What should we do?

My husband’s sister has a drinking problem which has affected her relationships with all of her siblings. She and my husband have not talked in over 4 years by her choosing. Recently her husband had a very significant medical problem, and we do not expect him to survive. She and I keep in touch regarding family concerns; I am the POA for one of the other siblings (has dementia and is autistic). I keep her updated with the changes regarding the other sibling. When her husband had this serious medical event, she messaged me immediately and I have been keeping my husband and the other siblings updated. Now, here is my question: This sister-in-law and her husband (who we all adore) live about 5 hours away from us. My husband is unsure if he should go down for the funeral when our brother-in-law passes away or if he should send me by myself in order to not create any issues. I’m not sure which is the best. Opinions?


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What should we do?

I think he should go. Everybody is an adult and the funeral isn’t about the issues between siblings, it’s about honoring your brother in law/his brothers life and everyone needs to realize that. Maybe someone even needs to say it but not in front of sister in law of brother in law who may not make it. I also think everyone needs to put aside the sibling problems to support the SIL who you said everybody adores, she needs you guys now more than ever.


Your husband should still go, she told you all because she trusted you enough to be there for her… she needs you right now and something so petty shouldn’t get in the way of you all being there, especially if you love her husband then go for him and the love you have for him!


He should be an adult and go.


My suggestion would be to ask her and respect her decision


This is my opinion, if they were that important to you, you should have buried the hatchet and settled your issues years ago when it mattered, when you would have had time together, when it mattered. Waiting until someone dies is only to ease your guilt. Leave the sister alone unless she asks for you .

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He should be there to show his support of his sister. If she doesn’t like it, leave. At least you both showed up.

I will say this from my own experience if she is choosing not to speak to your husband and other siblings due to issues then he shouldn’t go. I invited my sister to our dads funeral and it was a disaster from my sister being disrespectful to not only me but everyone else including the priest and she stole cash/checks that was suppose to help pay for expenses she broke into my dads apartment and stole stuff etc and her and my mom got into it and my sister said she wished it was my mom who died instead of our dad for she could piss on her grave.

I planned the whole funeral and the tribute to my dad with the veteran affair place where I lived to the urns :funeral_urn: to the catering etc by myself and when my sister did all this stuff I wasn’t even able to grieve cause I was so upset by her behavior it was a disgrace honestly.

I don’t think your brother would act like at all but for your sister in laws respect I wouldn’t have your husband or his other siblings go cause she hasn’t spoken to them for 5 years. It could’ve been cause her husband was controlling also. So it’s up to you. Ask her also cause it is her choice who should go and who shouldn’t. Like seriously ask her cause she may not realize it but she’s going to need a shoulder to lean on cause it’s not easy losing someone you love trust me I know. She obviously reaches out to you cause she trusts you so if she says no to your brother and other siblings going then please respect her decision about it.

It’s his Sister yes he should go


He will regret it the rest of his life if he don’t go. Go together

If he doesn’t want to leave with regrets… he should go… even if it’s only long enough to pay his respects.

That is his family. He should go with you

It’s his family. He should definitely go.

If they haven’t talked in 4 years continue not talking to them. he doesn’t have to be there for the funeral and continue not talking to them… 4 years that’s ridiculous I have no respect for people who do that to their own siblings and try to reconcile after a tragedy GTFOH

IF your husband hasn’t been in contact with his BIL in over 4 years he shouldn’t go to the funeral. The BIL didn’t mean much to him while he was alive. Why go to the funeral & pretend?

Everyone should go.
Given her mental state and disease, she will need love and support.

Go set bad blood a side !

At end of the day she is his sister and he should be there 4 him so yee should both go

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He goes to show his respect to the brother in law. If the sister is a wanker just leave afterwards.

Family illness is a time to put arguments behind you. He should visit before its too late to make peace and you should all attend the funeral when he passes…imo