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QUESTION:
"I have a friend I met about 5 years ago during high school and about two years into our friendship I got pregnant and had a baby. Even before my pregnancy, my friend who we’ll call Sarah, had some instances that didn’t quite add up regarding her own pregnancy journey. She was very clearly overly interested in having a baby even when we were still in high school. Anyways after I had my baby it was like she became obsessed. Ever since then about every two to five months she’ll come to me claiming to be pregnant but never have any positive tests to show or ultrasounds, just what looks like announcement pictures. I’ll go along with it when she tells me, but then a couple days later we’ll be video chatting and I’ll see her drinking hard liquor and vaping 50 nic and I just don’t say anything. Then she’ll come to me shortly after announcing the “pregnancy” that she’s “miscarried” but her timelines won’t add up. She’ll tell me some ridiculous number like shes sixteen weeks pregnant, but will have told me a month prior she had a miscarriage which isn’t possible. For some reason this going on as long as it has, has started to upset me and I just don’t really know what to do at this point when she inevitably tells me she’s expecting yet again…"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"I knew someone just like that trust me cut off ties with that person"
"Let’s call her your ex friend now lol keep yourself and your family safe. Real friends don’t lie"
"She needs therapy and you are not a therapist. This is extreme, and I’d excuse myself from her life and leave her a few numbers for shrinks on my way out."
"I would keep her away from your child and any future children you have. That’s just weird and creepy. She needs some therapy."
"As upsetting as it is for any individual trying to have a baby or unfortunately cannot have babies. I understand that first hand. And appreciate and love my 3 humans and 2 miscarriages. Maybe, just maybe there’s something more to it… Not sinister, but maybe she’s had traumatic experiences in her life or has a mental health condition. Not an excuse, just something that needs to be worked on. Phlyschologist or therapy. I’ve had a super close friend do similar to this, it’s all she wanted. One was a phantom baby unfortunately and the rest were fake. We were teens, I grew up in a house with wack experiences and a mother with half treated mental health, so when she felt like it or wasn’t on drugs. I learnt young sometimes, individuals cope differently to others. As unrational as it is at times. I’m no longer friends with this friend, but know they haven’t had kids and not even sure if they identified this problem as a teen or adult. Have you ever tried speaking to your friend about this concern and offered to assist and support them in gaining understanding as to why they do this and to work on not doing it in the future."
"She clearly has something going on mentally. Advise her to get some help"
"Just talk to her. She has something going on mentally maybe. She may just really wants a kid. No harm in that. But as a friend, just talk to her."
"She clearly has some issues she needs to be in therapy for. Does she lie to you about other things or only this? If about other things too, probably time to cut ties as friends. If only lies about pregnancies though, what is the real damage to your friendship other than it is annoying? She obviously needs a friend. Have you ever confronted her about how things never add up? You and her should talk about that and see if after the friendship can be saved. A true friend lets you call them on their bullshit. Tell her all the reasons why it bothers you. We are all fucked up in our own little ways and often just need a good friend to help guide us. Maybe you are the friend who can get her to see a therapist. What do you know about her life and how she grew up? Was it a loving home? Or was it not and she is possibly just trying to find that love she missed out on? We often give up on people too easily because we don’t understand their battles."
"I’d cut her off. Regardless if it’s a mental thing, she’s toxic."
"I feel sorry for her. She sounds desperate so I’m thinking she’s not lying…its desperation or wishful thinking. Maybe her period is a day late and she convinces herself that this time she is really pregnant . When her period starts she says miscarriage. As her friend…be kind and supportive. Dont call her out unless it looks like she wants to talk. Ask her if she wants you to attend drs appointments with her as you feel its happening too often and she may need medical intervention. Is she a danger to your child…personally I dont think so tbh but only you know what she’s like around your little one ."
"Maybe reassure her that she will always be seen and loved as the child’s mom, that she is doing a good job of parenting under the difficult circumstances of being a single mom. State that you are all a team that should support each other and always focus on the good of the child, not adult emotions. See if over several meetings you can all come up with rules and schedules to follow at each house that you can all agree upon. There will be differences of course, but there should be plenty you can agree on. No corporal punishment, no letting the child run the household. Agree on similar chores at each house: pick up toys, dishes in the sink, homework completed and checked, be ready on time for day care/school, bedtime, etc. You can differ slightly on how often to bathe, what you insist be eaten (3 bites vs. 1, snack & dessert policy, etc.) The more your chore charts look alike the better. Befriend the bio mom. Assure her you’re not her enemy but her ally & your presence can give her time for self care and dating when she’s ready. Remind her that love can expand infinitely and the more people who love someone the better. Reassure her that she will find someone who will love her, stay with her, and treat her like the queen she is. Most anger comes from fear. If you can lessen her fears of abandonment, undesirability, losing her son, feeling second best or worse, you will defuse the anger."
"I would have to cut her off. idk why she’s lying but it sounds very heavy to hear."
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