Looking for any suggestions.
My step daughter is almost 7 and for the past 2 years has increasingly started showing violent behavior when she gets upset. To give you some back story my husband and I have been together since she was 2.5 and her mother is hardly around (sees her maybe 2 times a month and calls a couple times a week)
When she gets upset it’s because we ask her to do something as simple as “get your pajamas on” or please clean up your art supplies before you start another activity” or “it’s time for dinner” and she doesn’t like it.
She straight up just does not respect us and we are both very consistent. I believe she is just a very defiant disrespectful child. She will flat out say no and defy us on basically everything. She is on ADHD medication given by her psychiatrist for her angry outbursts but when she gets mad she still says she wants us to die, she wishes she was dead, she wants to crush our faces between the door, etc. She also has deliberately woken up her baby brother (he’s just a few months old) just to make us mad. I’m at a loss here. We have another appt with her psychiatrist this week but I don’t know what else we can do. Any one else experiencing something similar?
Sometimes the meds can make the outbursts worse. Ask the dr about changing them or maybe put her on something for anxiety.
She’s 7. She doesn’t know how to deal with her emotions. You need to help her deal with it. She isn’t a disrespectful child at fucking 7. What a rude bitch. She needs help with her emotions. She’s on medication as well, take the side effects of that into account.
Pray over your child. Rebuke satan in Jesus name . She will recover, God heals all.
Has she been evaluated for ODD as well?
Sounds to me like there is more than ADHD at play here. I would document everything and present it at the next appointment. We had to do that with my exs son to determine he was not only bipolar, but schizophrenic- bipolar type with ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder and was on the autism spectrum. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out whats going on because psychiatry isn’ t something that will show up on a CT scan or xray and give you a diagnosis. Best of luck to you all. Most importantly, keep loving on her the best way you know how. She is probably as confused as you all are!
ADHD meds are for focus and calming…not necessarily mood. Look into mood stabilizer. Request gene site testing. That will help pin point what meds may work, which, may not work, and which may even make symptoms worse.
Take her off medications and find a different venue of psych help. My oldest use to be a completely different child on them.
Anger, mean hearted, defiant.
As she grows she might be understanding more, and feel angry deeply about why her mom is here n there in her life.
Ask for an eval for oppositional defiance disorder. Ask for other therapies as well.
Look into wrap around services, they help a lot! With wrap around you get a BSC a behavioral specialist and a TSS a Therapeutic Staff Support.
Sounds like she could use a BSC and TSS. My 4 yr old has both of them. He sounds a lot like your step daughter bit his psychiatrist also said he has ODD traits.
Start by thinking about how she feels at 7 years old. She doesn’t need meds she needs to be understood. A child who has less than enough parental time with a mother or father, will usually act out. A child that is jealous of another woman taking her fathers attention, will usually act out…now add another child taking that attention away. She is seeking stability and right now she is misdirecting her anger in the only way she knows as a child. She acts out! I went through the same thing with my son when I remarried. Here are the steps I would advise. No doctors or shrinks or meds. This will only disconnect her more because she will feel as though she is an even more insecure environment. Next step, you need one day a week to have just you and her to do something special. She needs to feel connected to you and build security knowing you love her and you will protect her as well as listen to her. Then dad needs one special outing a week with her. Now, complement her on things she does well or things she does to help. Ask her if she would like to help pick out clothes for the baby or even wash dishes with you. This will strengthen that connection. You have to remember, we make choices as adults that seem like easy transitions for us…but to a child, it can mean their world is falling apart. When she acts out such as not wanting to put her pjs on or such…say, ok…can you please tell me why you do not want to put the pjs on? This gives her a chance to talk and be heard. Then explain that if you will put your pjs on the first time you’re asked, Me or dad will come read a book or watch a movie with you. You have to consistently rebuild her security of knowing she is important and you love her and she is safe with you. After I started slowing down and my husband slowed down to really listen and devote special time to our son, we began talking more and he realized his step dad loved him and he was special to him and I, my son’s attitude changed dramatically! He looked forward to our game nights, lunch days ect… he started respecting us more and even began doing things before we asked, like taking the trash out or cleaning his room. This too shall pass! She is still just a kid and trying to find her place in her family while learning that someone will not leave her.
Yeah, this sounds more like Oppositional Defiant Disorder than ADHD. Especially if you have a consistent routine/expectations/repercussions.
ADHD meds shouldn’t be given for angry outburst. As a kid I was on that crap and it’s horrible! Makes you feel like a zombie and miserable no joy in life!
13 years in mental health field…meds do not solve the underlying problems she is feeling.
Sound bit like adhd symptoms but could also be aspergers (form of autism). If it is apergers then her been on medication can do more harm than good in long run. It sounds more like she needs behaviour therapy to control rages. Find her triggers and learn coping stagerties to control them. You probably also benefit from family therapy to give you and hubby suport. My sons autistic with adhd. Glad to say he switch from devil to a really lovely adult once he started high school. Went on to pass exams and now at college
I maybe old school but have you tried punishment? Spank that butt if it calls for it. ADHD or not, a good old fashioned spanking helps when it’s needed.
Sorry but whys everyone think its necessary to put a kid on pills. They aren’t even developed yet. There are other options. That’s so young for a child to have to rely on a pill
You ever think maybe it’s just you and Dad lately! Or maybe it is a bio Mom thing… Or maybe she isn’t getting enough love and attention with this new baby around, could be why it’s super bad now. I know you said it’s been over the past 2 years and it’s been getting worse but still…There is always a deeper rooted issue. And tales are sometimes spun to make the parents seem like the good guys. Just saying. No offence.
Sounds like her meds are WRONG. This type of behavior can result from the wrong dosage or even the wrong diagnosis. Find a Dr that does not believe in medication first. Some kids need meds…most do not.
Take off the medication dude as a child who used to be on 17 medications a day for a bunch of mental “problems” I can tell you that it fux with kids brains and emotions terribly!!! It makes us angry and extremely depressed and anxious and scared and confused because we don’t know why we’re getting all of these feelings and we don’t know who to or how to take it out on anything except for a person especially at such a young age!!! it makes you zombified you’re not even yourself half the time you ask yourself why you did or said that and can’t understand what made you do that and it’s scary!!! please whatever you do just take her off of the medication and trust me
Watch dr. Phil on childrens ADHD medication
Uuuhm… that’s not ADHD. That’s ODD. Oppositional Defiance Disorder.
Also, not all of us with ADHD respond to meds the same way. Get an eval for ODD, and see what your options are.
She is 7 for Christ’s sake all 7 year olds are hyper she probably doesn’t even have ADHD if you go to a doctor they will tell you that anyone has ADHD if they show signs of being hyper and anyway especially in children because children get distracted easily it have a lot of energy that doesn’t mean that they have ADHD! She’s too young to be on medication like that anyway what the heck
Look medication is not going to help her , is she being treated differently from her little brother? Obviously she’s hurting inside and something is bothering her to act out like this. To be young and this angry. Something happened to her. Don’t just say she’s disrespectful, there’s something else going on
She has so much going on inside her head and heart! No child is disrespectful and hateful for no reason ! I agree maybe meds need changed or adjusted! Sad that you would say she’s just disrespectful and defiant
She’s acting out because she doesn’t have her mother. That’s the root of the whole thing. Parents don’t realize how their presence (or lack there of) effects their kids lives.
My son has ADHD as well and is on meds but the meds help calm him down, it doesnt make them behave. I still have to spank him from time to time. And it could be that she is upset that bio mom is not in the picture more and really doesnt know how to express her feelings on that. The threats need to be addressed ASAP or it could get worse (her actually being physical with her threats)
They wanted to put my son on ADHD medication too but we came to terms that he has depression and anxiety (his dad passed away when he was 5) so all of his angry violent outbursts are linked to that. Therapy, patience and Risperidone and he is a totally different child again. He gets upset still but NEVER violent. We tried therapy for 3 and a half years and nothing was working so I finally agreed to start medication for him and it is working wonders.
Sounds almost exactly like my 6 year old son.
I don’t agree with Spanking.
From my personal experience she probably feels abandoned by her own Mother and possibly jealous that her sibling gets to have his/her Mom around. At her age it’s hard for her to deal with emotions… she really needs you to show her that she hasn’t been abandoned and that she is loved no matter what. I also agree that meds are more than likely not needed or perhaps the wrong dosage.
These are signs of deep seated problems .How is she at school ? She needs to be in therapy for behavior modification on a regular basis.
Please PM me.One of my close friends is a licensed child
Psychologist.I disagree that she needs to be on ADHD meds.
Was she like that before the medicine bc it could be making her violent. She needs to be taken off or weaned off but not that medicine.
Love , please love. She misses her mom.
ODD is the name of it my son has the same thing.
I think her problem is. Cause her mother isnt around I think she should talk to someone. Pills isnt the answer. I feel she is having issues that her mom is in and out of her life. Try addressing that problem. My brother has ADHD and he never acted like that
My name is joann. I have been a for real babysitter since age 11. 2nd oldest of 6. I can offer advice but not here. If you wish please PM me. I do not judge or bash. God bless the family.if you PM me please remind me who you are
ODD. My 8 year old has it
God bless you, and God bless this precious little girl. The medication is obviously not working for her, please see a different doctor and wean her off it under his direction. Try another medication if you absolutely half too. Sounds to me like the parents and step other need to do more. This little girl is dying inside, she is experiencing real pain to her — so MANY things the 3 adults could d9 to help her working together. But, it does sound like her medicine is not working for her,and possibly making things much worse.
Has she been evaluated for Oppositional Defiant Disorder? 40% of kids with ADD also have ODD. Maybe you should discuss that with her psychiatrist bc it could be that or it could simply be that she is having feelings of abandonment and/or missing her mother, some other type of trauma she has experienced, or it could be that she is fearful that the new baby in the home is loved more than she is…or it could be a combo of all of it. Regardless, there is some deep-seated issue going on within her and you need to get to the bottom of it. Please talk to her psychiatrist, pediatrician, school officials and anyone else who may be able to help her and your family. Good luck!!
She feels abandoned and replaced by baby brother. My daughter and ex son in law left their 2 beautiful girls so we introduce activities like help plan a meal and other age appropriate activities such as folding clothes and give praise .Also a one on one outing such as girls night out works wonders
The next time she says she wishes she would die, take her to the hospital for a psych eval as suicidal. Let her know the seriousness of it, also get her into therapy and maybe even intense in home therapy. Had to do that with my now 13 year old. He doesnt have those outbursts anymore. And his anger is well controlled.
Also, he does get spankings and gets grounded for certain things. One or the other, not both.
Her problems are probably related to not having her real mother with her. Kids need their real mothers not stepmothers. She needs lots of love and understand. Not judgment and always complaining what she does wrong.
My 9 year old is like that…but not on meds…my 7 year old was diagnosed with adhd after several studies… But my 9 year olds the one who has those exact outbursts. Im at a loss to
I have 6 kids, all mine and my 9 year olds the 1 who has violent outbursts at times…
Mood disorder. My son was adhd and had the outbursts for the same reasons
She probably has some other mental issue, i have severe anxiety depression and bipolar, i remember being 7 and having terrible anger and not being able to control my emotions. She may have the adhd/add to or the psychiatrist misdisgnosed her. I used to bite myself til I bled pull my hair out, wish i was dead or other people were dead at 7 years old. They all just thought I was a brat til i finally was 18 and got mental help im almost 22 and have been able to get my problems kind if under control. Had they sought proper treatment I might’ve never self medicated and became a drug addict, and had to get my own mental help. Be there for her. Get her the help she needs. Maybe mom has some kind of disorders that run in her side?
I would get that diagnosis re checked.
All to often kids are diagnosed ADHD. It is a go to diagnosis. It is very possible that there is no ADHD, instead something that sometimes mimic ADHD. For example Anexity can be the actual diagnosis. I am by no means saying thus is the case, that is for a qualified professional to determine. What can happen, is if the diagnosis is inncorrect, the medications will not work & the real concern esclates.
If this is Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), there is no medication for it. It is all about behavior & behavior modification.
Is this sudden ? More like a doctor check up and then referred to the right doctor. She’s very angry and needs to learn how to deal with anger/ hurts.
I believe she might be angry because she doesn’t have her mom around. She sees her sibling have a mom & dad she of course going to feel resentment towards all of you. Somehow you got to build her trust, you got to tell her you love her and your not going to leave. Also, she needs a strict schedule and if your going to say get into bed, give her advance warnings say in five minutes we or you going to… Whatever it is ADHD kids need someone to direct them to share coming next they hate surprises. More of a schedule she’ll thrive on it. I think she needs to know you & dad aren’t going to bail out on her. Tell her what she does is good. Positive feedback is what they need.
All behavior has meaning… she is at an age that without even the adhd diagnosis she will struggle to understand and express her complex emotions/ thoughts… add to that her adhd, anger, hurt, attachment issues, possibly feeling replaced by new sib and ur in a mine field huni… I would take notes, continue with psychiatric apts but also look into play therapy…
I have a lil boy with a lot of anger issues, he takes it out on me, I know how hard this is… but remember they take it out on us because we are their safe place… they feel they can express themselves the only way they know… patience and lots of love guys… this too shall pass
Might be bipolar I did that when I was young. I was a very angry disrespectful child. Sadly I didn’t stop until I was about 14 when my depression kicked in
It sounds like she’s angry her biological mom isn’t around.Try to see it through her eyes;you are the “new”mommy and have her daddy and now her baby brother gets to have you both 24/7.Meanwhile she can’t have her bio mommy/daddy in the same house .Aka jealousy and a very frustrated little girl .Does she Have chore/reward system for good behavior like a star chart?For example for every 5 stickers she earns she gets a little prize or gets to pick out a movie for the 3 of you to watch .Also,try doing one on one activities geared to what she likes and give your full undivided attention.Family therapy will come in handy as your relationship and issue evolve.Consistency and reassurance is key;telling her you love her ,extra hugs and compliments.She May not know her “place” in the circumstances with her mom not being there for her.When you discipline her;timeouts,etc,always reassure her when you go it that you love her.