Where do I go from here?

What a miserable existence for both of you and I feel terrible for those poor kids. Sounds like both of you need help in more ways than one. Get the kids to a safe place even if it’s with family for awhile until you two get better. You both need to stay away from each other and get professional help. :woman_shrugging:t3:

2 Likes

Congratulations for leaving. DON’T GO BACK!!! Get divorced and take care of yourself and your kids.

1 Like

Move on! He will never change. He is a very toxic person. You will be much happier without him.

3 Likes

Coercive control.

It refers to a pattern of behaviours used by an abuser to control their partner and create an uneven power dynamic. Coercive control generally involves manipulation and intimidation to make a victim scared, isolated, and dependent on the abuser.

You are the victim here. By wanting things to be equal, and always considering him, you are doing all the things right for HIM.

Become the Victor. Stand your ground and do what needs to be done FOR YOU.

4 Likes

Get divorced. At least he’s separating your stuff and not throwing it out in the street.

Bye bye bye :v:t2: I’da been gone a long time ago.

Live for your self an your biological kids

He been behaving Like this I’m sure an u been excepting it for years :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post:

Run fast! You did the right thing. It will not get better. He’s a sociopath narcissist!! He is isolating you and himself, that speaks volumes … He has a drug/alcohol problem. He doesn’t see it because he likes what he does… It will get worse if you go back to abuse. You want to be happy and free or miserable and secluded. Not to mention them kids are being affected … Don’t go back…

It’s been years back… however & unfortunately, I can relate to your story, your life. I know many others ‘both males & females’ can. It is good that your finding ways to reach out even if it’s only on fb however, with you stating U have been to therapy, counseling etc…I’m a little surprised you keep going back to this.??? There surely wasn’t as much to reach out to for myself. I wish it’d had been. This is terribly bad/sad for &, on all these children. PLEASE think about them & start putting them first. You & your husband are not so much the victims as they are. This is only hurting them more each day you two continue on. You will eventually with time begin to understand it all. The kids don’t deserve this. You definitely are doing right by reaching out for advice however, it’s doing no one any good if your not going to take the good advice. Your gone, this is first step &, I agree with many on here, you need to stay gone. You now need to ‘actually leave him’ not just physically but, ‘mentally & emotionally’, stop worrying or concerning yourself about whatever he’s doing. You must cut those ties feelings etc, it will not change, he won’t nor, do I believe you will. It’s not as much as about who’s ar fault for, it’s plainyou both are. Its simple, you & him do not work, u two have tired, it’s over. Only thing here is, it’s no where clear that you even believe that. There’s something & maybe many things you are not saying. If you left, why are U even considering going back. Leaving is the hardest step & as I said if U won’t stay gone for you do it for the children. And whatever you do don’t start playing games & begin trying to punished him & keep ya’lls child/ren away from him. Get a mediator NOW. Stay out of any child exchanges etc… but whatever U do, don’t punish the child/ren any further by using them as pawns. If he proves himself to be fit, able & willing let him be in those childrens lives. Get yourself together, get you a good job even if you have go back school first. Don’t be dependent upon him nor, try to live off of him, break all ties. Earn & live on your own, you can do this. If you do, I guarentee you, u’ll oneday look back & be glad you did. Wish him & you all the best but, wishing & Praying mostly for those children to be able to erase any/all damage this has already caused them. Don’t look back, let it go…

This is abuse!!! Get out!

1 Like

Didn’t even read all this you need to get out not healthy at all

1 Like

Sorry to say this but he is a schmuck!! Divorce him, get full custody of the kids with supervised visitation because he is emotionally abusive to the children. There is no fixing this. Definitely DO NOT GO BACK!! It will be 10x worse if you do. if you have stuff there you need to get, bring the police with you. Document everything. You should be the one to file, that makes you the plaintiff and make your demands for divorce. He is going to be mad, and he is going to get ugly but you are used to this already so I feel from what you have posted you can handle it. make sure that when dealing with the custody of your child in common that you bring up his alcohol and drug use and that is the reason for the supervised visitation, but you want sole custody. Unfortunately, you don’t have a lot to say about his child and that is sad, but the reality is that child is not your responsibility except that maybe CPS should investigate if he is capable of caring for this child with his addictions. It is very rare that divorce is amicable, so be ready for the fight. if you have joint bank accounts drain them and open an account with just your name on it. Believe me he will be thinking the same and will do anything and everything to handicap you financially. I wish you the best of luck and strength during this time. Perseverance will prevail, so no matter what hurdles he throws at you don’t stop moving forward til you are where you want to be .

Girl, you did the right thing by leaving!!! Stay gone, don’t go back to that. If he’s not starting to separate things I would…. Find a lawyer right away as well.
But good for you for getting out of that situation!!

Past time to get a good lawyer and move out! B😣!

You made the right choice leaving. Don’t let him suck you back in. Don’t raise your kids to think that is how a relationship is supposed to work!

He needs rehab and you guys need to get away from each other immediately before you start hurting each other

Nobody deserves to live under these condition. He has no respect for anyone. This is a very bad example for the kids too. I lived through some of these same behaviors. It is demoralizing and I suggest you don’t go back. You and your child will find a better life away from this type of treatment.

You can get a copy of ALL texts on that phone. You will have to pay for them but it can be done. I would file for a divorce and have my attorney get the records from any media account he has. Nothing is permanently deleted…he’s trying to manipulate you now by trying to get you back. That’s his type. He must get you back in order to continue to control and abuse you. Think of the kids. They will grow up thinking that’s a normal happy relationship. You are out now so stay out.

Been in the same kind of relationship!! Please don’t waste your time they never change leave!! There are real men out there believe me!