When is it okay to bring the guy you are dating around your kids? We have been dating for like 6 months and I am serious about him but due to my past I am afraid to bring anyone around my kids…i want to take our relationship to the next level but am terrified…when do you know it is right?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. When is it okay for kids to meet the guy you are dating?
If your terrified, then maybe serious is only on your end and not his!!
For me it’s when in a relationship not just dating. And in a relationship 6month or if both talked of a future.
Once you are comfortable. If he is pushing it, he’s not the right person.
Your smart. You already know the answer. Your terrified. Take it slow. No rush.
I waited 2 years with my last relationship
Is he serious about you is the question? I wouldn’t if you are not sure but perhaps you could meet at the park where he is a "friend ". Then you could tell if they like him.
Whenever your ready. U will know when that time is.
My man met my kid before we became a couple and he’s been around every single day the last 2 years and counting been around and more of a daddy to him then his birth father
When you’re ready to get married! Lol
When you know this is going to be a long-term thing￼
6 months - year for me when my daughter was younger
My rule was minimum 6 months. If at that point I didn’t see a future with them they didn’t meet. I was single for almost 4 years and the only person my daughter met that I dated is my now husband
Well the fact that you’ve been waiting this long and are being careful in respect of your children is already a great thing. Some moms move the bf in right away🤷♀️
You don’t even know that man in 6 months. I’m not saying anything bad about him at all, because I obviously do not know him. However the truth is still the truth. You do not truly know that man. It’s way too soon in my personal opinion.
Every situation is different. When you are ready you will know. I understand the fear, once a kid attaches to your partner and if it doesn’t work out its hard on them too. If you are 100% hes the man you are going to spend your life with then absolutely go for it. But if there is any doubt wait a little longer. You could also take it slow. He can meet you at a park where there is many people. The kid will see you socializing with him and go from there that way the kid can familiarize themselves with him with no labels attached and when they are both comfortable you can have more of a talk
When you think its going somewhere. Personally, if they don’t have well with my kid- they got to go. Better to find out sooner rather than wasting your time. Still, 6 months in at least.
I think you need to reach the next level & see how that goes before even considering it.
I first met my stepson a month after we started dating, but I was introduced as a friend. I met my stepdaughter a month later when we had my stepson’s birthday party. She wasn’t old enough to talk or really understand anything, so we didn’t have to really explain anything.
I think it depends based on factors like kids ages, if you are recently divorced from dad or he’s never really been in the picture, and how you feel about the relationship. But since it’s already been 6 months at this point I’d say trust your gut and when it feels right go for it.
I waited a year then ok thought it was serious we dated for 3 and half years… my son told him every day that he loved him he didn’t even say it back to him til the very end of the relationship in 2017 my daughter was in a very bad car accident which I was at the hospital every day and spent hours there but I did manage to find time to be with him bc I didn’t want him to cheat bc I spent all my time at the hospital with my daughter she had a broken neck, back, face she short term memory loss she has a tbi (traumatic brain injury)… she was getting better day by day she was improving she was in a coma… she came home to live with me so I could take care of her my ex would come over my daughter would talk and talk and talk with him but no response from him… my daughter had to relearn to talk and walk… so when she relearn to talk she wouldn’t shut up lol lol… she’s still like that lol… so this whole damn time this pos was cheating on me… after everything I been through yes he was cheating I had my suspicions and went through his phone and found that he was sending naked pictures of himself to other women lot of secret texts and meeting up with women when he was supposed to be with me that day so be careful on who you let into your child’s life take your time because your son or your daughter will be the ones who also get hurt if the relationship fails I learned the hard way and I will never get into another relationship because it hurts the children as well
When you know how serious he is about the relationship and you aren’t terrified.
I would say go to the next level for a little and then see how you feel. If your questioning it now I would still wait
Irs unfair to the kid to get attached to someone that is not permanent. Once the relationship is stable and long term then do it. But don’t do it prematurely
I waited a couple of years. After he proposed and I was sure he was a keeper…
When u n him both know ull are serious. And when u are no longer terrified. It could take a year or 4. But don’t do anything if u are terrified to. That’s ur gut telling u maybe it’s not time.
There should never be any ‘pressure’. With that being said, in my opinion, I would suggest to take your time and talk to your children about him to see how they may feel first. Then slowly (if the vibe is right) introduce them. Ultimately, you will know when the time is time right. Good luck
It’s really up to you. If you do introduce him say he’s a friend and act like friends around them for a while. Take baby steps you might be head over heals in lust but he could turn around and not like your children or you might not like how he treats them.
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I think it’s important to have him meet your kids what if they meet and it doesn’t work out, you have wasted 6 months on a man that doesn’t fit into your life. Just a thought
The right time to introduce him to your kids is up to you, him and depending on ages, your kids.
I would suggest introducing them in a public place, like the park, and introducing him as your friend. I would also suggest the first few meetings be in public places like the park or McDonalds… this introduces him to the kids but the kids won’t be solely focused on him.
Pay close attention. You and him may be perfect together, but adding kids to the mix can make you view him in a whole other way… either positively or negatively.
I would also do a back ground check on him… case search, watchdog etc. Just for piece of mind.
So my last boyfriend introduced me to his kids after day 2. Then he broke up with me the next week. Which I only found out because he posted on Facebook he was with someone else. So for your kids wait for a while.
Take your time. Once he is ready to propose might be too long. You want to see if y’all get along as a family before you commit to marriage.
I introduced my son to my friend after we had dated and felt good about each other. I never referred to him as anything but a friend and still do.
To each their own. For me I’d say 1 year at least
There’s really no right or wrong time… you can wait a month, 6 months or a year and you never know what can happen. If you guys are on the same page about it then I say why not?
My and my now fiancé waited a month and it’s worked out great!
I would wait just a tad bit longer 6 months you are still in the learning faze of learning the person you are dating that’s just my opinion
Whenever it feels right. Current relationship is the only one I’ve introduced my daughter to. He met her after a week, but there are ones that after months I still didn’t. We’re now 3 years and 2 kids into the relationship. He didn’t spend the night at my house when my daughter was home until after a year. Once they met, I also had to see how they interacted, of age liked him, how he treated her. Because whomever you date needs to treat your children like they were their own.
After I got divorced I didn’t bring anyone I was dating around my kids unless it was in a public place or a big group setting. Now I’m remarried but it was probably about 6-8 mos into my now husband and I dating that we hung out w just us and kids (he also had 2 children from a previous marriage) and we had no overnights w kids present or vacations overnight together until we were married… trust me if you have overnights before marriage it can make a huge mess in custody court if anyone wants to make an issue out of it
I’m sure the right timing is different for everyone. My husband and I waited to meet each other’s kids and extended family until we were both super serious about each other and seeing a permanent future together. But we also both agreed that if, for some reason, the kids or family had a strong negative reaction to our partner, we would rethink becoming more serious, because we didn’t want there to be family drama. Fortunately, both our kids/families immediately loved us and our integration has been beautiful. It probably helps that his kids were grown and my kids were finishing high school and in college when we introduced them, so there weren’t any turf wars.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years now and just decided to introduce my kids to him. I would discuss this with him first cause he may not be ready. I would also recommend discuss with your kids of they’re old enough to understand.
When you feel it’s time go with your mama bear instincts, do something in public
I’m gonna be the odd one in this.
While I don’t believe in people coming in and out of the kids life, and I don’t think every bf should meet the kids, I also don’t believe in waiting forever. I had a fairly strict rule of if my kids don’t like you or your not good with my kids then I’m wasting my time trying to build with you because their comfort level is my #1.
I was young af so I had random friends around the kids alot. It was nothing new to them. So when I met my husband after a few weeks of talking and me getting to know him to be sure WE clicked we got all of our kids together and met at the park with some other friends so it wasn’t weird. Had a play date. Inteoduced each other to the kids as “my friend ______” and enjoyed the day. Watched how the kids were together and how each other was with the others kids ect. To see if it was even worth taking the relationship further. Thw kids never thought anything odd of it and it worked for us.
So I waited about 7 months. They knew mom had a boyfriend but didn’t meet him until then. Then it started with a zoo trip. After that we would stay weekends at each other’s places until about 11 months we moved in together.
When he’s sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with you like marriage
Everyone is different. You do what you feel best. My now husband and his daughter moved in with me the day we started dating. That was 11 years ago. Go with your gut. No one can tell you right from wrong. It is not their choice.
Some girls got their kids calling their bf daddy after a few days. 6 months is good
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When there are no red flags and you’re engaged
How old are your kids? At some ages it’s a big deal. At others, the kids are indifferent.
If I get divorced, I’m waiting until my kids are grown up. It’s not worth subjecting your kids to the unknown. Predators every day hurting kids because “mommy is desperate for a date”>
It’s all in what feels right to you. For you, For him and the kids. You will know when it is time and if it never feels “right” then move on. It’s not fair to anyone to have two separate lives. Blended families are great when your with the right person!
When y’all decide this is a long term thing.
Is he ready to meet your kids? Did u tell him your concerns?
and for everyone worried about predators:
Most children are harmed by close friends and family. Don’t let your children out of your sight. Don’t let them go to school, their friends house, their aunties, the boys and girls club, NO WHERE without you. There’s so many predators around you just can’t trust a single soul. Don’t even leave them with their Dads. Take them everywhere you go every second of every day.
Did you run a background check on him? Seems nowadays you better . Can’t trust anyone it seems .
When you are engaged to be married
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Therapist recommend a minimum of a year. Personally six months to a year I think is decent. I would be going the year route myself because things happen and kids get attatched. My son still refers to my ex who was over two years ago broken up and the guy whose not our friend anymore cuz he lied and wasn’t a good person. My son is almost 7 and I can’t wait till he forgets that ex all together.
No less then one year and I highly recommend not until they are adults.
Do a national wide background check on him first before introducing him to your children.
I waited 6 years after my divorce to even start dating and 1 year of dating someone! Took that long to recover from a narcissist
When it feels right to start including him into the family
When you feel confident enough in making the choice that you don’t need to seek outside answers or advice, period. I suspect your gut is telling you something here, and the thing you’re most afraid of is listening. Practice loving yourself more than your relationships or the ideas of them, and you will eventually find yourself surrounded by people who mostly only make you feel safe, good and confident about most areas of your life, and never lead you to question when or how to begin their role in your families lives.
I would say 1 Year is the minimum.
There’s no right or wrong in my opinion. Do activities in public places Introduce him as a friend… I’ve known people to wait a year then do it then they split up just be safe don’t leave them alone with him until you can know him and trust him x
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Depends on the age of your kids.
Relationship with their father. Relationship with you. Sometimes they can get a little hairy when dating. By time I started dating. My kids were teasing me about being the single cat lady at the end of some road. But my kids were young teenagers. And we have always spoken about real life things openly. You do you. Don’t worry about what anyone other then your kiddos think, and sometimes they don’t know either. Talk to your kids. Don’t just drop a bomb on them. Let them get use to it. Talk about your partner to them. His name. His likes. His goofy things. Let them be comfortable with the idea first. Then they will ask to meet him. When they ask, that’s when. Because it will not be a forced thing. It will not be Hey here is your next dad. Like it or not. Do not do that.