Don’t force it and don’t make excuses for him “I’m sorry he is making you feel that way, if you don’t want to call him that’s ok”
If he is causing a toxic situation for her and upsetting her it’s ok for her not to have a relationship with him. And I think it’s a good lesson for her to learn now, just because he is her dad doesn’t mean he gets to take up space in her life if he isn’t contributing in a positive way.
He is a selfish wretch and she needs to just forget about him altogether. He is not going to change/
Leave him alone. Once he gets his life together he will see she isn’t interested. This happened with my ex and I told him that by the time he figures it out they won’t be interested and I was right. I refuse to be the mediator and force him to talk to them. So, just leave it alone and guard your daughter’s heart by not forcing her either.
Counseling for her and you. It will help.
Focus on your daughter. Have her talk to someone, you can’t make him call her. So that could stress her out every time it is brought out. It must be very frustrating.
Go to court and have parenting time/calls modified to a set schedule. If he doesn’t keep it, report it. Put her in counseling and go about life.
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Honestly I’d cut off commutation because letting it drag on like this is just gonna make it worse.
Cut contact. Divert her attention. Take her to counseling to deal with all of this, & leave it be.
Allow her to talk about her feelings, but do not dwell on the fact he’s gone & not communicating…
Get her into activities that take up her time & attention & try to move on in as healthy an environment as you can make.
You can’t control another’s actions or lack there of. You can only control your own and let your daughter know that his inability to be there for her has nothing to do with her and is all about him. Tell her how much she means to you every day and keep expectations low so avoid disappointment. It’s not your place to force the other parent to be a better parent, they will be or not regardless of you or the things you try to do for them. It sucks to have an absent parent for both you and your daughter, stay focused on what you do and let life guide you. Good luck xx
Stop trying to force him to be a father .
Dealing with life? My kids are my life. If he wanted to be a present father then he would be. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink.
I would stop mentioning him, and keep her distracted. And if she asks to call just say he’s too busy. 1 you haven’t lied and 2 you get her known to the idea of minimum effort from him without actually having to explain her that her Dad is a waster
I’m going through the exact same thing right now.
You can not force love , young one. You just keep being there for her. Your a good Momma- nothing anyone can say or do will help make this easier. Just don’t talk down on him and maybe … maybe - his “ life” will get better and he come to realize kids aren’t kids forever. 
