We currently have placement of my stepson around 30% of the year. The only reason as to why we don’t have more is because it’s a 45 minute drive to his school. We also went to court when he was younger and the GAL thought at the time the drive would be too long for him. This is when he was 4. Now he is 9 and we’ve been contemplating on going back to court. Anyways he is with us during the summer week on/week off and the the school year holidays and weekends. During the summer I am home with him as his Dad works. We’ll when he’s here I’m home with him I take care of him. Make sure he’s fed, clothed, happy, and take him and his siblings on trips. Anyways we don’t get along with his mom due to past issues. This has created huge issues with my stepson. He lies to his Mom about things. We asked him why and he’s told us that he is scared of her. We’ve told her about this and she doesn’t think it’s true. We’ve witnessed it happen numerous times. He’ll also tell us how he gets bad anxiety with her and her parents. Anyways he ended up in a boot for hurting his foot. It wasn’t broken or anything. It was more for comfort. Well we were having a birthday party for him and his sibling that weekend he had the boot. We told him he was unable to take his boot off to go into the bounce house and unfortunately had to stay out. Well when we got home he immediately took his boot off and went in the bounce house. I told him that his mom is going to end up finding out and that he will be in trouble so he needs to listen to her and keep his boot on. He straight up said to my face “she won’t find out!”. That was the last time I ever said anything about his boot. The next day his Dad told him he’s either going to leave the boot on the rest of the day or leave it off because he’s not going to have him running around with it on. I had no say in this conversation nor did I want to because it felt like it wasn’t my say. This last weekend we went to go pick him up and his mom told me that he said my mom, sister, and I blocked him in a corner made him take his boot off and get on the bounce house. My family wasn’t even here and they even showed up late to the party. I was so devastated and broken that he would say anything like that about my family and I. My family has always been there for him(his mom doesn’t like it). They have never treated him unfair. They’ve always bought him gifts for Christmas and Birthdays and offer to take him places. I’m now at the point in life where I am exhausted. My husband and I argue about it. It affects my other children and I no longer know what to do. What do you think?
This little guy has learned how to play both sides of the fence. He tells tales about his mom and family when he’s with you and then turns around and does the same when he’s with his mom about you and your family. You and your husband need to have a serious conversation with the mom and get this worked out. The older the child gets the worse the situation will get if you don’t stop it now.
If the adults in his life would act like adults and do what’s best for him he would be a different child. He knows that if the parents talk the will argue so he can say whatever he wants. Be adults, get along and do what’s best for the child. Whatever drama his parents had needs to be put aside.
I think Your husband needs to talk to her about get him counseling and if she doesn’t want to than I would be going to court again. This is unhealthy for your family and also something more is going on with his son that he feels he needs to make these stories up.
He is 4 and trying the boundaries of all. The adults need to communicate effectively and document if necessary. Lying is his control.
It is torture for him to go back and forth between houses.
I feel sorry for kids that are torn between two families. It ALL falls on the parents. These kids didn’t ask for your messes. Clean them up & start putting the kids as priorities. Great quote, " don’t lay down with someone you don’t want to be involved with for the next 20 years".
The last thing he needs is to be with you guys more during the school year .
Yet another story in which the adults can’t be civilized amongst each other and the children pay the consequences. Idk wtf is wrong with adults in situations like this. Like so what if your ex moved on! So what if your kid has a stepparent?! So long as the parents/the stepparents are actually taking care of the child/children and they’re not being neglected, wtf does it matter?!?! Situations like this either need to get courts/judges involved and/or family counseling. And tbh, CPS. While I am NOT a big fan of CPS, sometimes, they can be helpful in situations like this.
I would record him without him knowing so that there’s recorded proof so its not his word against yours anymore. You can just pull put your phone and be like well here’s the proof, or get some nanny cams around the house. Gotta do something so he’s not getting away with it or else it’s just going to get worse.
I deal with the same thing, and have dealt with it for 10 years. I used to argue with my husband about it, ( his son caused issues when he was younger < 8 at the time is 18 now> and his daughter is now <she was 1 at the time I moved in, is 10 now and the problems started about 3 years ago when she was 7> )but FINALLY he got to witness the things she was doing and lying about. Plus he and his ex wife have a strained relationship, but finally after the last few years she and I have gotten to a good place and I am able to talk honestly to her and she is able to do the same with me. Everything came to a head with the daughter this summer when she made some serious allegations about a friend that snowballed out of control and into this school year. And her dad got to see proof that she was the problem, and her mom has been trying to tell her dad that she is the problem. That she lies, manipulates and is hateful. So once he seen her true colors he FINALLY started demanding she respect me, that she tell the truth etc and holding her accountable when she doesn’t. And honestly, the reason I stopped arguing is because his ex wife would handle the daughter more than my husband would, because she would be going between our houses and lying about how her mom and nana were treating her and then go to their house and say how I was mistreating her and once we started communicating we called bullshit on it. Your husband needs to understand you’re not singling out his child, and you don’t want anything but to help him and love him and make sure he has a good life. But honestly, until your husband takes the blinders off, and sees things for what they are and stops acting like you’re the villain it’s not going to happen.
He in living hell - between two homes - you choose not like his mother " wow ! Its her child. You dont get choose to like her. Either dose his father -
That child was created before you
He needs help. Honesty - court should consider if you and her your family should be allowed around him.
You dont get change his custody plan.
No court will take mom rights away - unless unfit -’
Lot of CpS case open abuse step parents and parent abuse.
The child is accuse you and your family of abuse & his father of abuse . He old enough to testify in court at 9 years old. Refuse to see his father -
His mother should take back to court.
As mandtory reporter - any teacher, daycare worker ,or nurse - should report you to DCF -
So watch him be mental ,emotional & psy abuse occur -
See no issuse- the child report this and no action was taken to provide him any support.
Its the mother fault. "-
He is using both sides! Kids are good at it! Been there! All that is involved needs to realize this and talk it out otherwise it will never end! It’s rough!