What should I do?

I need advice. My son’s dad called me the other day. Saying he was changing his last name to his step dad’s (no problem hes close with him) but he wants me to change my two boys last name to the same thing he’s changing his too. My kids don’t know his step dad. My oldest hadn’t seen him in 2 1/2 years or more and he’s 3. My youngest has never met him. I told him I wouldn’t be changing their name and if I were it would be to mine as the person that’s been there since day one. Was I to harsh? I don’t feel like it’s would make since nor would it be right as they know their name and aren’t even close with their dad.( He just doesn’t show up) I don’t think names are something that should be changed on children just because. Was I to harsh? Should I consider? Or should I keep it where the conversation was left and what their name is? They got his last name at birth but now he wants me to change it to his new one bc he thinks his kids should have the father’s last name…

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What should I do?

Leave the names the way they are. As the kids get older, they can choose to change their names.

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i wouldnt change their last name so no u r not being harsh

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I wouldn’t change their last names. That’s ridiculous he’d even ask.

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My husband changed his last name when he received his citizenship. It was going to cost about $7,000 and many court hearings later to change the children’s names. So we decided not to change them.
The children and I still have his old name

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Talk to your kids. Ask them what they want to do. It’s their name.

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I wouldn’t change them. If he wants to change them he’d have to go to court and i dont think they’d agree to it especially because you don’t want to and you’d have to change all their legal documents which is another reason i wouldn’t. We did it for my daughter but thats 1 one kid and two she had my maiden name but was adopted buy my husband and we were planning on having another baby so it was worth it and important to us that she have the new last name and have the same as her sibling.

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No your not being harsh that’s a tall order for someone who just doesn’t come around. To change it to a family name they don’t even know either. That would be a pass for me. I would never.

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Not too harsh.
Leave the names as they are.

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You sound perfectly reasonable to me. :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Absolutely I would, if his last name means nothing to him why would you want your kids to drag it around.

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I wouldn’t change there surname but if I was too it would be same as yours as your one bringing them up xx

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My mom changed my last name to my step dad’s last name and I didn’t know until I ordered a replacement birth certificate… to say I was pissed is saying it lightly. Don’t change their last name to anything other than your last name if at all.

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I’d roll my eyes so hard if he asked me to do that. Does he have any idea how expensive it is to change a child’s name? If the kids want to change their names when they’re older that’s one thing, but I’m not changing my toddler’s names. That’s an absolutely ridiculous request, especially for someone who isn’t even involved. I find it rich that he thinks “kids should have the father’s last name” but he isn’t being a father… just saying :woman_shrugging:t3: I’d tell him to sit and spin.

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Why is he, a grown man, changing his?

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I absolutely would not change their names! How is the step father so great for his stepson to change his last name but doesn’t have a relationship with his children??? This makes absolutely no sense. Hell no lol my kids are keeping what they have.

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Use your own common sense.

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Nope leave their names as what they are.

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He is an idiot in my opinion.

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He probably is not going to court. He’s got something up his sleeve…is he paying child support…one sided story…with not enough details to advise you except to ask questions…

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I would want them to have a name connected to someone. And I think this would be the age to do it, before they start school and such. Whose name they are connected to would be up to what you feel is right.

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Take him to Court. No ‘law abiding Judge’ would allow this. They normally side with the biological mother on this. I don’t even think it’s written in our CAS (Catholic Children’s Aid Society). Equal to your CPS.

I think the kids should decide. Changing names is not that easy. You have to do a lot to change it. I would be worried that he may be up to something, if he is not in their lives. It just don’t make sense to change them.

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i mean you can tell him no but he can go petition and get it changed in court

Leave their names. It’s a huge hassle to change a name and it will just be confusing for a long time.

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Nope. I would have said the same in this circumstance.

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I say no. I kept my ex last name after my divorce to accommodate my kids- by my choice. It’s the kids best interest all parties should keep in mind, not the parents

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Go with your gut feeling

Leave it as it is if he don’t like it tough shit

I don’t think you’re harsh at all.

I would tell him if he hates his given name so much that he doesn’t want his own kids to have it, then give the kids their mom’s last name. Or do nothing at all.

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Nah I would be changing kids to my name

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Leave the last names alone in my opinion. Changing the last name doesn’t change a blood line.

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You can tell him no. If he doesn’t like it he can petition the court. If he doesn’t have enough reason then the judge will tell him no. The judge would look into what’s best for the child.

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Nope.
Wait until his name is changed, & then petition the court to give the boys the last name YOU will be using, or your maiden name, as neither birth name or his step father’s name is relevant to the children’s lives anymore.

In the future your children will most likely want the same name as you anyway & question why it’s not that way already.

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I’m on the fence. Not sure if you mean your kids dad just shows up and isn’t a great dad or if their grandpa just shows up and isn’t a great grandfather. If the kids dad is a great dad, I would let him change the kids names to match his, he’d just need to pay for it. If he isn’t a good dad, I’d change the kids names to mine. 3 years old is still young and they are not attached to a name.

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If he wants his kids to have his last name then he needs to keep the name he has already

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In my opinion, if you are married than yes the children should have the fathers name. If the parents are not married and the Mother is raising them, than they should have the Mothers last name. Things will be easier on them and you in the future. Especially when they start school, kids can be brutal and not have the same name as their Mom who is raising them would leave them open to some terrible teasing.

It’s not that easy to change a child’s name after the first 90 days. We’re going through this right now with our oldest. His name was hyphenated with my maiden name and his fathers name. Now we’re married and he wants the hyphen removed so he has the same last name as the rest of us. It’s going to take $700, a court date and 3 months to do it. Leave it alone until they’re old enough to tell you if they care or not!

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Do have to do anything you don’t want to. Your boys are raised by you. Your choice. Best wishes for your family

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Doesn’t sound like he’s their father. If he’s not around for them. They should have your last name if you where to make changes…

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why would grown man want to change his name to his step-fathers in first place

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I would have said the same thing. It might be different if he was still involved.

Not harsh, but I hope you have full custody… a parent can try to change it thru the courts without the other person knowing, especially with putting it the paper… that we never read :tipping_hand_woman:t2: just saying…. Good luck.

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It’s about priorities. If the father wants his kids to have his name then he won’t change his name if it’s that important to him. His decision.
I don’t think you’re too harsh for mocking his value on names when he doesn’t value the kids by being present and active in his kids lives. It’s not about labels and titles. He should be grateful you haven’t changed their name to your maiden name.

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This is petty on his behalf. Kids don’t need their father’s last name. My kids don’t have their father’s last name. Even when I was married. Just leave it as it is and move on

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Wtffff. It’s the audacity Of not even bring a full time father and having the nerve to ask this… definitely don’t change their names like you told him. Not harsh at all… dude got big balls

I think you did fine, like you said the only time it would be worth going through the process of changing it would be to match yours as the primary parent. It might be different if he was super actively involved and you felt comfortable with it but nope.

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Do not change your childrens name. This grown up adult man us nuts. Who will he want to be next year?

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No, don’t change their names

Suggest that he can change his name to yours if he wants a new one

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Umm no. I wish my son’s dad would…

You absolutely made the right choice initially. To give the kids his last name.
Now that HE wants his stepfathers last name , cool beans, has nothing to do with who he was born as.
Your kids may want to connect with that side much later in life, even if they don’t connect with dad.
That’s their true lineage and you did right from the start.
I wouldn’t even change it to mine, keep it as you have it :100::+1:t5:

I would leave it and let the kids decide that once they’re grown, if that’s possible

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I am confused. They have whose name and who wants them changed. Unless step dad adopts them there is no need to change anything

How many ways can ridiculous be said. Is he coherent?

Just get the letter stating he gives permission to change the last names and change it yours.

Change last name to yours or keep what it is. Just because HE wants it changed and hasn’t participated in their lives doesn’t give him priority.

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Nooooo absolutely not! I read this and seems like your kids dad is childish and his like happy he found a new dad great but you know what would go through changing there names and the kids! I gave my ten yr old my last name when I signed then left the hospital and decided I needed to give them there dads last time it was only right and just switching it with a week I still get problems

Nope. Even being still together I told both my kids fathers no marriage no last name. period. they’re both deadbeats. You think kids should have dads last name, lets work on actually being a dad first. I would have laughed til HE hung up.

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Sorry they have a name that he chose then.

Have him pay all the court costs if he wants it

I agree with you. If he wants their last name changed it should be to yours.

You’re the one that’s going to be doing all their medical, school and extra stuff…. If anything, you should be changing it to your own. He had all that time to change his name, to decide to do so after kids and wanting to change theirs too doesn’t make sense. He obviously isn’t think about them or what is best for them. He can do what he wants, it has nothing to do with your kids.

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His kids do have their fathers name. It’s not your issue or your kids issue that their father changed his name. Confuse the hell out of the kids lol
Leave their names as they are

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Hes a fool!! I would not change a thing!!

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Isa their father paying child support?

Nope, if there is a good reason he doesn’t want his given name and also doesn’t want his kids having it then he should be happy for you to change it to your name.

  1. You weren’t too harsh.
  2. If you change their last name, change it to yours.
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I would let him only if he were to pay and get everything takin care of himself! Thr is a lot to do when changing names and if he’s up for it then why not ?

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Sounds like he’s a real bright one.

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That is the craziest request ever! I get that he wants his siblings to have the same last name-
If it’s that important to him, he shouldn’t change his own name🤦‍♀️ Jesus take the Wheel

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Nope. Yours is fine if you want to change them saying he isn’t in the picture and probably won’t ever be

Change it to your name if he wants it changed

This is slippery. So, if you gave them his last name at birth, changing it to match his stepdads name really shouldn’t be an issue🤷🏽‍♀️ I mean, they’re your kids, so do what you want , but don’t feel guilty for being “harsh”. If that’s your final decision, then he should respect that.

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Yeah, no. A thousand times no.

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I know someone this happened to. The father is changing his last name to his bio dad’s name…he was given another man’s name at birth. When the mom of their son found out she was upset because now their son is walking around with some random last name. I believe she’s gonna change it to her last name which I think is perfect. Give your kid your name but you will need dad’s permission :woman_shrugging:t4:

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Nope don’t do it, yep change theirs to your last name

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You are absolutely right

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Then he shouldnt change his i wouldnt change my sons name for any thing he got it the day he was born and its his name

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No way. This was his choice. If he wanted the names to be the same he would have never changed his. How stupid!

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The kids were given his last name at birth, so sounds like he already got his way… the kids shouldn’t have to change their last name every time a grown man wants to change his own… stick to your guns mama, you are completely justified and IMHO you’re doing the right thing… no need to confuse the kiddos at this point, I don’t even know what their names are at this point, but I know they’re already prefect… hang in there, much love :heart:

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Hell no, especially if they aren’t close to their dad.
He’s lucky you didn’t give your kids your last name.
My daughter has mine :woman_shrugging:t2:

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I’d change their last names to mine. I’m changing my youngest 2 last name to mine. Their dad is never there so why should my kids not have mine. I’m with my kids 24/7.

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You don’t even know this person and I think you already were fair by giving his last name to your kids in the first place. It’s great the he found someone that he feels like he likes enough to take their name, but that is not your problem nor your children’s. Changing names is hard, which probably will most fall on you if it has to be done

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No, kids don’t need the drama, you did ok.

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I’d give them your name.

Audacity is on sale this year. No, don’t change their names.

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He is trying to get out of paying Child Support For your two kids !!! Don’t let him get away That !!! I Would tell him to get a JOB !! And Pay up !! Besides He Does not even have time for them !! Wow How sad !!! KEEP YOUR BABIES SAFE AWAY FROM HIM !!:heart::pray:Praying for you !!!And your kids !!!

Nope. Most men want them to have their last name to carry on their name by blood, why would you change it to a man’s last name that they are not even blood related to!? That is silly. Change their names to your last name. That is what I would do, that way they have one of you alls but not a stranger.

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Keep their last name as it is…it costs $$$, to do this…and the hassle of getting their social security cards, birth certificates, school records, shot records…all changed over…that’s just crazy… They are who they are…just because this lost dad wants to become someone different…it’s confusing and up setting to small people to all of a sudden …,(hey let’s get a new last name today ) please keep your children who they are… nothing like having your identity stolen . What’s next week with this dad?? Change their middle names also ?? No…don’t go there Mom.

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I literally don’t understand why it should even matter. It’s a last name. Why make your kids change it? It doesn’t change a thing other than to confuse everyone with a new last name and making you have to go through a ton of paperwork to correct everything. And for what? How does it benefit the kids? It doesn’t. If you care enough about it, then change their last name to yours but if you get married/divorced etc. then your last name would change anyways (unless you chose not to of course) so they still might not have the same last name :woman_shrugging:t2: My last name is different than my kids, nobody cares. But certainly don’t change it because their dad woke up one day and had an epiphany about his last name lol. If he wants the boys to have his last name then all he has to do…. Is not change his last name.

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Honestly, if he’s changing his last name, you could likely get a judge to agree to change their last name to yours since the boys last name isn’t attached to either parent now.

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Definitely not. You are right to feel how you do. I’d just change there name to yours anyways

Why confuse them?? No. They’re just fine. Just makes no sense. He can do what he wants. Natalie Sound like a similar situation? :roll_eyes::fu:t3::face_with_raised_eyebrow:

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I would change it to your if Any change is to happen!! deadbeats don’t get what they want

That’s crazy! Hell nah

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Nope leave their names the way they are

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My partner changed his surname so we changed our kids surnames… If we could go back in time to our 1st baby, I’d have just used my own surname and saved me the money and the paperwork :rofl::rofl: but I’m glad the kids all have their dads name still…

If my kids dad wasn’t around I know I would have never change their names though.