My son is 15 and has been playing soccer since hes been 4. In elementary school he tried baseball and didn’t like it, so he quit. He played basketball for 3 years, then quit. He was in cub scouts for 4 years then quit. He is a sophomore in a private school and doesn’t want to play soccer once this year is over. He isn’t in any other clubs extra curricular activities. I am angry, upset and disappointed and need advice. I want to remove him from private school and just let him go to public school. I feel like he isn’t taking advantage of all they are offering and I am upset about soccer.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What should I do?
If you’re so into soccer, you play. Don’t force your child into playing a sport he doesn’t want to play. How about asking him what he wants to do. Maybe he just wants to be a teenager and hang out with his friends.
Kids are supposed to try everything they might be interested in and figure out what they do and do not like. Maybe instead of making your child live up to your expectations, you should support them and listen to their wants and interests.
Have you tried talking to him about what else might interest him besides sport? Maybe he would be interested in Drama, or music, or all kinds of different things. He is a teen and just figuring himself out - and sounds like he has realised that soccer doesnt make him happy. Good for him. Now it is up to you to support him.
Sounds like a problem within yourself honestly. Why get mad at your kid over something that clearly isn’t making him happy anymore?
Why would you punish him by removing him from his friends just because you want him to play sports he doesnt want to play? Also 3 and 4 years and more is a good amount of committment from a young child what u trying to teach him in this instance? That when youve paid for private school so he should play sports because thats what the deal is? Its a huge upheaval for any aged child to change school, esp as a punishment and especially at a critical time academically and socially, why undermine his confidence in his own decisions about what he does and doesnt want?
Very few children I know keep up their extra curricular activities in teenage years. They have more important things to be doing with their friends. As long as he’s not quitting because of mental health or anything worrying happening, I don’t see the problem.
Their school work also becomes much heavier for them. Maybe he just wants to find his own pathway. Kids do change their interests over time. Just be supportive of his decision. Ask him if there is anything that he may be interested in doing and try and support it.
Extracurricular activities are just that, extra, voluntary… He doesn’t have to be a part of any club if he doesn’t want to let alone one he doesn’t enjoy just to please you. Education is important and if he were failing subjects and just didn’t give a crap about school I’d be more concerned but to say you’re dissapointed and angry seems a little juvanile to me. You obviously care about his education because you’re able to afford and willing to pay for private school but don’t be punishing him using his schooling as a weapon (threatening to pull him out and send him to public school instead) just because soccor and sports are important to YOU. He will resent you and I wouldn’t blame him.
Sorry but if you’re angry and disappointed in him for being an individual, I think you might benefit from reflecting on what’s important in life.
So let me see if I have this right…
Your son loves sport. Likes to try his hand at all sports but because he can’t decide on one sport, you think it might be best to take him away from a private school…a school that you thought was a good idea in the first place…
Your sons schooling, opportunities and happiness have nothing to do with what you seem to be upset about…have you stopped and thought about what he thinks ?
Or are you thinking that his Top class, privileged education Is a waste if he doesn’t focus on one sport.
…the term “ First world problem “ comes to mind.
How about you go to school and you play soccer? There is more in life to be upset about and this isn’t it. Get over it!
If your kid doesn’t want to do sports, don’t force them to. His life doesn’t revolve around what you want
I suggest you start playing soccer if it means that much to you. A child is not a means to live out your own dreams, they kind of have a brain of their own. I can see how this would be a shock to a narcissist though so maybe seek help with those tendencies before you start soccer.
Unless he’s going to become a professional football player - why are you upset about it? He’s stopped doing an after school club … an after school club, something that is optional.
Maybe he just wants to have a break from all the commitments and enjoy spending time with his friends, these years are limited and there’s no point forcing him to do something that he doesn’t want to do. It will just create arguments and negative feelings.
Look on the bright side it saves you money and time by not having to pay for new kit or going to matches.
He might join a new club next year or have a year off from clubs and do something the year after. It’s not a big deal really.
If he’s no longer interested in playing soccer, or any other sport, let him find what he is interested in. I’m sure there are hobbies groups and other interest clubs at school. Perhaps the arts? Theater? And if he doesn’t feel like joining anything that’s ok too. I was much happier reading alone after school instead of hanging out with the kids I went to school with. Don’t push him into anything he’s not really into. He’ll find his way.
my younger sister and i exceeded at sports and school. my mom was sooooo proud of us! my youngest sister doesn’t like sports and struggled with school until she was diagnosed with ADHD and treated. my mom is sooooo proud of her too!!! kids aren’t always going to like what you like. just be supportive and accepting. i know that’s what my little sister needed.
I would support him and let him take a break from soccer… I can understand extra curricular being important to you as it teaches you how to juggle more than one life event at a time but it is also important our kids feel supported by the people who love them unconditionally… maybe discuss other things he might be interested in? Joining a club? Getting a job? Playing an instrument? Picking a different activity will just help him be more well rounded!
Get your child well and talk to him with respect you never know may be anyone there or coach tried eating him ki Homo…those young people suffer behind scenes and get disgusted…
I think the harder he is pushed to soccer, the more he won’t want to play. Just because someone is good at something doesn’t mean they love doing it. Give it some time. He may come back to it when he’s ready. Or he may not. I’d rather have a happy child.
But also if it’s a private school, then perhaps his focus should be on Maths or Science etc.
I totally get it. I to have a son that did a sport that he was really good at. Even Olympic good. We supported him took him to events, he got a scholarship and it all just ended one day because he didn’t want to do it any more.
The advice I would give is to have that talk, the one where you listen to why he doesn’t want to play anymore. Then speak to teachers and get an insight into what is going on at school with friends. Don’t forget he is only 15. By reading about the hormonal changes he’s going through, that will help. He may just simply be trying to find his place in his society. Either way don’t take him away from the school he’s in. He will need those people to understand where he stands as a young man. The friendships he does make by the time he finishs school will support him out of school. I say all of this because for some young adults, in the final years of school change can have a dramatic effect on their mental health. This I say from experience. I hope this helps. Anger will only push him away.
My lads quit everything they tried, guitar lessons for 2yrs, wasn’t cheap either, other piano , as well as all you mentioned. I left it to them what they wanted. They have a lot of homework, not much me time. He’s getting older so wants to go out with friends.
That’s life some people stick to a job for 5 years then leave too it’s not just kids doing it with sports. As long as he’s putting effort in to his school work and getting good grades and he’s polite and kind that’s all that matters
Maybe sports just aren’t his thing. See what else he’s into. I don’t see why he would need to be removed from his school if he’s thriving there just because he isn’t into any extra curricular activities right now.
Wow, he has done his time in soccer. Soccer, well most sports, are hard on your body and maybe he has had enough. He has done since he was 4 and your upset he ea ts to stop. Ever play a full soccer game mom?Did you expect him to go forever in sports! Oh and he may enjoy leaving private school, in a few years Im betting you may hear some stories about that elite and expensive school
My parents made me do sports and extra stuff if he isn’t interested he isnt interested…YOU are the one upset about soccer not him…ask him why he is no longer interested in sports and actually listen to his response…he’s almost 16 let the kid start to choose his own path as long as its productivr of course
Unfortunately, anon, you are the problem here. Maybe he wants his weekends for other things now he’s growing up. Maybe it’s his school work. But you’re going to throw a tanty and pull him out of school as he doesn’t want to play soccer?
Reflection is warranted…
Some kids just plain don’t like sports. He may be more of a technical person, or an artist, even a writer, give him some other options.
Perhaps he just needs a break from that sport. Require him to be involved in some other “thing”-idle time is unnecessary. Tell him he can take a break from soccer but will be doing something else: wrestling, archery, tennis, band, drama, art, golf, cross country/track, coding, gymnastics, volunteer work, scouts, student govt., working. Remind him that college entrance is competitive & he needs to remain marketable & his gpa should still be the main focus. Don’t allow him to just sit on social media or hang with friends, that is unproductive. Kids still need guidance. Talk to him about his desires, maybe it’s a “team” issue & may still be interested in playing on a different team.
If private school is a financial burden, remove him. If not, allow him to stay, his education & opportunities will be far greater than what is available locally.
You are still the parent. What you decide goes. Kids still need guidance. It is still your responsibility to teach him to honor his commitments & take advantage of all opportunities. Require him to be involved in some other “thing” before he can quit this one…but don’t allow him to quit until the season ends. He made a commitment to the team & must honor it.
Maybe he’s finding schoolwork a lot so doesn’t feel like he can take on anything else. From how you say it, it sounds like it’s all about you and you’re putting pressure on him.
Why isn’t the approach of " I’m worried about my kid not wanting to do his extra stuff anymore " the immediate one?
Sounds more like your problem than his
He doesn’t want to play. Don’t make him. It’ll just cause resentment towards you. If you love it so much you can play instead.
Worst thing you could do is force him to play in any sport. At 15 he’s at a cross roads, girls, friends. Sports take up a lot of extra time and he’s decided it’s not what he wants right now. Switching schools is probably the worst thing you could do as he’s made friends etc. and it’s not going to make him want to play sports, in fact it’ll just deter him even more. If or when he goes to college, he may decide to take up a sport again. Sounds like it’s you who wants this more than he does…
Why are you trying to control his life in this way? You seem to be focused on him living his life the way YOU want him to. Please don’t say you’re doing THIS for his benefit. You are doing this to satisfy YOUR NEEDS.
So? If he doesn’t wanna play anymore, don’t force him. You’ll just make your relationship with him fragile. You can talk to him about it but you shouldn’t make him do something he doesn’t wanna do anymore.
Wow. Not a pushy parent are you!! Nothing like forcing kids to do what you want. It’s not as though he tried a few times and quit he tried for a couple of years. Maybe he’s trying to please you instead of following his dreams. Pull him out of private school then. Ruin his life because your the childish one. Awful parent.
I am not sure what or if you have a requirement for him …. For example, we require our kids to choose some kind of activity; if they are not going to play sports they need to choose some kind of extra curricular activity of some kind; could be clubs, drama/theater, etc…. But they have to have to engaged in something that will help give them some kind of experience, education, sense of community, etc…
But I’m not sure what private vs public school has to do with extra curricular activities?? And this should not be linked to forced consequences. The natural consequences that comes with these kinds of decisions is far more beneficial than anything you can implement and any consequence such as moving schools…. Will only create anger, bitterness, resentment due to you trying to make him do something he doesn’t want to do. At this age you should be allowing him to make these kinds of decisions and you are only providing discipline (training to be an adult). Which, again, at this age it should be a lot less of telling him what to do and a lot more of guiding him and allowing natural consequences to happen. The only time at this age you should be implementing any consequences is when your son does not follow the guidelines /agreement that you laid out AHEAD of time. For example, If he drives your car and gets a speeding ticket…. The natural consequences really impacts you, paying for the increase in insurance so you need to lay out the guidelines ahead of time ; with privilege comes responsibility. You can continue to drive my car/or his car and I’ll pay the insurance, however. If you are not responsible and choose to speed, get a ticket , you will be required to pay the increase in insurance or no driving.
So, you should not be punishing him for this. You need to provide discipline and lay out your expectations in advance and you both agree to the guidelines/expectations you lay out. It could be… as long as you get B average you can drive; as long as you are involved in at least 1 extra curricular activity of some kind (discuss options … could maybe a job) you can continue to have privileges that I’m paying for, insurance, use of my car, $ for gas, maintenance, have a phone etc….
There are a lot of options but bottom line -
do not punish him. The goal is not to hurt but to gain experience and education; learn to make these decisions for himself.
Let natural consequences take over at every decision possible.
Implement consequences if natural consequences are not going to impact him (only when it’s been discussed ahead of time and everyone knows the expectations)
provide discipline (guide and training)
spend a lot of time encouraging and guiding BUT very little, if any time reminding, nagging, correcting etc…
just be supportive and find what he actually likes to do…its ok to try different things…dont force your kids it will just make them distance from you
Kid’s should not be made to feel they don’t deserve something because they don’t want to do extra activities.
The more you force it on him the less he will want to do it.
Let him be his own person
Not to be mean, but might be one of the most self centered things I’ve ever read.
Maybe ask him what he wants to do…
He’s been playing for 11 years, maybe he’s had enough?
What is wrong with this person? You should have your kid in a good school for the education. Sports are just an extra and literally nobody cares if you played basketball in high school unless you’re the next LeBron.
My son played baseball for 3 years and then quit. I didn’t think I should make him do it if he didn’t want to. It’s supposed to be fun.
Why should your child do something because YOU want them to do it?
If you love sport so much. How about you play?
Maybe art,music or Journalism might be his nitch for this phase of his journey… as long as his grades don’t suffer let him figure it out … he’s growing up n let him make some choices n support him even if you not sure about it … just go with his flow as long as he’s not getting trouble with the law or @ school … it’s getting about time for girl crazy stuff so all I can say is good luck with that … his priorities are changing. It happens … you were a 15 yr old once remember … but also remember he’s not you … ask him what he wants for a change ?..just saying … he’s a very young teen adult… trying to control him will push him away… have him be part of the decision making when it comes to him and the schools …let him know how you feel and ask for his feed back n opinion?… the worse thing you can do is expect him to live up to your expectations n you tell him that … tell him to set his own standards for himself n it be something he can be proud of for himself n that you believe in him to accomplish anything in life he wants:woman_shrugging:no matter what it is
Forcing your expectations on a child. If he doesn’t want to play he shouldn’t have to just because you feel like he has to. Kids aren’t a meal ticket or a scholarship opportunity. Let him decide if he even wants to play sports.
God forbid he has freedom of choice? Maybe he just doesn’t like sports.
Ummm wow, pulling a child out of any school just because they don’t want to play sports is disgusting. There is more to life then sport
It’s his choice, let him live. People outgrow stuff. If you’re too pushy with stuff, he will pull away from you and rebel
Stop being a shitty parent, and let your kid figure out what he wants.
I grew up competing in Ski Racing.
The amount of kids I watched go from loving the sport to never going on snow again due to parents living through their children was insane.
Shame on you, and I can’t wait for your kid to explore what it is they want for themselves.
Doesn’t matter what school they’re at …I tried my daughter with netball, gymnastics, tennis, dancing ,music And her father even bought her a motorbike and I’ve got horses . but she just doesn’t have an interest …technology seems to have taken over her …she’s nearly nineteen and still has no hobby and can’t hold a job down …I feel like I’ve failed big time
Sounds like you’re an overbearing a$$hole. Have you ever stopped to realize that it’s HIS life and not yours and you should quit living vicariously through him and let him decide what HE wants to do?! I would seriously hate it if you were my parent. Overbearing, uptight and pushy. I bet you’re also wondering why he never opens up to you or comes to you about anything?! or are you just so out of touch and clueless with your kid because your so obsessed with him doing sports you haven’t even taken a second to realize it yet. Here’s a thought why don’t YOU go play tennis and soccer and whatever else you keep forcing him to do that he clearly doesn’t want to. Your kid is growing up and very soon is going to be in the real world having to make decisions for himself , or do you think you’re going to be the one deciding everything for him forever? Here’s a thought maybe try taking him out to lunch and actually sit and listen to HIM not talk over him or force what you want but just sit and actually get to know your kid about what he does like or things he’s interested in. Ask yourself this question… would you be happy if you were him and had a parent like yourself? Try to see things from his perspective. You seem selfish so I’m sure it’s hard but you can do it if you actually try because otherwise you’re going to push your kid away and at 18 he’s gonna take off and want nothing to do with you. Honestly who could blame him then
I get u want the best for ur son … but do u want him to live his best life, or are u living ur life thru him?
Why don’t you play soccer and let your son choose what he likes?
What sport do you play??
you shouldn’t have let him quit everything he tried ! That’s on you… you’ve raised a quitter !
Unless u want to pay for years of therapy as his extra curricular I would suggest you support him and encourage him to take advantage of the EDUCATION that private school has to offer. Do u even realize the amount of pressure kids have at this age and ur worried about a hobby??? Wow. I would never make my child feel like I was disappointed in them over an EXTRA activity. Sad
Jesus wouldn’t want you as a parent
Maybe there is another activity he wants to try, seems he’s put enough time into sports to know it’s not for him anymore. And you really think pulling him out of his school and away from his friends and teachers he knows, halfway thru high school, is appropriate just because he doesn’t want to play soccer anymore ? That’s not a punishment that’s taking away the chance of your kid having a quality education (idk the specific school but if it’s private it’s prob decent) all over him not playing soccer, sounds a little insane to me
Dá-lhe uma surra bem dada nele pra ver se ele enjoa também
Kids need discipline, dont raise a quitter.
I think you might need a therapist.
Your a shit parent. Education is the most important thing. Mad about soccer lol
Don’t pull your kid out of private school over sports keep him their
Stop trying to live your life through him then
Your angry about soccer? It’s his choice
Maybe he has a girl in mind
Good Lord It’s his life not yours:roll_eyes:🤦
Clearly him constantly changing sports and quitting is him saying he has no interest in sports. I’m curious as to what you’re obsession with him being in sports is for? Let the kid live his life and quit trying to dictate his life for him
His choice! Stop being selfish!
How’s about letting him make his own decisions as he is his own person and it’s not up to you to force him into doing something he doesn’t want to
You’re a crap parent. You’re going to withdraw him from private school and put him in public school because he’s no longer interested in soccer?
Your so lucky he’s been committed to the sports he’s been involved in so far. I’d be lucky if my kids stuck to something for more than 6 months…just as I bought the (uniform/gear) the lovely little brats would decide they didn’t like it anymore. I did think of swapping them for other children that would fall in line with my dreams and aspirations but the social worker wouldn’t let me.
To many parents force sports on kids, unfortunately no matter how it hurts you have to let him. If your worried about him getting into trouble tell him he needs to pick a club or get a job something to keep him a little busy. My oldest 21 just told us she was done with softball after 16 years, it does make us sad, but ultimately it’s their choice.
Why would you be upset? It’s his choice to do, or not do, sports.
Have you tried talking to him about why, and what he might prefer?
You can’t force him - to do so starts resentment.
Why does it matter so much to you? Is it the accolade you get from his results?
Sounds like as soon as he hits 18, he’s going to run from you. Maybe he’s finding it stressful to keep up with school work and soccer. Things get harder the further you advance in school. Stop trying to micromanage your son before you end up losing your son for a few years. Maybe talk to him, calmly. Express how you feel and ask him how he’s feeling and why he wants to quit playing soccer? Like you’re ready to just throw away an opportunity to give him a headstart because he’s not doing what YOU want or what YOU invisioned he should be.
Just stop. Let your son be himself. It’s his life. You cannot live vicariously through him. Let him find his own niche in life.
Doesn’t sound like his quitting sounds like his trying to find something he is happy with and enjoying, and giving him a hard time for experimenting with different hobbies/sports is a “you” problem not a “him” problem
Why push your child to continue in a sport he no longer wishes to play. He will resent you in the long run. So because you’re acting spoiled and vengeful you’ll remove him from his friends. SMH! I can only guess how fast he will want to move away from you.
Be glad your son has tried sports. Maybe he wants a break. You can’t be mad and punish him for not wanting to do sports or extra classes. He has the right to not want to do them. Let him focus on the school work he needs to get done and make good grades. Let him be a kid while he can. They grow up so quick enjoy his child hood while you can he’s going to be a busy adult before you know it.
Let’s see…he’s played soccer since he was 4. That’s 11 years. Played basketball for 3 years and cub scouts for 4. Hmm. That seems like an awful lot of commitment and he’s only 15. Geez give the kid a break. It’s frustrating when you can’t control your little puppet anymore. He has a voice now. And you want to punish him for that? By taking away all that he’s known and putting him somewhere he knows no one. Good one. Guess that’s what happens when you stop “performing”. How sad.
Maybe it’s not about you and what you are feeling. Maybe your son is making his own decisions now and you should respect that. Let him follow his own path and have an input in his life.
Why are u disappointed about soccer? Who cares about soccer, the kids happiness is what matters and he has clearly grown tired of playing soccer and no longer wants to play. He shouldn’t be made feel bad about not wanting to play a game. And he shouldn’t be made to feel that he may be taken from the school he is comfortable in which his friends go to just because you want him to play soccer. He played it for 11 years, its understandable why he is bored of it now.
I feel like it’s not the serious I did so much! Soccer, softball, karate, dance, cheer, tumbling. All at different ages and for different amounts of time. The only commitment I find important is finishing out the season that he signed up for. Other than that he should be able to explore and find out who he is and what he likes. Unless he has the potential to be a pro athlete but even still why make him do something that doesn’t make him happy? Academically he will have more time for studying and school work but maybe he just wants to hav a rest after 11years of activities.
Why are you so upset over this? I mean, the kid is choosing not to play sports his Junior and senior year of high school, so what. He is finishing out the season and not trying to quit his team mis season. What is wrong with him just wanting to focus a little more on classes or maybe he just wants a break for the sports. It sounds like he has been in some sort of activity all of his school life. Not sure why you are feeling so angry and butt hurt over it
I was in your shoes once, a crazy hockey mom. I know you are trying to keep him safe and occupied, out of trouble. I did the same. I am sure you feel connected to soccer as well. You have dedicated do much time, effort and $$ to soccer. Eventually soccer will end. Ask him what he wants to do instead and you will realize that it is ok. If he has other interests, let him explore those. If not, I would want h to stay in soccer too.
My daughter played soccer for 9 years prior to high school. She did one season as a Freshman and decided she didn’t want to do it anymore. She then went on to be the team manager for Football. During her freshman year she also joined yearbook and now she manages football and takes pictures for your book as the co-editor. She is a senior. I say all that to say that some times interest change. Because their school doesn’t offer gym class at the high school level the high school students are required to do two extracurricular activities. Now that we’re going through the college admission process extracurriculars are important. The key is finding what your son is interested in. My younger daughter play volleyball freshman year and she followed in her sister’s footsteps and became a manager for the track team last year. Now this year she joined the robotics team. I would encourage but not push.
Let him do what he wants it won’t be the end of the world, sometimes as parent we feel like we can force our kids to do what we want them to do but in reality they are their own person should live life for them not us
11 years soccer, 3 years basketball, 4 years scouts. Doesn’t sound like a quitter to me maybe he just wants to move on to other things.
As long as he is finishing each season he hasn’t quit anything. he’s completed and moved on. Which is exactly the kind of exploring that a young human needs to do to find what they really like. Back off your child’s fine
Let him play if he wants to play or if he is just tired of the sports rat race let him rest. His life and him doing the sweat and work has earned him the right to choose ! Sometimes it is the coaches that they do not respect to play for too ! He knows why and when he does not want to participate and it is his choice. Seen too many kids play so their parents could have a life. Maybe he has decided to focus on the real world ahead of him ! Maybe he is just bored with sports now.
If he has good grades and a good friend group, keep him where he is. He will probably need to get a job to pay for a car and insurance soon.
Or maybe he just
had a bad day, game and will change his mind.
Don’t force him he is going to hate it even more. I played soccer by choice and I loved it but the girls were just straight up mean to me in high school I ended up not playing my senior year I couldn’t take everyone talking bad about me. So it could be more then just him not playing. Kids in school can be harsh and he might be tired of it.
I don’t think this needs to be a big deal. I’d tell him "That is fine. Just remember that if you want to drive a car you need to have good grades, be involved in some sort of extracurricular school activity or club or have a part time job, and (if the family does this) be involved in the church youth group. " I would limit the time for the part time job to a summer job or no more than 10 hrs/week during the school year and I would insist that he use some of the money from his job to get his hair cut or buy personal items like toothpaste and deodorant.
Get over it! If he doesn’t want to play sports anymore that’s his choice to make, NOT yours. If you push him to do something he doesn’t want to do or doesn’t enjoy anymore it will inevitably lead to him resenting you.