What should I do?

Sounds like a cancer man :cancer:

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Too many cons and so little pros
Time to leave

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Not brushing his teeth is a big no. Ole nasty a** self.

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I agree about someone posted him being depressed, men hide it or probably won’t know it himself but those are the signs for it, I don’t have an advice, it’s not easy, because unless he admits to himself that he might be depressed and seeks help he will be defensive about everything else

You are an ass. Have you ever worked shift work? That man is literally working. He isn’t in strip clubs. He isn’t in bars. He isn’t gambling. He is WORKING. And he is tired. Jesus. This sounds so entitled. And honestly it sounds like he has undiagnosed ADHD to boot. He deserves better than you.

Girl if you have to tell him to brush his teeth… Omg, and you still want him now I’m👀 at you .

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Even if he did fix stuff…… he doesn’t brush his teeth :nauseated_face:

So you got to tell him to brush his teeth! :nauseated_face::nauseated_face::nauseated_face:

My ex beat me until i was in the hospital SEVERAL times. Like this is what we complaining about now? :neutral_face::neutral_face:

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Nope because it won’t get better with time

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Sounds like you have a child,someone to take care of.

If you have to tell him To brush his teeth​:triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post:

Leave without him knowing. Don’t tell!!!

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Sounds like depression,offer getting him some kind of help.

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Sounds like he only wants some where to put his head down an some one to look after him run

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Girl…fix it yourself lol quit complaining.

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There are a bunch of really shitty people commenting on this… and if you get to see any of the comments, I really hope you see mine.
My husband deals with depression. A lot of the things you put on here are signs of depression. The thing is he may feel like he can’t talk to you if you approach him a certain way.
It takes a lot for a man to say that he has a problem and so he may not admit that he’s depressed. But just like people always say actions speak louder than words.
My advice is, let him know you are there for him, with open arms.
A depressed person needs to know that they’re cared for ever if their depression is hindering them from living their every day lives.

A small thing like telling someone to brush their teeth may be a huge thing for someone who is severely depressed. It sounds crazy but to them it can seem like you’re asking a lot…

You clearly love the man or you wouldn’t be reaching out.
The thing is if he’s depressed there’s thing that can help. And if he knows you’re there and you’re gonna fight for him then it will help.

Just let him know that you’re there. You love him and that whatever is stopping him from doing little things, you can help with.

I’m so sorry you are going through this and I’m even more sorry for the shitty people that can only comment about the teeth brushing. They clearly have nothing better to do then tell someone when they should run away from their partners. And that’s just pathetic :roll_eyes:

He sounds like he’s got issues with PTSD or depression. If he refuses to get help for this for yall’s sake and bettering his life then it’s probably time to move on. He has to be the one to put in the effort to better himself

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He sounds like a child. If you want a partner, he is definitely not the one. He gives 10 percent while you do the other 90. He needs a mother, not a wife. If your ok with raising another child where you will be doing all the work around the house and outside the house the be with him. If not, know there are plenty of good men with great character, personalities out there. If he doesn’t care about you, why do you put yourself through unhappiness that will have a dead end

Why assume he has to or even knows how to fix things? My ex said he knew how to fix anything—“you write a check.’ :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes: If you’re not living together, why is he responsible for fixing things at your place? Did your dad fix everything around the house? Your boyfriend’s not your dad, he’s his own person, just like your daughter is not you, she’s her own person.

He sounds exhausted. Maybe get him to see his doctor, get him screened for depression, and see if he could find another job with regular, shorter hours.

How about you ask him what he might LIKE to do as chores if y’all lived together. Maybe he likes cooking or dusting or vacuuming or reading bedtime stories. Ask him what would help him feel less exhausted and see if you can make that happen. Shift work messes your whole sleep/wake cycle and makes it hard to get restful sleep.

Do you work outside the home? Depending on your profession it can be physically, mentally or emotionally exhausting or all three.

Not being able to talk is a big problem. But are you talking to him or just nagging? You have to be calm & neutral to have a conversation. Yelling is not a conversation. See a couples counselor to learn how to communicate better. If he won’t go, you go to one and figure out the best way to communicate with him. A counselor can ask the right questions to help you decide if this relationship is something you want to keep or not.

And yes, if you can figure out and work on tasks together that would help.

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Are you happy with what he’s doing? No? Have you talked to him about it? Yes? Has he changed? No? Then change your situation. What you aren’t changing, you’re choosing. And right now you’re choosing to be with a lazy turd and accepting it. So quit beating a dead horse. Quit doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. Come on. You know what to do.

Maybe help him instead of criticise him, depression is real and lots of depressed people can’t even bring themselves to shower, talk to him, be there for him and get him help or counselling, as for the chores ask him what he likes to do for chores and u take on the other chores, u said he treats u nicely and so it’s worth saving, if u help him with his issues maybe he might come out of depression and do more, ppl tend not to do much if they’re constantly being criticised

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I’m seeing it from another POV, hear me out, Coming from someone that work night shift and takes care of kids and goes days without sleep and appreciate when I do for naps in.
Assuming he doesn’t have kids and you don’t have any together: shift work is EXHAUSTING it drains your body and mind and it feels unexplainable to someone who hasn’t worked it
ANd no amount of years does shift work get easier. Our bodies literally fight us through the night and day bc our circadian rhythm is off. I HAVE to work nights to benefit my family. It’s the sacrifice I take. If I didn’t have kids, no matter how much I loved my spouse I wld work sleep and try to have dinner together at the very least.

on the other hand. If I get sleep which is 4 hours on a day off. I still
Function enough to take care of house and yard work etc. but it takes me about two days to
Recover from my last night shift to
Function half way normally. Then I’m back at work

Maybe see if another shift is an option? or ask him a few days ahead of time if he can make time for the yard or another chore

However, you have to decide if this is the life you can be happy with or not before making a huge commitment with a home together

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He sounds depressed. A doctor is what you do about it

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As much as your not just a housewife, he is not a handy man. If the only reason you are keeping a man around us to do work for you, that isn’t right. You need too think long and hard if you can handle a man like that. If you c ant, let him go. No one is perfect, we all have quarks and we all make mistakes.

Why do men have to “fix things”? Why can’t women? As for sex… weekly is better then non at all. I haven’t given my partner sex in years bc I have no sex drive and she doesn’t complain. Sex is only part of a relationship. Compassion, understanding and communication are major parts of the relationship and I fear he may be lacking thr communication part. He may be depressed. Maybe you all need a vacation to recharge yourselves. Do you work? How tired are you at the end of the day? Pick your battles over the teeth. It’s his teeth that will fall out not yours. You can leave if that is a deal breaker. What’s really bothering you the most?

Maybe he is mf tireddddddd.

Get out. He’s using you.

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Why are men being perceived as the ones that should have to fix everything :roll_eyes: it’s not all men’s forte fixing things … if I want something fixing I do it myself, if i dont know how to ,I learn along the way … nothing stopping you from learning to do things for yourself .

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I think u already no the answer do what is right for you .

When you say shift work, do you mean like rotating shifts? Couple days on days then a couple on nights etc.

Depression, it’s not easy, lazy yes, that was me before I joined this group. Someone suggested something and it worked. I’ve been stuck in depression since my son passed away for so long I stopped caring, maybe if you change instead of him.

My heart hurts for you dear. Search your heart, think long and hard on this important decision. Explore options, good luck :pray:t2:

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Please get your own place. Move on. Your child deserves to be healthy and happy. And you deserve a real partner.

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This was my marriage to a T…… to my best friend (middle school sweet heart) we werent always together… but our relationship was like a rubber band… anyways when we finally were in a position that allowed both of us to be together at the same time it was great before we got married… he had a job he work from 3 pm to 12 am. He slept until 1 pm woke up ate did nothing around the house just to do all of it over again. He never would have any confrontation I was always put down not really that he belittled me or anything just he’d never talk about problems he always said I don’t wanna talk about it so we aren’t gonna talk about it… anyways I got pregnant during the pregnancy I hit a deep depression because he never wanted to help me or talk to make me feel better so I blew up I couldn’t take being shut off anymore he left while I was 6 months pregnant but thing is he left every girl that he was with while they were 6 months pregnant. He said I was different… but in the end I wasn’t… anyways leave before he leaves you after getting you pregnant.

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If he isn’t taking out the trash or even mowing the lawn, can you pay a service to mow the lawn? Everyone should contribute to the household with chores , no matter what.
Choose wisely and think about the choices you are making. Make sure you will be happy with your choices.

May be nice, but I personally, my dear would be SO GROSSLY TURNED OFF & would make a move solo/on my own.
I will not be any mans mama.
He has very very lazy qualities & hygiene turnoffs.
GOODBYE TO HIM.
GO FIND YOUR NEW PLACE& A NEW MAN THAT IS MORE EQIVALENT TO WHAT YOU LIKE!
It is really ok.
NEVER JUST SETTLE!
GOOD LUCK!

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Sounds like he’s depressed. When men get depressed we don’t get to talk it out. Our friends just bash on us and that’s fine because at the end of the day it’s up to us and only us to fix it. I’d also like to mention that it’s not laziness when the cause is depression. Laziness comes from entitlement. He probably feels more like there is no point because it won’t fix his current issues.

Please STOP calling men lazy because we’re sad.
It doesn’t help.

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Most definitely depression I was in the same exact place in my life about 6 months ago but I’m slowly pulling myself out of it some days are great some days are shit and the last thing he needs is being belittled by someone who is supposed to love him

Is there any reason you can’t “fix it”?

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Coming from a shift worker who is a parent I will sat it’s hard. No matter how long you do it it’s never easier. You are physically going against your bodies natural instinct to sleep. So on your days off it’s hard to be awake at “normal” hours. I have to mentally plan a week or so in advance when I am going to clean my house or mow my lawn because it takes 2 days to “reset” or “flip” your schedule. In my house me cleaning and taking out the trash at 2am isn’t a big deal but maybe he feels you wouldn’t appreciate that. While none of us know his side I would read the meme I attached cause it explains how a shift worked feels so well.

Give him his p45… Bye bye :wave::wave::wave::wave:

Sounds like he’s depressed because all he fucking does is WORK! you’d be fucking miserable too.

When someone shows you who they are believe them. Do yourself a favor and move out. Unless you want to be motherly to your bf/husband(if you marry him). It only gets so much worse, especially since u know how he is, lazy… So many woman are with men that work and think thats all they have to contribute to the home and relationship… Please save yourself hun.

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Have him get a physical. My dad, brothers, brother in law can fix.ice my husband dearly but fix. Not really Never, taught, never learned never expected. Sometimes it is the way it is

You lost me at “doesn’t brush his teeth”. Please take some time to work on your self esteem

Does he know how to fix things? Also with sleeping all the time and not brushing his teeth, sounds like depression to me.

sounds like You run a flop house for him