Ex husband got remarried as soon as we divorced and has a child with his wife
My child was introduced to my bf after we dated over a year. My ex husband met bf with our son on the same day. Ex husband is not a consistent parent at all to our son. My bf has adopted my son now and we’ve been together 4 years come October 2021.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. When did you decide to introduce a boyfriend to your children?
Most won’t ask to meet the father, so that’s a good sign. You can have them meet if father isn’t petty and toxic. Then maybe when you’re fully comfortable, maybe plan a dinner, but talk to your kids prior so it won’t come as a shock and they can prepare as well. Reassure them what the whole situation is and how all families are different and it’s ok.
Everyone is different, there is no right or wrong answer. When you feel comfortable. The fact they want to meet the father of your children is a good sign. However I feel unless it’s a long term thing kids don’t need to meet everyone you date.
Let the adults meet first, then go from there. If the parent unit isn’t on the same page it won’t work.
I didn’t introduce my daughter until there was a long term commitment. I didn’t want instability for her. Good luck!
I never had boyfriends in and out of my son’s life or my house. That’s just me. I didn’t want him getting attached to “just a boyfriend.”
In my opinion 6 months to a year you don’t know someone good enough after a few months. But everyone is different so if you feel it’s time do so
All the adults meet , then go from there . Is he going to be long term or is he wanna play house for awhile . So just make sure you know where he stands long term
I think him wanting to meet thier father is nice. It shows respect for the kids and a start of a healthy relationship for kids.
What do you feel? Trust your intuition.
I adopted my son as a single mom. I was dating someone at the time but our relationship soon fizzled. I wanted kids, he didn’t so I went out and got my own but my son wasn’t even one yet. From then on, my son never met a man I dated until I met my now husband. I refused to get him involved in any of my relationships until I knew I had the right one…he had just turned 4 when we met.
As long as you know your ex won’t be petty or act stupid. Let them meet.
Meet with your ex, he’s wife and your boyfriend. Don’t have the kids there. Let the dads chat and meet. Do it somewhere in public that you can talk and relax but, can also leave when you are ready to leave.
Goals , absolutely…team work makes the dream
allow it. that’s effort and will. trust the man.
Meet him and his kids as friends out for fishing or swimming where it’s fun and harmless.
Introduce your children as it hurts them in life,I introduced mine months down the track as they were old enough to understand, we all get along great
Let them meet then he said he wants to meet the dad so let the men meet then talk to ur ex and ask him how he feels about it all
I wouldnt until engaged…that way dont have men in and out of their lives…your ex and kids included
I think that shows a lot if maturity and shows that your boyfriend ready to take the next step. It just depends on if u feel the relationship is headed towards a future,if not than no. Otherwise I’d introduce them that way u can see how everyone gets along. U don’t wanna keep getting more involved without the kids,only to find out the kids and him don’t get along.
I take that as a good sign. Most don’t want that. I have a great relationship with my ex and his wife. They have one with my now husband. We all 4 co parent our daughter and it’s been so much better for not just her, but all of us. I didn’t introduce my daughter to anyone really, other than my now husband. If it’s not serious I wouldn’t introduce them
I remained single until my kids were grown. I don’t need dick that bad to jeopardize MY children!
Introduce new BF to: your Ex or your children?
I wouldn’t be hurry for them to meet each other. The next time you see your ex husband just say my boyfriend wants to meet you? Just be up front. At the end of the day do even really need to know each other?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. When did you decide to introduce a boyfriend to your children?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. When did you decide to introduce a boyfriend to your children?
A year. My boys are my world and they didn’t choose their parents or for them to divorce. Their peace of mind and security mattered far more than my wanting a bf. And I didn’t want people coming and going through their lives…forming attachments that break over and over too quickly. Even after the year, it was limited and never at their home if they were there.
It says he wants to be introduced to the children’s father or am I misreading.
If everyone is mature and get along well, introduce the men. Im sure the father would appreciate knowing who will be around his children
I know that things can go well and really bad. My son was dating his now wife of 22 years and she had a little girl, 18 months old from her previous marriage. They handled it by introducing the guys first. Things went very well and they eventually met his girlfriend who had a son about the same age as my granddaughter. The adults hit it off and eventually they added the kids to the mix. My son said that he had never had a more meaningful experience as when bio dad told him that he couldn’t have a better man to help raise his child. Soon my son and his wife added a little boy to the mix and he was included into the mix and was loved by both sets of parents and always included. I know that it doesn’t always happen this way, but I think putting pride aside and putting the kids first, I have seen all my grandchildren grown into loving young adults with a strong family connection that included both sides and other grandma and me formed a great friendship. Take it slow and make the kids wellbeing first. All the best to you.
If he asks now then why not.
Did you meet the wife?
Meet n greet.
After all its about the children. Great parenting is everyone involved getting along.
A few months IS NOT enough. Trust me. Wait at least 6-8 months. Your children will remember him forever you want to be sure that this is a forever person.
I wish my ex had properly introduced me. It’s important that everyone is on a level playing field, her new man and I got off to a had start and it was needless and stressful. He was getting to know my kids while I was told that he was “none of my business”. If since been on the opposite side of the fence and I made it my business to get to know my partner’s ex. Much better outcome. I get on great with him and full respect
No one should introduce any Man or Woman to their children until they are grown up ie 18 onwards. It is the children suffer in these situations. It is a well known fact. I know a grown up lady in her 30’s and she told me she finds it very hard to accept that her Mother has a new boyfriend.
I like the idea that he meets your ex husband first. Yes no matter what it’s your life but he is still your children’s father. After that he can meet your children.
Personally I waited till my now fiance had been together for almost a year- I’d been single and dating casually for a few years before we met and didn’t bring any one else home as I didn’t want to be the mum with many man friends. It’s a personal choice and it’s the one that best worked for us. Coming on 5 years later and he’s got a great relationship with my 15 year old daughter
Good luck with it
I didn’t introduce my partner to my kids till I knew I wanted to build something serious with him. We were together officially for a few months my kids were in diapers then. I didn’t meet his kids till we were close to a year because his kids were older. I wouldn’t introduce a man to your kids unless it’s serious and he’s going to be there for the long haul. Kids especially young ones get attached. If me and my
Partner were to split up we would still remain friends etc because my kids look up to him and see him as a second parent.
When I was single mom I had strick rule
#1 I always told the man my daughter was my #1 priorty and they had to understand that at times we would need to cancel our plants if it was necessary. #2 I didn’t bring any man around my daughter until we were dating at least for month’s. This time allowed to get to know the person 1st and see if if will work out before my daughter meet the person. Kids get attacked to adults and is not healthy for them to meet man you are not sure a out. Even if the other person has kids have the same rule.
My daughter waited until she and her boyfriend had been seeing each other about 9 months when she introduced him to her daughter via FaceTime. They talked over FT for probably another year before he actually met my granddaughter for the first time. Even now, 4 years later, my granddaughter doesn’t see him very often in person, but they do talk. He always calls her (granddaughter) for big events - first day of school, etc. I suggest take it slow.
I think it just depends on the person. After my separation from my kids dad I dated a few guys one for 3 months, one for 2 1/2 months and they never met my kids, but with my now husband we met each other’s kids after 2 weeks of dating things just felt so comfortable.
My now husband did this with my ex-husband. It was a wonderful idea. Gets any questions out there and reassured him that he’s not there to replace him.
Someone once told me that your child will experience people in and out of their lives their whole life. Friends at school, teachers, other people at school, your friends, family members even move. Introduce as a friend until you’re sure, kids are resilient! We don’t have to think they’re so weak minded. But at the same time I’m not telling you to have a new boyfriend every week or couple of months. But if you feel you want to introduce then that is your decision as their mom, only you know what they can and can’t handle.
My personal rule was 6 months committed relationship be for intro. Sounds like him wanting to meet thier dad is a respectable thing. Shows he is taking this seriously and has no ill intentions. If you feel it is time maybe having a family dinner and inviting the kids dad would be nice for everyone involved.
When you are ready to introduce them… if he’s a good man & has shown that he is trustworthy to be around kids then whenever you are comfortable & only when you are comfortable. You can introduce him as your good friend or as a boyfriend… But also take into consideration how your children feel about it as well. If they need to warm up to him, take it slow & don’t push him onto them…
As far as the father of your children, how he feels about your partner is none of his business, he has a right to know who is around his children & that his children are safe but aside from that nothing else should matter.
But all people deserve happiness & the free will to find & express that…
Good luck & you got this
My “boyfriend” met mine pretty much straight away. As a friend. Circumstances. I met his as a friend after 6 months! After a year they worked it out everything was done in steps as we felt they were ready.
First…how long have you been dating this man? Second…have you met his parents and has he met your parents? If you have the least bit of doubt about meeting parents or siblings, it is not time to introduce him to the children. Children get attached to people very quickly and are greatly affected when a person exits their lives abruptly as in a breakup.
That’s amazing that your bf wants to meet your kids father and should be encouraged. If you have a future together you will all be coparenting together and I’m sure it would make your ex more comfortable to know that your bf who will be spending time with his kids is a good guy
Our children’s counselor suggested we wait a year. Before that, not a peep about it. No pictures, etc. Seemed to work out nicely waiting.
After 6 months, if you’re both committed. No need to involve the kids if it might be a short term relationship. Make sure he’s prepared to be accepting to the kids boundaries and how ready they are. They bond at their own pace. Being a step parent can be really challenging to navigate and takes a lot of care, understanding and even thick skin
I say if he’s a good person why not ? Introduce him to the father of your kids and then introduce him to your kids . You can say he’s a friend or someone you are dating just so they get use to it. Also when you go out with him you can tell the kids I’m going out with my boyfriend.
As a child of devorse when the father comes to get the children he can introduce himself. My moms boyfriends did and talk cars guy stuff and at Holidays my Dad and his girlfriend would come to my moms house for dinner ect. It was very relaxed and civil. We gave my dad and his girlfriend ( which later became his wife) presents from us to. My mom made them feel welcome which made the whole thing nice for us. My Dad has long past so sence he never got a chance to meet my moms husband now of 30 years. So it’s nice if they all get along. There were a few girlfriends and boyfriends that they did not mix with in those times it was hard for us .
Introduce but tell your kids it might work it might not they need to get used to each other test each other out that’s how you’ll see if they will get along
I would wait to introduce him to your kids. First off he has no right to be asking you to meet anyone it should be when you want it to happen. Secondly you need to build your relationship and make sure it will last. Kids get attached to easily and it won’t be good on them if you guys break up.
Try Introduce him to your family and the kids dad. See how that goes. What their opinions are about him… let everyone get use to each other. Your realationship is to new… Try getting his family and your family together see how everything goes. Go to his family events. Because family unity is a important key to a successful relationship.
I would wait at least a year before your kids met him and you meet his kids. You don’t want your kids thinking it okay to be with a bunch people.
I have 3 kids as well and I am very skeptical with who my kids are around, especially my daughter. If I believe that the person is someone good and a good role model, I will introduce him as a friend first.
THE FACT THAT YOUR NEW BOYF WANTS TO MEET YOUR EX is the greenest fuckin flag I’ve ever seen! That is maturity. That is respect. That is coparenting!!! Ultimately it’s up to you. Is your relationship with your ex and his new wife pretty good? If you’ve given them the respect they should reciprocate. You’ve been divorced for almost 3 years. That is plenty of time for your kids to understand you moving on ESPECIALLY if their dad already has!!! Give yourself a break and tell yourself that you are allowed to be HAPPY!!!
I think when our kids are young they want to see us happy so as long as the kids are getting plenty of attention and being treated right with in this relationship and they’re comfortable there’s no problem introducing the new companion to the old one just do it be happy about it and don’t think twice it’s not a big deal
People can break up at any time, wether you’re 2 months in or 20 years in. Don’t let the fear of maybe breaking up one day stop you from living your life at the fullest, if you’re happy for this man to be in your children’s lives, and he’s happy to be in their lives, just do it. It will allow you more freedom within your own life if you don’t have to try and keep parts of it totally separate. Introduce him as your friend, it’s much easier for children to understand the idea of friends than romantic relationships.
My advice is to only introduce him to your family IF this relationship is serious with commitment likely. I would not introduce every casual boyfriend to your children. I think it would be unsettling for your children to see mom dating lots of men.
I waited 6 months it introduce him as bf I first introduced him as a friend
Talk to your ex, that’s a a great sign your bf wants to be introduced to the ex though,
In my opinion, you know this man a “few months” ? I don’t think that’s enough time to know someone. Don’t make a decision based on what your ex did.
I’ve been there, and I never would do it again.
The children are most important, they are vulnerable and don’t know how to deal with things like that.
They won’t tell you how they really feel about another man in your life.
Have fun with him, get to know him really well.
Your children need your undivided love and attention. Keep your relationship separate from your children, until you’re 150% sure this is the guy.
Keep in mind that if this relationship doesn’t work at some point, your children will suffer another break up
I’m sorry, but when there are children involved, big sacrifices have to be made from your part!
It takes much more than a few month to know if this thing will be the right situation for you and your babies wishing you the very best!
I’m not divorced but think you should really ask the kids how they feel about meeting him?
Personally I wouldn’t introduce him to my ex nor my children until the relationship became serious. As in engaged and making future plans together for life together. There is no need to do it until then.
When you feel ready, don’t let any1 pressure you in2 it.
If you don’t see a future with this guy tho I wouldn’t
Way to soon wait at least 6months to a 1 year before playing the father of the kids and moving in relationships with kids 6 out of 10 don’t last more than that
If you’ve only been together for a few months, why would he want to meet your ex, chill for awhile longer, what’s the rush ?
Boyfriend wants to meet kids dad? Sound like a man with good intentions! Keeper!!!
We waited 6 months. Gives you a bit of time to guage the person.
I would wait for a while yet. Kids can get attached fast . And then if you break up they can become very devastated.
Know this from experance .
Why does boyfriend want to meet your childrens father?
Only when you feel comfortable that this is a valid, viable relationship. That you both have goals for a future together.
If you and new bf are serious then introduce when you feel comfortable doing so
Definitely past 6 months - I usuually didn’t introduce anyone until closer to the 1 year mark.
Too soon. Time would be when and if you decide to cohabitate.
Are you Friends with your Ex?
wait … it’s only been a few months … get to know him better.
No one else knows them like you do so best to go on your thoughts
Id wait a lot longer and tell him so and explain why.
If hes really serious, hell agree to it.
How do your children and your new partner interact.Does he stay over. I never ever had anyone I went out with stop over where I live!I didn tg feel right about a stranger sleeping in my bed with me with my young children being around!
Does he have any children and if so, have they had any interaction with your children.
Thats where Id start, long before he meets your ex.
Id get the above off to a good start first to make it as stable as can be.
Your ex is only a part of the situation and even though it would be nice, it shouldnt end up being the make or break between the 2 of you! You would be with this new guy and not with your ex so that has to be your mainstay.
BTW how do you get on with your ex (and his new wife). If good, that will help a lot. Remember your ex will still have to pay you child support seeing your 3 children are also his and he cant get out of this even if he wants to. I wish you well. I truly do. Have your children met their half sibling yet and if so, how do they interact?
All these questions but they have to be in this equation long before ever letting them meet each other.
My chdren back when I was seeing someone, only met 2 of the few guys I liked. Sadly they didnt last and now my 2 children have grown up and I have grandchildren.
My last boyfriend and I broke up before my last chikd left home. Whether or not it might have been different Ill never know but the last one Id loved to have ended up with him but never did. Thats what you dont want to happen with your children, a list of potentials.
It all depends on your relationship. I’ve been divorced for 10 years and only introduced two boyfriends to my kids. One was a nut and years later my current partner. With my current partner, he met them after 4 weeks of us dating. It felt entirely appropriate and comfortable because of our amazing connection and relationship. We have been together a year now and he’s recently moved in. He met their father about 6 weeks ago for the first time. We very rapidly felt like a family unit and deeply committed to each other and my children. It really all depends on your relationship dynamic and comfort level. There’s no hard and fast rule book for this. Go with your gut.
He’s asking to be introduced to the childrens father not the childen
By all means introduce him to the kids dad. However only introduce him to your kids, when you ready to do so… that’s your choice, if that takes another 6 months or even a year, it’s up to you.
Just do it… He got on with his life
Too early to understand him wait wait wait tell him to wait if he insist tell him get lost.
Introduce him to you kids as your friend that’s all they need to know for now
I wouldn’t care who got married first and what not. I would introduce my bf to the father first out of respect.
boy that is a hard one…Would go real slow on that one…Children should not have to go through boyfriend and then loose that one…and then there will be a different one…etc…I would be more likely to introduce him as just a friend…and keep it that way…Because if it does not last It is not going to hurt your children…They are too young to go through another breakup…and how long have you been divorced? Not long ? The children must have a hard time going between their father and mom…already…so make sure their life is stable…first…That is your first charge…You have plenty of time for romance…but your children are your most important concern right now.
The kids should be allowed to pick their own boyfriends
I’d wait a year or more. You didn’t mention how long you’ve been with your boyfriend.
When yall get married.
Tegan Smithies some people wait like half a day
Don’t introduce as a boyfriend, just as a friend ,and no public display if affection in front of the kids , no sleep overs with children there, the mental and physical health of the children comes first, not your love life, it’s called sacraficing for the children, you chose to be a mom, so be the best mom you can be, so many kids are fucked up from this type of thing, sexual abuse is 40 times more likely to come from a single mom with a live in boyfriend, or sleep in.
ide say whenever your comfortable!
Just gotta say that that is pretty respectful of your boyfriend and I applaud him for that. Sounds like hes trying to do things the right way.
I would definitely reach out and ask ex hubs and his new wife to a dinner with you and bf. That way it’s a public environment where everyone can feel comfortable and leave without too much drama if they need to. Doing it soon would be great. That way everyone can talk it out and be on the same page about it.
Originally my boyfriend, at the time, now husband, and I had planned 6 months. However we eneded up introducing them much sooner. We just knew the time was right. Don’t base it on time, you’ll know when you’re ready!
If the ex moved on, and the newbie wants to make amends, what’s the problem
Reach out and tell him ur new boyfriend wants to meet him and stay civil, Kids need there parents to be friends not enemies
Unless its a serious relationship he shouldn’t meet. Your. Children. Not everyone you date needs to meet your children
Oh so it should be a grown adult type of situation then:ok_hand:t5:
I mean if anyone would be bothered in the situation it would be you, rightfully, so just set the tone and hopefully they will follow suit😏