We currently have placement of my stepson around 30% of the year. The only reason as to why we don’t have more is because it’s a 45 minute drive to his school. We also went to court when he was younger and the GAL thought at the time the drive would be too long for him. This is when he was 4. Now he is 9 and we’ve been contemplating on going back to court. Anyways he is with us during the summer week on/week off and the the school year holidays and weekends. During the summer I am home with him as his Dad works. We’ll when he’s here I’m home with him I take care of him. Make sure he’s fed, clothed, happy, and take him and his siblings on trips. Anyways we don’t get along with his mom due to past issues. This has created huge issues with my stepson. He lies to his Mom about things. We asked him why and he’s told us that he is scared of her. We’ve told her about this and she doesn’t think it’s true. We’ve witnessed it happen numerous times. He’ll also tell us how he gets bad anxiety with her and her parents. Anyways he ended up in a boot for hurting his foot. It wasn’t broken or anything. It was more for comfort. Well we were having a birthday party for him and his sibling that weekend he had the boot. We told him he was unable to take his boot off to go into the bounce house and unfortunately had to stay out. Well when we got home he immediately took his boot off and went in the bounce house. I told him that his mom is going to end up finding out and that he will be in trouble so he needs to listen to her and keep his boot on. He straight up said to my face “she won’t find out!”. That was the last time I ever said anything about his boot. The next day his Dad told him he’s either going to leave the boot on the rest of the day or leave it off because he’s not going to have him running around with it on. I had no say in this conversation nor did I want to because it felt like it wasn’t my say. This last weekend we went to go pick him up and his mom told me that he said my mom, sister, and I blocked him in a corner made him take his boot off and get on the bounce house. My family wasn’t even here and they even showed up late to the party. I was so devastated and broken that he would say anything like that about my family and I. My family has always been there for him(his mom doesn’t like it). They have never treated him unfair. They’ve always bought him gifts for Christmas and Birthdays and offer to take him places. I’m now at the point in life where I am exhausted. My husband and I argue about it. It affects my other children and I no longer know what to do. What do you think?
If he lied about why he took his boot off do you think it’s possible he lied about how he feels about his mom? I think you guys as a family need to become closer because he knows the tension between y’all and thinks he can get away playing with both sides
He’s a product of divorce and being shifted between homes. Lying and manipulating is very common with kids in this situation. And unless you all and his mother co parent and communicate, it’s not going to go away. I would set the record straight with your stepson in front of his mother, while acknowledging that he is probably not honest about her either. Your husband should be supporting your parenting decisions with him, as you are his caregiver. If he won’t, then he can find someone to watch his son while he is at work.
As long as your husband and his mother allow the lying, it will cause problems in your house and marriage. Remember, his issues aren’t with you or your family, they’re with his situation.
I think everyone needs to sit down at a table together and have a full discussion, including the child. He needs to be called out and all the issues need to be brought up. He needs to see that all adults are on the same page.
I have a similar situation going on with my 6 year old. We’ve literally got to the point where I say “right ok then I will have a little chat with daddy” or his dad will say “ok I’ll speak to mommy” and then all of a sudden what my 6 year old had said is no longer the case! He plays us off each other as he knows there’s some tension there…however we had a sit down together with our son present and we’re now at a point we can get on civilly and only have to drop a message and things get straightened out immediately if our son makes a claim against someone else… the claims have stopped pretty quickly. I think a similar situation is going on here but it’s 100% worth having a chat with mum BUT do it with child present to show a united front. I understand us mummy’s are protective of our babies and will want to side with them instantly but kids can be little tykes 
Maybe you dad and mom need to have a sit down with him. Ask him why he thinks lying is a good idea and explain the consequences of his lies. And all 3 parent need to get along for it. It’s not about you. It’s about him!
Seems like he’s using the hate his mother and you have for each other to his advantage. You need to take away privileges and discipline him just as you and his dad would do for your other kids. Lying is not acceptable. No privileges and take away all electronics for a certain amount of days. He’ll be mad, yeah he might say he wants to stay with his mom but you’re trying to raise a good human being not trying to be friends. Also maybe he needs to start some counseling just to be able to talk to someone. It can’t be easy for him that his parents don’t get along and if he’s lying to get his way then maybe counseling will help before things get worse. And his mom should have known that he was lying, that’s ridiculous to think 3 adult women cornered a child to force them to take his boot off and forced him to go into a bounce house. Lol. If his mom doesn’t realize that’s a flat out lie then she needs help and she’s just looking for any reason, ridiculous or not to fight with you.
I think dad needs to sit down with him and set him straight. At 9 he’s old enough to know better.
My son when he was 9 always told either parent what he thinks they want to hear. Unfortunately in split family situations when neither party talk the child seems to think that both parties WANT to hear bad things about the other family. The only thing you can do to stop the lying is sit down with your husband, you and his mom and tell him you guys talk and know the truth. You don’t have to like each other or get a long but it’s the only way I can think of to stop that behavior. Do you really think he’s scared of his mom and her parents? That might not be true.
It sounds like your step son is working the situation. I think this is normal but not acceptable. And quite frankly, his mother should have known that his story was just to get out of trouble for taking his boot off. I would not take it personal but tell him it hurt your feelings. Try to remember that he is nine and trying to figure it all out too.
I’d talk with his mom and tell him that is not true why would it make any sense to force him to jump on a bounce house when he has a boot on? It doesn’t… as far as him lying he’s 9, u need to have a heart to heart with him aboutnlying and how it will catch up to him and get him in trouble. That you and his mom are a team in raising him and that this behavior of lying isn’t ok. If there’s still issues. Maybe he needs councling for something going on deeper…
Take away all his privileges, he’s a kid he’s going to lie but as parent step or not it’s your job to teach him and tell him it’s wrong. I’d tell him I knew he lied and I’d ask him why then I’d punish him, no tv no video games no nothing other than NEEDS if he wants you to be the bad guy be the bad guy a kid isn’t supposed to like you. Also tell him you may be putting cameras up in the house so from now you’ll have proof of lies and what’s true.
Talk directly with the other parent. Also counseling could be an option
I would get someone possibly child services.if you dare. And tell them what is going on Tell them how the mother is acting and his father for that matter and see if they have someone who can talk with the child or all of you together. He is 9 if you don’t get a handle on this now what are you going to do when he becomes a teenager
Sometimes in situations like this most people just say oh his a child and just discipline him and so on no disrespect to anyone and they opinions this is just my own opinion… Kids that grow up between two families and a step mom or dad will feel like they are so different from the rest"normal families" and they will try ever sort of tactics just to get attention… The kid must be holding alot of his emotions n feelings… Kids are advanced these day… If he says that his lying cz his scared of his mum then you need to sit down with him and let him know that he can trust u to be open with u and that u will always be there for him…U need to tell him that lying is only gonna hurt ur feelings and that’s going to cause alot of problems and then daddy and i and ur mummy and i and daddy gonna be upset and argue… I know that kids lie alot but u know him better than we do so don’t take it lightly maybe something is going on at home with his mum and him and he waits to come to you and speak up about it. Can also be that the mum gets frustrated at him And takes it out on him cz his got a good relationship with u… Don’t ever get me wrong lying is not acceptable but just try to understand why his behavior is changing… these situations are never easy… Hope all works out
Such bs what kids must go through when adults can’t grow tf up.