What should I do about my controlling ex?

What should I do about my controlling Ex? My ex and I have a beautiful four-year-old daughter together. But our relationship ended due to him lying to me. Since the breakup five months ago, he has called me a garbage mother, threatened to take our daughter from me, forbade me from having any of my male friends around her, and threatened to beat up my coworker. A said coworker took me out on a date about a month ago to try and help me have a little fun and get away from the drama of my ex because it was affecting my attitude at work. I’ve also spent time at another coworker’s house with him and his wife because they have a four-year-old girl as well, and we set up a play date. My ex and I haven’t gone to court about custody or anything. But since his recent threat of taking Taliah from me, I’ve started filling out my state custody paperwork. Am I doing the right thing in trying to establish a boundary and force him to focus on our daughter instead of what I’m doing with my life? Or is this just going to make things worse for our daughter and me. She’s been acting up lately due to witnessing arguments between us.

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It’s the right thing to do because if you don’t he’s going to continue to try to control you with your child. Sounds pretty narcassistic. At least if you have a custody order he can’t get mad at you and just take off with your child. The one thing he knows will hurt you. And if he continues the behaviors you will be able to get a PFA or restraining order if necessary

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I understand where your coming from . I think your making good choices I hated arguing around the kids it’s terrible reminds me over when I was a kid . keep going momma be strong don’t let him push you around if he keeps threatening you or others get a restraining order / order of protection

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Hell yes you finish the paper work
You all need boundaries and all know what is going to happen when
Write a diary of all communications good and bad
Be there only for you and your girl but also make sure she gets equal daddy time

keep any text or call logs / messages it’s proof if you need it

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Do your paperwork and get a restraining order and ask for supervised visitation with your kid

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I would seek legal advice. His threats are certainly concerning. I am Australian so I cannot make specific comments about US legal system. But here in Australia he would have to have strong evidence you are an unfit mother before any court would take your daughter from you.

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You’re doing the right thing. He’s going to try to make your life hell either way, so do what you need to!

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You’re doing the right thing. Good luck and be strong. You can do this. :slightly_smiling_face:

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Document EVERYTHING! Every text. I hope you already have a attorney. Get everything about child support, visitation, health insurance, and Out-Of-Pocket expenses put in your decree. He’s a Narcissist Jerk. Don’t leave anything to being settled as adults; as he will never be agreeable to anything HE doesn’t control. I used to work for Attorneys. The people who have the most problems are those that didn’t have everything spelled out.

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He’s controlling, they’ve been broken up 5 months. I’m sure he didn’t let her have male friends during the relationship; daughter is 4. She doesn’t know these new men well enough for them to be around her daughter.

Restraining order…hes threatened violence

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Yes, dont back down and dont let him threaten you. He can not forbid you to have male friends. It is ok for you to move on.

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It’s the right thing to do, also document everything with dates, times etc and be very specific. Keep all evidence whether it be call logs or text messages.
If he persists with his actions than get a no contact order, especially since he’s threatening with physical violence.
He sounds extremely toxic.

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U have to set boundries or he will keep trying to run every aspect of ur life. Fill out the paperwork, get the custody and child support settled, and move on with ur life. And most importantly find a way to b happy. That is one of the best things ur daughter can see is u being happy. Good luck

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Put the paperwork in asap. Go to court.

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Narcissists who loose control over their family can become VERY VIOLENT. the threats are a start… you need to document all comments . Dont speak to him use text or email only . Never be alone with him . Get your papers into court as fast as possible . Allow him his weekend visits ,but arrange for him to pick her up away from your home. Have as little contact with him as possible . Your life could be in danger. Seek out a womans shelter for advise.
Get legal advise I’m sure there is free advise available . And surround yourself with family and friends.
Do not talk to him… email or text only .
Get you wee girl assessed for her safety…
Stay safe…

Frankly I wouldn’t have any conversations with him that arent strictly about your daughter…anything else isnt his business. Get the paperwork in and I suspect you will need to have a mediator.

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Get custody. Show the judge his threats. He’s a p.o.s and a shit bag… He’s not a good example for any child.

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Mom. Listen . Your relationships has taken. Serious turn for the worse . The attitude of your ex is serious and that makes your efforts difficult to be appreciated. You must protect yourself and your child. You need a third person to mediate your relationship and activies with your ex. Do not be afraid to get counseling from a lawyer , a spiritual counselor whose trustworthy. What is your relationship with your parents like? You need their support as well. Do not isolate yourself . I know you may want four business known by everybody. I get it . But you cannot go through this by yourself. Step by step with purpose. Do not take anything for granted. You cannot change your ex. You must protect gig and your daughter only . Do not winery about his feelings. You know what they are .

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You do need to set boundaries because you don’t know what he is saying about you to her that could be why your daughter is acting out lately my oldest daughters father use to try that and I put an end to it real quick

Consult a family attorney. Period.
Almost every attorney gives FREE consultations. Get one. ASAP.

Narcissistic man smh he mad my kids father do the same shit

Walk away when he argues. He can’t chase u. If he does, call the police. Get that paperwork filled out and turned in asap. Also, get a lawyer is possible. If u can’t afford one, some lawyers do pro bono work. Also u could seek out a free lawyer via a battered women’s shelter. U don’t have to live there or receive help from them, but u can call and explain ur situation (ur ex’s verbal abuse, control issues, using ur daughter as a pawn) and they might be able to help u obtain a lawyer for free. Document issues uv had with ur ex that u can remember from the past, with dates if possible. Keep a log of present and future issues too…dates and times and witnesses, if any. He can threaten u, but u don’t have to believe him nor interact with him about things. He cannot control who u hang out with. If the person is a danger, and he has solid proof, then he could bring that to court. Otherwise, no. Don’t let him bully nor control u. Get as much as u can in writing (texts or emails) when discussing things regarding ur daughter…otherwise, he could try and lie or sabotage u. And enjoy ur precious daughter when she is with u. Good luck dear.

Save all of his messages threatening you record conversations keep a record of everything take his ass to court get full custody because he wouldn’t be good for your daughter anyways time to get a backbone

Keep record of everything & use it in court. Do not talk shit back to him. Keep it about the kid. If he gets crazy/disrespectful dont stoop to his level. He will dig his own grave in the end.

How does your Ex know so much of your business? Stop telling him stuff…there is a lack of information here for me to give advice…allot is missing here…something is off here

I had a similar experience. And he knew my every move without me saying anything to him. I agree with the other comments note everything down and try your best not to argue in front of your daughter. Stay strong and walk away from his efforts to pick a fight.

Definitely do it! It’s all abt power ! He is still trying to control u using ur daughter as an excuse, get to court get a prohibited steps order or child arrangement order in place, it will re assure u largely ! And give u some power back

And tbf I have had w restraining orders, non molestation orders actually 9 yes of dv and judge still let ex see kids but had to be safely done, so chances r he will still see children u wont ever stop that , but it will be done through a contact centre, or another way where sum1 else can drop children off etc , there r other ways to get round it, and with regards to ur business, I dont do anything yet my ex and his family this k they k ow everything abt my life, but if I go out it gets back to them u cant ever get away from that, hence y I’m thinking of moving miles away fresh start away from them all

Definitely the right thing, your daughter needs stability and a set routine so she knows where she’s going on what days

Haven’t you seen the news lately??? About women and children being Murdered???Grow up and throw him out .! Full stop

Filing for custody is a good start just to be safe n have some guidelines , if he’s willing you can have a mutual relationship / parenting . Do what you feel is best n safe for you n child ! It’s not easy but can be done :white_check_mark: went through divorce custody n ended up 3 yrs later counseling n great relationship n then later got remarried yes crazy but 29 yrs n together both willing to do what was needed both were stubborn - it can be civil n done ;”)

Always have everything in writing!

First check on the law in the state you live in. If he tries to take her it’s kidnapping. Go to her school and put it in writing that no one can pick her up unless they have permission from you . Go to the court house and file paper work for custody of your child just in case. Also file a order of protection from him. Save all threatening text message from him to have proof. Tell him to stay out of your business he’s not your husband or boyfriend anymore and just send the check for your child. If he wants to see her to take a parenting class .

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Get your court stuff in order, get the restraining order once you get into mediation, set boundaries on his calls meaning only contact should be a out your child. But get your paperwork done asap

#1 priority is your child and your safety. If he threatening you and you are afraid him get a temp restraining order against him. File sole custody him with limited keep all I mean all messages all letter what ever keep all if voicemail keep it. Get a atty asap and get that started. Keep safe and healthy #1 goal.

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File the paperwork, but also reassure your daughter that you love her despite arguing with her dad. Whatever you do, do not bad-mouth her dad in front of her.

You need to contact an attorney! Document everything!! Keep every text every email that he may send you an document document document good luck

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I think it’s time to get a restraining order against him, and start getting involved with what HE is doing. Also, start setting up child support and make it clear if he wants a say in YOUR life, he best be damned prepared to pay your Bill’s. Also, check your state laws. Depends on the state, but you might already have automatic custody, and him taking her may be kidnapping.

I would talk to him and let him know that he no longer has say over ur life and it about ur daughter. I know u want to get along and have a good coparenting for child and I would let him know that if he continues to cross boundaries that u will take him to court

Keep all texts, voice mails, emails anything that u can save. Do not allow it set boundaries but if he threatens you file a report ASAP because you will need to use that in court plus these days people crazy as hell. Don’t take any chances. Most States try the 50/50 so the more proof you got the better. Remember you and your daughter come first don’t worry about if he’s mad or people stop talking to you just move forward.

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Yes and you need to file those papers ASAP good luck :pray::pray::pray:

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U can do an emergency custody hearing due to these reasons. He sounds irrational so you def need a custody order ASAP.

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Don’t argue…just do what you have to. It takes 2 to argue and he is trying to keep you off balance. Don’t let him

You are definitely in the right. Need to set boundaries and keep the fighting and fussing away from the kiddo.

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Definitely doing the right thing he has to understand there are limits to what he can and can’t do.

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Definitely go through the courts. The judge can order you to keep men out of her life though so be aware of that.

Check the state. If he’s the bio then it’s not kidnapping unless documents are in place. If he wants a say, he can pay the tab and go thru the hoops.

As it stands right now if there is no paperwork in order then he can take a child and nothing can stop him get your paperwork done ASAP

Document everything. Definitely go through the courts.

And while your at it get a pfa against him and apply for sole custody and dont forget child support

I was in a divorce situation where my ex was extremely controlling and did a lot of what you described in terms of constantly threatening to take my child away from me. I allowed him to control so many things in my life when I should not have. Get a damn good lawyer, hang up the phone whenever he starts raising his voice and threatening you, and get a restraining order if he ever threatens you again. Call the police every time he attempts to commit a felony as well. No matter how scared you feel because your child is involved and he uses it as a tool to threaten you, never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever put up with this. establish your boundaries by hanging up on the person if they ever threaten you or raise their voice to you. I promise, it eventually does work.

Unfortunately he can be right about other men and judge may side with him.

Make sure u document everything going on too

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Beat his ass talking that bullshit😒

Get the courts involved! They will even provide an advocate for her if necessary.

Going for custody is best for safety reasons

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Protect yourself and your daughter

You’re doing the right thing.

Since he’s your ex,he should only be curious of what’s going on in Yalls daughters life.Not yours. Y’all aren’t together anymore so he can’t say a damn thing about what goes on in yours. :ok_hand: You need to tell him to grow the fuck up! He’s acting like a child. :unamused: Save all text messages especially of him saying he going to beat up your coworker. And he won’t get full custody if y’all go to court so no he won’t take her away. If he really thinks that then he’s a complete moron. He will be put in his place for acting like that.