I need some honest, unbiased advice, opinions, ect. Its kind of long though.
Here it goes- so my father is currently staying with us (we are 2 adults and five kiddos) going on two weeks now. He came here because his car broke down and was undrivable (he comes to stay with us anytime something is wrong with his car) he lives in his car by choice i must add. He works as a delivery driver, uber eats, ect but where we are its not something someone could do and actually live on. But he does because he doesnt want a boss to tell him what to do, he doesnt want a room to rent for less than it costs for him to live in his car during these cold months ($300 a month for this room!) because again its someone telling him what to do(pay rent) and he doesnt want to be stuck or cant afford it or whatever he comes up with as excuses. I can get him a job and a room for rent AND get him a new car since his is totalled. My problem is im worried he wont take the job(its not a side job but a regular 9-5 job at retail, or the room(because its not free nor at my house), or pay me for the car(cause he is still paying for the last two cars he totaled) I truly feel hes taken this whole situation to his advantage and in a weird way i feel im being used by my own father. He hasnt tried to get a different job or anything. He sits on his butt at my house all day two weeks now while i go to work to pay my bills for my house i just recently bought on my own. I also have to feed this man! I have a lot of kids so its hard to feed another adult in my home three meals a day plus some. I just cant afford it and he sees me struggling with bills now having to pay extra to the food bill, i literally worked my butt off to not be in this position and finally be able to afford it all with no help at all. Then he constantly is asking for cigarettes or money for cigarettes. I just dont know what i can do. I dont want to ruin our relationship. But i dont want to feel used by my own parent! He was not around until my teen years but will say how he helped raise me but yet he didnt? And it makes me feel sorry he thinks that way when he wasn’t actually around. Am i wrong for feeling this way about the whole situation? I dont want to hurt his feelings by telling him i cant have him here if he cant contibute. I feel like im raising this grown man because he doesnt want to be an adult and im stuck in-between it all. I shouldnt have to do this for my dad whos capable. But if i dont am i a bad daughter? Please help me. What would YOU do? What would you say? How can i help him AND help me. I dont want to condone this behavior but i feel i am by doing nothing. I just dont know what to do or what i really can do. I dont have the heart to kick my own dad out when hes technically homeless and jobless. I cant force this man to work but i cant afford to let him live off me. He has no friends because of this and family has stopped helping. Its literally just me. My moms side will say drop him off at the homeless shelter but my heart could not actually do that. So thats why i feel stuck. I need help on advice.