, cooking, laundry, taking care of the child, etc. etc.
Him not providing healthy meals for your child is complete neglect.
There’s some days I’m just too burnt out to really play with my almost two year old, but he still has my attention all day, and he still gets decently healthy meals 3 times a day, plus snacks.
Him just playing video games all day is not okay.
So you have two children. And the older one does just enough to keep the younger one alive. That’s not a partnership.
My opinion … you’re the one working outside the home so he should be working in home , cleaning , taking care of and spending time w the kiddo , and cooking
Ummm, don’t mean to judge but shouldn’t he be eating finger food/normal food now not pouches
I would be letting him know you’d appreciate some help around the house and maybe go to playgroups (you can find free ones in AU) so he can socialise with other children. Also getting him outside in some sunshine.
He should be doing more then he is. Chores ok some people suck but his MAIN job is to spend time and actively raise his child.
If he wants to be a stay at home dad . Then he needs to act like it
I work full time nights 4 12s in a row. My fiance stays home with our 6 kids. I dont lift a finger unless its sorting clothes and rolling them. He cleans, cooks, does all the homework, details the vehicles, takes care of all 4 dogs everything.
From my advice the video games and console needs locked up. Set certain times a day without any technolgy.
He sounds lazy af. I’d be having a serious chat with my man especially if I was the main provider. Right now I’m almost 4 months pregnant with my second child and I don’t work right now but he works full time. I do everything during the day, cooking, cleaning, laundry, (I also homeschool my 12 year old daughter)
And when he gets home, if there is any fixing things I can’t fix or lifting anything heavy, he will help me. Same with taking our 3 dogs for a walk, he will come with me when he gets home. Relationships are teamwork and you shouldn’t have to beg for your partner to provide more than the bare minimum for his own child.
Your BF watching his kid is not babysitting nor should it be a chore. I’d seriously be questioning our relationship if that’s how he feels and if he doesn’t want to willingly spend quality time with his child.
Same as stay at home moms or “housewives” cook, clean, do laundry, keep kid busy and stimulated. And also rest ofc. But he should be putting in a lil more effort imo. At least cooking and cleaning up after child to start and work towards more.
Okay, there needs to be some rules. There needs to be a list. If he is going to be home with your child all day, there needs to be some structure. 4 year olds have formative thinking. You don’t want that. Maybe you need to have a sit down and talk to him about what you would like to see instead of telling him what to do? That might go over a lot better. Men are very simple, in some respects.
He needs to be cooking cleaning laundry and caring for the kid .as much as he can
My hubby was on disability I worked even tho I drew a check and the kids off of his disability he still helped with the house .I hope it gets better for you…
He should be potty training him too
A Stay at Home Dad does EVERYTHING a Stay at Home Mom does! Cooking, Cleaning, Laundry, grocery shopping, taking the baby outside to play, keeping the baby well fed, clean , In a Fresh Diaper. I would break my foot off in that dudes azz!
You are doing it all and your babysitter sucks.
If he wants to be a stay at home dad then he has to step up and be one not just in the same room and providing only the neccasities
Girl I was just laying here on my side just strolling threw my news feeds for a little while before I go to sleep n saw this n sat my ass up to answer this!
Sooooo I’ve been with my husband for 18 yrs now. N im having THE SAMMMME issues! We have 3 other girls who are all in school and old enough to basically take care of their self. However we have a 19 month old son. We live with his parents bc unfortunately we can not afford to live on our own right now. Im working 2 jobs 7 days a week! I completely kills me that I can’t be home with my baby n hes taken it for granted. My husband is having medical issues right now which is why he’s not working. Not collecting disability hasn’t even applied! He spends his entire day playing games on his phone. Doesn’t watch our son AT ALL! His dad (the babies grandfather) has my son all day. My husband will play his game or sleep n just do nothing all day. He doesn’t cook or clean NOTHINGGGGGG n everytime I bring it up that he should be raising our baby not someone else. Or he should be helping more around thr house I get gaslight. He brings up the whole 3 yrs out of 18 yrs I didn’t work bc our youngest daughter had medical issues n needed me! Other than that I’ve always worked! But this whole situation has actually made me want a divorce bc its so frustrating that he just has no responsibility. N doesn’t help me at all. Even when I’m crying and begging for help he does nothing.
Clean,cooking taking care of the kid. Your house should be spotless
Then stay home. He gets disability. If things get tight an he wants u to go back to work then tell him he needs to do … And the other option is u can enroll your child in 3k and then 4k and he will have school 3-5 days a week for 4-8 hours depending on where u live.
If he refuses to do anything - I would be thinking he needs to go home to mommy and you could put the child in daycare. He would be better cared for than your “bf” is doing.
You left out why he is on disability, it is hard to say without one of the key facts… Unless you wanna be all judgy.
Depends why he is on disability and how it effects him. And I say this as a SAHM who is on disability. You chose to be in a relationship and have a child together which you chose to accept his limitations. You can’t expect him to do it all if the government has deemed he can’t work. But this is a discussion you need to have Bergen the two of you of what’s reasonable and possible
He aint working so everything on the home front is his portion
A lot of young fathers are like this. Not sure why…
However, if he is always at home and able to do all of these things, then he should be contributing.
And please people. You have all forgotten he is on disability. That’s damn important. Because so am I. And you have all Juergen this man without knowing ALL the facts. These are important. Because some days I can do it all and some weeks the child getting to school on time is an achievement in itself
just wow.
leave him.
that is pure fuckin lazy, and your child will be the one paying for his laziness 100%
your son is going to lack in many things bc your stay at home “dad” doesnt do a thing with him.
sorry, but its your fault if you keep him around and LET him do nothing.
either put your foot down or walk away
no child should be left unattended HALF the fuckin day.
like this is just pitiful
i would 100% be pissed if my stay at home did this and i wouldn’t put up with it.
thats just sad, and i know im being judgmental but damn man, like either grow up or make the moves you need to for your child
And it always makes us the “mean” parent.
He should be doing what a stay at home mom does, if he’s disability won’t allow that, then he needs to pay for someone to do the things he can’t. No way should a 3yr old be eating just crackers and pouches!! I’d kick his lazy ass to the curb.
Stay at home parent IS a job and he should be taking it as that. Toddlers need a ton of play/learning time so that they are ready for pre-k and that’s why a lot of daycares have that within their programming to prep them. It sucks you have to tell him this but he really needs to get it together and be more responsible, that is awful and I feel for you I would be livid. Your child is the one suffering!
His job is the house duties and raising your child, computer games are only for down time once other things are done.
She said he gets SSI so he has some money coming in. And he’s disable we don’t know if that has anything to do with his seemingly laziness or what.
Why first question would be why is he on disability, if he doesn’t have physical issues and can do things around the house then he should. Parenting is a team effort and so is the house duties. You might have to have a sit down with him and let him know how you feel and tell him he needs to pitch in and help around the house and spend more quality time with his son
Honestly he’s being lazy as hell.
Sounds like he’s treating it like babysitting while on vacation.
Either he needs to step it up and only game for one hour a day or go to work and you stay home.
As a SAHM we’re usually expected to keep the house clean, cook three times a day, and handle any and all training our kids need.
If he is not contributing to the household or helping to raise the children, you are better off without him. Tell him to shape up or ship out.
Communicate with him a schedule.
Like have him treat 10am-3pm as a “work” day where he does clean one or two rooms/chores and has to stay off his game and interact with your baby.
Then when you get home, or whatever you guys agree on, he can dick around and do whatever, but still has to help with some stuff like diaper changes.
That’s what me and my husband did when he was staying home with the kids.
You got yourself 2 children!! Commonly known as a “Man Child” and I give mad props to any woman who even deals with such because no mamé, no ham, no way would I ever!! Time to send him back to Momma. He should be cleaning, meal preps, and time with your child. It’s really sad to see how many males that actually chose a game system over real priorities… You Doll have patients of a Saint because I would of already had a “Come To Jesus Meeting” so to speak and while he was waiting on said wh*te light I would have been handing out some doses of “Act Right” & “Respect”!! If he still doesn’t comprehend being an adult or being an actual dad then most definitely It’s time to send him back to his parents. Good luck.
I feel for you but as a stay at home mom if my husband told me what I “should be doing” it wouldn’t go well. (I do all inside chores, but still, I wouldn’t respond well to being told what to do)
The same as what would be expected of a stay at home mum 
cook, clean, laundry and do things with the kids.
Depends on the disability. If he has the capacity to care for a child on his own while you are gone and that is what he is left to do then that is what he should be doing. If he isn’t doing his part even though able …time to go.
I can’t stand males that take minimum responsibility! I will not be your second Mommy. Go back home to her so she can teach you responsibility!!
It also really depends on why he’s on disability also… due to the disability, I’d he able physically and mentally to do these things with the child and around the house?
I mean but when people say if a mom’s not working all the house stuff should fall on her it’s a riot in these groups. Sorry, but whoever is home SHOULD do all the housework, cooking, cleaning… Male or female…if they don’t want that delegated to them… Get a job
Does your district have free preschool?
Everything a stay at home mom does. Cook clean play with kids teach them scrub toilets laundry etc…
Sorry i would flip. “Crackers and pouches throughout the day.” Your child is almost three. He needs actual meals or at least more than crackers and pouches. What does your son do all day while dad is playing his game? I’d be very concerned. Maybe I’m crazy but this isn’t just lazy- what you described is on the verge of neglect. I’m sorry to say it that way but I hope you get on his ass or put your child in daycare if he won’t care for him properly.
I’d take the wifi modem with me to work…
I’m a stay at home disabled mom, idk what your husband is on disability for but personally I have physical and mental disabilities. It has always been mostly my job to care for the house, and provide all necessary care and supervision to my son when my partner worked outside of the house. If it’s within his physical abilities, he should be doing it. Even if he can’t wash dishes every day, every other is fine for example. But he should be providing basic education, socialization, and energy outlets for his child. That’s his job and his responsibility as a father.
His dutys are what a stay at homr mom would do… Cooking cleaning taken care of the kids ect. Dont sell yourself short with someone lazy
They same thing a stay at home mom does
Kids that age need and want structure. You and your bf need to be on the same page about this. Now that your son is 3, he has greater and different needs than at 6 months. He needs to be learning what other kids learn in preschool. He needs to learn the alphabet, colors, songs, sharing, etc.
As infants, you feed them when they’re hungry, change diapers as needed, etc. But toddlers need to be learning toilet training, have scheduled meals and snacks, naps, and guided play time.
You two need to have a heart to heart, possibly with a couples therapist or even a preschool teacher so he’s clear on what his son must learn. It’s also possible that your bf doesn’t know how to teach him.
Why is he on disability is he physically able to do alot ? Make him a list . Should be doing something . Sounds like he wants to sit around and play video games which can be an addiction
I would put your son in preschool
This group is hilarious
Question, if my sahm doesn’t clean much but cares for our two infants should I ditch her or respect her for the effort she takes each day while I’m away?
What is wrong with you women falling for such losers. Take that baby and get the hell out. You don’t have to settle for a looser.
I have a different view of this. Yes he should be caring for your child properly, of course. I disagree though that he is a typical stay at home parent though. He contributes to bills as well so he should not be responsible for all the household things as well since he also pays for things. Now if he was not contributing to bills, that would be different. He definitely should not be neglecting yalls child while he plays video games though. He could take care of everything while you’re at work and then when you get home, hand the reigns to you and go relax for a bit with his game. Watching a child is a job as well, if he wasn’t doing it then you would be paying out the butt to have someone else do it. Maybe talk to him about putting more focus in to the child while you’re at work and then he can relax when you get back and see what he says. Hopefully he is open to meeting in the middle.
He should be doing the same a stay at home mom is expected to do. I’d be mad
There is more to this since he is on disability.
Is he physically capable of doing more around the home? If not, you may need to find a daycare.
I would at least want my kids fed meals, even if the house is in shambles.
His “job” is the house. That’s how I look at it. Not. Gender role. Idc who stays home. My husband has been home the last two years while I pursued my career and wants. We have 3 children (14,6,4). He takes the girls to school and picks them up. He takes them to the park, beach, and pool. They all pitch in and clean. My husband cooks as well as my 14 year old daughter. My oldest got into a bit of trouble so he homeschools her now too. He handles Dr appointments, laundry and we do grocery shopping together. I’m a nurse and we have been saving to purchase a home. I work 5, 12 hour shifts a week. Your bf should be doing more, period.
Without knowing more about why the guy is on disability it is hard to give proper advice. Although it probably would be best to get your son into a daycare so he can have structure. And get your guy into parenting classes.
Couldn’t he work at night? I work part time and I’m on SSD It would get him out of the house a bit and may motivate him to help out more
You all need to communicate and unplug the game and have become a house husband and daddy.
First off. Your boyfriend is disabled?
Why is a child being left alone with someone disabled. This makes no sense to me. If he can’t physically take care of the home or child you should put him somewhere safe to be properly cared for.
At a bare minimum the child should be sufficiently cared for. As a mostly stay at home parent myself while my kids were younger, I definitely didn’t have time for gaming or anything much for myself. It was all about caring for the children and keeping the home running.
Wow the Difference between you and I is mine works a stay at home job dispatching and he plays games allllll night and morning and then sleep all day. I personally do t have a job I’m on social assistance and I’m 8 months pregnant I’m going through EXACTLY the same thing with my bf but he’s never actually ever gave our 2 year old medicine or take her and his oldest 13 daughter out in his life time …
he gives him pouches and crackers through the day? a three year old needs a lot more than that. they also need to be active. i would put him in nursery. he’ll have a better time there, he’ll thrive there, he will learn. he will play. it will be 100 times better. i feel so sorry for your child. not getting anything they actually need.
Damn sis u may as well be by yourself. We moms do it all with or without workin outside the home!!! Ain’t no way I’d do it all with a man child like that, doin nothin. He can’t even get his sorry ass up and make that baby some real food smfh nopeee
He doesn’t sound very invested in the relationship …he just wants to play games all day and not interact …the children need outside time and fresh air …he is very involved with himself …you two definitely need to have conversations about the dynamics because there will start to be behavioral patterns with the children once set …hard to undo …then they have social issues …try doing things together when your days off and show him what you mean …if he not willing to put for and learn then it’s up to you if you want to continue with it being dysfunctional…good luck 
Hell no… I would expect the house to be tidy, washing done, dishes done, meals thought of and or prepared, floors, bathroom and toilet done daily not to mention activities with the little one and then when all is done and bub is resting, then chill and play his game…
Common-sense really…
My partner is disabled really bad at times . He works 50hrs a week and helps at home with dinners , bathing kids , basic household chores . If any I am not working at moment have a baby and 2 disabled children so I tend to make sure fill house is done dinner is done and take care of the kids . Usually when he comes in their is nothing to be done and kids are settled for bed
Good thing you’re not married and can leave … red flags everywhere.
Ugh… yeah… all of it. He shouldn’t be on video games all day for sure… not safe AT all.
You have adult kid raising a baby and if you don’t do something soon your son will have the same tendencies as his father, you know what he should be doing but he’s not doing it, i would put the child into day care for structure cause your child is gonna lack social skills just like his dad and if you don’t do something you have failed as the responsible parent,
Wake up! put your foot down and put your childs needs first and kick him out until he’s grown the hell up
If he is this way already, he will only get worse. Cut ur losses and move on.
To be honest, I’d leave him 
my sons dad was this way too, more focused on his games, getting f-d up and himself than our child 99% of the time, didn’t do any cleaning or anything, and would cook him the same things he doesn’t want to eat daily and then got mad when he wouldn’t eat them. Every time I’d go to work (it was only part time at the end of us living together) he would pass out and take a nap with him so that he’d be up all night, or pass out and let him do whatever while he slept. I’d try to call him to wake him while I was on break and be fuming mad. And then come home to my toddler running free, hungry, upset, confused and alone. Then he would get mad at me for being upset about it saying “you’re always mad at me for sleeping” 
nah. He doesn’t sound like a responsible parent whatsoever, and shouldn’t even have that privilege. Hun he’s not raising your kid, you are while also being the #1 provider. Unfortunately “men” like this do not change. My suggestion: leave him with your baby. It’s not worth it
You leave the piece of shit easy
I mean if he’s claiming for a disability then maybe his illness would make it difficult to do certain things when it comes to cleaning up etc. But I’d still expect proper meals and meal times for my kid and at least an hour or so counting with them and a bit of learning time, and at least SOME of the cleaning that he was able to manage! That’s deffo not too much to ask! Maybe even meal prep for tea so you have less to do when you get home, I mean…I wouldn’t expect that daily but it would be nice of him if you’ve had a long day x
People always say they want advice, I think they just want to hear others bitch about the other one, justifications, satisfaction, the I’m right. People realize others can only do what you allow them to do!! Express your concerns if it doesn’t change then you need to make the changes!!!
After chores are done it is important to have down time. As stay at home moms we dont get a break and beg for one. I feel not knowing his disability is hard to understand if he can do certain things or not, but if hes got everything done and kids provided for and safe he deserves some game time the same way stay at home moms deserve some down time.
My main concern is the feeding. Crackers and pouches aren’t a proper diet. Games like today didn’t exist back then in the capacity they do now, so I’m having a hard time comparing it with my childhood. My mom did play video games though. We were poor and pretty much had bare minimum. My mom probably could have gotten money for mental disability but they never pursued that. So education wise My mom who was the stay at home mom shouldn’t be the one giving me any kind of education in my opinion. I’m not sure what is difficult for him to judge else wise. But the child needs better food than just crackers and there are many simple easy things that can be found for the little one to eat. Even if it’s simple like microwave Mac and cheese and warmed up hot dogs.
Yeah, that’s not parenting. That’s babysitting
I don’t cook for my man and I stay at home I hate when he says it’s my job to make food lol. I guess it’s whatever expectations you have. But I cook and clean for my kids. My man gets off work at 7-8 most days so I feel I shouldn’t have to cook when it’s that late.
Time for him to hit the road!
He’s a stay at home Dad, so he should be doing everything!!! Cooking, cleaning, teaching, playtime!!! If he’s not doing that and he’s more worried about his games then he’s useless!!!
Get your child in to nursery he Will learn moor play with the other children it will stimulating and educate then your boyfriend will have to take him to nursery then he can come back home & tidy up there is no excuse
Sounds like a male version of Peg Bundy! Get the man his bon-bons! No seriously if it wouldn’t be acceptable for the shoe to be on the other foot you’re being taken advantage of. It’s not good for your kiddo to see this because he’s going to grow up to be just like him.
He needs to stop gaming and be a dad.
Do the stuff you’d be doing if you were home.
My husband and I worked opposite shifts. He worked days,me 2nd.
So we shared the cleaning and everything else. But he had to help with homework until he couldn’t then we hired a tutor.
I think you two need to sit down and figure out whether his disability allows for him to be a good daily carer. It could be you both have different ideas of sah parenting and need to resolve that.
My question is how do you know what he is or isn’t doing while your at work? Do you have a camera in your house watching him? Maybe he does that when you are home thats what your reslly wondering about.
I think he’s profoundly depressed. He spends so much time on games because that’s where he gets his sense of self worth from. He can feel he’s good at it and may not have anything else in his life that he feels good about. He desperately needs some counseling and probably medication for a while, too. Parenting groups or even kids’ play groups would be good for him. If you can’t afford counseling, there are lots of places that give free or income based counseling. I am disabled. I have had 4 heart attacks and two strokes. My heart function is at 15% (not a typo.) I’m in a wheelchair but I can walk a little. When I get the opportunity to care for my two youngest granddaughters (6 and 2) I come alive and do crafts with them, teach them things, cook for them, etc. They are the reason I live. When they aren’t here, I do get most of my worth from doing exactly what I’m doing right now, posting on the internet. Don’t toss him aside until you get him into counseling. He doesn’t know how to live any other way.
He’s too comfy. Time to have reality hit
I’m a stay at home mom and do it all cooking cleaning laundry school everything
Have an honest conversation about your roles and expectations.
Maybe create a list of what needs to be done to keep the house running and divide it up.
That’s the problem with young parents today. They are absent from their children’s life. Social media and video games should not be priority. Time spent with kids is investing in their future. You want successful adult children they need the time of parents. Send your child to preschool and give them the example and start in life they deserve.
Stay at home Dad should be doing the same as a stay at home Mom…within the limits of his disability obviously