Alright I need some advice. I am a mom of a 6 year old and 7 month old… I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. The older boy is not his bio son… For the first 3 years my in-laws were awesome with my older son, BUT the Christmas after the baby was born we went to my in-laws for Christmas which is normal, I had to leave right away and go home for the diaper bag which I forgot. When I got back my mother in law was showing me all the family pictures they took, all of the boys(including the baby) but not my older boy… completely left him out. So obviously I said something. The man I’m with is called dad and has wanted that since day one. But my mother in law went on this fit where apparently we aren’t family now because her son and I aren’t married. And that’s her excuse. Do you think it’s normal or am I being dramatic? This has been dragged on this long and now I have agreed to let her come to my home to see the kids, she did not say one thing to me. It made me so uncomfortable… I brought her drinks, and was as nice a possible the entire time. Should I say something else to her or just let another 6 months pass…
You aren’t being dramatic, she’s being a witch. I’d cut ties until she came to her senses, & I know my husband would have NO PROBLEM backing me up 100% and doing the same.
That’s not very nice on her part I would just ignore her let her feel unwanted and hopefully she understands where your coming from
I wouldn’t let her around either child. That’s awful
Nope. Blood doesn’t make family, love and consideration does. She didn’t consider your baby’s feelings when leaving him out. I’d cut ties, if she can’t include YALL’S oldest, she should’t be around.
Me personally would pay her visit without hubby and kids and try to talk it out see what issue is. If that no joy I’d keep future visits as min as possible. Dont shut her out completely as she still your hubbys mother. But if things get to bad stay home when he goes to visit. Dont deny baby going as this builds resentment between you and hubby. Be bigger person
She is in the wrong.
Omg kids are innocent ffs. Something wrong there. Family or not. My gosh sounds like you guys haven’t been together that long. If that were me I’d leave
I wouldn’t put up with that. That’s alienating a child. That’s sad
Your significant other should handle his mom… he needs to let her know that you and your kids BOTH of them are his family and If she doesn’t treat you as such you won’t be coming around and she won’t be welcome at your home. She should be showing you just as much respect as you’re supposed to show her. You don’t need a piece of paper to say you’re family.
I’d let six months go by and she wouldn’t be at my wedding.
How horrible to do that to a child 
he calls him dad!
She needs to never leave this child out that is not kind and both you and your man need to stand firm as you are the voice of that innocent child ! Boundaries are extremely important … get on it and that lady needs to never leave a child out again .
She is in the wrong! Do NOT let her treat the kids differently. How awful of her to do that. Basically saying not her blood not her family. Well sorry blood doesn’t make you family !
Your partner needs to tell his mum what’s up. If she is going to ignore you and your son then she can go shove her rudeness somewhere else.
I’d take a nice long break from that family. That is not okay at all.
Yr mil wants you to say something. Don’t. Six months later rethink it. People gotta learn how to respect you and treat yr children equally. Including bf.
You dont treat my kids equal you dont see any of them.
Just my opinion, but if she can’t inclued both kids, she can’t see both kids 
Shes is in the wrong & your partner needs to put his foot down against his mom to let her know to treat all HIS. YALLS(ALL) kids equal as yall are family whether she likes it or not & if she cant accept that then she doesnt need to come around bc that’s completely unfair & heartbreaking for that baby to be singled out
That is toxic not only for you but for your kiddos as well as y’all continue on this path being treated this way get married kids get older they will see how they get treated differently 
your b/f should absolutely say something! He has accepted you and your son they need too as well period
Blended families can be difficult. Your partner needs to put his mother in line. It’s his mother. And you need to make it perfectly clear, he signed up to be a bonus dad and having a child does not negate that. Period. Both children are included or neither are. I think that’s some craziness that she flipped after a biological child was born. That’s a hard no for me. She wouldn’t be coming over and I wouldn’t be going over there. She can’t see one without the other.
I have custody of my sister, my kids father stepped up with her and she is now included in everything, we recently split up and he still calls to see what kind of shoes she wants and such. His parents include her in Xmas and consider her for every holiday. I never had to ask them to it was just what they did, I simply asked one year did I need to bring her presents to open and was told absolutely not. We are both big on her being OUR kid and he handles it if someone treats her different… maybe your husband needs to speak to his Mother.
As a step child, I was in your child’s situation, and it was so very hurtful. I wondered why I wasn’t “good enough.” That’s awful. I hope your MIL realizes how much hurt this can cause a child. Speak up, or better yet, have your man speak up for your child. This is unacceptable.
Yeh your bf needs to stand up to his mum that’s not cool
I’m sorry you and your older son have been family for 3 yrs now until their biological grandson was born? BS! Your BF needs to talk to his mom and I wouldn’t be allowing either of my children around her!
This is so sad. It’s an innocent child that has done nothing wrong. He didn’t choose this life for himself. Why does he have to be punished in anyway. I can’t imagine the kind of evilness it takes for anyone to take shut out on a child. I can’t believe your bf wouldn’t be furious unless he doesn’t know and is completely clueless. This angers to me to NO end.
That isn’t normal at all and I’m so sorry your little boy was left out.
I’m not married to my partner we have been together 5 years I have a 8 year old and we have a 2 year old together - my MIL and all family treat my eldest like there own. - they don’t leave her out or anything.
It’s horrible when they do something like that.
Cut the b*tch off 
my mil can’t treat my oldest child right (not my partners kid) rolls her eyes at him and talks down about him to everyone. so she isn’t having anything to do with her blood grandchild till she can start treating him right (and me) …. No child should have to go through that and question why they weren’t “welcome” or “wanted”
Stop acting like family. Do not bring baby over… etc.
If you went back home for the diaper bag what was your man doing and why didn’t HE say something and allow that bullshit. I don’t have kids with my now husband but my mother-in-law has always excluded me from pictures before we where married. Now I refuse to be in photos. I’d say shit like no it’s ok I won’t want to ruin a photo. My husband reaction was simply to stop visiting her, and when we do stop by he makes it a point to say will I wanted to see my siblings. I know that petty but it is what it is.
He needs to setup and talk to his mother.
Yeah I would cut her off. She doesn’t get to put your kid through that. And to disrespect you in your own home… What a cow
Your son has his own grandparents as well now would you expect them to treat your new baby equal. If you’re being truthful the answer is no.
You already have 1 child with someone your not married to, why would you have another one with someone else your not married to, and why are you not married…his mother has a point but it’s up to him to clarify what you 2 are not you…my opinion only, and just wondering…
I have an adopted son and no one in my family or my husbands treat him any different .
Your battle is with the person you share a bed with and not his family. He is the one who allowed them to take pictures without his older child that he said he wanted to take responsibility of, he is the one who has to account for why he allowed people treat his son that way. And the answers u got from his mother. And she isn’t allowed over untill she apologies for her bad behavior. She couldn’t use her motherly nature to know what she did was wrong,or just the fact that she is human and wouldn’t want to treated like that. Deal with your bed mate. Because if u marry that’s going to be your lives
tell bf to sort it out or go
Nah as someone who has a daughter who is not biologically mine (my partner carried her) I would not let a soul on this earth treat my children differently or leave out my daughter.
It’s wrong on every level, the poor boy sitting there and being left out… I’d talk to your partner and make an agreement to stand firm, that both children are always to be treated equal… I don’t know how people can behave this way.
Why would even put your child second to her. I’ve been in that position as a step child.
I’m not married anymore but my ex in laws were awesome to me and my kids that were not biologically their grandchildren
Sticky situation because cutting her off means you deprive your youngest son of grandparents and other relatives. That’s not going to sit well with your boyfriend. Eventually there will be big trouble. You can’t make her feel differently but you need to put her in her place right now before it gets worse.
Same thing happened to my son. I got tired of seeing him hurt and I put my foot down with everyone in my family!! Stand up for your baby!!
He needs to open his mouth to his mother. That’s so childish how she is acting.
That’s one toxic asf person if she is treating you and your older son differently because you aren’t married that’s absolutely rediculous and disrespectful.
Stop trying so hard to please her when she gives zero f#%ck’s about you… she’s made that clear that you won’t be family until your married so in return don’t do anything for her, don’t offer for her to come over to your house until she picks her attitude up, because you don’t need your boy seeing other people treat you that way. If she wants something say no or tell your boyfriend to do it as it’s his mum and you won’t be treated like shit anymore from her.
That’s just a 
excuse my paternal grandmother always sent home stuff for the holidays to give our cousin that lived with us so she wouldn’t feel left out. My paternal side and maternal side do not get along yet she never wanted my maternal cousin to feel left out. So if you “MIL” has now just started acting like this I would question why your boyfriend isn’t stepping in. If his mother loves him then she should be treating the child he claims the same as his bio one. Don’t just blame the mother as the bf sits by and twiddles his thumbs
Say something. That’s your baby and she is secondary to that and you all come as a package deal!
What the heck?? Yes say something. Depending where your man stands on it(which better be with you) tell her it’s ALL of your babies or NONE of your babies.
My daughter suffered this. Her dad remarried and his new wife’s relatives ignored her and her brother yet doted and included their bio grandkids. My daughter married a man with a daughter and told me flat out that she was not going to tolerate any behavior from me if I didn’t treat her step daughter the same as her son. I can’t believe someone would stoop that low to treat kids differently.
Y’all funny as hell all mad at the MIL because she don’t want to play make believe. The older child has his own grandparents call them up and make sure they pick him up and your new baby. If course we know that is not going to happen so stop trying to make the family of your current boyfriend treat them equal. They are not…
Never let anyone treat your children second best. They accept all equally or lose you all including their bio grandchild!
Get your man to straighten his mother out.
Your partner needs to man up to his mummy and tell her you are a family, and you should ALL be treated as such , leaving your son out is cruel and downright hurtful not only to you but your son as well, If she can’t treat you all the same then don’t bother at all all. You should not have your family divided. Xx
I have 4 kids well adults now and I never let anyone treat anyone of them differently if you cant do for all don’t do for any
And ps. If she had ignored me after me fetching and carrying for her she would of worn her drinks on the way out the door !!!
It’s posts like this that make me so fucking thankful for the in laws I have. My in laws have called my children their grandchildren from day 1. They’ve never treated them different in anyway, and now that their son & I are giving them their first grand baby in a month, they’ve even amped up the efforts to make sure my kiddos don’t feel left out. My “step” grandparents have never left me out & my grandparents never left my “step” siblings out - we have a hard time using “step” in our family because we are family regardless and that’s how it should be.
No that wrong I wouldn’t put your son through it your not being dramatic either they get treated the same or she can do one.
Say something. If she’s not willing to treat your son as her grandson, she should stay in her lane
No you stand your ground for your older child, a grown woman should know better, allow her to visit for the childrens sake and just stay in the back ground that way she cant say shes stopped seeing the kids, dont go crawling to her she needs say sorry and prove shes sorry.
Whats your mans take on the situation.
Well done your being the bigger adult here
Tell Ur man he has one chance to tell his mother to show some respect or else ul do it and make sure it’s know U won’t be made to feel uncomfortable in Ur own home and both children are to be treated equally or she has nothing to do with either of them simple
Have your partner talk to her. If your man has accepted as being Dad since day 1, then he is her Grandchild and should include and treat him as such. Marriage has nothing to do with it!
6 year old is old enough to see he was being left out. I understand there is a deeper love for bio, but that’s not an excuse to treat them differently. Your partner is the one that needs to speak up and put his foot down with his mom.
Your man should be fixing this situation. Cut her off until she can respect both of you. If she’s treating you this way, she has no respect for her son. He should be dealing with it. He should be offended.
How could a mother - grandmother treat any child like that shame on her that is terrible if she can’t treat them the same she shouldn’t see either 
Tell her you are a package bothe boys and you . If not none of you .
She’s disgusting, you was right to pull her up as her son has taking your child on as his own and has become dad. The poor child will feel that he has done something wrong. It’s totally not on! Write her a letter or speak to her again about it ask her to imagine her being treated that way as a child and how would she feel? I’m totally on your side here and I hope things can be resolved xxx
That hurts the child!! I know because I was done way as a child I still think I’m not good enough at 43 yrs old because me n my brother were treated this way pretty much my whole childhood, please don’t put your son through that!!
Shes wrong, have BF straighten her out, not fair to your son.
my in-laws are like this, we don’t have much to do with them because our kids do t need that type of toxic relationship in their life my husband has 3 from a previous relationship (we have 100% custody) and i have 2 from a previous relationship (1 is 100% the other is 50/50% due to age) and we are inclusive and don’t use step children or anything as they are all our children. My family are incredibly supportive of it but unfortunately hubby’s were not.
Why and where was your partner in all this, why did he not say anything?
No one has the right to make your child feel anything but welcome and wanted!!! Don’t care who it is. I am a “stepgrandma” (for lack of a better word to explain) and I love that little girl as if I was there from day one. I’m at every activity and she knows she is my #1. If his mom can’t treat both kids equally, she does not deserve the right to see either. You’re a package deal. Take it or leave it. Do your job as a mom and protect your first baby. Stay blessed
I have a multi tiered family. Most in laws usually take a few with everyone! first, then discretely take a few with the bios, different combos, even me with just my first 2. It’s nice.
Your man needs to confront this hag! What she is doing to your oldest child could cause him to resent your younger child ! She is doing emotional damage that will have consequences. If it doesn’t change then you need to keep both kids away !
We are have the same thing going On right now. So me and my husband have been together since my 6 year old was aboit 2.5 years old. And his parents were all over my daughter calling her their granddaughter spoiling her with gifts and genrally trening her like their own. But now since our baby has been born in december all of a sudden shes not their granddaughyer anymore and only he is thier grandson. Shes old enought to notice. And it pisses me off. They only take pics of my son now give money to buy “him” something and all off a sudden not include her anymore. So I stopped accepting anytjing from them
Lay some ground work here to establish that you are a mixed family whether she likes it or not.
I say, sit out this next Christmas. I can’t handle ignorance of that sort.
When taking family photos at her place, take them without her. Tell her she isn’t family yet. See how she swallows that.
I would take a pass on all future holidays until some conversations have had a chance to happen. Sometimes people don’t realize what’s they have until it’s not there anymore… ( she could have had all the joy of seeing BOTH of her grandkids but because she couldn’t see it that way now she got to see none of her grandkids until she can treat them equally)
I would not let anybody do that to my kids.What did your partner say to her.Ban her from your house.
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Absolutely unacceptable. Either all my children are accepted or none of them are. I’m not family even though I gave birth to your grandchild? Uhm no. If I’m not family, the children I created aren’t either, so you have no business seeing them I wouldn’t just accept it, I’d say something.
Unacceptable. Family isn’t always blood.
Shit I wouldn’t wait. Id say something again…
That’s just plain cruel.
Way to go on.making that child feel unloved you old bag !
I’d say something and let her know that ALL the kids are included or none at all !
Eww sounds like she’s just being a bitch. No that’s not fair they can’t just love your oldest son one day and tell you and him to fuck off the next day. That’s bullshit. And if she wants to be all like that then she won’t see any of your kids. No ifs ands or buts!
Treat all kids the same or don’t see them.
Speak up for your child. Nobody else is going too
No u completely did the right thing.
If your boyfriend took on responsibility of the child then the in laws need to step up and treat that child as family to instead of leaving the child out.
Honestly if they can’t treat both boys the same it’s time for the boyfriend to step up also and tell his parents off !
Until she ACCEPTED and TREATED your older son as part of the family she wouldn’t be welcome back in my home, PERIOD!!!
Tell her to treat the older boy as she had in the past. That the crap since Christmas is BS!! Accept both kids, or see no kids! No, way I’d let one feel left out, hurt, or unloved PERIOD!
It sounds like she considers her relatives family and the kid the lady her son is dating by some other guy to be the kid her sons girlfriend had by some other guy.
Try not convincing yourself people are who you want them to be and try accepting who they are naturally. She doesn’t owe you anything.
She wouldn’t be welcome at my house. Ignorant ol’ thing. No need of that. She sounds like a dramatic basket case!
Why do unmarried people say in-laws?
I wouldn’t attend anything at their house since they aren’t family. Dont go above and beyond for someone who has disrespected you as a mother. Anywho you could get the original pictures and photoshop your son into and send them to her 
My kids wouldn’t be in mil company again… until we have a " come to Jesus meeting" …PERIOD
My opinion is this if she can’t play nice to both kids then she doesn’t need to see either. For example my daughter isn’t my boyfriend’s and my boyfriend’s kids are not mine. But his family treats my daughter as if she’s one of the kids. They buy her birthday gifts and Christmas gifts (boyfriend’s mom brought Valentine’s gifts for all our kids). I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and his mom already told my boyfriend I’m family. We have no kids together nor do we want anymore (he’s 45 and I’m 34 and our kids are 14F (my bio), 11F (my bonus), and 10M (my bonus) we agreed we didn’t want to have to start all over again plus our house isn’t big enough (girls share a room, boy has his own, and we sleep in the living on a pull out couch).
When I first started dating my ex… his kids were 6 and 7. My family welcomed and treated them as if they were family from the start. Ex and I had our daughter together 3 years later and my family never once changed their relationship with his other two kids. Dad and I haven’t been together for a few years now. His kids are 18 and 19… and my family STILL reaches out to them, and never forgets their birthdays or holidays, etc. It’s not because you two aren’t married… it’s simply because of who she is as a person. I wouldn’t allow her to see either of my kids until she started treating them equally.
Speak now or forever hold your peace. She won’t make it better on her own. Communicate how you feel.