So this actually happened with me, I was about the same age and so was my new baby sister. My Mom was just honest with me. It got thrown at her the same day I found out, just a couple hours before I was getting picked up for visitation & to meet my little sister. I’m not sure if it’s because of the trauma that I’d already been through as a child, but it wasn’t a big deal to me like it was to everyone else around me.
Just be honest with your kid. The only difference with this is my Dad wanted to be involved with my little sister.
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Your son deserves to know his family but I wouldn’t say anything until the DNA test.
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Wait for the DNA results, but than I would be honest with him. Growing up, the man who was my father, had a child prior to meeting my mother. He wasn’t involved, she didn’t even know he, or us existed. Until she hit her 30s. And she found out through a 23 and me test that the man she thought was her father, wasn’t. All of our parents knew and no one told any of us. Than after doing my own 23 and me, atthe age of 33, I found out the man I thought was my father wasn’t and my bio father had no clue I existed. I was (and still am) angry that all of this was kept from me. I will never forgive my mother for lying to me and keeping me from forming relationships and making memories with my family. Be honest with your son, because it will eventually come out.
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Let the results come in first…She lied to your ex, and told him she was getting an abortion, then hid the pregnancy and put another mans name on birth certificate….You don’t want to tell your child yet, incase he is not the father.
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Wait untill your sons father has the test results, if the baby is his then tell him. If the dad dont want to know then that’s up to him, ask your son what he wants? If the babys mum is happy for them to have a relationship, just work times and things out with her.
Honesty and clear explanations to your son and to the other wee one too. Don’t lie to them or mislead them. They’re brothers. The dad will carry his decisions with him for the rest of his life. That’s his call.
I’d tell him, seems like the dad has some reasons for wanting to keep this a secret, a real man would step up and own it all. For the sake of his offspring. Choose the kids over anyone always, pops will ignore and deny the new child, what that will do to that child is horrible, both children will at least have truth and stability with their moms.
I would let it go…(if the dna test say its his child). I have a friend who only knew he had a half sister at the age of 18… parents knew all the time didnt tell and waited till were mature enough to understand, they dont blame anyone…he has 4 other younger brothers and have a good relationship with their half sister. Sometimes it best they grow up in different homes. Thats just my pov
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Its not your choice. It has nothing to do with you. If the father doesn’t want anything to do with the child thats his choice (allbeit a shitty one) sounds like a very unstable person to lie about something like that and then be custody battling with another guy qnd getting something out of him too. You don’t need your kid around stuff like that. If they say they don’t want anything to do with the situation its not your place to be involved.
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Coming from a 30 something year old who just found out a few months ago that she had a half sister because our bio dad dad TELL HIM !!!
Get that DNA test first! It will do more damage if they form a bond only to find out they are not related.
Please once the paternity test is done and prooves its his son please tell your son. In 53 and found out 2 yrs ago I have a younger brother and sister. My dad passed before my 5th birthday. My mum never mentioned them it’s only my sister was looking for me. We are so similar and get on so well just gutted my whole life seemed like a lie and I missed out on family that never knew existed. Even being a aunt I never knew but missed out again x
Tell him. I would be highly upset if my mother didnt tell me and i found out.
You owe the father nothing but you do your child. Dad got himself into this situation its not your responsibility to get himn out by lying or just not saying anything. Yea wait for the results but if he is related tell him
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Once you know for sure, tell him. Does he have a relationship with his dad? If so, encourage him to tell him with you. I found out I had a sister when I was in my 20s (I’m 40 now). She’s not much younger than me. My bio dad new and never told me and didn’t have a relationship with her until an adult. Neither of us have a relationship with him now. Nor do we really have a relationship with each other. It’s weird finding out as an adult. You feel like you lost a piece of your childhood. While also feeling like this other person is a stranger that you’re now supposed to just be sisters with (or family). And now that you know, you need to tell. My mom didn’t know. If she had and didn’t tell me, it would have been much worse. He’s only 11. He still has time to build a relationship with this sibling. Don’t take that away from him.
A friend was in a similar situation…she just met with the other mum…so boys could get to know each other xx
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So he doesn’t want to be in said child’s life? Yet he’s getting a dna test done? Does he realize he will be obligated to pay child support and everything if proven to be the father?
I was kind of in the same situation. I’m the one who had the baby. The older sister was 7 or 8 when mine was born. Her mom and I decided that regardless of if their dad was around they deserved to know each other. It was the best decision I ever made. Dad is still MIA 11 years later but that doesn’t affect their relationship.
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I’d 1) wait for the paternity test. She could be lying. 2) if it turns out positive, visit the mom & baby in person by yourself & assess the situation. Maybe she’s a gold-digging drug dealer alcoholic one-night stand who said she was on birth control to trap him. Maybe she’s a sweet innocent your ex took advantage of. Maybe it’s something in between. 3) if she and the environment seems OK (not living in squalor with bugs and filth with the air thick with smoke, or in gang territory or with other people in the home who are unsavory), tell your son & let him be the one to ask for a relationship with his sibling.
If he wants to meet his little bro, meet in a neutral place like a park or restaurant. See how it goes & take it from there.
The child is no relation to you, but if you want to be an auntie to this precious little one—even if your son is not enthused about having a sibling, go ahead. The more love a child has, the better.
Hope everything works out for the best & that the new mom has some great men around her to be a mentor since his own father won’t be in his life. Who knows? Maybe if the paternity test comes back positive, dad will decide to step up after all.
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After the paternity test is done if it is your son‘s brother you need to tell him he should be able to know about his relatives it’s not fair to keep this or hide this from someone.
He should t take the test if he doesn’t want to be involved, this girl prolly lied to that other dude hence why he’s fighting he for custody and signed the birth certificate. The courts can then declare him the father and he will have to make them terminate his rights
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Wait for the paternity test and then tell him.
See what the test says first and go from there.
I’d wait a few weeks and really think it through. This could be a lot of potential drama and confusion for everyone involved. Wait for results of the paternity test first and then you may consider developing a relationship between the kids when the youngest is a little older and your son is a little more mature.
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I couldn’t be with a man who didn’t want to be involved with his children
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I would tell your son and let him be involved or he may resent you later for it. Just be honest and say he had a baby with another woman and now you have a brother.
Wait for all DNA tests. What if you tell him and it actually comes back that it’s not his brother. I have been there and done this. However my daughter decided against it as she wants NOTHING to do with her bio dad. I don’t really blame her either.
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Wait for the DNA test. Looks mean nothing. Don’t tell him until it is known without a doubt. My kids have half siblings they have never met. They know about them and honestly couldn’t care less because their existence has never impacted my kids lives.
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I would tell him AFTER the paternity test. Personally, I could not be with a man who didn’t want to be a part of the kids life. He’s not a good man and if he didn’t want a child he should have taken measures to ensure he didn’t.
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All of you can still have a relationship without him.
If you choose to have that relationship its on you too tell him and make sure they have a good relationship
But the dad…well, thats a different story ! He wants nothing to do with said child so, why is he doing paternity testing as it will hold him responsible for child support
If the other mom, wants to fight said dad on BC, thats her battle and should not drag other man into as he said he wants no part of it
Sounds like your baby daddy needs a lawyer before he does ANYTHING !
But hey walk right into that trap sounds like a plan (she has)
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Once it is confirmed that this is your son’s sibling. I would definitely talk to your son. My husband found out on a school bus that a specific girl was his half sister…he had no clue. And finding out from other kids the way he did was awful!
Wait until the paternity test results come back, then go from there.
My sons father lived with me a few months before he told me he had a child. At first I thought he was joking stupidly. I was already pregnant with our baby. He told me he couldn’t see his daughter. He was not apart of our sons life until our son was 9 but at family court I had my lawyer ask the court to reach out to the other mother hoping the kids could meet/bond. They couldn’t give me info but reached out to her. She declined. My son saw his dad from age 9-11 until his dad had a heart attack during a visitation with my son. It wasn’t until then other family members told the older sister she had a brother, my son. They texted a few times but never made a connection. All I know is I tried on my end. But I would wait until you know the test results, then make your own judgement how to handle things. You could arrange visits with the mother or play dates yourself for the kids. What the father does you can’t control if he doesn’t want to be involved.
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First things first, wait for the results of the paternity test, to be 100% sure that the baby and your son share the same dad. There’s some flags in her story… like why she listed someone else if your ex is the father as opposed to just leaving Father blank on the birth certificate.
If the results come back that he isn’t the father, then you have nothing to worry about.
If the results come back that he is the father, simply sit your son down and tell him he has a sibling. Be honest with him. Tell him you didn’t know, his dad didn’t even know.
Just because your ex wants to be a douche and not be involved with the baby, doesn’t mean that he has the right to take a sibling away from your son.
If your ex chooses not to be involved with the baby, that’s on him. You can still have a relationship with this other women for the sake of your child. This is what happened with my ex husband. He hasn’t had anything to do with my son in 11 years. My son is 13 and has two older siblings and two younger siblings by his father. I talk to the mother of the oldest two siblings fairly regularly and my son goes there to visit his brother and sister.
You can’t control the decisions of your ex. If he chooses not to be involved, that’s on him. Your son has a right to know he has a sibling and may resent you in the long run if he finds out later in life that he has a sibling, you knew and never told him.
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Be truthful with ur son dad don’t wanna be involved on whatever but I’d leave the decision for ur son to have that relationship with his brother up to him.
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1st wait for dna test as she did put someone else’s name down- thats weird. Id be honest with my son because one day if he finds out about this sibling and that you knew and didn’t tell him- it could damage your relationship. If the father doesn’t want to be involved thats on him- it is his karma and between him and god.
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Kids don’t hold preconceived notions and beliefs. They are extremely adaptable. The only person you are protecting is your self absorbed husband.
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I would say wait until the paternity results come back first. You don’t want to introduce this child to his potential brother and it turn out that he isn’t related. If it comes back that they are brothers, I would proceed with them having a relationship. The dad cannot blame the older child for wanting a relationship with his brother. Good luck!
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That Is that Man’s business no matter what happens! Sometimes we as women do WAY too much!
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Your baby daddy is a piece of shit… smh 
Tell him that you’re telling your son he has a half brother …it doesn’t matter what he says. Explain to your son how his dad feels. Then explain to your son that if he wants to have a relationship with his half brother you are more than open to that… work with baby mama to and build a relationship for your son… clearly the baby daddy need some time to grow up.
Wait for the results and if it’s certain your son has a sibling, talk to his brothers mom, if it comes back as his sibling.
You two if agreed can allow them to have a relationship without including the father. It doesn’t have to be complicated if you’re both age appropriately honest with the children.
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Wait on the paternity test to come back.If its definitely his then tell him you want your son to have a relationship and you will be staying in contact with the other woman.If he says he’s not gonna have a relationship with the baby tell him thats fine but you will be telling your child about his brother and that eventhough dad has decided not to be in his life he is still your brother and you will help them have a relationship.It wouldn’t be fair to deny your child because his dad is pretending this other child doesn’t exist.
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Honestly it is the other moms choice whether or not she wants your son in her son’s life so it’s really up to her not you. If she is okay with it, then I would tell him but only after the paternity test results.
This man is showing his total lack of morals Why are you with a man who would refuse his own blood? I would question his character ! Your son and that child need to know who they are and who they will have in their lives! If you keep this a secret from your son you will face both children’s anger Im the future.
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I really don’t think it’s your place to say anything I would wait untill the man knows for sure and he needs to say something
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I wouldn’t keep my child from their sibling because of a dead beat dad. 
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I have a younger sister… from my absent biofather…
And… it hurt, a lot, finding out about her how I did… i would have preferred to have been told by my parents…
Anyway, due to similar trash excuses, her mother wasn’t easy to locate, and I’m 37, and FINALLY found my sister like 4 years ago…
It’s unforgivable what my parents did, and keeping me from my sibling and her from me… we could have bonded much better as kids… she’s an amazing human and her kiddos are just perfect…
And yes, there’s a LOT of resentment on my part for this…
So, please don’t keep the siblings in the dark… when it gets back to your son, and it will, he may never forgive you.
If your kids father wants to fail in his duty, that’s on HIM… not you, not your son, and not your son’s new baby brother… only the father, playing these games…
If it IS his kid.
Go over his father & speak to the woman herself. You’re supposed to do what’s in your sons best interest, not the baby daddy’s. If he’s gonna play games and not be consistent, then you and her can help them bond and hell, you may even become friends yourselves.
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Your son is eleven and this new child is younger did your husband have an affair?
Unpopular opinion - leave it alone.
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End result for your son will be the same whether or not you allow him to have a relationship with his younger sibling. He’s going to find out eventually and his father having zero involvement in the younger one will make your son view his father poorly.
The difference is, if you don’t allow a relationship. How will your son view you when he does find out?
I say let the siblings have their relationship.
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The best gift I ever ‘gave’ my now 17 year old son was to encourage a good relationship with his now 6 year old half sister. They share the same father and I actually also have half siblings that my real father kept from me. And I hated him for that. The fact that they are siblings has nothing to do with your ex and I think it’s pretty shitty of him to try to keep the kids divided.
I would wait until the paternity is proven, then if it is established as true, honestly is the only answer. He will find out eventually and respect you even more for being honest with him. 
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I don’t know what everyone’s situation but I just went through the same thing my son contacted me when he was 23 years old his mother didn’t tell him about me one of her friends did I was told about him when he was two and a half years old but she was already remarried and the man she was with put a condition that she can have no contact with me and he would sign the birth certificate all that did I was make my son mad when he found out at his mom he found out about me when he was 16 and reached out to me when he was 23 I didn’t deny him and me and him have been great friends and Father and Son since then the first off the child’s father needs to be the one to make the decision if he wants to have anything to do with his child
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This is such a good one!!!
‘Cause I was worried bout cha last year Mamas Uncut:smirk:
They are siblings and deserve to know eachother. Their father doesn’t have to be part of their relationship and thats his loss. I found out at 19 I had 4 other siblings I knew nothing about. I wish that my father had relayed this to all 8 of his children before we were all adults.
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I would let the kids have a relationship. If it makes your sons father feel bad for not being in the other child’s life then that is his problem.
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My daughter has an older sister. And the mom and her didn’t know about my daughter till she was born.
I reached out to the mom, her and I are now bestfriends and our daughters talk all the time. My daughters father isn’t involved in my daughters life. Hardly involved now with his other daughter and im enternally grateful that my daughter has her sister, and that the mom and I are friends. We lean on eachother alot.
And we live two provinces apart. I think once you find out the paternity text you’d only be hurting your son keeping him away from his brother. It’s not your fault the dad is being super shitty.
At 11 years old, he deserves to make the choice of weather he wants to know his brother. If he finds out later that you knew and didn’t tell him that’s going to blow up in your face
As someone who has several half brothers. Both my parents are now deceased. The only support system I have…is in my siblings. I was lucky in that my Mother, and my Step Mother…wanted us kids to get to know each other and develop bonds. They understood it was not about them, and how they might feel about their child…having half siblings That my half siblings and I are connected through blood. Your child…could develop an amazing relationship with his younger half brother! Which would fortify him for years to come. My Mother passed away the 2nd of January…its been my brothers…getting me through the grief of losing her, I cannot imagine how lonely and heartbreaking my life would be right now if I did not have them in my life!! As for your Sons father…My view is any man who abandons a child…refuses to have anything to do with them, Is no man! If you must choose one over the other…choose your sons sibling…because a man who has abandoned one child…has potential to abandon another!!!
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First off, stop saying his “half brother.” That is his BROTHER. I don’t call my sister or brother my half siblings. I hate that term!
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I would wait awhile and let this mess sort itself out before you involve anyone (even your son). Good luck 
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This is between your ex and the mother of the new baby. I would stay out of it, because it’s not really my business.
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If it were me I’d leave it alone. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to. But you don’t have to lie to him. I’d tell him he has a brother out there and when the time is right they could meet. Especially with Covid running rampant. But I’d also wait until a paternity test is done before I told my son anything.
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I’d wait for the paternity test to come back before you mention his sibling. But you should never keep a child away from a sibling because their dad wants to be a dead beat 
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I legit don’t and will never bother myself or my child with whoever my ex decides to knock up next. Yeah no. That’s just my personal opinion for my personal experience though so take it for what it is… Focus on your future/current husband and have a child together if you want your child to have a sibling. I refuse to entangle myself or my child in somebody else’s circus. Absolutely not. Sounds like messy drama to me.
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Mind your own business. That’s what you do.
You don’t meddle in the affairs of anyone else. Especially if she put someone else on the birth certificate. That’s gonna be hard to switch and rearrange.
I wouldn’t have anything to do with the kid or the mom. Let you kid go about his life. If he wants to find siblings or other relatives let him do it on his own time.
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I’m so sorry for this child and the man she put on the birth certificate for him to be wanting to have some custody. But overall, you need to step back and let what’s going to happen happen. Who knows if this woman is going to let your son have anything to do with his sibling once she gets what she wants. Obviously she’s reaching out out of desperation because a man wants time with a child. She sounds petty. N make sure you know for a fact they’re siblings. A lot of children can look similar.
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As a child me and my siblings where kept from our half sister…. I hated that we never knew her!! And was so mad no one let us have a relationship!!
My oldest son has a little half brother he will probably never see…. But I make sure he knows he has another brother….
Regardless of the parents the children should get to have a relationship
But I wouldn’t tell him till after the DNA test
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You have to do what you think is best. There’s nothing saying they need a relationship or don’t. The dad’s actions are going to affect them regardless if your son is involved or not.
My son has like 4 siblings on his bio fathers side. Luckily, his bio is in jail the last almost 6 years and hopefully for 6 more. The youngest one(s) have straight trash as mothers, my child doesn’t need exposed to that. The older ones…. It was actually detrimental to my child. He has a dad and an older sister and is happy. I personally have an older half sister I’ve never met, along with a bio dad, and have no interest in meeting them. I have a dad and younger brother. My godson has like 6 younger siblings on his bio dad side and no want to meet and of them…. He’s got sisters and a dad.
There isn’t a wrong or right answer here. Do what you think is best.
Well I’m this situation j have the child the parent does not want to be involved with… the other mother did a great job at helping me get the boys together…. It does not hurt any different
Me personally I would leave it alone. My concern would be if the half brother knows that ur son has a relationship with his father and then what happens if that creates resentment and jealousy for the other child against it’s because ur son in his eyes was worth to his dad versus him. That could create a huge amount of resentment and jealousy in the end.
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Wait for the paternity test results first. An 11 year old is old enough to know if they have a sibling out there. And old enough to decide if they want to build a relationship with that sibling.
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You tell him now. I’ve grown up knowing I have two younger siblings that have no clue that I or our two older sisters exist. They are 36 and almost 34 and they have been led to believe they are the only kids my father has ever had. Don’t lie to him, he won’t be able to trust you in the future if you do.
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This is a hard call, if your child’s dad want nothing to do with the young child, you need to respect that, what if you tell your son and then his dad no longer wants to see him either. After the paternity test you could tell your son, but don’t encourage a meeting between the kids. your son can ask if and when he wants meet his half brother,
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Wait for paternity to know he is your child’s sibling and then from there is paternity process he is the father that is choice you will need to way wisely not only for your son bur for your relationship just know of paternity shows he is the father be prepared for the other woman to take him to court for child support custody and all of the nine yards. It’s a messy situation for sure, you know what’s best for your child and in the future him and the sibling may be able to have a bond but right now sort through everything it entails
If dad wants nothing to do with the child it’s not your business to get involved at all. Tell him to sign his rights away and move on. Don’t make it messy and damage more than one kid in the process
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Stay out of your baby daddy’s affairs. Tell you BD that he can’t control who you or your son have a relationship, despite him denying the other child. If he’s father, he can’t just wish it away… If you want your son to have a relationship/play date/ sleepovers with his sibling, that should be fine. I’d just set clear boundaries with the other BM.
Children can and should have healthy relationships with their siblings. I have this with mine and we all don’t have the same parent(s)… i might be closer to some than others, but I wouldn’t negate our relationship. Children can’t control what parents do. Leave them out of it. Besides, you son will SOON see his dad for who he really is. Kids are not dumb. They’re smarter than we give them credit for.
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I’d wait for the results also maybe introduce them but not as brothers at first til they can both comprehend what’s actually going on. I also maybe the odd one out but I can see the dads side, he was under the impression she wasn’t having the child and to learn 2 years later would be a shock. I feel like a man should have some say in that situation after all she deceived him.
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Let it go. You don’t need to say anything to your child because their is nothing to say. His father can get paternity test. It is literally up to his father to handle this. In 7 years if it turns out that his father is in fact this small child’s father-then tell him. He will be an adult and can decide what he wants to do as a sibling
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For all you staying out of dad’s issues are wrong… this boy has a sister and has a right to have a relationship regardless of dad’s involvement. If the other mom is willing, I’d sit down and have that conversation with him. And let him know the possibility of having a sister. 11 is old enough to understand everything. Be thankful you found out now before he is grown. Regardless what you do remember nothing will change the fact that he has a sister so it’s best you tell him.
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I think you should discuss it with the mother bc as you said it could effect that child as well. My daughter has 4 half siblings. 5 kids 4 different girls. Us girls communicate and would never keep the kids from each other. We all live really far away so they don’t really get to see each other but are open to video chatting and stuff. They are all still young so they don’t under but they know they are brothers and sisters. The two youngest ones she sees when she goes to her dads every other weekend. But like I said I would just talk to her about it before bringing it up to your son since you both will have to deal with the side effects and such, but the father shouldn’t really have a say, he shouldn’t have laid down and made another kid if he didn’t wanna step up and take care of it, and who knows maybe in the future he will decide to be part of that child’s life who knows, but him feeling that way shouldn’t be what keeps the siblings apart it should be solely based on what you and the other mother feel fit.
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I think wait until the dna results come back first, I want to say tell your son after the fact but…with dad in his life and not wanting that I do wonder if you should respect that until your son is older but I do understand where you are coming from too. You want to be honest with your son and encourage a relationship with his sibling, but don’t let it affect your Co parenting relationship mostly. Perhaps seek some legal advice or counsel if it becomes an issue or you need more clarification? X
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I have no advice and I’m so sorry your in this situation. I have a similar situation and my SO is not wanting me to look into it. Hoping to get some answers in the future.
How did it effect you to find out your husband cheated? Are you over looking that?
I would wait until the DNA test unless you absolutely think it is your baby dad’s kid. In which case I would tell him now. I wasn’t allowed to see my half sister growing up and it really hurt me… so he deserves to know.
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Wait until after the paternity test results are back before you involve your son in anything!
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Stay. Out . Of . It. Respect his wishes. Do your best to encourage him to be involved but do not override his boundary. He will resent you and you could lose him. Is it worth it? Wait for the paternity test to come in. That other woman lied to multiple men. She made this bed. If you want ya son to have a sibling that bad have another baby yourself. But for the love of God and your kid. Stay. Out. Of. It.
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That woman came back after all these years for something she wasn’t getting while she was lying. She has a whole other man listed as the dad. She is messy. You will be back up here talking about her methods of handling stuff. She is not a victim. She told him she aborted it and then when the guy she pegged as daddy fell through decided to hunt down the man she lied to. Stay out of it
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If that’s biologically his baby brother… he DESERVES to know. Whether dad wants to be shady or not.
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My girls had a half brother their dad denied. When they were kids I would have him over for weekends and other special occasions. They were close but he moved away and they don’t see each other as adults but they still communicate. They love each other. I think your son has a right to know if the test comes back to show he does have a sibling.
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Ask the mother for a copy of the paternity results. Once its proven he is the father, tell your son. Let him know that it is also up to him and the other mother on how much time the siblings will get together. Explain sometimes things happen and you will answer any questions he has. When it comes to his father, if his father doesn’t get involved your child will make his own opinions on his father and thats ok. If his father doesn’t want to grow up and see his child, he has to deal with all the consequences. Yes he thought she terminated, but the fact is, she didn’t. This child is real as is yours and it doesn’t just affect him. Imagine how your child will feel when he finds out he had a brother all this time later down the road because he would find out. His father needs to understand that. But if he wants to look like an irresponsible father and uncaring person to his children thats on him not you guys. Just let your son know he has a sibling. Let him know it will be a learning process for everyone involved and that he is allowed to have his feelings and express them. He is allowed to ask questions that you will explain the best you can. And let him know, just because his sibling didn’t come from you and even if the father isn’t involved, you arent mad at this kid because this kid did nothing wrong and you are happy for him to have a sibling.
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Wait for DNA test to come back and yes he should know his sibling who cares what the dad does and do u want to be with a man who denies his child . Why doesn’t he want to see his child
Uniquely invested. I was raised by my mom with my 2 half bros from her. My dad had other children in the area. All within the same región. My brother got ahold of me as an adult. We had a lot in common, many of the same issues and experiences in life. My fathers personality and looks are dominant in both of us. I felt alone in many experiences. If I could go back, I would have chosen to have had at least an awareness if not a relationship with my brother. We are 5 years apart and have never met in person. Phone and Facebook are how I know my half sibling.
The dad is not the be all and end all. If you and other mother can keep it civil and friendly and about the kids- can only add to his life. If dad wants to hide his head, that’s on him. You sound like you want for the kids sake.
As a former kid in this situation, I’d say, try it. Start making conversations and gauge the situation as it goes. But unless you and dad are together??
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Wait for the test results then tell him the truth if he finds out later he will not be happy you kept it from him. He is old enough to understand. When he asks questions answer truthfully if you need to leave out details until he is older tell him you will answer in more detail as he matures. If it is his brother then you need to talk to the other mother about her feelings on them having a relationship. Who knows you and her might become friends.
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It’s not your story to tell. Just take care of your son and the rest will work itself out.
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My daughter’s bio father has never been involved in her life, but was, for a period of time, in his other kids lives. I respected his decision at the time to not have my daughter involved with her siblings. Now that he is rarely in their lives either, us mom’s came together for our kids to build a sibling bond. Best decision ever!! I love our big extended family and wish we would have been able to make it happen sooner for our kids. My thought has always been that the kids didn’t make these choices, he did. So why are we punishing them by missing out on this relationship with siblings…
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The boy has a right to know about his sibling, and you should encourage the guy to have a relationship with his child. Its not their fault that they were born.
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