What should we do about my daughters friend?

So, my daughter has this friend, and she comes over to our house a lot. I do not mind, but I found out she has been stealing things from our daughter’s room. Her mom messaged me asking if we gave the items to her and we did not…she is outside playing all the time, but now I don’t know if I want her to come inside. What do I do? She is 7.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What should we do about my daughters friend?

:joy: umm tell her you know she’s stealing shit. And then tell her she can’t go inside. Simple.

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Don’t allow her inside anymore, just keep it outside play only. Don’t allow inside toys outside with them. if she can’t be trusted Don’t allow her back

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Keep her out of the house

I would explain to the little girl that she can’t come in anymore and exactly why and that any toys brought outside must be given back to you before she goes home. (Come out with a bucket to collect them and assure they are accounted for) or do not allow toys outside for her to have access to either.

When my little sister was about 4 or 5 she went through a stage where every time we went to our cousins house, she would steal a Barbie so my mom would have to bring it (and us) back. We had many of the same Barbies as my cousin. My mom started frisking my sister each time before we left and that ended that habit. I would say in this child’s case her mom should maybe take her to see a counselor.

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I’ve had this same scenario…I contacted the mom…which to no help…so I contacted the father and he helped me with it

Honestly she’s 7. Just calmly confront her with it. I was around that age when I stole $1 from my mum’s purse. I felt so bad I put it back the next day and never stole again.
It might embarass her enough to never do it again.
It’s a good sign that the mum was honest. If anymore goes missing, then you’ll know.

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She is young. This is a great learning opportunity. Work with the other parents and help this child learn from this.

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No more playing in the room. Maybe only outside and living room supervised

Had this situation with an older child. He wasn’t allowed in our home. I really didn’t want my son playing with him. I didn’t want my son to learn from his behavior. His mom had a fit. You’re lucky this girl’s mom is teaching her right from wrong. I wouldn’t let her in your home. Explain it to her. Tell her she can come back once she earns your trust again.

She’s 7, she needs told she can’t just take things. Have you spoke with your daughter to be sure your daughter isn’t giving them to her without you knowing?

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You guys and her parents need to sit her down and talk to her about what she’s doing, and explain that stealing isn’t right

Did the mom give you the stuff back? If not i would arrange for a time that her mom could bring her over with the things. When they get there both parents us it as a reachable moment and then her mom needs to get her some counseling now. It is a disorder.

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I would let her know that it’s not ok to take things that don’t belong to her, mean while I would keep the playing outside until you decide she can be trusted in your home…

Ask her why she is doing it. Learning experience.

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7 is a bit old to just be “taking” things they want, but I have 3 kids and my 3 year old often takes things (she’s even tried stealing from stores! Lol) but she has no concept of “ownership” and kids are very egocentric. She probably took it because she wanted it and that’s it, but a great learning experience!! My 8 year old wouldn’t, but he’s had “sharing” experience since his middle sister was born when he was 3 and that wasn’t a fun learning curve. I would just bring it up before you ban anyone from your home

Talk to her. Tell her that taking things that don’t belong to her isn’t acceptable. If she does it again, she won’t be allowed back inside your home.

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Help her fix the problem. Double check before leaving like all the toys put away? All blanks… toys stay here cause she would be sad without them. Sometimes kids get jealous over other kids toys. I’m sure it’s not anything to serious to worry about but the checking before leaving and reviewing with child may help

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If the mom is calling you to ask if you gave her these things she obviously has good influence at home and is going through something or a stage.Now is a good learning time so lovingly say you love for her to come to your home and play but taking things that don’t belong to her is wrong and makes you lose trust so she has to remember never to take things or she won’t be trusted inside anymore.Remind her you wouldn’t allow your child to go to her house and take things either and that honesty is important as friends

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Are you sure she’s stealing? My daughter used to compulsively “gift” her toys every time she had a Friend over. She thought since the grown ups always offered a drink, meal etc that she had to offer toys. She would then get sad and miss the said toy but be to embarrassed to tell us she gave it away

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First I would make sure your daughter isn’t giving her these things (mine seem to do this a lot) if you then confirm she isn’t giving them to her ask the little girl if she’s just taking them home to play and explain to her she can not take things out of your home or she won’t be allowed over to play anymore. Also you could make sure their playing in a common area and pay attention when she leaves that she isn’t taking things with her

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If the parents called you I would assume they have talked to her. It’s not like she’s juvenile delinquent, she’s 7.

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I used to steal. We didn’t have nice things like the other kids. My parents worked hard and had five of us. But we still couldn’t afford things that the other kids just got normally (I.e. Stickers and sticker books. Troll dolls, makeup, mechanical pencils, jewelry. Nail polish) it was a very bad habit I still regret because I lose a lot of friends. But it was so impulsive. Like I’d see something pretty or cute that I knew I could never own and would grab it. I never meant any disrespect or to hurt anyone.
I would of preferred if a parent has pulled me aside and nicely asked about it. Not just immediately cut me off or throw the friendship away. At the time. Because my parents had to work so much… I didn’t get much guidance regarding that. No one ever talked to me about it. So basically I was ostricized because parents/kids talked and I basically became the “outside friend”. No one talked to me about it. But they talked to everyone else. Was it wrong? Yes. But it could of been handled better. I think these days it’s great to have a forum like this to discuss with other parents what they would do

I think you should ask the parents if it’s okay to talk w the friend about it. Not in front of your kid because that’s prob be embarrassing. It sounds like the mom is doing the right thing by calling you and inquiring.

I would also maybe ask your daughter if she ever “gifts” her stuff away to friends. I have a group of neighborhood kids I’ve kinda “watched over” the years and one of them… her mom would get so mad because all her toys were missing. T
What was happening was she was bringing her toys out for friends and when a friend. Showed interest or even asked if they could have it… she would give those toys away. … worth looking into.

Maybe a good idea would be to put away some of the valuables out of view. Maybe see if she would be willing to gather any toys she has that aren’t hers to earn that trust back.

Maybe after time your kids can go pick out some toys/ items they like,together.

I’m honestly just brainstorming and recalling my experience to see if any of it helps.

Best of luck

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Your house your rules ! It takes a village to raise a child! Protect yours! Set ground rules, if your close with the other mom make sure she knows your gonna talk to her or not! It’s your house it should be respected!

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Tell her straight up
You don’t want her inside why tell her why

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Tell her she’s not allowed in the house anymore if she steals anything else. She knows right from wrong.

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Did you speak to your daughter about it? Kids are bad to give their stuff away and neither of them would know they’re doing anything wrong.

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She’s 7 I think everyone will survive. I’m sure it’s pretty normal at that age if not taught correctly. That little girl probably needs you and your daughter more than you realize. Or she’s an asshole. But only you know the girl and know the situation. Is she getting everything she wants and needs at home? Communicate with her. Kids will often tell you why they did something. Just ask and explain your rules and boundaries within your home. Also, cameras are cheap. I monitor my living room and my baby’s rooms.

Maybe your daughter gave them to her. Ask her Mom to discuss it with her. But, since Mom called you ,I’m sure she gave her the “don’t steal” speech. Otherwise she would not have called. Allow her in. If it happens again talk to the child yourself. You don’t have to do it rudely. Just sit down with a glass of milk and cookies and discuss with your daughter and her friend how stealing will give them a bad reputation that will be hard to shake later. Talk to both. That way her friend doesn’t feel singled out. Plus your daughter needs to hear it anyway. All kids do.

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She’s gotta learn consequences and how to earn back trust. I’d talk to her parents about not letting her in the house, and all us would sit her down and explain why and what we’re doing and what she can do to fix it. This is a great teaching moment for all the children please don’t waste it.

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Ermm well I’m thinking she doesn’t get taken care of the way your daughter does i.e noticing the items coming up they probably don’t have allot. Would look into that a bit & maybe help the girls mom get her some of her own things that match your daughters if it’s within your means. I would also maybe get together with her mom and the two girls and have a conversation about it your daughter could just be giving her things but if not then you need to understand why she’s taking them.

Guessing it is a jealousy thing because she doesnt have it i would be having a vhat with the mum and daughter in person to solve the problem on why she’s doing it

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Are you sure your child is not giving them to her? Maybe afraid to tell you she did ? They are only 7…. If they are supposedly outside playing all the time, then how would she go to the room and them? Think.

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pat her down before she leaves

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I’d speak to the said child ask in a nice child friendly way if possible
Why she took these things
And then say that she can play with your child but not in the house
And then come the girls birthday maybe get her the things she likes your daughter has like the bracelet or thing she stole
As maybe she is stealing it cos her parents can’t afford it and she is jelious and doesn’t know another way to show it and hasn’t been taught or spoke about not doing these things
Xx

If your daughter isn’t gifting them to her then just do a pocket check everytime :woman_shrugging:

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Her mother needs to be the one to discuss it with her.

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Ask your child if she’s giving away her stuff. I know a few of my daughter’s friends kinds just give her stuff they no longer want without talking to their parents. If that isn’t the case, then you need to speak to her mom and explain that if she’s stealing then she isn’t welcome back over.

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Her own mom called her out on it. I’m sure she talked to her all about it, but when she comes over you can be the adult, explain that people don’t take what’s not there’s and its her warning for your home. If it happens again she can’t come inside. I still do the one warning grace for my 15 year olds friends for crazy stunts they pull. They don’t try anything after that first warning if they want to come around again. Give her a chance. :orange_heart:

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If your dd isn’t giving them to her and I’m guessing not as the mum asked if you’d given them to her, not xx said xx gave these to her and I wanted to check it’s right/ok with you, next time the child is round I’d sit her down and say her mum called to check on these things, Ive spoken to dd and she didn’t give them to you so you’ve helped yourself. Now we love having you round and are so glad you guys are friends, but good friends do not steal from each other. It’s wrong to steal from anyone but good friends. No. If it continues to happen, you will not be allowed in the house, or not cone round at all. It’s not fair and dd will be so disappointed. Letting her gently know you know and she’s being watched

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Yeah we do friends outside and my kids know not to go in their house either.

Her parents need to have the child come back over. ,bring all the items back, and apologize to you and your daughter.

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I would explain to the 7 year old that stealing is wrong. And if she would like to continue coming over to play she needs to stop.

It’s definitely an easy fix. And most likely will be resolved with a warning

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I think at 7 shes just seeing something she likes and is taking it i dont think there will be a conscious decision to steel and more likely it hasnt been explained to her that you cant just take things have a chat with her tell her that its not acceptable and why and say she wont be allowed in the house if she does it again

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I used to give stuff away all of the time. If I got caught, I played stupid, like I didn’t know what my mom was talking about. Are you sure your kid isn’t giving her things away, without you knowing??

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Ask your daughter if she’s giving the stuff away, first. I would also ask other parents to discuss with other child and kind of compare their stories. When I was like 6, I mentioned to my friend it was my moms birthday. Her grandparents owned a Pawn business at one time. The next day she brought me a gift bag with a ring box in it. I opened it and it had a huge diamond and what I assume now, but didn’t know then, sapphire cluster ring. It was definitely real, my mom still has it because her parents wouldn’t take it back. We thought for the longest time that she’d stolen it, but I guess her grandpa had given her a ton of stuff they’d taken in on pawn to play with and that hideous ring was just one of the items. It took my mom forever to get to the bottom of it all!

confront the lil klepto and tell her mother she stealing these things and if that’s the case u no longer want her at ur house its ur house anyways why be afraid to confront the situation

Perhaps you could talk to her an make her aware what she is doing At 7 she would understand what it is about THEN everything will calm down Maybe she thinks she is getting away with it BE HONEST …AN LOVING …:smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Don’t let her in your daughters room playing has to be downstairs only where u can see i wouldnt leave a few, 7 year olds unatendded anyway

Talk to the girls about it. Ask your daughter when shes alone if she has give her stuff away if not let her know her friends mum has called and you will need to have a conversation with her friend about the rules on personal property and behaviour expected in your home.

I would confront her and say she was caught on camera. I know it’s a little fib…but I bet she will turn her pockets inside out and never do it again. I sure wouldnt…that shame will go a long way.

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Tell her to empty her pockets before she leaves

My daughter once came home and said a girl in her class had “taken” her pencil case with all her new pens and accessories and wanted it back, the next again morning she was upset and said she had gifted this girl the whole pencil case cos she wanted friends :sob: so sometimes kids can be over kind and give their friends things because they’re just kind but definitely check with your daughter first :heart: good luck xx

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Have you talked with your daughter about this? I know my kids have given their friends things without my knowledge before, so is it possible your daughter gave these things to the other child?

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One of the adults needs to have a talk with her and let her know stealing isnt ok

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No kids allow inside… unless is a bday party my son isn’t allow inside ppl houses either

I did this when I was a kid because my family was poor :upside_down_face:

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I had a friend like that when I was a kid. My mother saw her put some small toys in her pocket. When she was about to leave my mother said please come here and she searched her pockets. She told her that she was not welcome in the house anymore because of her trying to take these things. I have two daughters. The same thing happened. At different times I observed a neighbor boy and my older daughter’s friend putting things in their pockets that belonged to my girls. When they were attempting to leave I stopped them by the door and asked them to turn out their pockets. They did with much embarrassment. Neither of them were allowed in the house again.

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Look at all the people making excuses. If your kids are raised right and taught not to touch things or take things without they understand that. No she should not be welcome at your home until she’s apologized and.defintely not in your house and make her understand why

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It might be your daughter saying you can have it or you can borrow it children do that let it go tell your daughter she can play with them but she can’t take them home good friends are important when they are growing up

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If the parent has picked up on it, ask them to bring all the items back and tell them to have a word with her. It’s their responsibility at the end of the day. I personally wouldn’t allow her over again, I can’t stand klepto kids.

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Omg my son used 2 do this when he was really little. We would always shake him down at the door b4 we left people’s houses!!

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Use this as a learning / teaching moment … explain 1 time why the child can’t come in “ just for one day “ an why . Tell her if she does it again she won’t be allowed to come over again but allow her a chance , she’s a child . She obviously has a great influencer home if their calling informing you an verifying what their kids are saying … use this as a teaching moment for both her & your babes . An experience everyone can learn from . But I wouldn’t permanently punish her …

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First, make sure your daughter didn’t give her these things without your knowledge. Our kids always want to share with friends, so this may be the case. If she did take them, her mother should have her bring everything back and apologize.

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She is a child ask your daughter first then sit the girl down talk nice to her but explain you cannot take things unless the other person gives them to you.Dont judge her you don’t know what going on in her life.

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This is your child’s friend tell your child that her Mommy phoned to ask about the toys and listen I hope you can sort it out and both children stay friends remember her Mom phoned you…Good luck

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My child did this, I marched her right back with the items taken. She had to own up to what she had done. She had to apologize. She was mortified. It never happened again. She’ll be 40 next month. She still talks about it. She was 5 or 6 when this happened.

It is a teaching moment, the other mom knows her daughter took these things. (As long as your daughter didn’t give said items to her).
I would give her a second chance after a confession and an apology. Kids do these things, they have to be taught why it’s not appropriate.

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Don’t let her come over anymore :woman_shrugging:t6: talk to her parents and tell her that she’s stealing things from your house / daughter’s room …be upfront about it …no sugar coating …or you could tell them that they can’t play in the bedrooms and have the bedrooms doors closed …but I’m sorry I would not allow to come over anymore if I was in that situation

She is just 7. Thats first grade. Someone should talk to her ab it. It could also be that this child doesn’t have nice things like urs does. I had that happen to me . My kids friend lived in same neighborhood but they didn’t have things inside. So she would take things. Little stuff nothing like money or jewelry. Her mom talked q her and it stopped. This is also the age where sometimes they might stick something in their pocket at the store like candy and stuff. Then u hVe to return it show them its wrong. I wouldn’t ban her completely. Now I she was like 15 yes. Just check her pockets when she leaves. The mom seems to be upfront ab it and told u so she portly will speak w her. It probably embarrassed her.

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I would thank the parent for calling and asking. Put yourself in her shoes. Thats an awkward situation to be in especially being a part of the at fault party. Let her know you aren’t upset and discuss how to help? I am sure her parents are embarrassed. They most definitely will use this as a teaching moment. Suggest she has a conversation with her daughter and brings her over to apologize to your daughter and you. When she comes over in the future I would simply remind her she is welcome to play with the toys and items but these are “Jessica’s” items and they stay here when you leave. I wouldn’t continuously throw her wrong doing in her face. Just a simple reminder or two. Grace mama Grace.
Good luck!!

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Maybe the little girl is going through a lot at home and doesn’t have much at home that is just hers. You never know whats going on behind closed doors. Maybe talk with her and see if she knows what she is doing is wrong. Because maybe her parents didnt teach her from right or wrong.

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Talk to your daughter first to make sure she didn’t give them to her. Then see if your daughter really wants a friend who is stealing from her. I wouldn’t let her back in the house. Use this as a teaching moment that her actions have consequences and she can’t get away with stealing.

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Let them play outside and only outside. Warn her mother so that she can stay on top of it.

Sit her down with her mom there and talk to her. She’s 7 years old.

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It’s as simple as someone teaching her that it’s wrong to take things from other people. She’s 7, so take her age into account. It’s not uncommon for that age group. Doesn’t make her a bad kid either

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Knowing she steals she wouldn’t be allowed in our yard. People like that(children or not) aren’t welcome.

She is 7, that’s just first grade. Talk to her and your daughter about how they can play with things here but it has to stay here. This is a great teaching moment. And those of you saying never let her in again, she’s not 16, she is 7 and can learn from her mistakes. So we should just punish a little child without even attempting to give her another chance?

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She’s a kid, just speak nicely to her about what’s going on and what you expect to happen in the future and why

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Maybe sit down with her parents present and try speaking to her. Sometimes it works. Give her another chance and let her know if she continues , she will not get to come back.

Just a kid being a kid.

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I would just talk her next time she is at your house. She is only 7 and may not have understood that it’s not ok to take things from her friends. She could also be going through something at home and is acting out. I would just let her know that you forgive her. Everyone makes mistakes. And you there to talk with if she needs to. I would definitely keep an eye on her though.

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Try to have the mother come over and you both should have a conversation with her. She’s at the age where she knows that isn’t right.

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Make her give the things back and talk to her. She is only 7. Teach her its wrong

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I had a childhood friend that did that around that age to me. She was just acting out I think it was the thrill? She just needs to be called out and it’ll stop if there aren’t any other factors

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Sounds like the child’s mom is on top of it. Ask her mother what she would like you to do. Don’t forget she’s 7 not 17

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Monica Jacobs None taken. That was kind of you :hugs:

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Just ask her mum to check her pockets and backpack when she gets home and to give her a talking to about taking stuff that isn’t hers. She’s only little still, she’s not stealing your fine silverware.

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Now that the mother is aware I’m sure she’ll talk to her about it. I would still bring it up to the friend and just say it’s been brought to your attention and that as much as you love her being there, she can no longer be taking things or she won’t be welcomed back

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The girls mom is already addressing it. Id let her come in but id also mention to the group as a whole that if anything comes up missing that you have their parents contact information.

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It happens… its the age… kids being kids… happened with my daughters friend too. Her mom called and asked if I gave her the stuff, I said no. The next day she brought back the stuff and said sorry. Her mom had a nice talk with her too. Did not happen again.

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First, I would ask your daughter if she gave her friend the items. Be certain that they were really stolen. Then, If they truly were taken without permission, I would sit her down and talk to/teach her (without your daughter present) that it’s not the right thing to do.

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WOW if she is only 7 & she is doing this. When her mom calls & ask you, so I am thinking she is aware her daughter steals a lot. So just what is her mother doing about this???

Make them all play outside. Amd did you ask your daughter if she did give it to the kid? At that age they really be giving stuff away

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She’s 7. And her mom was honest about it. I’m sure she spoke to her as well. Have a basic conversation conversation with her about asking first if she wants to “borrow” something, but we don’t take things that aren’t ours without asking. Then give her another chance. And maybe even a 3rd chance. After that, if she does it again, I would maybe limit indoor visits. But be patient. They’re still learning a lot at that age and this can be a learning opportunity for her and your daughter.

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Teach her calmly. Be her first example, teach her it’s okay to make mistakes as long as we learn from them. This is kids being kids, kids get jealous and see toys their parents can’t afford, clothes they can’t afford, etc. I was lucky, I had a dad who noticed when other kids went without, he’d take us shopping and I’d end up getting more for my friend than myself. My dad taught me humility and that not everyone can afford things. The pressure from other kids can also be overwhelming because you’d be surprised how many kids get nit picked over the brand of their clothes and shoes. Maybe give things your daughter doesn’t want anymore to her friend, check and make sure she’s doing good at school and that no one’s nit picking her. She may just feel left out, kids don’t understand money or how it works. They just see others getting things they can’t, while also watching their parents struggle. Her mom did the right thing, ask her for them back, but when the little girl comes to give it back make sure she knows she’s loved and you aren’t mad, but to ask people before taking stuff cause you never know if they may still want it or not. Xoxo

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She needs to be taught it is not ok to just take something because you like it or want it.

Talk to her about stealing, tell her she has no need to, just to ask!

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Check her before she leaves?

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