When should my soon to be ex-husbands girlfriend meet our kids?

Agreed, legally you don’t get to decide. But if you guys are on good terms, talk it out with your ex. My dad didn’t introduce us to his new wife until they were pretty serious. Like, moving in together. I actually don’t recall my dad dating anyone else. Maybe he did. Maybe he didn’t. If he did, he kept it pretty secret from us kids. Probably for the best. My step mom is such a wonderful grandma to my kids. :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

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I would ask him to consider the 6month rule. If they are dating seriously for 6 months and are pretty solid I see it being ok. It is a hard situation to gage. If he is a pretty good guy for the most part and a good dad than I think he will be careful with who he has around them.

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You need to have a discussion with him about it and come to some understanding, but ultimately its up to him. I’m sure he loves his kids and wouldn’t put them in harms way wether that be physical or emotional.

I waited 10 months into the relationship before meeting my partners daughter, that was my choice as I wanted to make sure I was ready and in it for the long haul. She was 3. We have been together for 4 years now and have a baby on the way. I was introduced to his ex before I met his wee girl. They were divorced and she had moved on long before he had but I wanted to do things the right way as a child was involved x

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I think it’s more important that both parents get along in front of the kids besides it’s not up to you. They’re his kids as much as yours.

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Sorry but it’s not your choice. Not together anymore = you can’t make decisions for him.

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I think that’s up to him not you. As much as it sucks he is an adult and when he has the kids in his care he can choose who they are around ect. Chances are if you tell him he needs to wait till this time ect he is gonna see you being controlling and will start drama. You just need to trust he will do the right thing

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Kids are just getting use to you getting divorced. When I got divorced I told him to wait I wanted to meet her and we could all take it from there.nif this isn’t serious no reason to get kids involved they will get to know her and then she is gone. Hard to explain to kids. Then they worry will you go too

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I would say at whatever point he’s confident she’ll be staying.
My dad dated when I was in elementary school and I met both of the women. He would ask if I wanted to go with him to his friend’s house. They both had other kids so we would just all hang out and do whatever. I legitimately didn’t realize my dad had been dating until later because that wasn’t how he introduced them to me. I didn’t particularly notice when he stopped talking about one of the friends, or that he was only friends with them one at a time or anything. But it was normal for me to go to my dad’s friends’ with him and just hang out

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Your kids will have no issue as long as the adults stay civil and not undermine the other. Kids are adaptable so this all depends on your adult attitudes.

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For everyone saying you have no say… ignore that… these are your children as well and you have EVERY say! If you’re divorcing civilly you should both come to some sort of agreement as too when the children can meet the new partners… there can’t really be a “time” on it because every relationship is different… after four months they could still be “casual” after two months they could be “in love” … but for me personally i wouldn’t want the new girlfriend to meet my son until she introduced herself to me … as long as she’s respectful and i don’t feel shes “harmful” to the emotional transition of separate families then i would feel comfortable with them meeting.

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First wait and see where they take it. They might not stay together either. How old are the kids. Sometimes easier for younger ones to accept than teenagers. She was the #1 reason for my divorce she was 16 at the time and ways treated me like shit. Was time to move on. If they marry then they will have to meet her. Wont matter what the ages are

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It’s not up to you. You can try your best to have a civil relationship and tactfully being up the subject but in the end he can bring along girlfriends on kids weekends if he wants. My son is getting divorced, a divorce he doesn’t want at all. His wife has been trying to dictate what he should be doing with his kids when he gets them every other weekend. He has no girlfriend but she’s taken them camping with male friends and had a male friends come over to put up Christmas lights on his house. :frowning:

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First, it’s not your call. He is also the parent.
Second, I would just talk to him and have the both of you agree on something for relationships outside mother and father.
Third, my opinion, give the kids time to adjust and only bring around someone you are truly serious about. Plan with the kids…tell them " hey, I met someone important to me that I care about and I would like you to meet them". See what they say and respect their feelings. Plan the meet in a public space, like a lunch date or outing to the zoo. Let the kid have a few of these dates to get to know the person. Ask the child after a few dates how they feel about inviting them to the house for dinner or a movie. As the other parent this is a tricky one because you have your own feelings to deal with. Refrain from being upset in front of the kids…try to be supportive, listen, and make your own healthy boundaries with your own dating. Some kids just won’t go for it for fear of hurting the other parent …so being accepting of the new person is helpful.

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It’s not up to you. It’s his decision and if he’s a good dad he won’t just introduce them until he’s sure they’re ready to meet her. As long as you don’t bad mouth her to your kids that’s the main thing. Even if you don’t like her. There is nothing more devastating than a bitter ex destroying what could be a happy life for your kids and their dad and partner! If she not a nice person, talk to their dad, not the kids about your feelings towards her. It can be hard, but you have to be the bigger person. Your kids will appreciate it when they’re older.

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If he is smart he will wait to see if he is going to marry this new one, and then if that’s gonna happen then she should meet them, otherwise keep her out of theirs lives. It’s not fair to them.

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Depends on the situation. Discuss with him and hopefully you can come to a reasonable decision. At least 6mo would be an acceptable decision in my opinion.

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Honestly it’s not your choice it’s the father’s choice if he brings her around. Assuming he has any sort of partial custody anyway

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At the very least a year. It seems to me that she may just be a distraction from him having to think about the divorce all the time.

When your ex feels comfortable enough for her to be around them. Having gone through this myself you dont have sny say as to when where or how she meets the kids. The same for you when you enter another relationship. He will have no say in when the new guy meets the kids

The most common rule I’ve heard that involves introducing your children to a new relationship is at least after 6 months. Then at least you know they might be around longer than a month and your kids won’t be affected as bad

I think it depends on the age of the kids as if they are really little than until it’s a solid relationship I would not want them to attach to someone who might be gone in few months, I mean they are already in pain from the divorce, than adding “stepmother “ to that? But if kids are like 12+ than they understand much more on how things work and can decide on their own when they are ready to meet potential step mum /or step dad in later on.

Depends on the children, age etc do they know your separated etc? I would want to know the new person would treat my kids right and be a part of their lives etc so I would like to see how they interact with the kids and take on the role as his partner and possibly the long term carer for the children when with the x.

He’s on the rebound. That’s not healthy. She may not really want them around, so just wait and see if you can meet her first and get an idea of who she is. Just a suggestion…

You seem to get along well; I’d talk to him about it first. Set some ground rules for both of you. If either of you enter into new, long-term relationships you should have the same expectations. If either of you are having short-term, one-night-stands you need ground rules for both of you. My daughter waited until she and her boyfriend had been dating 9 months before the bf and my granddaughter spoke on FT. When they had been dating a year, they met each other’s children. The kids have not met each other though. They are taking it slow and that’s working out great for them.

My ex and I agreed that we would only introduce the kids to someone new if it was serious.

When I did my parenting class for my court case they suggested waiting till atleast a year before letting the girlfriend/boyfriend meeting the children. My kids father never waited and has brought the girlfriend around our son from day one. He is now onto girlfriend number 3 and our son is only 2. Legally you have no say in the matter but you can bring it up in your court case if you feel like it’s a concern.

Well, if soon to be ex is sharing custody, I’m assuming that means kids will be doing a few over nighters with him, so, that being said, you don’t have a choice of “when”. I do suggest that you meet gf as well since your kids will be in her care some of the time. Make nice, and get along, it makes things a heck of a lot easier, especially for the kids.

That’s not up to you to decide, that’s on your ex. You unfortunately just have to help your kids with the fallout impact, if any, if things don’t work out.

My daughter loved my exes latest ex. In fairness, I loved her too and was pretty angry at him for messing that one up.

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Weakness on the husbands part…children should never meet the “g/b friends” ex’s can do the dating/lust thing on the time they do not have the children…children are already in the middle and don’t need added drama AND in some form or another there will be scenes of drama…no meeting the now friend …when and if later there’s possible marriage get the children around the son to be…people need to stop being selfish in their break ups when it comes to children…wait till time is really right

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Divorce is never good it only hurts the children. Its amazing how selfish the parents are. Then the parents wonder why their children will never have a happy healthy relationship with others let alone a marriage. The children are never taught how not to be selfish and what love truly is. They are taught love is a temporary emotion and easily disposed of if they don’t get their way. It all leaves scares that leads to loveless unhealthy lives that unfortunately they continue to pass on for generations. (the sins of the parents will be passed on to the children.) Its sad. The answer to this question. NO you should never bring temporary people into a child’s life. Unless you just introduce them as just friends of the family. Not the new mommy. Not the new daddy. Doing this destroys the strong bonds family’s should have.

Not! Until he finds out for sure she is going to be in the picture for the long haul. Bring in the kids to meet 20 0r 5 different girlfriends is not good.

My oldest son and the mother of his girls split up when they were little. She had a string of boyfriends move in and out while they grew up.

Do your home work on her run all kinda back ground checks on her . Same goes if you start seeing someone. To many people hurting or worse to the kids .

You and he should set some ground rules together about how you are going to proceed with co-parenting. Maybe through mediation. It’s understandable not to want women you don’t know in and out of your kids’ lives, just as I’m sure he’s not going to want men he doesn’t know around your kids once you start dating, but at some point your kids are going to meet people that you date. One thing that should be clear, is that boyfriends and girlfriends should not be taking care of your kids, there are too many horror stories. I know it can be hard not to feel jealous/hurt over another woman being around your kids, but don’t badmouth her to your kids, that will backfire on you and only create drama.

My kids didn’t want anything to do with my ex girlfriend she kept saying her son her daughter told her off big time then when he married someone else’s my our kids were nice but hated her

My now SO and I on our first date met each other’s kids :flushed: it was a super casual concert in the park event and coincidentally I already knew his family (yes his whole family was there too including his cousin who my dd and I are mutual friends with … years before he and I met) only he didn’t know that I already knew all these people lol His ex-w flipped when she found out and wanted him to want 6months before the 4 of us (me, him and our 2 kids) did anything together - ok no biggie - she wanted to make sure it was a lasting relationship. The only bf of mine my dd has met is my SO. I have full custody (both legal and physical) and while the guys I dated knew I had a kid, none of them met her w the exception of SO.

I’m a “dads girlfriend” I’ve been with men who have children before my current SO. With older children I was personally ok with meeting them earlier on but with younger children (under 12) I would personally wait at least 3 to 6 months if it wasn’t a casual relationship anymore. I would say the dad should be able to make a good judgement on that person before having them meet your kiddos but I also understand some people dont have great judgement. I believe a parent should also be making a judgement on the new gf/bf during interaction and see how the kids feel before and after meeting the new significant other. I wont meet the kids if we have been casually dating for 3 months. If I dont think things will be serious I won’t meet the kids. I also take the kids opinion on meeting me into account. If dad tells me the kids dont want to meet me, I’m ok with that and waiting longer. It matters how they’re feeling and if they aren’t comfortable, I won’t let me or him make them uncomfortable. They’re dad is theirs first and foremost, I am not going to intrude on their space or relationship.

Put your differences aside. Several factors. Age of the children, nature of the relationship, length of the relationship and attitude of the new party. Dont introduce children to.someone who is going to.be jealous or.someone who.doesnt like.kids

Unfortunately when you split … you have zero control over this … it’s up to his discretion…

Only he can answer that. He’s the only one that can know how deep their feels are.

Don’t do it yet! That should wait untill he’s to the point of him wanting to marry her. And untill/if/when they have at least one serious argument to gauge how she handles anger. For the safety of your kids sake wait as long as you can. There are way too many girlfriends/boyfriends and step-parents out here abusing/murdering their own and especially other peoples kids. Don’t listen to these people that are telling you that you have no say so in “when”. You sure as shit do! They are your kids as much as his but none of the girlfriends. If he can’t work around seeing his girlfriend seperate from your children for as long as needed, then that is what’s his problem. If he can’t find the reason in that then maybe you should get full custody. It is your right and duty to protect your children.

My eventually to be Ex was doing it during the divorce. When I tried to get her to leave him with me she blew me off. Divorce is ugly, the court is biased in a neutral sort of way. \

After they move in together unless she has kids too……

Are they exclusive?
Life is too short but depending on their age I would talk to my kids about it.

When I met my boyfriend’s kids, we had only been together for 1 week. He and them met my son at the same time (he was a baby tho). We’ve been together going on 5 years and have 2 more babies together. I’m telling you this because I want you to understand that not everyone would be bad for your kids and not everyone would be good. Your best bet would be to ask if you can meet ger before she meets your kids because irrigardless he will do it when he thinks is right. I’ve never even spanked my boyfriends kids so if that’s something you want, set some boundaries with her and the dad. I wouldn’t be okay with someone spanking my kids and I never did that to them. The father handles that part and I do my best to discipline in other ways. But like I said, meet her and create a good relationship (you don’t have to be her friend) and that will help you to know who she is and her intentions. Plus, you can talk to the kids about coming to you if they feel uncomfortable or to tell you if anything bad happens and explain to them that she shouldnt be doing ____. Kids talk​:joy: they always come tell us whats going on over there when it effects them emotionally. Either way it goes, his kids really struggled a long time because she doesnt like me (shes never met me and wont because shes jealous and bitter. Now shes jealous that I have such a great relationship with her kids​:roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes: that should be a good thing.) So theres been times she would hold them at her house and refuse to allow them to come over or call no matter how many times they asked her if they could. It has effected them so much emotinally.

You can not control what your ex does …it is his business.

My ex husband and I only introduced our kids to our significant others when we knew it was going somewhere. We both agreed that the kids didn’t need to meet someone we were “just dating.” It’s really up to both of you and what you’re comfortable with. Having a good relationship with your ex and open dialogue is a big help.

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My friend had a rule if 6 months she followed it but her ex didn’t

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Temporary never depends on age of kids

If they treat my kids with lov and respect great

… this is not a black and white answer there’s a lot of gray area.
people that don’t know you, your ex or his new girlfriend can’t answer this in completion for you though lol. because it depends. he could wait until he’s serious enough to marry her, but you both got divorced so what’s stopping it from happening again? :woman_shrugging:t4: have to make judgment calls based on the information you have at the time.

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A long damn time to know it’s serious why hurt the kids more

When and if he thinks they will make their relationship permanent! Kids get attached and each breakup is another lose to a child.

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Me personally, I waited until I felt like I trusted this person.

When he decides to marry her.

At least until the divorce is final.

That’s for him to decide x

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I know this is going to be an unpopular opinion but as your ex-husband you don’t have any control over his life anymore. You can control your kids but a judge is going to explain that parental alienation is bad. At the same time you cannot control how quickly or effectively someone moves on. Imagine it the other way around and your ex was trying to dictate to you what you could and could not do in your life.
Your use of the word soon to be at the beginning kind of explains it All to me. Do you feel as though he is currently cheating on you by having an affair, since you’re still claiming he’s your husband? After all as soon to be ex is just an ex that is not an ex yet

I’d say at least six months to a year… he has to make sure she’s in it for the long haul.

I would say at least 6 months.

When it actually becomes serious, and she may become a permanent fixture in his life. But these things are based on each individual situation … there is no right or wrong answer to this. Best of luck x

Sounds like your soon to be ex was with her for quite awhile, like way before the divorce. How old are your kids to begin with

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“Should he have to wait” is why you’re getting a divorce. Tf who are you to tell him? Who are we? His kids his choice. Didn’t want him having choices, keep ur legs closed. Don’t want this situation? Grow up and honor ur commitment. Worried about ur kids? Don’t get divorced lol. What you have chosen to do is 10000 times worse than some broad. Quit feeling sorry for yourself, your child is learning how to treat herself and others by watching you. Who do you want to raise

Not until she married her.

I’d say when they move in together. Because it creates a new environment and sign of commitment. But it’s ultimately up to him.

Tell her to make her own.

He probably left due to this control issue, stop!

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For the first meeting I would Def be casualy present

I think that’s your ex-husbands call, not yours.

Whenever the fuck he wants lol. you have 0 say on how he runs his new life and vice versa

Wait until their relationship is serious. Kids don’t need to meet everyone that their parents are dating.

You have no say but maybe talk to him about the kids and how they shouldnt be introduced to ppl right away like that.

Some sexist ass comments here. If it is joint 50/50 custody, there is no say, just have to trust the other parent will have the childs best interests at heart. You women are petty as hell saying that you need to meet the new woman first lmao. I have full custody of my daughter, and i dont require her mom to have me meet her flavor of the week. If you can not trust them to have the childs interests at heart, you have way bigger issues

You can’t control that. Are you butting it in the divorce decree or something?

Until you think is right :white_check_mark:meet her first is a must

Could be some of the only memories they get with him

Ask him to only let them meet if they are serious

That’s totally his decision, not yours

I’d say around 6 months AND after you’ve gotten a chance to meet her. Co parenting isn’t a walk in the park, but it will only be as hard as you make it. If she’s a good person, having another to love on your kids will be a good thing. It does take a village after all.

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That is a question only you can answer, for example my ex told her ex after 6 months its all good. My friend however hopes the woman her husband cheated on her with dies a painful death

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We can all say 6months, 1year, but in reality, if you both are committed to Co-Parenting, this is something you both need to sit down and discuss. Lay it all out along with all the other stuff, primary custody and medical care, holidays. Get it all out, so there is no arguements to ensue. The kids are the primary subject, and they will pick up on most stuff better than you think. Introduce them to your dates. Let them know what you are doing, dont keep the kids out of it cause it could also do more harm than good. Just my 2 cents.

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Hate to say it, but that’s up to him. You can kinda only give him your opinion unless you refuse to let him see them. He’s gonna do what he wants to anyway.

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Don’t bring anyone new around ur kids ( mother or father) unless u have known thm for more than 6month plus
You never know what anyone can do to ur kids…

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How about you mind your own business and let him decide when the time is right. During your marriage it was okay for him to make decisions when it comes to the children, just because you are getting divorced doesn’t mean that he should lose the rights to continue to do so.

He can move in with her whenever he wants. In terms of meeting the kids, it depends how old they are and also on his days with the kids he can introduce his gf when HE is ready even as a friend. Unless she is a bad person or like a drug addict or bad influence, there’s no reason he shouldn’t be allowed to have his GF atound the kids as long as she is nice to the kids. I assume it’s an actual gf not that he has a diff girl every week.

I mean that’s really up to where they decide to take the relationship. Maybe meet her first.

I met my husband’s kids after he and I were married.

6 months at least. Then odd meeting at say restaurant and such. Get them used to her.

We mutually agreed on about 3 months… by then you should know where the relationship is heading.

Do a background check on her to make sure she’s not a danger to them. I would expect at least six months would tell if she’s going to be around for awhile

I think it was two or three months before my kids met my ex’s girlfriend now wife in person. She sent gifts way before that. That woman was sent from heaven I swear lol.

I asked my son at 11, what he thought, he said ok; if he’d said no, I’d have moved on.

If the divorce is mutual, and adult decisions can be discussed between both of you, I would suggest the best option is to discuss it with him. It is currently a reality for him, but it may be a reality for you sooner or later also. If you two are able to discuss it, and come up with an agreement (6 months, 8 months, etc?) for both parties, not just him, that is what would be best for your children.

I am all for children not meeting the fling of the month, and I am 100% on the children’s side. Once the decision is made to introduce a new partner, the (minor) children’s feelings need to be the #1 priority. I always suggest to my friends in this situation, start off with lunch dates, then move to day dates, zero over nights unless the relationship is SERIOUS.

What’s the Difference between a Wife and a Mistress? ( 20 years and 40 Pounds !)

I bet the ones saying not until it leads to marriage etc etc love Jlo. Lmboooo

When he wants…you’re done.

Whenever he decides she should. You’re his ex and you get no decision making power anymore. He probably divorced you for being controlling AF.

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Bout a week. If she is just a hoe she won’t stick around too long, so if she makes it passed a week, you should be good

Talk to your ex about it