Just wait and keep records , dates he doesn’t show up or pay or not pay child support, just facts to show court next time
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I’m in the process of doing a step parent adoption for my step daughter who is 9 and I’ve been “mom” since she was 3. I can totally see and understand why you feel the way you feel. But also, I really wish her mom had a relationship with her. I wish we could coparent with her. I wish we had the opportunity to have her mom take accountability and be a responsible and healthy parent. If he is really trying. I wouldn’t try to force the adoption. When your son is older ask him what he wants to do. Don’t shit talk his dad. He knows his relationship with his dad. I would just leave it for now and when he’s older and understands more, let him decide. This isn’t about you. This isn’t about your husband. This isn’t about your ex or your guy’s relationship. This is about your child. If his relationship with his dad isn’t healthy (which you need to look at honestly not just what you think) then yes pursue the adoption. I highly suggest you and your son go to therapy so you both can have a non biased person with a professional opinion can help you navigate the situation.
I just want to say this, I had a very similar experience with my 12 year olds father. I never kept him from seeing him contacting him or anything else, he chose not to be a part of his life.I finally got a call from his dad almost two years ago asking about his son. I was shocked. But I told him how he was doing, he was wanting to try and be a part of his life. I told him basically that we could work up to seeing him and summer visits. I never went after hm for child support. The hard part…two days after that conversation he was murdered 
, my son will never be able to get to know his biological father, while the situation for you isn’t ideal, and you have a good man who has your back, please don’t make a decision without thinking about the lifetime of memories your son could potentially have with his biological father, my boy will never know his…
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Tell him he needs to stay away until the child is old enough to make the choice themselves now. He’s just going to disrupt a kids life with no thought of what’s best for him? Hard no. He’s had 4 years to step up. He hasn’t. My guess is he’s just wanting to mess with you and he’s mad someone else took on his responsibility and wants to pop up every now and again to remind your husband who fathered the child. Typical narc behaviour.
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he is the father, & he does have the right to see his son, I would say, NEVER , EVER say anything bad about his dad, because it will come back to bite you in the ass some day, My dad never said anything bad about my mother, but my mother ripped my father apart, Do you know who I loved ??? My dad. I saw just what my mother was & it wasn’t pretty. My sister got remarried & her first husband & her had a son, her new husband wanted to adopt her son, & his father did sign the papers over only because he didn’t want to pay child support, Years later when he grew up, he & his real father did get together
Eveything you can do to get a supervised visit. If he is true it will work if not gone maybe good
The bio father does not make an attempt to contact his son then let him be do not try to do an adoption until you are certain you are going to stay with the man you are with keep a record of the bio father contacts how often for about 2 years then you have proof for an adoption will have more time to make sure adoption is the right thing to do
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He’s his father. He has a right to see him. It might suck that he’s a stranger, but if he wants to be involved now, there’s nothing you can do to stop him. Start it off slow.
I’ve been told is father/mother has no contact with child 6 months to a year then they’re rights can be revoked.
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My pointer it to get a lawyer
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Didn’t see my bio father for 5 years they did supervised visits because I didn’t know him… then went to every other weekend then transitioned from there as I got older
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you need to go into court and go him for the child support he hasnt paid up…thats sure to make him sign over the child …he sounds weak and wont have the money.Let him know youre doing that lm sure he will back away altogether
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Tell him to pay up or disasappear forever!
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As a child of a similar bio-dad, please allow me to say that the man who adopted me when I was 4, IS my Daddy. I’m 45, my bio-dad died about 6 mos ago, and the closest thing to a birthday card I ever got from him, was him dying on my birthday. He never changed, and i saw him 3 times. Because of his many inconsistencies & empty promises, I never allowed him to entangle my children in his web of 
. All he had to do in order to be a part of their lives, was to make contact consistently for 6 mos. They’re now 27, 25, and 16, and he never did figure it out. However, my Daddy has never once failed me or my children, in 41 years! My advice would be to lawyer up and go through with the adoption. My bio-dad signed over his rights to me, to avoid having to pay back child support. I still remember my adoption hearing, and it was one of the happiest days of my life.
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if bio father hasnt had contact or seen or made a effort to see the child n its been a year no contact than he has no rights from wut i know n from wut i know a friend just went through 2 years ago with her ex no contact no rights is wut judge told the father
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Go to court and get him for abandonment.
Also talk to a lawyer.
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Some states have a abandonment law I know in my start 6 months not no contact or support the parent with custody can file abandonment chargers …
Check in ur state to see urs does
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He needs to let your husband adopt the son.
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He needs to grow up, is what he needs to do.
Don’t push taking away his rights as a father; push to have him be a CONSISTENT, PRESENT father in his son’s life. If over time, he improves and builds a relationship with your son, that would be awesome.
If he can’t be the father he needs to be, then allowing your husband to be an awesome stepdad is the best you can do for right now. There’s no need to speak negatively about your son’s bio dad … that will only cause bitterness and confusion for your son, and he might loose his trust in you over time where his bio dad is concerned.
Your son will know who loves him & who takes care of him … and who he can count on to make him feel safe & secure, and who will always be there for him. As he grows & he gets older, he will be better able to understand things … AND … he will respect both of you for giving his bio dad every opportunity to be a part of his life.
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I would wait and let set the conditions, to just suddenly let him see the child could be very upsetting to the child and do more harm than good especially if he bails again. If he really wants to see his son then he’ll start paying his support and making a real effort to communicate with you.
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This is a hard one. Supervised visits only, set time and dates. Call the day before the visit to confirm it, supervised visit with you present for 2 -4 hours, then you and your son leave. IF he doesn’t show up at the public place; Macdonalds or the park, you leave after 15 minutes, unless there’s a call explaining why he’s late. Make sure you document everything, your camera phone is great for this. As well as a notebook. IF you have to explain 2 ‘dads’ to your son, tell him he has 2; one that was coming his when he was born, but he was busy trying to get his life together, and his dad who chose him, wanted to be around him and his mother.
The courts today have a more leisurely way of looking at deadbeat dads. They used to demand child support, or loose their rights but this rarely happens today. You probably should talk to a good lawyer, before you do anything. Best wishes
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Sounds like this dad-scum is looking for money. Don’t give in to that. He should be paying child support through the court and state agencies. If he wants to see the child, let him do it in your front yard with you and your husband right there in the background. He can explain who he is and talk a few minutes. Most likely he won’t keep the appointment, or if he does, that will probably be the last time. Go ahead and start adoption proceedings. If he threatens not to sign unless you pay him something, let your lawyer know. Been there, done that but we didn’t try adoption.
Sounds like he got a new girlfriend and she’s guiding him
I think you should let him see him for the child not for either of you.
The fact I’ve dealt with this before. Don’t put the kids at risk only to be let down. Since he hasn’t contacted the child, you could actually file a petition for relinquishment of his rights and I’m pretty sure if you advertise it in the newspaper or any public forum, if he doesn’t respond or ask in a specific period of time (6 months) I think, the judge can use that to sign off on it…
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