When she comes to visit maybe remind her that no matter what happens between you and your bf in the future your kids will still be brothers. You might also remind her that for the past 3 years YOU have considered her family.
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Definitely say something. And set boundaries. She is being an A$$ and she knows exactly what she is doing. Manipulation is never good and that is what she is doing… If she can’t act right let her know she can’t be around ANY of your children
The fact your bf didn’t say anything is a huge red flag. Believe me you don’t want your children to notice that you aren’t sticking up for them. They don’t need that toxicity. I guarantee the 6 year old noticed. Way past time to put your foot down with your bf and his family. I’d either go no contact or leave the relationship. Please don’t choose your bf over your childs well-being.
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Won’t get better till you talk about it
Your boyfriend needs to talk to her. It’s his mother and it’s his job to keep his family in line. Having a fit within earshot of a child is also highly inappropriate, at best.
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She should treat them the same they are kids. Talk to your bf and if this is how it’s gonna be I’d leave.
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Everyone saying they’d insist she treat the older son as family, how can you make someone feel something. They are bf parents, he should be the one talking to them. But you can’t mandate someone to love you or your kids.
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She’s a selfish toxic person. My oldest two were 2&4 when they came into my spouses family. They’ve been treated as their family from day 1 and that’s how it should be. She wouldn’t be allowed in my home, or around either of my children until she could stop acting like that. (Which she probably won’t) cut her off entirely.
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One of my biggest fear and probably a fear of every mom out there is someone leaving out one of my kids and not making them feel just as important (such as this situation). No you can’t force someone to love you or your children but as an adult she should know that he’s just a little boy looking to be included and she should include him. She knows better and thats some spiteful shit.
So I kinda get the picture thing, as an outsider you never know if the relationship is going to last you and your son could be gone tomorrow and her phone/home/ photos are filled with a kid the family never see again. That said I also believe it’s okay to take both with and without the kid.
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This is a sad thing to happen, but unfortunately it happens a lot. My fiance parents are the same with my children. But my mother treats his kids like they are her own grandchildren. Some people are just bought up different. So I’ve stopped going around his parents and asked him not to bring them up. Because it hurts knowing that they invite him and his kids to family dinners and birthdays, but not me or my children. So my fiance and I started having our own family dinner and birthday party and making our own memories. You guys should to. You do not need toxic people in your life.
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Speak up! Your 6 year old can’t defend himself! If your boyfriend has made the decision to be his dad, then that’s his dad. Anyone who has an issue with it can be cut off! You protect you and yours, above all else!
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Not okay at all. I have a child from a previous relationship and my in laws love him and treat him like their own. We are in every single family picture they take now. We are included in every single family gathering. My mother in law even takes my son over night just because she misses him. Sometimes I think they treat him better than they do their actual blood grandson. The behavior you explained is toxic and you need to put a stop to it now before your son starts to realize the difference in how he is treated
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With stories like this. It’s always confusing why people can’t be nice to kids.
Like why would you Want to leave a kid out or make a kid feel bad. Who cares if they’re blood related. You know? Lol. In general, is it even Hard to get them gifts or spend time. No.
But I do have one question, why didn’t the dad speak up to her about it while you were gone? Surely he noticed… hopefully he doesn’t just let her do whatever and never stands his ground.
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Omg. Stand up for ur child! If she can not love n spoil both than she shouldn’t see either of the children. Your child will recognize being treated differently m the adverse affects can b very detrimental. As far as ur BF he’s trash to not stand up for ur child that he accepted as his own.
It isn’t your place to say something. He should be speaking up. If he wants to be dad then he needs to step up and make sure his “kids” are included in everything. I do understand on the picture somewhat because you never know what will happen but they could have taken 2 seperate ones(one with him and 1 without). But nothing should have been said in front of the child and he should have been included and his “dad” should have said something right then. If he can’t speak up for the child that he wants to call him dad then he doesn’t deserve that title. He needs to deal with his mom or you need out. That is just a small sign of how the future will be if he doesn’t start dealing with his mom now. Good luck.
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The hard truth is that in their minds the older boy is not their biological grandchild and they don’t see him as “family” for purposes of taking pictures now that they have a “real” grandchild from your BF. I hope you work this out, but be prepared that this is probably just the beginning. And heaven help you if you and the BF ever break up. The grandparents will only want to see the bio grandkid and not the older child. Some people well and truly suck, but what you are describing is not that unusual. It takes a heart full of love to love a non-bio kid as your own. What’s truly bizarre about this is that they previously did include him and have turned away from him now. I’m sure it’s confusing for him. Your BF needs to say something to his mom.
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Hun that’s YOUR kids. Not hers. So she should respect you enough to treat kids exactly the same no matter what. Blood doesn’t make family. A bond does. Actions do. Your boyfriend needs to have a talk with her and tell her she will respect yalls relationship and there will be no differences made between kids. Thats his place to do that.
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Wouldn’t be allowed in my house. I can be an ass back lol
Seems like it’s your boyfriend’s job to handle that. As long as she acts that way I wouldn’t be inviting her to my home
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l get paid over $125 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $18431 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
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You wrong to have brought her drinks… her throat eouod have stayed dry if is from my hands she had to get it… I would have taken my son and leave her with her son baby… but my son and I would noy be around her. Stop buy family… leave Trouble where u see it n let her worry bout her own demons…
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Oh no, that is just so upsetting. Heart breaking never let anyone mKe you or your children feel that!!! For no1! You know what to do, especially for your chilren
Before my now husband and I got married I sat both my parents down and made it clear that I wanted his son treated just like all the grandkids because one I looked at him as my my bonus son already and two he is a child and deserved the same treatment as the rest, so in saying that I agree with what others said your bf needs to have a serious talk with his mother.
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Absolutely not! I had 3 kids when I got with my husband and if they aren’t treated the same as the kids we have together then I’ll just keep my kids around the people that love them all! Also… Your boyfriend should stick up for you and your child and not allow that to happen. He should also marry you… just saying… My husband would never allow anyone to disrespect me… Not even his family
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Everyone is focused on the “MIL” but let’s put that focus on the boyfriend real quick. IF he really viewed your oldest child as his, he wouldn’t allow this to go on. You wouldn’t have to say a thing because HE would make it known that BOTH kids are his. Was he there when the pictures were taken? Why would he allow his mother to do that? If he’s not saying anything, HE is the problem. 
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Nope what you don’t want to do is condone favoritism with your kids. At the time you should’ve called over BF and repeated what his mom said in front of him. Just stop seeing them and let him deal with her. You don’t need that kind of drama in your lives. What have you guys discussed about blending together? Is favoritism something you discussed? How did he say he would handle it? He wants to be dad and then he needs to be dad and handle shit like this. And if he won’t bc “family” then you have your answer.
She is not normal to treat a kid that way period
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This has ZERO to do with marriage. This isn’t fair to the child what so ever and what if you never choose to marry? Your child will never be considered family? Her behaviour is appalling. You love people because you want to love them not because of a piece of paper.
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You all take your sleeping arrangements as if you are going to be together forever. Make commitments before you go making children!!!
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l get paid over $125 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $22014 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
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Say something; saying
Sounds like the whole family (your boyfriend included) is toxic. They ALL allowed that to go on and not one of them said anything… If your boyfriend can’t man up and say something to his own family to protect a child that he claims to love, then what makes you think he’d protect him at all?
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She has a Cold heart and She is showing the Real her. And you two should be Married. Don’t have anymore kids unless you two are Married.
Disgraceful. Wouldn’t give her the privilege of seeing my boy… or any of my family 
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Until she actually told you it was because you two aren’t married it could be seen as just subconscious on their part. I’m in a similar situation. I’ve been with my man for six years, since my older two were toddlers, and everyone was really inviting of them until we had our own baby nearly two years ago. They’re still inclusive of the older two but it’s noticably different. I’m realitively low key, I don’t like confrontation, but I don’t like being walked all over either. So I choose not to put myself in a situation I don’t like. We keep our distance. We gather at holidays and that’s about it, once I’ve had enough we politely leave. I’m not going to beg anyone to be around us but I’m not going to force ourselves on anyone either.
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My step mom and my dad aren’t married but her boys are my brothers and my kids are her grandkids etc. It’s not about marriage. Your mother in laws behavior is not okay. I’m sorry 
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Keep that foot planted all kids bio or not should be treated equally
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It’s posts like this that make me so fucking thankful for the in laws I have. My in laws have called my children their grandchildren from day one. They’ve never treated them different in anyway, and now that their son & I are giving them their first grand baby in a month, they’ve even amped up the efforts to make sure my kiddos don’t feel left out. My “step” grandparents have never left me out & my grandparents never left my “step” siblings out - we have a hard time using “step” in our family because we are family regardless and that’s how it should be.
She should love them the same or stay out of there lives it doesnt matter if your married or not its your little boy she’s leaving out if she carnt love them the same then keep her out of there lives how can a nan be so evil is beyond me
Shouldn’t have changed take both children and get away unless SO has a sit down and explains they are both his and if not we are the ones who lose… Side note DO should not have allowed pictures taken without the oldest also
So may have a weenie there vs what you think you have
She sounds like a real jerk and I’d open my mouth again if I were in your shoes. I will never sit quiet if someone is disrespectful or hurtful to my child.
Keep her from your son together- say you’re not his family since me and his dad ain’t married. 
Your bf family certainly doesn’t have to accept your older son. She’s wanting to be apart of her grandsons life, just because she doesn’t meet your expectations doesn’t mean she’s a bad person.
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, I have a 19 y/o that calls him dad, his family hates it it doesn’t bother any of us. Now the 3 kids from his previous marriage it only bothers the oldest one because she’s a daddy’s girl we sat her down and explained well you call your stepdad, Dad, so he calls him Dad. The younger 2 think it’s great. His mother can’t stand me, because she no longer has access to his money. We won’t even let her borrow $10. I’ll take her to the store and get what she needs but no cash in hand!!! So she doesn’t come around much,if at all and we don’t go over there. Life is great!!!
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If she can’t respect your son his feelings or your decision then no you have every right to be upset and you boy friend should step up and talk to her let her know your right he decided to be with you knowing you had a child he knew you came in a package deal and so did his family if they want to act like that then exclude them from your childrens life no child should feel left out or exclude my husband has two girls they both call me mom and I love them my family has never exclude them from anything she wrong for what she is doing and you have every right to keep your kids away if it bothers her that much you are never wrong for wanting what’s best for your kids
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That is extremely toxic and your partner needs to say something to her. And he also should have stood up for your son and insisted the photos wait until you were back
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Say something, very nicely and very calmly. And explained that you were hurt and that you were hurt for your oldest son.
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I would tell her to go fuck herself and she would not see my kids.
Until she can accept all of y’all the same she cannot see any of y’all your boyfriend needs to back you up
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Unpopular opinion your not married and it’s not his son doesn’t mean they shouldn’t treat him differently that’s for sure and your bf sounds amazing for stepping up and taking him in and if he’s serious he should legally adopt him … maybe she knows her son well enough to kno that maybe he’s not serious or u would be married I don’t kno much of your story but u guys wanna be serious enough to have a 6 yr old call a man dad who is not his bio dad and has not adopted him then it just sounds like a game that someone may lose in and that’s the harsh reality … hope u all can make it right then if u don’t ever get married atleast u all kno that this man adopted a child because he is accepting the title dad unconditionally and not due to the condition of your together or not
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it will NOT change 'til you change it.
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lose ALL of her visits !!!
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I think you need to talk to your husband and tell him to tell his mom straight up that that’s his kid and he feels that way. He needs to be blunt and honest and tell her that. He needs to be the one to do it though. Cus if it’s coming from you then she is instantly going to be defensive.
The fact that her true colors are showing now smh don’t let the baby go if you really want to get your point across…
Or convince your bf to put a ring on it lol. You don’t have to get married anytime soon but it would shut her ass up. Lol
Your man should have said something and at that point if you and your son aren’t family then neither is your baby. Shame on that women. She wouldn’t be seeing any of us anymore
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Take your kids and leave if you don’t want nothing to do with your son I’ll be damned if I’d stay there I would let her see the other ones
She’s mean and toxic. Kill her with kindness. Two wrongs don’t make it right, let your kids see you treating others how you would like to be treated. Talk to her son about finding a solution or walking away from the toxicity.
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Throw that mom in the trash can
The important words were… Not Married. That is easily fixed. Go get married. That way you have a legal say in this relationship. If something bad happens, you could lose everything… Including a child.
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It’s your man’s job to step in and deal with his mom.
Oh, and don’t go get married just because you feel you HAVE to. That’s between you and him. It’s nobody elses business what you do or don’t do.
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Her son except your son and want to be called dad by him ,his only 6 as a adult she might favour her son child, but she needs to treat both children the same as they both will call her son dad and her Nan or grandma what ever, and they are brothers ,you can’t show love to one child and not the other ,they are children your partner loves both of them and so should she, don’t know how she could do that when she has know him since he was 3
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When my daughter started dating her soon to be husband we were invited to his families for a picnic. There sin has been in our grandson’s life since he was 9 months old. She was pregnant with their daughter. I flat out told them that the kids were a package deal. If they had a sleepover or wanted to have the daughter the kids were to be together. That our grandson was part of the deal or nothing. They of course said they wouldn’t have it any other way. They have stayed true to that deal and include him in everything. Children aren’t pawns. They know when things aren’t right
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Been through this with my own family limit your time with her be there when she sees the boys both of them and she does favorites with one son and not the other then stop going
Well I live with the trauma of a step dad letting me call him dad, and then him leaving after a few years, TWICE.
So honestly I think you’re being dumb and reckless. That’s a decision the child should be allowed to make when they’re older maybe even a preteen, and you have actual years under your belt. 3 years ain’t shit and y’all aren’t even engaged. Irresponsible imo, and I don’t give a damn what my friends that can see this think. 🤷🏻
That’s wrong…any normal person would always include kids no matter the situation…it’s the right thing to do…wow…that’s so wrong I’m sorry but I wouldn’t be ok with it either… your boyfriend should of said something too…
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I’d be saying something to her then I’d be saying something to your fucking man if he’s had your child call him dad from day one that’s a fucking family whether you’re married or not. Hell I cut my mother-in-law out of my kids life because she was pulling that shit at one point she learned real quick how fast I was serious
Monster-In-Law Support
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I am always shocked at adults treating a child so badly. You boyfriend should step up and talk to her and if she came to my house she would not enter without speaking to me, so rude,let him handle it
If you really think that you’d like and I mean really like as an in law invite her over a lot more and maybe engender make plans on moving closer together or if that’s too much because you all just like where you all live then just vacation together a little more.
Treat them all the same or don’t see any of them at all! No kid get’s treated differently , that is so wrong…I would never put my kid thru that. F that!
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If she can’t accept all kids then she doesn’t deserve to be around the kids at all.
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It may change once married…it may not. She doesnt see that kid as her son’s kid anymore as y’all had one without being married first.
Some people are old fashioned. This is one reason why i believe in not having kids outside of marriage. Causes everyone to be confused. Are you going to stay together or do you plan to split since still not married after having a baby together? If split…will his family still get to see the kids? Idk…hard situation. If his family can’t treat both kids equally, then just dont take them over there around them. Me and my hubby had kids after marriage and the MIL does this…shows favoritism. Told hubby she isn’t allowed to see the kids unless can treat them the same and ,if buys one stuff,buys equal for other. Be aware marriage may not fix that. Some people are just that way and ,if marry,will continue to fight with bf about it. One strain added to relationship.
Let him speak to
His mom and set things straight. She needs to be reminded that the world we live in today isn’t the world she grew up in. Marriage isnt for everyone and if you guys want to get married you’ll do it when You’re both ready. But he should speak her. It will only cause more drama between you two if you say something.
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Tell her she aint no grandma …and will never be
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Alot of baby boomers & back are like this unfortunately 
… They don’t see you as family unless you’re married. It’s the way things were back then, even if it’s not the way things are now. She may not be aware that she is being hurtful. Thankfully, from Generation X forward, we aren’t so rude & we are more open minded about sex before marriage lol
She is being dramatic and wrong. If the oldest calls her son dad then she should be grandma to both boys equally, married or not!
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I am so blessed and grateful for the stepmom I have. She never treated me or my children differently.
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She wouldn’t be visiting at all if she was going to be like that.
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Wow that is so wrong on so many levels I’d definitely say something else to her instead of her treating that kid that way
Nope nope nope…I would nip that in the bud real quick… they should not treat one different than the other & your bf should not allow it… my oldest son is not bio mine… but I’ve raised him…& me & his father have 2 kids together… my family HAS NEVER treated him any different…I wouldn’t stand for it
Tell her to kiss your ass. Both your children matter. Make sure your husband understands how you feel and he needs to step up to his mommyyy
it wont change will only get worse!! id cut her off unless she includes all kids and treats them the same