What should I do about the way my family treats me?

I might as well be a single parent. Their father literally does nothing but work. Ive always been the help and support that I wished I had for my sister who is also a single parent. So when she works which is over 40 hrs a week I keep her daughter. The only thing I ask my sister or my mother for (they are my only family left) is occasionally when they have a weekday off can one of them drive me to a doctor appointment or drive the kids to a doc appointment, or can I ride with you to the store for groceries ill even buy half as payment for helping. Because medically I can not drive right now. That is the only thing I’ve asked them for. I pay their phone bill because its on my account. I pay their car insurance. I even venom them money when ever they ask. I dont get paid back when they say they will. And now I get told that im being selfish asking them for help when I need a ride. I wanna cry right now. I do so much for my family ive even hurt myself and my kids financially to help them and this is how im treated. Am I wrong for being upset. And how should I go about this. Because as of right now. Neither my mom or sister will talk to me.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What should I do about the way my family treats me?

They using you! Quit doing for them if they wouldn’t do the same for u

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Adopt me. I would help you because you asked

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Cut them off. Stop giving them money stop paying their bills and stop watching her kid. If they wanna talk to you again or ask for help set healthy boundaries.

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Stop doing all the extra for them if they won’t help you.

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Tell them to choke on a dick and cut them out of your life. Fuck them.

quit helping them when you get nothing in return. take their phones off your account, no more sending them money…don’t give in. they have their own responsibilities

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Sounds like they did you a favor by not talking to you. Leave it at that and stop doing for them. They are using you.

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Stop helping them seriously and stop paying their bills too. They’re both grown adults and can pay their own stuff. They know you care about them and that you’ll help them so they take advantage of it. You need to stop letting them push you over. You need to look out for you and your children only.

If they don’t do anything for you. Then don’t take care of your sisters kid…don’t do nothing

At this point you are gaining nothing but negativity and anger. Separate your finances and keep your money to yourself they are grown and can handle their own bills and problems and daycare needs. No shame in living for yourself let them go and their problems with the money you are spending on them you can use for a Uber and manage your appointments and grocery shopping.

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Cancel all the things you pay for and you can Uber places and need them for nothing.

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No I definitely don’t think you’re wrong for being upset

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Drop the insurance and cut the phones off they are not your responsibility let your sister care for herself and your mom since they are clearly using you and taking advantage of you

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Givers need boundaries because takers have none.

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Easy. Stop every single thing that you help them with. I know it sounds harsh but you literally just said you provide their cell phones, their car insurance & even loan them money. You need to start being selfish & put YOUR CHILDREN FIRST. Also don’t watch your niece unless you get paid. Give them a good reason to call you selfish. It’s time you stop putting ungrateful people before your children. Children should always come first.

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Do you! Love yourself first.

Yikes you need to cut them off. Turn off their phones, no more car insurance, and absolute stop Venmoing them money. No more free babysitting they will pay up front. Screw all that.

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They sound toxic. If you medically can’t drive and your family is treating you that way… then you need to get away from them. That’s sad and wrong.

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No, you are not wrong for being upset.

You do not reward bad behavior. So, play their game on them. Stop babysitting, stop loaning them money, stop paying their phone bills, and stop paying their insurance. When bills are due I would text them the amount they owe and tell them if it’s not paid then their insurance and phones with be disconnected. Tell them they are being selfish when they ask you for things.

Stand your ground. They are using you. Don’t let them do it anymore.

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Relationships are give and take. They’re doing all the taking - so stop giving.

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Nothing more for them EVER!

Don’t answer the door when she shows up with her kid. Turn off their phone lines. Cut them OFF

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Cut them off. They clearly don’t appreciate it. Stop being a door mat for them to walk all over. Even your family can be toxic, soul sucking leeches. In fact, they are usually the top contenders for toxic behavior.

Cut them off. Stop paying their bills. And stop watching her child. They won’t help you. Maybe the money you save from paying their bills with help with Uber? Or Lyfts? Or atleast help you with asking people for rides, you’ll have the gas money.
I’m sorry your family are the way they are.

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Cut off the help and get groceries delivered and telehealth appointments or use the money you give them for Uber rides

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girl stop it. paying their phone bills and they can’t even drive you for groceries or doctor? couple of ungrateful users/lowlifes if you ask me. take the money you’ll have when you stop paying their way and get a cab. charge your sister for babysitting. don’t back down. why let them run over you???

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Let them find their own babysitter

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Will at least with them not talking to you that can’t call and ask for money or babysitting.

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The money you save on food from feeding their child will pay for your taxi

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Save the money you spent on them and take Ubers. Toxic is toxic.

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Girlfriend I know… I have a 3 year old who had 2 bone marrow transplants in 2 years and I begged someone to go with me but I did them alone. It took a year to get mentally normal again which I worried wasn’t possible. Oh and all 7 surgeries I was also alone. All I can say is pray for God to send you a friend. They got me thru the hardest times… stay in prayer. He will send someone. I put my stock in friendships although I dearly love my family.

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I’ve learned that family is the first that will use you and run you over unless they need something. Take care of you and your children. It’s gonna be hard and you’ll get even more flack, but let mama and sister take care of themselves.
I’m so blessed because I’m close with my mama and most the time my children who are grown. I take care of my mama and she takes care of me and for this I a, truly thankful.

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Take that money you venmo them to buy yourself Ubers to your appointments. Set boundaries with them and put you/your immediate family first. They will figure it out. If they cut off contact with you for that then you will know their love was conditional and f that!!

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WTH??? Want to adopt me??? Cut all that shit off … Let them fend for themselves!

Take their phones off yr bill, no more car ins payments for starters

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Cancel their insurance and phones. they can pay for it themselves. Why do you have to pay it? It’s time you put your foot down and tell them what you need to happen. If they don’t talk to you, no great loss from what I read. The money you save from cutting them off would more then pay for cab or bus to get you shopping done.

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Cut them both off, why would you be paying their bills?

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First thing you do is stop giving them money. This also means telling them they will be responsible for their own bills from now on. You take care of YOU and your KIDS because no one else is going to.

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If you’re paying for their phones and car insurance, stop. Let them figure it out on their own. Stop helping them if they don’t want to help you in return. The money you save from paying their insurance and phone bill will help with paying for transportation for you and your kids to get wherever you need to go.

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Use the money you would be helping them with to Uber to wherever you need to go and let them go on with their lives. Their toxic and gaslighting you

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I would stop paying their bills immediately. With the savings, you can Uber to your occasional appointments.

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Stop doing it ! They’ll catch on .

Cut them off!!! They are adults… Tell them they are selfish for expecting you to do all that.

Let your sister enjoy paying for daycare and you can always use different services to have your groceries delivered I’m disabled and I can no longer drive and I have been having them delivered to me all year. I don’t know if you qualify but all of my transportation and all of my daughters transportation to and from doctor’s office are covered for through the insurance.

Stop helping them! Cancel their phone plans and insurance and make them get their own.

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Stop being a door mat. Stop paying their bills and loaning them money. Help is supposed to be reciprocal. Your responsibility is to your kids. As for the husband always working, that’s a different can of worms.

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you are allowing them to treat you this way. Draw a line in the sand. They don’t respect you, they are takers and they don’t appreciate the things that you do, so stop doing them! The money you save from paying for these moochers you can hire a car to take you to the doctors. You can also have your groceries delivered.

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I so wish you were close to me so I could help you. The first thing you do is cut their phones off, cancel the insurance, and then you sit them down and tell them you are DONE being their doormat. Stand up for yourself PLEASE!

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Get an Uber and stop helping them with everything

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Stop helping them because it’s clear when you need help they won’t do it. I’d get their phone lines off of my account and I’d stop paying for the car insurance especially since they can’t even be decent enough to give you a ride.

Stop paying their bills and keeping the child for ya sister, show em why they say never bite the hand that feeds you.

Cut their phones off, cancel their insurance, stop sending them money, and email your sister the name of a few daycare centers. Hell nah, girl worry about you and your kids.

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Their legit using you. Toxic family is the worst. Cut them off​:scissors::person_getting_haircut:snip snip

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Quit paying their bills. Period. They are being so ungrateful and expect you to do this. Your being taken advantage of and it needs to stop. Turn their phones off and cancel their insurance and do not, I repeat DO NOT GIVE THEM ANYMORE MONEY… bet you they start speaking to you again. It may not be for the best in which you can tell them your done. Oh and stop watching their daughter. If they are struggling so much they can go get state assistance.

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Well there you go…sounds like they are doing you a favor by not talking to you…they are not asking you for money, they are not asking you to babysit… quit letting them use you…quit paying their phone bill and no more of you using venmo to send them cash. You don’t owe them. Use your money to pay someone for a ride and to support your young family. No explanations…no apologies.

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Wow. How sad. No way should you be responsible for any of that! Pay someone to take you where you need to go. Wake up call time for your mother and sister. The damn nerve. I’m so sorry they are a burden to you instead of a support system.

Stop paying their bills and stop babysitting and then you can afford to take a Uber to the doctor’s and the store then you don’t have to count on them and they won’t have to count on you

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Put your backbone where your wishbone is and cut the phones! Who in their right mind would even expect someone to pay for half of their groceries just because they gave a ride
Homegirl they are taking advantage of you and you need to stand up for yourself. Who cares who says what, as long as you know what u stand for then no ones opinion of you can shake you.

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You are not wrong for being upset… they using you cut them off until they learn to help you

Stop helping them! Don’t be their doormat. I’ve been where you are and it sucks. Family is supposed to help family not take advantage of them! I finally stood my ground and started telling them all NO, NOPE, NO MORE, they finally stopped asking!

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I always tell myself if it disrupts my peace in my life it has to go anything or anyone. I pray that you find someone who will be there for you and help you. I’ve been in your situation and honestly stop enabling them by paying their phones,insurance and definitely stop sending them cash. I know things are hard medically but you can call Uber or a taxi service. Get into a better head space.

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Stop doing what you are doing. EVERYTHING.
Stop their phones, kick them off your insurance.

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They can only treat you as bad as you allow them to treat you

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You are the weak link in that family tree, you allow yourself to be used. Take a cab to your appointment (it will be cheaper in the end) groceries can be ordered and delivered over the internet and learn to say ‘NO’ to these ungrateful persons. You can’t buy their love. Start by making yourself 'UNAVAILABLE ’ and stop giving them money which your husband works long hours for. You are not being fair to him.

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The only thing I can say is cut them stop paying their phone bill stop watching their kids free stop doing everything for them cuz people that take advantage the more you give the more they take and you ask them for something little they’re going to snap and call you selfish so I would just stop sometimes you got to let them see how much you do by walking away but some toxic people will never see it because they’ll just find someone else to use

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Them not talking to you is a blessing. The silent treatment is the narcissist way of punishment and manipulation. You should be celebrating.

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Then don’t talk to them. They clearly expect more from you than they are willing to give back. They’ll be calling you before you know it and then you can tell them how it’s going to be and stop paying for their stuff.

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QUIT PAYING ANYTHING FOR THEM & STOP BABYSITTING !!! wtf is wrong with them ? That’s ridiculous !!!

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I can relate. Cut them all off, that’s what I did years ago… today, I am a much stronger person.

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They will talk to you when they want something don’t help them anymore and cut their phones off cut them off the insurance they will figure it out

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Quit paying for their car insurance, phone bill stop babysitting and start looking after you

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Stop letting them use you. Stop paying their bills and stop watching your sister’s kid. Do for you and yours. All that extra money you would save. I bet they come crawling back.

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Stop playing their bills and stop babysitting your sister’s kid. They’re essentially using you. You’re not using them. Giving you a ride is the LEAST they can do for you.

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It’s good that they won’t talk to you…the trash took itself out :joy:
Now cancel their phones plans, stop paying their insurance and don’t send them a single penny
Does it suck?
Yes
Will it hurt for a long time?
Yes
I understand the worst will probably be not being in your nieces life for a while but you need to do what is best for YOU and YOUR family

You are absolutely right to feel that way, sometimes cutting family is a necessity and the right thing to do, keep in mind that you are not the one losing anything they are , stop helping out ungrateful people even if they are your mother and sister, let’s wait and see how long will take to them to call you asking for help .

Ugh stop helping them. That’s horrible just reading this made me upset and I’m not even you.

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People will take advantage of you as long as you allow it :wink:

Learn to say no .
You teach people how to treat you
Start looking for paid baby sitting jobs and create a new way of being

Wtf uh no !! Stop everything for them !! No more free babysitting no paying insurance or phones they are adults they need to pay their own crap . They are entitled brats !! Who cares if they don’t talk to you . It’s called peace .

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An Uber or Lyft or taxi wouldn’t be nearly as much as what you’re paying them.

I’m a single mom of 4 kids. Their father isn’t involved and hasn’t been at all in close to a decade, I only have a couple living relatives and we either don’t speak at all, or don’t see each other at all. I don’t drive and I get to all the appointments and meetings, and do all the food shopping, laundry, pharmacy runs…on my own without any help. It’s so much easier depending on yourself than what you’re doing. It’s emotionally, mentally, and financially draining. Drop them from your phone plan, drop them from everything and do not pay for another thing for them ever. It sounds like you are more than financially comfortable so you shouldn’t need to ask them for anything between public and private transport (also insurance may help with transport for medical appointments free of charge) . You’re worthy of basic human decency, respect, and love- demand it from your inner most circle and don’t accept anything less. You can do it. You just need to do it. You’re not losing anything cutting them off. You’re gaining everything though.

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Tell them the bank is closed! They are using you!!!

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Stop everything you do for them and use that money to Uber where you need to get if they want to be that way . They are not your children .

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They are taking advantage of you .

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Why are you paying other peoples bills and giving them money that needs to stop now.And not all family are family.If they are toxic like yours are cut them off.

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Stopping paying for their stuff! They are taking advantage of you then making it like they are victims when you need one simple thing.

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I’m sorrry don’t watch your niece and go to a councilor and see if you and your husband can work it out focus on yourself. The amount you pay for half the groceries you could get Uber. They not your family if they are using you that much I’m sorry but they are the selfish ones and you need to tell them to F off

Shame on them, let them pay their own way you don’t owe them anything, they are taking advantage of you

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Stop paying their bills and watching your sisters kid, just stop doing for them, and they’ll see who’s really being selfish.

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Do NOT pay for another adults bills, period! Start charging your sister babysitting money.

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People treat you the way YOU allow them to treat you. If they are that selfish I would definitely be cutting out ALL of the help I give.

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How convenient they won’t speak to you. I hope they get the same energy back when they need you to send money, cause they wouldn’t be getting any of mine

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I cut my family off. Now I’m down and they act like they can’t help.

Cut the phones and car insurance payments off asap. They are using you and taking away from your children.

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Cut them off completely harsh but they don’t deserve you! Look after yourself n your family not your sister n mother. Once you stop paying their phone bill n car insurance you’ll have a little extra you won’t need to ask them for a lift you’ll be able to pay yourself a taxi to n fro. To begin with you’ll still feel like you’re the one in the wrong n you’ll still feel lonely but practice makes permanent once you’re used to saying no you’ll enjoy the extra benefits of your own money.

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WHY are you paying ADULTS phone bills and car insurance?? Your sister SHOULD be paying YOU for watching her daughter! You don’t owe them ANYTHING! If you or your kids are on Medicaid they have medical transportation for dr appts. As for the grocery shopping why can’t your husband drive you or do store pickup and him stop to pick up the groceries or even delivery? Even Walmart offers grocery delivery now.

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Why doesn’t your husband take you to the store, or go himself…:thinking:

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Your husband might not have too work all time if he didn’t have to keep your family up

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They are being awful to u. Stop paying for all their stuff and call Uber or someone for a ride. U’ll probably be way ahead financially and won’t have to listen to their crap