What do y’all feel is the appropriate age for a child to bathe/wash their hair themselves? My granddaughter will be 4 next week. From my reading (and experience with my three kids) the age is between 6-8. My former son-in-law told my daughter that my granddaughter should be doing this herself (I don’t agree) and said when she doesn’t wash her own hair, he pours cold water on her (which I find extremely cruel). Just looking for others opinions. Thanks!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. When should kids bathe themselves?
My son was 6 when he started washing by himself. She’s definitely to young in my opinion.
She could start learning now but still need an adult to do it afterwards… Sounds like dads just lazy
when you know they can get up out of the water very easily…and arent trying to jump off the side of the bath or drowned the cat
I hate your former son in law. That’s cruel. She’s just a baby.
Daughter was 6 when she started washing her self she is now 8 an I still wash her hair sometimes to make sure the shampoo an that is all out
He can help teach her, not poor cold water on her wtf? Dad sounds lazy…That actually is really aggravating me. Poor baby.
That’s so mean for him to pour cold water on a baby
I don’t like that at all, I’d honestly freak the f out…
My oldest is 5 and CAN shower alone, but most of the time still does not get all the soap out of her hair and i still have to help her. Washing properly is very important
I’m my stepdaughter just turned 7. She basically baths on her own, I pop in every 5 minutes to check in and will put body wash on her scrubby, she washes and then I come in to wash her hair for her… and showers to rinse off
Everyone above opinion is good if you are wanting to follow advice. Way too young.
I still bathe my twins who are 7 but my daughter who is 8 showers on her own…it really just depends on the kid and if they still need help
My younger one is 2 and does a decent job while I’m there of course just to make sure. I really believe it’s on how you teach them. My 5 year old showers on her own and does just fine, but I still check on her just to be sure.
My daughter started taking baths alone with the door open at 5, but then she would call for help when she was ready to get her hair washed.￼￼￼ she is 7 now and has it covered. ￼
Throwing cold water on a child is horrifying to me.￼￼
Too young and that’s just cruel what the dad does that’s abuse !! Someone should address that that is not ok she’s just a baby still !!
I wash my 6yo hair but she rinses and i make sure its all out and she washes her body.
I am in the process of teaching my 4 year old boy to bathe himself (been doing it since he could understand) and he is pretty good at doing it himself.
But the cold water thing is not cool. Washing hair is definitely a parents job at that age
That is just wrong!!
Um what an ass I would be having a fit if I was her mom pouring cold water on a baby
My son started at 6 but I’d still have to go in like once a week and do a good scrub down.
That’s definitely pretty cruel. My niece was around 6 also.
That’s abuse, he’s abusing your granddaughter…because she needs help washing her hair…a 3 year old…DISGUSTING that no one has put his ass in his place already! I had to help my daughter wash her hair til she was 8-9 years old, she was able to bathe herself at 5-6, but it’s hard for girls to do their own hair that young.
That is horrible. My daughter is 7 and occasionally needs help getting all the shampoo out of her hair
I’m sending CPS vibes here, sorry not going to lie.
hair washing is very difficult for a girl to do properly at her age😒
Are you kidding??? That’s awful! Poor baby! What a mean Dad. So very sorry.
When mine were 4 I only washed their hair and back. I’m a boy mom 🤷 As far as the cold water goes… I’ll keep my comment to myself, but yes that is very agressive especially to a small child.
4 is way too little to be in charge of those things
They don’t know about hygiene
Um, I’m sorry but that’s not only wrong, but to me that is ABUSE! Wtf - who does that to any child let alone a 4 year old
My daughter was 7 when I had her wash her body by herself and shes 8 1/2 now and she just started doing the full shower alone but I still have to check her hair to make sure she did it right.
Oh wow. My son is 4, 5 in June and we still wash him.
My daughter was closer to 6 when she washed her body herself, and I washed her hair up until 7. I still wash it on occasion because she doesn’t always do the best job — but I like to give her the freedom. I check on her to also make sure she gets the soap all out of it.
I let my 5 year old do it herself… I kind of supervise if she needs it. But she’s mature enough and wants to do it herself. My son was 6 he still struggles though bc of sensory processing but gets it done. He doesn’t like other people washing his hair bc it gets in his ears/eyes
Sorry but sounds like he shouldn’t be a parent. That poor baby, that’s his job to do at that age, my daughter is 4 and sometimes needs help
My daughter is 7 and starting to do her own thang. Sometimes I find soap left in her hair she didn’t rinse well. My 5 year old son isn’t up to this point yet.
So my sons going on five on the 30th he just started washing himself if I’m lucky I still gotta wash his hair and 5/10 his body but found if I get the that ball thing ready with soap he’ll wash his only body but I still gotta do the hair it’s fright he has to have Cold showers to I let him do him but I’m always out side the door/there to help finish up honestly I have to make a game out of it and don’t listen to what others say cause every child different I’m the oldest of 11 kids
I agree 6-8 for bathing herself but right now is teaching/learning what to do so that when old enough they can do it.
Not 4 yrs old!! Get some cold water and pour on your son in-law See how he likes it
My oldest is almost 11 & I still help her wash her hair if she asks.
Sounds like he’s just lazy & is blaming the child for it.
4 is definitely not old enough to be expected to bathe fully on their own.
Ummm that’s abuse. Poor baby. She is 4.
From my experience, around age 7 or 8 depending on their matureness.
My 5 yr old washes her body herself and rinses her hair. I just have to help lather it good as she misses spots. And she great at following directions at that age. Just need alittle help running the water. She turns it off herself too and gets out.
A four year old is not any where near old enough to bathe herself all on her home let alone wash herself all on her own. What your former son-in-law did is bordering on child abuse.
I let my daughter “wash” her hair but always do it myself after. I let her do it a couple times without me going over it, but she does t wash it properly yet. She’s 6
Yeah, 4 is too young. She should be balw to do most of her body, including feet…but not her hair.
Das needs cold water dumped in him. Let’s see if he likes it.
I agree abt 6 and what hes doing is cruel
I would report that to CPS that’s abuse. Most 4 year olds can’t wash their own hair.
She is young nothing wrong by helping her.
If he would do that to my child. Lord have mercy on his soul. This would not turn out good at all.
What else is he doing that you don’t know about. evil
Sounds like abuse to me! Maybe someone needs to pour cold water on HIM! A**hole
3! That’s just out of being a toddler! That’s abusive and torture.
I think your granddaughters dad has unrealistic expectations and is cruel/abusive when they are not met. My four year olds all definitely needed help with their hair. One of my daughters I washed her hair until she was like 9. Her sister was good on her own at about 7.
My daughter is 7 and washes her own body but I still have to shampoo and condition her hair. Your ex son-in-law is a scum bag.
Straight bs his parents probably done that to him my oldest boy is 7 I still wash him especially on school days that way I know he’s clean for sure he does know how to wash himself tho
If he did that to my child, God help him. He is sick.
My 3 year old learned at 2 what to wash but u HELP the with their hair till they’re about 7. They can shampoo and swish their hair in the bath water laying on their back if they’re comfortable doing that but my oldest is scared so we use the detachable shower head
My child is currently 4, he does “wash” his hair and body. His hair he does pretty okay with, he’s still learning but usually he just wants to play. As for the son in law, pour cold water on him and see how he likes it.
Around 6 (school age)
My daughter turned 8 this year and really only started showering 100% by herself this year
That’s classified as emotional and mental abuse. That’s horrible to do that to a 4 year old.
My son is 7, 8 in July and he just started a couple months ago. He has a mullet that’s about shoulder length. Sometimes I have to rinse his hair out after he gets out. I’d imagine for someone with longer hair it’d be more difficult. 4 is def too little to wash and rinse properly for the average child.
Like… 7 and still with help with hair as others have said
My 8 year old still needs help to wash her hair! She is going to be traumatized about baths
I have great grand children at 8 year old and still don’t no how to wash their hair properly
My daughter is 4. I wash her hair then let her “wash it” & then I wash her body and then let her “wash it” so she gets to practice and continue to get better but I can make sure she is still clean. The she lays back in the tub to rinse her body while I use a cup to rinse her hair. No one should be pouring cold water on a child. That’s terrible. I would throw ice cold water in his face and ask him how he likes it.
There is a big difference between 4 and 6. At age 4, I wouldn’t trust that she/he would use the proper amount of shampoo or conditioner. Or trust that she/he would rinse everything out properly. My daughter is 16 going on 17 now, but even age 10 she sometimes wouldn’t rinse it all out. I would say at age 4 u could put soap on washcloth and start teaching them how to properly wash their body, and letting them scrub shampoo in their head. And start showing and guiding her how to rinse her hair. Let her help. That’s just my thoughts
That is beyond cruel. With both my kids I would sit on the toilet and guide them, then around 6 they were bathing on their own.
My 10 year old still needs help with her hair
My daughter’s have done it themselves since 5/6yrs old BUT starting at 4 we showed them how so they got the hang of it. My son has been showering and washing himself since he was 4.
Pouring cold water on a 4yr old when she doesn’t wash her own hair is f*&#@$ up!
4 is too young, they mostly don’t want to get soap in their eyes so they do a lousy job soaping it, and a lousier job rinsing it. And it is cruel — if he doesn’t have the time to parent properly, perhaps his wife or well, anyone else can help her. I’d smack my kids if they did this to my grandchildren…
He should be in charge of hair washing never ! They need help sometimes until about 8 if they have a lot of hair. Or at least reinstructed 6-8.
I wash my son’s (age 4) hair then instruction him to wash is own body if he misses a spot I reminded him to wash that spot. I don’t help wash his body unless he requests help which he usually does ask for help with washing his back cause he says he can’t reach it lol.
Considering you should be washing all your body parts not only your hair, I will not allow my daughter to shower by herself until she tells me she is comfortable enough doing it on her own. I was not taught hygiene as a child only to wash my hair and as an adult now, I find that disgusting especially since people poop and pee everyday and just life in general. I think parents should really be more strict with their child’s hygiene. At 4, I’m sorry they do not understand how to properly wash themselves.
6 is when I started letting all 3 of mine do their showers all by themselves
My daughters are 8 and I wash their hair …… they are learning . But I still help. And I don’t scold them if they don’t do it . Wow . She will have some sort trauma from that .
My daughter is 14 and I still have to remind her to rinse the shampoo and conditioner out properly
My daughter is 9 and I still wash her hair.
She bathes herself. Gets dressed. Then hops up on the counter and I wash her hair.
Hell I’m 32 and my mom will still wash my hair sometimes when I just need that extra TLC.
My son was 6 and my daughter was 8. She has long hair and needed help washing it. Her dad is so out of line. You’re absolutely right, that is so cruel. She’s lucky to have such a good grandma and mommy who care
My son is 2.6 and he is getting really good at showering himself and properly cleaning himself. If he could figure out how to keep the soap out of his eyes while washing his face he would be golden. My girl was 4 when she get really good at showering and properly cleaning herself, and shampooing and conditioning her hair. I would say by 5 I completely stopped helping her at all even grabbing the towel turning on and off the shower etc. I will probably do the same with my son
My 4.5 and 2 yr olds wash themselves but not hair, we do hair as it’s tricky and they don’t like water over the head.
Cold water is mean.
My granddaughter was 6. I also think it depends on the length of the hair. I find the dumping of cold water on her quite cruel.
And yeah he needs to not have her if he is going to pour cold water on her that’s just wrong and hateful!
4 years old is too young to be washing their own hair Mama stand up for your daughter
I let my girls start bathing/ washing their own bodies at age 4. And at age 7 they started washing their own hair. I would sit and make sure that they bathed their bodies properly at 4 and then when they washed their hair i also sat there ans watched. Now my oldest is 9 and youngest will be 7 in July and not one of them need my help
Well my kids are 4 and 6 and my 4 year old hates getting even water in her face so I help her with he hair. My 6 year old does everything herself in the tub. You should NEVER pour cold water on a little child. That is abuse.
Some 1 should kick dad’s for throw cold water on that little girl abuse
Her dad is a douche.
That poor baby! Pouring cold water over her is AWFUL!!!
My son was about 4 when I let him start washing his own body with supervision and he’s 10 and I still smell his hair when he’s done but don’t supervise anymore. But boys try to pull one over on you. But cold water being poured on her who would want to wash their hair after that…
My 3 year old washes her bits with her dad. He feels uncomfortable washer her now.
There is always an argument when it’s hair washing time.
At the age of 4 mine were bathing themselves but I did help them wash their hair. At that age they are still learning and need some extra help. Sounds like he needs to teach that baby how to or let mama handle it. That’s a little harsh to a 4 year old
That’s abuse and should be reported!
I’m 58 and still love having someone else wash my hair. Let them continue to bond.
Thats cruel and abuse!! No child at the age of 4 have to be in the tub or shower with that total responsibility!! Help them the’yre babies for Gods sake!! Yea encourage to let them bathe and help but i know of a 4 year old who acvidentally drowned!! God help this world!! 🥲
I have a 4 year old son and don’t even leave him unattended yet. I think it’s important to teach them how to at this age but should deff still help
My son is 4 and I walk in (with his permission) or yell through the door to make sure he washed all of his body parts. He sometimes forgets to do under his arms.
My son still needs help getting soap onto his head and making sure it’s all through his hair but, he can wash the soap out by himself.
Whaattt! Oh hell no. A 4 year old is not gonna wash herself or her own hair.
He pours cold water on her for not washing her own hair!? Is this the ex and the dad??? Oh hellll no. That’s not okay. And he has too high of expectations for a 4 year old….
That’s abuse. Period.
He’s straight up abusive to his child. IT is cruel to pour cold water and he has zero clue about age appropriate expectations for her.
Well we know why he’s your former SIL😞
I agree with you on his actions are cruel and need to be addressed. That’s infuriating to me. My daughter is six. I wash her hair because she isn’t the best at getting all of the shampoo and conditioner out by herself yet. That and I’m still nervous she might get it in her eyes since she does like to touch her eyes a lot even when I get on to her about it because her hands are dirty or really soapy or something. But she washes her own body and seems to do well with that. I plan on transitioning her to washing her own hair soon but I just don’t feel like we’re quite there yet. I think what you’re saying about the time of them being completely capable is spot on and he has too high of expectations for her. I do know some kids are able to do things earlier which is fantastic. But with that being said, I understand where you’re coming from and you sound like you do have reasonable expectations of her.
Uh cold water is uncalled for!
My oldest is 9 and asks me to wash his hair but he does the rest himself. In the process of getting my 7 year old to do it.
WTF he is all sorts of f*up and sounds like he shouldn’t be a parent if that is the type of behavior he is doing to his 4 year old daughter. I would be livid and concerned for that poor girls health and safety. If he thinks thats ok makes you wonder what else he does to her that is cruel, hurtful that he thinks is ok. You need to advocate for her and do something.