I need advice from my dad. I’m kinda at a loss with him. He doesn’t ever call my two sisters or me. Ever. Sure, we are all grown, we all have kids, and there are even a few great grandkids. He never calls any of us. He is not involved in our lives and when confronted about it he just says, “Phone works both ways.” And I know that it does but we are all in the super busy part of life, raising babies and school and sports and all the things. He is not. We all lost our mom over 10 years ago and he is re-married and she’s fine but he is just so… Blah. It bothers all of us but at the same time, it’s like F it.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What should I do about my dad not contacting me?
This is my exact relationship with my Dad!!! If that’s what you want to call it. He is super toxic and I have just cut ties. Sometimes I wonder if I should be the bigger person and reach out but he never puts in any effort so I just think why bother??? So disappointing.
Like he says the phone works both ways! Call him! He’s still your dad and wants YOU to include him in your lives. I am grown with kids of my own and still make it a priority even just to text my dad daily and say hi! a simple hi text could make a huge difference
My mom says the same thing. She moved to Florida a few months ago, and doesn’t call to talk. I have 5 kids and am super busy. It hurts my heart. Sending hugs
Cut ties with my parents. Best thing I could of ever done…
I haven’t spoken to my “dad” in years.
I don’t bother trying anymore. He doesn’t seem to care about me or my kids so I realized a long time ago I’ve done all I can do…
I have a wonderful stepdad who raised me, and is a big part of mine and my kids lives… I don’t need someone just because we share blood.
If you’d too busy to call him then maybe he thinks your too busy to talk but the way I see it is you can always make time for the people you want to make time for its true it does work both ways he won’t be around for ever so forget the petty stuff be the bigger person that’s all it takes mayve try including him in a day out and a text here and there
Phone does work both ways. Take my advice. Don’t let the small stuff bother you. I’d give anything to be able to call my dad or to even complain about him not calling me.
And once he’s gone you will regret not reaching out. He doesn’t want to inconvenience you, because you are busy. Please just reach out. I’m in the same situation and try to touch base when possible.
Honestly, the phone does work both ways. Reach out to him. My dad passed away June 2021 and I would absolutely LOVE to speak to him we did speak often when he was around, but I still have regrets of it ‘not being enough’. I also have young children, recent (2020) cancer diagnosis and live 4500kms away … make the effort because once the opportunity is gone, there is no changing it
We all have busy lives I know I would call my mom every few days just to check in with her as I lost my dad at 16. Please just call him what I wouldn’t do to just pick up the phone to call either of my parents today as I lost my mom in 2018.I was busy with both my kids with sports,clubs but I still took time to call
After my mom died, if ya wanted to talk to dad you called him. No remarried or any of that just how it was.
I usually wait for my kids to call me. They do we speak, video chat, and text often. It seems when I do call them they are usually busy with their kids or friends. I don’t like to interrupt them. I know they love me and I love them. It’s just easier I feel for them to call when they have time.
Honestly, when you’re busy, it’s easier to be the one to call, when you’ve got down time. Instead of them calling and you’re always busy.
Just call him! I just lost my dad and regret not calling him! Do it now before you regret it
The phone does work both ways he is right.If you feel he should be the one calling 100% of the time because you are busy and have kids you are in the wrong.I have seven kids and find time to call both of my parents.If you want a relationship with him reach out because being petty never served anyone positively in the end.
Jeez I could have written this post myself
My mom passed 3 years ago and after a fight we had on thanksgiving after that we haven’t talked
The phone works both ways would be an excuse if it was only one child but as it’s all of you it seems as if he’s just enjoying his new wife ! I’m 700+ Miles away from my parents my dad and I only talk when it has to do with my union stuff at work ! And he never calls me ! My mother rarely calls usually when she wants something and doesn’t return calls or answer when I call both house and cell phone. I just go on and live life I love my job and the area I’m in
You have no time to ring him but you will have time to stop and talk to him if he rings first? He probably knows you’re busy and thinks you will ring when your not…
He’s right tho the phone works both ways and if you guys can’t pick up the phone then don’t expect him to.
You never reach out to him but are mad that he does the same? Unless he abandoned you as a child or is in some other way a toxic entity in your life, I don’t see why you think it’s only his responsibility to pick up a phone?
You cant expect someone to do everything you want and not return the favor i wouldnt call either if im the only one doing it
Just call him. I know it can be frustrating but he’s right about the phone working both ways. You don’t want to loose your dad and regret not calling just on the principle of “well he’s not busy”
You must call he is your dad and anyone of you could have called alon time ago.please don’t wait any longer, life is short. I
This is my relationship with my dad. I had to make peace with it, because I can’t force him to want a relationship. Just do your part and try to let go the hurt and guilt on your end.
Some parents aren’t good at it so contact him period
I hear u…single mom here, part time career, 2 other jobs, plus keeping up with life in general. But even so…I would always make time 4 my mother, buy her a special treat to let her know she’s thought of. Yesss phone does work both ways… but life’s too short for could haves would haves…just do…b4 the day comes that u cant!!
If you want a relationship with him, make an effort. It bothers you enough that he doesn’t reach out but not enough to take 5 minutes in your busy life and reach out to him. Coming from someone who’s Dad died 16 years ago, make a freaking effort while you still can.
You all could set a day a week or different days were he calls or you call to talk to him at some point during the day. It doesn’t hurt to call him he probably thinks your busy and doesn’t want to bother you he could also be busy just not in the way you guys are.
If you’re the one that’s busy, why wouldn’t you call him when you’re not busy instead of him calling you while you’re busy?
He has a life too. And some people just don’t like to talk on the phone.
Soooo… you all expect him to make all the effort? Did he try at some point and in all of y’alls busyness…blow him off 1 too many times? Did y’all contact him after your mother passed…or get so wrapped up in yourselves that he grieved alone? Might do some soul seraching.
Call him… call him once a week… I had 2 young kids and married… I had to deal with a infant and a toddler, a working husband, and cooking cleaning potty training preschool I still called! Once a week! I lived 300 miles at the time… my parents were split up and I called them both! The kids talked to them over the phone… they didn’t call me hardly, and my mom didn’t call but I made sure I called her! Back then we didn’t have ear buds to put in so we were not hands free… sure would of been easier! As the kids grew we became more busier, I started working, so I had a job, home work, cleaning cooking dinner, spending time with kids and husband, going to play recitals, choir recitals, ROTC stuff and church… and yet I still called every week!! You only have 1 mom 1 dad… I refused to not let petty stuff get in between us! We now luve 1800 miles my mom is in beginning stages of dementia!! And I now call every day!!! My dad and I talk a few times a week… and guess what?! IM STILL SUPER BUSY!! But this is do know… when my mom forgets who I am because there will be a time that it’s gi na happen… I’ll have those memories! I won’t regret not calling her… there will come a time my dad won’t be on this earth and guess what… I’m not gonna have any regrets… and so what if your the one calling! They raised you took care of you put clothes on your back ade sure u were fed the least you can do to repay them is call them! Because in the end you will have regrets and u will be putting alot of blame on you for not stepping up! And I’m sure there will be people who are gonna disagree with me… and that’s fine… they are intitled to their feelings… and sorry for the misspelled words lol my fingers are froze and hard to type!
For the love of God, when you want to talk to your dad, just call him. You even said that all of you are in the “super busy” part of life. So maybe, just maybe, he doesn’t call you guys because y’all are always so busy. Since your time is limited and his isn’t, just call the man.
I text my dad every morning and every night. Good morning and good night. He will return the habit of you start it. Dads are still dudes. It’s not in their nature.
I’m a single mom with a Crazy busy life. It takes 1 min to send the text.
He will appreciate it and you will too!
I would start calling him. Yes the phone works both ways. Please please start calling him. I can’t call my dad anymore and I wish I had called him more often. I will never hear his voice again.
If you are not going to put in effort he’s not either. That’s just how life works. If obviously you guys had that mutual communication and you stopped calling for a few days…you should expect him to call you. Because life does happen. That’s what the phone goes both ways.
I’m busy raising kids and life and has never stopped me from having contact with my mom. I would cry it’s true phone works bothered ways
Maybe you reach out to your dad a little more a text a FaceTime call with the kids ,lunch date and see if the dynamic changes best of luck
I used to get so mad at my mom for not calling. Now I make the effort. It doesn’t matter if she’s going to or not. I’m still going to try. I’m not 12 rebelling against the world anymore. My entire family has seen my son 1x in 4 years. We do live in another country but I’ve been in Europe 7 years. My mom is well off. I’m not. I can’t afford to travel back and forth to America. I’m not going to cry about it though. It is what it is. I still try to call every Sunday. Most of the time it’s 2x a month and that’s ok for us. Does it hurt my heart? A little bit ya but it could be worse. She could be gone and no longer around for those calls
Then if it’s like f it why are you complaining about it? He’s absolutely correct. If you’re so busy why that you can’t find time to call him, then you’d probably be to busy to talk to him if he did call. So when you get a minute in you very busy life call your dad and have a conversation with him. Sorry but if he meant that much to you you would find time. No one is truly that busy.
My dad was always afraid he’d be a bother if he called me, no matter how often I said he wouldn’t be. So I called him. He was always happy to talk to me but I had to reach out to him. He passed away a couple months ago and I regret not calling him more. Decide what’s important to you because you really don’t know how much time you have left and regrets are hard on a heart.
I’m just here to say that i remember snapping at my mom for “calling at a bad time” and she literally passed away three days later
Progress is built on sacrifice and you’ll never get anywhere by waiting for the other to do what you think is important
My dad used to be like this. We had underlying issues which made me not want to talk to him. He died in August and now I blame myself for our lack of relationship, though it was a mutual effort. So, however you can live with the consequences of said actions.
Call your dad, one day he will not be there. Do
Not let your pride keep you from the phone
Being busy is no excuse. You could get a call tomorrow and be told he has died then what . I should of this and should of that no excuse,
Perhaps he doesn’t want to disturb your very busy lives. Just call him or don’t you have time? I do not hesitate to call my children or grandchildren. I just pick a time when they can take my call or I leave a call back message. And they always call back when they have time to talk.
Phone works both ways… I agree with him.
He probably knows that you are busy & doesn’t want to call at a bad time. Get over yourself & just pick up the phone when you find time in your schedule. Men are not like women & don’t want to be a bother… Don’t take it so personally!!
I call my dad more than he calls me and I’m ok with that. Now if he was not taking your calls or blowing you off when you do call I would feel for you. But it does work both ways🤷🏻♀️
so you think your dad’s life isn’t busy??? Shame on you, It does work bother ways, You can take 5 minutes out of your life to, at least call him once a wk just to see how he is doing, And if you don’t, shame on you.
He is 100% right. Imagine being told “I’m too busy to call you, but you should be calling me”, it’s a bit of a mixed signal. Just call him. Say hi and you don’t have long to talk. He’ll end up calling you too.
Sounds like he could be from that older generation of guys who just don’t express their feelings or know how to deal with them with family. I wouldn’t call him everyday, but definitely you should try and call him a couple times a week to check in on him. Give him the updates on the grandkids or whatever. Tell him about upcoming stuff the kids are fixing to do, and see if he’ll eventually start falling back to check and see what happened with the grandkids and their events or whatever
So basically, you are too busy to call him, but he should never be too busy to call you. You are a brat.
Why don’t you call what your problem
He’s right, phone works both ways.
My dad died before I got married and had my kids. I’m to busy to call 90% of my family back now that I have 3 and work full time, but I promise you if my dad was still here he would have gotten phone calls multiple times a day. Build the relationship before the chance is gone and your filled with regrets and should haves.
He’s expressing how he feels when he says that. Start small if you need to. Send him a text weekly “hey dad just checking in on you” or call him to check in.
Build up as you feel comfortable. In your eyes he’s the bigger adult you’re the child and he needs to contact you first. In his eyes you’re old enough and know where he’s at if you want to talk. Break the cycle yourself. Life is too short to be stubborn. But you know this. I’m sorry for the loss of your mom. You still have your dad though. Go get him.
He is absolutely right that the phone works both ways. Don’t use being busy as an excuse. Everyone can carve 5 mins out of their busy day to call there parent.
You don’t have time to make a call but somehow would have time if he were to call you?? Weird.
My dad died when I was 13 so idk what things would be like if he were still alive (but I’m assuming I’d have to make 100% of the effort). Even with my mom, I make most of the effort. She remembers being super busy with kids so she doesn’t want to call at a busy time abs just wait for us to come to her.
So when you have free time call him.
Some of us never had a Dad to call… call your Dad.
Call him when you feel it. If he doesnt reach out thats his loss. But if you feel you need to on your end…do it.
give him a call, make an effort and hopefully he will start making an effort too
Well it is true that the phone works both ways.
If y’all are that busy… You probably do need to be the one to reach. They probably don’t want to interrupt you when you are busy or being cut short or no answer but you know when you have free and they are likely more available during times. I find this happens a lot in relationships.
Have you invited him to a sports game?
He’s right. The phone works both ways. If you and your sisters can’t make 10 minutes a day, or even every few days to call your dad… then quit bitching!
With that said, if you and your sisters make the effort to reach out to him and he doesn’t do it in return, then you have a right to bitch about it and say something to him. Not to mention, if y’all start calling him, and he never reciprocates, then when he says “the phone works both ways”, you’ll be justified in pointing out that you do call him and he either doesn’t answer, doesn’t call back or doesn’t initiate communication.
He is right. It works both ways. It’s no excuse you’re busy with your own lives kids and spouses. If you have time to wonder why he doesn’t call, maybe you’re not calling him either ??
I agree the phone goes both ways. Don’t know how many children he has. Each take one day of the week to call. OR just call take 5 min. You will find time if you were really interested in him.
My dad passed in September of last year. I would give anything in the world to call him one more time. Call your dad. Build some form of a relationship even if your dad doesn’t call you.
Maybe men are just like this. My dad calls, but he never comes to visit or tries to make plans with me or my sister. But if I initiate a visit or make plans with him, he is always there and happy to spend time with me. I’ve just come to realize it is just how he is. Maybe your dad knows you are super busy and doesn’t want to bother you.
You know this kinda hurts. I lost my dad a few years ago. I made daily phone calls to my dad, I took care of him, and I made the time to do these things with 3 children. You are the one making sad excuses and get upset with him because he doesn’t call? This is on you and your sisters not on him.
One day that stubborn thought, on both ends, will be regret on not actually just contacting each other. Don’t let it be to late before reaching out, our parents face things they don’t discuss also and it’s usually health related.
You know what I get it. I get your point. My dad and I are literally the same situation as you. It would be nice for him to reach out out to ask about the kids or even be involved. My dad don’t, I’m the one reaching out ALWAYS. It’s annoying
Stop being petty and call your father. You will regret not calling him when he passes. I never got along with my dad and when we finally started getting a relationship he passed away. He called me the morning he passed and I ignored it and I will never forgive myself for doing that. Life is too short and precious to be comparing about who doesn’t call who. Just call your dam father and let him know you love him
So it seems you and your sisters are too busy to. call him 💁🏽
Call him and grow up
You said you are busy so he does not want to bother you. Make the effort to call him at least once a week. Invite him over forva family dinner once a month. You make the effort because he does not want to bother you since you are too busy to calk him. Ask yourself if he died lastnight would you feel good about your last conversation? My dad died in 2007 I miss his voice, his laugh, his jokes, everything.
Just call him every day and if he ask’s why your calling so much just say well you don’t
This is 2022. Do you have any idea how many ways there are to communicate with family and friends?
GO TO HIM YOURSELF!
If you truly cared. …you’d take time EVERY DAY to communicate to someone how much you love and miss them. Thus us your responsibility to teach your children. If you don’t teach them this. YOU will nit be important to them and they will complain when they are busy being mom’s and dads how YOU don’t communicate with THEM.
There’s always Saturday and Sunday. Figure it out!
Your an adult. He’s and elderly senior citizen. He doesn’t travel well and may have dementia to nit remember to communicate. Figure it out. If you want a relationship…make one.
Mine is dead.
Too late for me.
Figure it out …TODAY!
Phone works both ways.
I’m getting over my dad not being involved in my life or my sons life
Growing up my mom was always the one who called me and my brother or we called her, even after we both had kids, she was mainly the one we talked too. She died 13 years ago, and I feel like I built a totally different relationship with my father after that, even though he was there the whole time growing up. He does call me once in a while but always says he knows I’m busy and doesn’t want to call at a bad time, so I make it a point to always call him so he doesn’t feel like he is burdening me. He also lives 3 streets away from me and NEVER comes to my house, I always take the kids to go to his house. I don’t get upset about it, he’s just older now and that’s the way it is. I want to make sure he is comfortable and ok, and he is more comfortable in his own home, and he feels good when I call to check on him, he always says thanks for calling and checking on me, if you guys need any help(money) over there let me know. (I never take it, but I think it’s his way that he thinks he can reciprocate). But, one day he won’t be here, and all The Who calls who first is silly! Make some time and call your dad while you can!!
Don’t do anything. His loss. You can’t force a relationship I haven’t spoken to my dad in years.
As someone who’s heard that phrase my entire life, I got sick of calling. I got sick of going over. I got sick of being the only one to make the effort. If it’s only YOU doing the work, it’s not worth it. I spent years being annoyed over it, and shortly after I had my daughter I gave up. If he doesn’t make the effort, we don’t speak. I spent 20+ years pulling all the weight, it’s about time he did. And eventually, he got it. Sure, it’s not like he calls every week. But we calls on holidays. Which is better than nothing. Set boundaries with him. Stop calling him first.
You’ve had time to think about what to write and write it on here and wait on and read all responses. You’d rather do this than just call him???
If you want something to happen; schedule it in to your week & make it happen. Sheesh
Make time for those who make time for you.
My dad died when i was 14 and me and my mom dont talk unless i message her because i have a newborn and she doesnt want to bother me because when she does message its at bad times just reach out to him once in a while from someone who lost their dad im kinda pissed at you i reach out to my mom as you should your dad he wont be here forever and thats on you not him he has shit to do to
Reach out to your dad. Just because you’re life is busier… doesn’t mean you can’t take the time out of your day to say hello.
I know A lot of people who would kill for just another minute with their mom or dad. I think you’re both being stubborn. Idk . I’m going through a weird phase where all… and I mean all my good friends parents have died. I still have my mom and dad and can’t even imagine where their head is at.
Don’t miss the opportunity to connect. Best of luck
You’re too busy to call your dad? The time it took to post this, you could have reached out. You will regret not calling him one day.
I’d give anything to be able to call my Dad or Mom… Phone does work both ways! But your never to busy to call your family! You make time not excuses! I have 3 kids and I make time to call my family!!
Didn’t I see this a few days or so ago?
Just pick up the phone and call him once in awhile, it’s not going to kill you to check in with him once in awhile. He’ll be gone soon enough.
Pick up the phone call him ull be sad when you cant
You shouldn’t have to work that hard to keep someone in your life. I wrote my Bio Dad off for the same reason. I was always the one who called and made effort. It put it in perspective for me when I lost my Step Dad. He raised me. From age 2. He sacrificed for me. He raised as his own for over 30 years. I have a 6 year old that is devastated his Papa died. He doesn’t even know who my bio Dad is. And quite frankly I don’t care. At least he will be one person my bio dad won’t have disappointed.
Can’t control another’s actions?
As people get older there is a since of not being loved or thought about any more.You don’t feel like you are important to anyone (especially your child).The answer is right there in his one little statement (The phone works both ways).He is crying out to you that he needs you to show him that you care.Believe me when he passes away you will see that clearly.And no matter how busy your life is,it only takes a minute to call him and tell him you love him.In the end it will be so worth it.and you will be able to be at peace also.Bless you dear.