No judge is going to just hand full custody over dad simply because dad wants it. When I was young my dad use to say all the time that he would take my brother and I away from her as a scare tactic but reality is it doesn’t work that way. Things may be different where you are from but I know where I am from, I know a couple that split and the dad threaten violence on the mother and the judge ordered that dad could only have supervised visits with the kids until he could prove his anger is under control.
Personally I would start documenting every threat and speak to a lawyer about your options. I will bet you that the lawyer will tell you dad probably won’t just get full time custody of the kids.
Run…from both your husband and your in law.
Don’t take that any longer. Leave if that’s what you have to do. They can’t just take your kids from you I promise. And if your husband doesn’t really want you to leave, he needs to put him in a home where they can handle stuff like that. Your kids shouldn’t be objected to it either.
Omg are you crazy!??!? Your to kind and sweet for your own good! You are a mother and that always comes first. You only put up with what you allow yourself to put up with!! this is YOUR home and YOUR children and they are both to be respected and that’s the bottom line! Don’t put up with that crap, he is no different that someone on the street being rude to your kids. Home is a safe place for children, don’t let it become uncomfortable for the sake of a rude, bitter ass hole!! You built the home, so regulate it! Put your foot DOWN, your husband won’t know what the hell to do when you finally have enough. Love yourself and your children more than you are currently being loved and respected! Take back your power!!!
Run and never look back!!!
If anyone puts their hands on you have them locked up and a restraining order placed on them. Don’t let anyone make threats and disrespect you period. Show hubby what his behavior can get him as well. Why do women always believe just because a man has the job and mom stays home that her kids can get taken?? So not true. You have way more power than you believe.
Does he get SSI or disability? Can use that towards nursing home. There’s a will, there’s a way. And no amount of threats from hubs would make me stay. If you need to leave, leave. Maybe once you do your husband will see you’re serious about his father.
He has to prove you to be an unfit parent(ex husband tried to pull this crap)I promise you he can’t.I would look for an at home job and go from there and then leave.You amd your babies,don’t deserve this.
You are in a bad situation. Abuse!!! Cannot be tolerated!
It’s not always easy to leave…trust me I get that… especially when that is your kids home…
Stand tall! And tell your husband that he can go get a place and take his father with him…. When he’s working then he’ll need to get him a sit in nanny…
if that doesn’t work… file for divorce… since you stay home with the kids and take care of them then your husband and FIL will need to leave…
If you’re man doesn’t protect you at ALL TIMES then he’s not much of a man and when you find a real man you’ll forget all about him and his d-bag daddy.
I took care of my father in law for 4 years when his kids didn’t do crap. He was head strong, verbally abuse. He was in the final stages of dementia in the end I was the one that shared all the good with the bad. I never once questioned who would do it.
Record all threats and what you are doing for him. Record everything. Consult with a lawyer ASAP. Depending on where you are online ones should be free. Get as much info on your options and make a plan to get out.
You have to do something or it will Ruin your Life pretty much
I’m sorry did you say your husband threatens to hit you!? You know the answer. Call about a battered women’s shelter with kids… please do not stay where you are being physically abused.
For your inlaw call social services for help for him
Whoever threatened you, make a police report.
Take your children, and run.
After you pack up, and find somewhere to leave, go make a report (just so it’s on paper officially) and state you do not feel safe, and you feel like you and your children are in danger in that household.
I hope you have family to help you…… please be safe
Your job as a mother/parent is to protect your children at all costs. If you let this continue any longer your children will be the ones suffering whether it be now or in the future. Move in with family or friends and tell your husband you’ll consider moving back in if there are changes made so the abuse stops. Dont just allow it to keep happening. Your husband will want you back because he will see how much help you have been to them. Then maybe he will be more helpful when it comes to taking care of his dad, or he may see that a home is a better place for him to be so he can be taken care of by professionals who can be there 24/7. I hope it all works out for you.
Contact a womens abuse agency
Record how he talks to you
That way you have evidence
Will only get worse
Don’t take it
first off lock the husband up for abusing you second get your father inlaw out of the house clean cook and live happy with your babies get rid of toxic you dont need it
No one should be putting their hands on you. If that’s the case, than it needs to be reported and documented. Tell your husband, that he and his siblings need to come up with alternative arrangements. They should be sharing the expenses of his care equally. Until then, can he be enrolled in adult day care? I had a family membe do that years ago. A van came to pick her up in the morning and drop off in the late afternoon. It could provide you with a few hours of relief from his antics.
Make a record of EVERYTHING, written and video, and call the cops if you have to! This is straight up abuse. No doubt about it. send the video documentation to and email of yours, just in case something happens to your phone too, so you have access to it when you need it.
First know your worth. Understand you deserve better. Do you have family to go to? Both men are toxic. Call 1800 799 SAFE. Its a women’s help hotline. Please use it and get you and your children somewhere safe Please
I was in this situation and then my now ex did turn abusive and spent 2 hours trying to kill me one night. Luckily I got out by the grace of God.
Put your foot down with the husband, you and your children deserve respect in your own home. Either FIL does a 180° turn around on his shitty attitude or he goes to a nursing home. Period. If husband refuses, file for divorce.
How old is he? If he is old enough for Medicare or medicaid nursing homes will take him and it will be covered that way. ￼
Call the police and have his old ass arrested and make hubby go bail him out.
Sheesh. My heart hurt for you.
Id leave him if he is threatening you that is mental abuse and emotional abuse. It is never ok to treat the mother of your children like shit. A toxic unhealthy relationship for u is also toxic and unhealthy for your children. It took my mom 12years to figure that out and the only reason ahe left my real dad was when he atarted putting his hands on my little brother. There is never a reason to treat ur spouse like shit at all.
Leave them! Protect yourself and your children.
Oh momma I’m so sorry!This situation is incredibly unfair and unacceptable. You should not be the one left having to deal with this. He needs to be put in a home or with other family if his behavior continues. It sounds like him and your husband both need a SERIOUS reality check!! They are obviously both very ungrateful to you. You are not anyone’s servant or doormat!! You are a mother. Remember that you are everything to your babies. They need their mother. They need you. Remember that. Sending love and prayers to you. Good luck momma.
Take your kids and leave … go to court and get full custody of the kids with either no visits at all with the kids dad or supervised visits only … Tell the courts there is threats and also abuse going on in that home and you 100% feel that your kids should not be allowed in that home
Money shouldn’t be an issue if he is at poverty or below the state will assist in providing care but he needs to get on public aid. The social worker should Walk you through all of that
Did this just start when your father in law moved in? It takes a lot of work to care for someone that is unable to care for themselves. I know. I’m doing it since February. I have had one respite of 3 nights. I suggest you call senior services in your area. It’s full of useful information. There are also day cares he could go to and give you some of your life back. Some have a bus to pick up/drop off. I say to make time for YOU and the stresses will be easier to handle. Please look into the options you have. I wish you well!
Leave and they’ll have to prove you’re an unfit mother to take your children away. What they’re doing is manipulating u n the threats are a control tactic abusers use to keep their victims from leaving.
I would look into getting your in law in a home, if he has insurance most of them will cover the cost if they deem it necessary that they need it. Make it known he has ZERO family willing to help (including yours) and since he’s such an ass, see how he enjoys sitting there by himself bc no one will come visit due to how he acts.
Either he’ll change his ways or he’ll die like that
Also, to take your children from you is such a shallow threat. Girl if you are a good mama and provide, no state sides with the dad. that just shows how dumb they are and they should know that. He would get every other weekend if you want to leave, but I know it isn’t always that easy.
Your husband needs to side with you and back YOU. Regardless who it’s against. If he isn’t the one taking care of said in law 24/7 then really he has no damn say, family or not.
Do what’s best for you. I know if I had three kids at home to care for and a household, I ain’t watching no asshole of an in-law. They can count me out.
why is this a question your husband threatened you… file a police report…record the interaction if you can and get the fuck out
Sis this sounds like narcissism and it does make you suicidal please seek counsel in some fashion
Ik it can be hard but if anyone abuses you, press charges. Call a women’s shelter for any resources they may have. Get the in law outta YOUR home. Your VERY FIRST job is to protect urself and ur children. Do NOT let this go any further.
Have a hidden camera in the home to catch stuff make sure your home is up to code with cps and use that if you leave show the home environment
My daughter had her dad live with her for his last days last year. In his mental state he was similar to this person. Im not saying this guy is dieing or anything but. He may be sick and cant help it. My 5 cents worth
I work long term care Medicaid. If you need nursing home care apply for Medicaid. I don’t know how other states set their FPL but in Nebraska a single adult older than 65 can have Medicare as well as Medicaid and have their needs met for the most part. In Nebraska I cannot approve anymore for Medicaid if they have over$4,000 in resources and that includes IRA’s, vehicles,real estate,etc… but they cannot give away money or assets either. We have a five year look back period. If they have nothing to their name Medicaid is extremely beneficial.
Any time a husband threatened his wife than she needs to leave him. It will get worst before it gets better. Don’t take the chance. Especially if your children are there watching all this.
Get proof of him threatening to harm you and kids and then file for immediate full custody.
How long has this been going on with he father-in-law?? Only asking because if he is up there in age, he made have dementia and it is out of his control (everything you’re discussing.) I watched my grandmother with it and she would get very aggressive during certain times and whatnot. It is a very horrible disease. If that is the case, then I would suggest a nursing home for him so he can be watched and taken care of.
Get out of there now and take your kids!
You pack up you and your little ones and you get out now!!!
If he’s physically hurting you. He won’t stop with you. You need to protect you and your children. I would get the police involved.
Maybe in his own apartment close to you but not in your home.
The state will likely assist with a nursing home. You deserve better. And your husband needs to step up.
Pack up your kids and leave. I know easier said than done. But just do it
Your husband can’t make you do anything you don’t want to if you want to leave and are fed up you have a right to leave! He can’t take away your kids as you have done nothing wrong to them, he doesn’t look after his dad you do so you get a say and just because he doesn’t like what you have to say doesn’t give him a right to get angry because he is also getting angry because if you leave there will be nobody to take care of his dad and he will have to do it, so while your there your doing everything and he gets to kick back and do nothing
If you need to find a local women’s shelter you can go to domesticshelters.org
All shelters should have a way to get you and your kids there safely if you are unable to get yourself there.
Get proof that they are both abusive and toxic for your children to be around. Then leave. If he takes you to court to try to take your kids, you will have proof of why you left and that he is the one who is unfit. Best of luck
It’s not just your in law who’s abusive. If your husband is threatening you, he’s abusing you and you need to leave. Try to record and get as much proof as you can, especially text messages. Record instances in a journal with time and date and everything that happened.
Let your husband know, it’s either his dad needs to go somewhere else, like a rest home or other relatives, or maybe you leave for the sake of your children…
Take the kids and run to a women’s shelter
I don’t play and if you mess with my babies YOU ARE GONE! He would be gone PRONTO!
Where I live TX, if you go into assisted living. you sign your Social Security check to the facility.
As much as I admire you for putting up with this and taking care of your in law there are boundaries that should never be crossed and it seems that your husband has done just that. You are taking care of an infant, toddler and a pre-teen and now this is happening on top of that - first off never allow ANY person, including your husband and in law to threaten you and your kids with bodily harm and removal of your kids from you - if you have a way out while your husband is away from the home and you have a safe place to go please go with your kids and don’t look back until both your husband and in law get some much needed help with their mindset. You can call for emergency assistance for your in law so that you aren’t leaving him by himself unattended or if he is able to care for himself leave him there but do go and get your children away from the situation before it’s to late. You and your kids are in my prayers - God speed and get out soon.
Get rid of hubby and his father that’s not acceptable!
Be smart. Get evidence of everything. Try to record and videotape the threats and the bad treatments (but be smart and careful during doing it). Record how ur father-in-law mocks the kids and abuses them especially. And record the threat of hitting you. Make copies, many copies and leave copies with trusted friends or create more than one email and send the evidence to. If it ever came to court and him threatening to take ur kids away, you’ll have evidence of everything to show to the court.
You used to work before quitting for ur kids, so also try to have this plan B. For example, look for jobs just in case and work out the finances if u can afford daycare for ur kids and a simple home if it got to that. No need to act on it yet, but first you have to be smart and have plans B and C in place just in case.
If you have valuable items like jewelery keep em in a safe place, and wouldnt hurt to get an estimate of how much money you can get for them in a pinch.
Also, if you can put a couple of change of clothes and essentials for yourself and each of your kids in a certain closet so if you ever needed to make a quick escape, you’ll be ready to take the kids and leave very quickly. (But dont put them in a suitcase as that might be found)… maybe have an empty suitcase closeby, and everything else ready and closeby as well.
Also important is to have any legal documents u might need and at hand, and make copies if u can. Birth certificates, IDs, ur passport… anything. So you can also pack it with u quickly. I heard of situations where the abusive spouse might damage these documents later or use them as a point of leverage.
Most important thing, dont let them be aware that you have a plan B ready. Work quietly and slowly. Dont allow yourself to be a victim, be smart and proactive.
I wish you all the best
Leave to a women’s shelter around u or leave and file a police report/restraining order against them for threatening u! That’s just disgusting. I hope u can get out of this hell hole ur living in with 2 abusive people.
Get your FIL on some NH lists . NH have to put aside 5% of their units for people that haven’t got the finances . I’m sure it’s still available . Look into it .
I wonder what he does to your kids when you turn your back. OMG! You need to leave for your children’s sake!
I’d leave with my children
gotta go for kids sake
Go do some shopping with the kids and keep going
Take your children and leave.
Get out of there now. Immediately. These people are mental. They are only using you.
Your husband and his dad threaten to hit you?? Take ur babies and go!!!
Take the kids on a shopping trip and don’t go back home! File police reports as well. Don’t look back! Keep you ans your babies safe! The husband is letting the FIL do this stuff and threatens you. Even with the FIL out of the picture… what do you think your husband will do? He will find other ways to be abusive and will likely escalate.
Sign his ass up for Medicare or Medicaid and bye bye to a nursing home. Ppl think just cause they live with their child ppl have to put up with their bullshit. Yeah fucking right. Pack your shit granddaddy were going to the nursing home TODAAYYYY
Call the cops if FIL is abusive. Don’t even mention anything to your “man”. Record FIL behaviour. Let someone else deal with him. Then file for divorce
File for Medicaid and benefits and throw him in a nursing home
Call your local elder center. They can set up an appointment for a social worker to come evaluate your father-in-law. Depending on the evaluation, maybe he can go to a day program or nursing home care. Nursing home care is based on his ability to pay- not your husband and his siblings. If he has not assets, then he qualifies for federal and state financial services.
Sounds like your husband is more worried about keeping his dads check than the wellness of his family.
Pick ip you kids n leave
Ģo see State Department
Put him in nursing home or take your kids and leave
Put him in a Nursing home or get out. Be safe and be strong. Don’t hurt yourself.
Is it Dementia? Or is he just an ass?
Contact a home Healthcare agency. He can receive care for free with Medicaid. Having a trained caretaker there will help lighten your load.
Hello please seek help at a women’s refuge they will find you a job and a home to stay at with your kids if abuse is involve
You need to think about your self and the children you don’t have to take care of his dad,not your job .you first of all are not equipped to deal with him.call the authorities and get some lawful information.good luck
If he is on disability the nursing home will take his disability checks for payment
He can’t stay and continue to treat you and the children that way. I’d let your husband know to find him a new place or find you and kids new place. You and those babies are his priority. If an adult can’t behave then the adult can’t stay.
As some one who escaped an abusive relationship take your kids and leave before he hurts you or the children
That sounds like you need to take your kids file a parenting plan and temporary emergency protection order (at the very least)through the court.
It sounds like a toxic situation that may not get better. And you. We’d to think about how you’re children are being treated along with how they’re seeing you being treated. You can always work on a marriage apart of that happens later down the line. But make sure you take care of your children and yourself and be safe.
Put that rude SOB in a nursing home.
Leave.you don’t deserve to be treated like that.& the kids definitely don’t deserve it either.
Get a sauce pan and whack the f*er over the head when he hits you! How dare your husband allow his own father to do this to you! Fk both out and live happily ever after… hope your ok! This is not ok!
Wake up and put you and your children’s first, leave before he hurt use more then what he’s doing now…
He could qualify for Medicaid if he’s low income w/very little in resources (money in the bank, vehicles, life insurance etc.). Check your county for aged and disabled services, too. Good luck and take care of yourself and your children.
They have both threatened to hit you! Pack some bags take the kids and go. That is not on.
You need to call the police
Hello nursing home!!!
Leave and go to court for a restraining order and fight for custody