You should respect the divorce. Your sisters wishes should come first. She shouldn’t be forced to have her ex at family functions unless she invites him and wants him there. Or when her kids express that and you’ve discussed it with your sister.
You can still have a relationship with him separately when it doesn’t involve your sister.
I’m not sure how your relationship with your sister is but if you’re close I’d respect your sister. I’ve been in a similar situation with my sister and I had to have her back and respect her before her ex because we’re close HOWEVER… My brother is a d*#$ and his wife is the definition of psychotic, sociopathic, and narcissistic all rolled into one so I’m friends with his ex because she’s my niece and nephews mom and I like her more than my brother.
I was raised knowing 2 aunts…one day they were gone and we were told we couldnt see them again and they werent our family anymore…I forever was waiting for the next member of our family to disappear! Please dont do this to your kids!
Just have the party.I learned yrs ago announce it say everyone is coming,it’s their problem not yours
You invite whom you want… that’s between them… and if your doing spending the money to do separate celebrations then shame on you for allowing this childish behavior.
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They are both your child’s family. If the bday child wants to invite both that’s what you do. 1 party with Auntie & Unc. You do not have to have seperate parties. How she deals with that is upto her. The way I see it is she has 3 choices. 1) suck it up & be there for her niece or nephew. 2) not go to the party but do something special either with the bday child or all 3 of your kids as a joint bday thing or 3) act like a spiteful B & do nothing. In that case natural consequences will occur. Your children may resent her, be closer to husband etc. That’s on her.
Invite whoever is willing to be there for your kid. Its their birthday. Maybe ask the birthday baby if they want the ex there and then plan accordingly.
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Have one birthday invite everyone. They divorced each other, the family didn’t divorce them.
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That really isn’t her decision to make. If the family, and especially the kids, are still on good terms with him, and he wants to be included, he should be. Still invite her to everything, but make it clear that he is also invited. If she chooses not to come, then that’s on her and she can’t say you’re choosing him over her or that she was left out.
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Invite them all and it’s up to them to come or not
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Do it all together and tell the sister to grow up
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He is still part of the family whether she likes it or not. And if url still have a good relationship with him, i dont see the pointnon leaving him out. Ur sister can still be exclusive with the new guy whilst the ex can be around and attend functions
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Your sister can be as exclusive as she chooses with her new love interest. However, it is up to you and your children to decide who comes to a birthday party celebrating your child. If the kids are close to the ex, then invite him with no regrets. Your sister seems to think that your child’s birthday should have attention drawn to her? Since she already ditched one party, invite who you please. It’s not her call.
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I would do just one. Let your sister know in advance. Be nice about it and just say it’s about the kids and I’m just letting them know because they want their uncle there. My mom and dad were married for 20 years all my cousin on my moms side all view my dad as their Uncle. He would go to different celebrations still. My mom and him do not get along but they are always civil around each other. If your sister hasn’t even came to the separate parties more than likely she won’t come to this. If anyone starts drama about it just let them know in a nice way it won’t be tolerated and people need to be civil to one another during the party and be there for the kids.
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You should always be with your sister, he’s your sisters ex for a reason you don’t have to worry about him, if your sister is happy with the new person then you should accept him as well.
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He is their uncle & a divorce doesn’t change that. Keep him in the children’s lives. Your sister has no right to tell you who you can have in you home & at your children’s parties or other holiday celebrations.
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Do the Birthdays there grown if they can’t act like they are grown that is on them now go have that baby a birthday party and quit worrying about other people it should be all about the baby quit stressing Mama
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I think this man/godfather/uncle has been in your life for 20 years and your children’s lives for the entire length, and just because they are not together and SHE is dating someone else does NOT mean that they cannot both attend the same celebration… she sounds SUPER petty and childish, you said they have been on and off and coexisting for years since they separated so its obvious that she should have no reason to not want to see him except because she is embarrassed to have another man around so soon… I think she is wrong and she should grow up. YOU are right in involving him, and you shouldn’t have to plan multiple parties for each child to make her happy. ALSO I do have a sister and would do ANYTHING for her, but she would never ask me to keep someone who loves my children away even if seeing them made her uncomfortable, so there is a difference between having your sister’s back to the fullest and having a sister who needs to grow up.
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Your ex brother in law is your kids Godfather. He will always have the right to be there. Let everyone know who is invited and they can decide if they want to come or not.
Invite them all and let them figure it out. He’s still their uncle
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Who is more important in their lives the ex or the new guy? for me it would be the Ex!
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I mean that’s too soon to have him around family or kids anyway. I would just let her know you invited him. What she does with that is her decision.
He’s still family no matter what
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They are grown adults. They can learn to get along and be civil to each other for special occasions. My husband and I go to my ex house for holidays and my children are all grown! Invite both, tell them get over it. If they don’t want to come don’t come. That’s on them. Not your job to babysit them and accommodate them.
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Its a tough call but is he the children’s godparent, special title/ responsibilities he has vowed in Church to help guide them and takes this oath seriously or is it a jealous thing? How old are the kids now? If even your sister didn’t/ doesn’t attend birthday activities, why can’t he? Can he not work with you so it’s not so stressful and unpleasant for you. Your kids and your hubby come first in the planning, everyone else is not a priority.
Remind everyone involved that it’s a birthday party for your children if they decide not to become because who’s there then that’s on them not you but. Not wanting the ex to come it’s childish on your sister’s part. I’ve had to be apart of a family gathering with my ex and his new fling that he cheated on me with it was uncomfortable but I was mature enough to enjoy the day with the occasion we were having
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Celebrate with EVERYONE…if your sister and the new guy feel uncomfortable, they can always leave or not come at all!
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Dont change cause one doesnt want the other around . My husband and I go to out grandkids bdays and my ex of 20yrs he goes with his wife. We are adults and we all get along. We dont play the I wont go if they are there card. We go because we love our grandkids
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The ex has been apart of their lives and is trying to continue to be in their lives instead of just disappearing… to me that’s important. My sister would have to get over it. It’s a simple birthday party for your child and she can either be a grown up for the duration of the party or not attend. Well that would be my opinion if it was me and my kids. I feel like it’s childish especially since it’s a child’s party and obviously the ex has a good relationship with the child. I could understand it if it was some super small adult party where everyone was coupled up or something like that but not a child’s party.
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That is their issue not yours !!! And you do not have to accommodate your life to please your sister , Your ex brother in law is a part of your kids family and he should be in any celebration for them .
If your sister feels uncomfortable she can just not assist.
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My dad stayed around my mom’s family after they split. Even after she got re married. They arent bffs, but they’re amicable. He comes to everything and it’s not an issue. But every situation is different
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Your sister has no right to ask that of the family to cut him off, 20 years gave him the in law VIP status, he is the uncle to your kids and that will never change, your sister needs to grow up, have your bday party if she turns up tell her how it is
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She is divorced and dating someone else so unless she’s cheating with her ex she is exclusive. You get to choose your guests and she should know how to interact with her ex in public
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Your sisters new relationship isn’t your responsibility. Her ex has been in your kids live all their lives. If you want them at their bday, invite them. If sis can’t handle it, she can not attend. Easy peasy.
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Invite both it’s not you war…
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Its not up to her if hes still around! He is part if your kids life is he not? And the fact that he wants to be says a lot a guy that’s been around a month shouldn’t mean anything if it were me I would tell her he is family whether yall are together or not so grow up and come around if you so choose
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Your sister needs to grow up.
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No. Your sister needs to get over it. If YOUR kids want him at THEIR bday party and she can’t grow up and deal for the kids sake then that’s on her. If he has been their for them their whole lives why rip him away from them when they adore him for a sister who clearly seems to be all about her
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He is family she needs to get use to it but they not bringing every nunu’s ard nahhhhh
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She doesn’t have to invite him to HER birthday party, but she does not get to decide the guest list of everyone around her. 20 years isn’t just a quick fling… it’s a long time and you say all 3of your kids were born during their relationship, effectively making him their uncle. F her.
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He’s been around the family this long, itd be wrong to just cut him off simply because someone else didn’t want him there. He’s been in your kids lives their whole lives- let him stay apart of it!
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He is still your kids Uncle. She just needs to understand that your kids want him in their lives. She can get over it.
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Invite both. If they cant get along then one needs to leave or they just need to avoid each other. If she got a problem with it then thats her issue not yours
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Invite both
Tell her to act like a damn civilized adult 
Not your monkey, not your circus
My parents are divorced, I did all this extra work for a few years! Finally one Easter, I said hey there is enough people here y’all don’t have to be Buddy Buddy, but we want you there, you just need to avoid the other person. Heck, I even invited my husbands ex and her daughter with her new husband, folks need to get along! If they can’t, they they can stay home! You do what you do for you and your fam! They can adjust or not! It’s their problem, not yours!
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Invite who you want and if they show up they show up and if not then oh well. 20 years is a long time, but I also see her point in not wanting to have to be around the ex. People divorce for a reason.
Do 1 and stop worrying about others. Either they come or they don’t. They are adults send should be able to be in the same place for 1 day.
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I thibk its sad that your sister has strang him along am this time and then thinks it’s ok to just cut him out. Not fair. He will look at you as family and no doubt love your kids. Invite him. It’s not your issue.
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Unfortunately for your sister, he is STILL their uncle/godfather whether she likes it or not. My sister and her husband are divorced but she already knows my child’s uncle will be invited. It is between them to learn how to coexist with family functions. If not then they simply shouldn’t go even when invited.
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I feel like that’s unfair to the ex husband. And to your kids.
Sounds like hes very much a part of ur kids lives. And he wants to be around his family. Why change now?
Sister can bring said bf AND be just fine if the ex husband is there
That’s on her. That’s her issue. NOT yours.
That’s actually very selfish of her. If she chooses to not show then that’s on HER.
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Young one, your house, your kids, their childhood- not your sisters or her ex’s- if they can’t act like mature adults - then maybe they don’t need to come. Period- put you foot down - your babies only get one childhood and these memories are forever - don’t allow some other persons drama screw that up.
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Invite everyone. If they choose not to come then it’s on them. If they want something separate they can have their own celebration with the kids
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I have always tried to invite everyone to everything. If anyone has issues with anyone else who has been invited, they are free to leave, or just not attend. Petty drama does not belong at a child’s birthday party, and the “adults” should learn to keep that business to themselves.
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Ok I see both sides. But if I broke up with someone that means we broke up for a reason and I don’t want to go to MY FAMILY events and they are there. But then again I coparent with my ex. We have 1 birthday for our child and his family and my family event our spouses family comes and we all celebrate the child because that is our main goal. The children… but this is something your gonna have to see what fits best for your family.
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That’s their uncle. If your sister chooses not to come around because he’s there, that’s shows what type of person she is. Invite everyone to one party
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My husband was married for over 20 years. His ex is at family functions. It gets overwhelming with Christmas, Easter, thanksgiving, etc. but birthdays I have never had a problem with. The new man knows what he was signing up for. They can’t pretend the ex doesn’t exist
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Look there adults they both have the rights to. Be in lids life .if they are really going to put the kids first then it shouldn’t matter to an extent .who there with and they schould both be civil at 1 even or the one that can’t be civil needs not to show
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Make plans for one party. Invite who you want to invite. If they show up and don’t want to be there because someone else is there then tell them to feel free to leave. The celebration is about the kid NOT them.
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You shouldn’t have to do separate celebrations just because your sister wants to be with a new guy how selfish is she.
I would be doing just one, if your sister is annoyed tell her not to come.
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Invite whoever’s a part of your kids lives. It isn’t up to your sister to dictate in this situation. I get how she feels but if her ex was a big part of your kids lives for that long they shouldn’t be cut out because they’re now separated. There have been many step parents who have since separated but that parent is still a part of their lives. They are who they are to the children. End of xx
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They divorced each other, not the family. I can’t stand it when children are put in the middle of something they don’t know their in the middle. Plus, how dare she put you in that situation! My told all of us, my brothers divorced their 1st wives, and my sisters divorced their 1st husband’s, including me as well. Christmas was a big thing for my dad. He told us all that he didn’t divorce anyone, and our family is or will only get bigger. He loved the daughters n laws like his own and BIL the same. Children came from these marriages, and no one will ever be turned away, so the newbies can either join the rest of the family or stay home!
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My family let’s everyone around… unless you’re a dirt bag and especially if you have children!! It’s just great for the children to see that dynamic
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Girl do you & what makes you 7 your family happy. Tell your sister to it over her self & keep it moving.
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20 years is a long time. That’s still their uncle even if they have split. Dont do that to your kids to make your sister feel satisfied
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They were married for 20 years. He is your children’s uncle. If he was a creep, sure, keep him away. Otherwise, you divorce spouses, not children. My brother and his wife are recently separated and looks like it’s going to be divorce. She had 2 children from a previous relationship before they married and they had 1 together. Them Splitting up makes no difference. ALL 3 of them are my neice and nephews. Once a neice, nephew or child(including step) they should always be. Obviously not if there was dv or something, but otherwise the adults can suck it up
I would sit down with sister and talk to her about what you are thinking. I’m sure she expects loyalty but I hope she understands that he was their uncle for years and THEY want him there. If she has children with the ex I see no problem inviting him as he will forever be tied to the family. I’m sure it’s awkward but if they are willing to Coparent maybe they can except this too. I’m not saying I’d invite him to reunions or anything but…
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Your sister comes first. Her wishes are important. Your brother in law is no longer family. He shouldn’t be invited anywhere anymore. Sorry. You can be civil but your loyalty is to your sister.
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Invite them all. One party. They are suppose to be adults
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It’s not about her that day. Your child would want their family there that day, divorced or not he’s still part of it. I understand you’re trying to be empathetic to her situation, but this is a big accomodation to make and she should be able to be an adult about it and not put you in that position.
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The more the merrier! Let them make the decision if they coming or not. You do you
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I wouldn’t do it separate. If she has a problem with it, she can stay away
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It’s not about your sister and what she wants… if your children love their uncle then let him go to it… My ex and I co parent perfectly we still bicker but that’s between us 2. His fiancee includes me in her children’s birthdays they actually include me in nearly everything including Xmas with his family. Tell your sister pull her head in.
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Was with my kids father for 15 years, I would be devastated if out of the blue I wasn’t invited to my niece or nephews party. My ex is also my nieces God Father so he comes to every event, we still do Xmas together because we were family for years, and neither of us want to miss it with our children. I can understand you telling him he can’t invite anyone new for your sisters sake but if she has moved on why does she care if he’s there? Sure it hurts sometimes to see my ex but I’m thankful he still considers them family and my(his) nieces and nephews have already said I’m their Aunt because I’ve been that for their whole life.
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No no no no!!! One party either they can be adults and realize they are not together anymore and the other will or has moved on and still attend or they can stay home. This is not about them it’s about your children. Your sister and her ex entertained the idea that included him/ her in family events. It’s not up to you to change your plans or life for them either way. They come have fun act like adults or stay they butts at home. Period
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You have to put the kids needs first , so new boyfriend is going to have to stand back. That child’s me the well being is what’s important till old enough to understand
Do what makes your kids happy. Their drama is their problem. If they both show up and cause problems, kick them both out of the party.
Have one party . She needs to grow up
Ahhh I’d never want my partner to feel left out of the kids lives, Especially after being together so long… your sister needs too stop pulling you into her business. Do just the one party and leave it up to them to sort out their problems. They’re grown adults
Simple. Your children, your house, your rules. Your decision.
That’s always going to be their dad. A good partner will be fine with coexisting with their step children’s parents. I’d tell her he’s invited because he is close with you and has been around all their lives. If they care about the kids they’ll be civil. 
my best friend and I did not speak for a good couple or few years because she decided to make me choose between her and my eventually late husband. Obviously as I refer to her as my best friend instead of my ex best friend, we have reconciled and she and my late husband did as well and considered each other brother and sister by the time he died. One of the conditions of reconciling with her is that unless abuse, drugs/ other substances or neglect are involved, she is to NEVER put me in that position EVER again with ANYONE, and especially NOT the man I love. It has not happened again. You gotta flat out tell her that she needs to accept that her ex has been a part of YOUR family long enough to have formed bonds, is the father of your children’s cousins and while you are more than willing to accept and love another guy as a brother in law, you are NOT gonna be put in the middle nor will you allow your KIDS to be and told who y’all can and cannot love and what she decides to do with this is up to her. Reiterate that you DO love her and overall respect her, but your home, your family, your kids, your rules and she can either abide by them or stay away herself.
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Ask the kid if they want their uncle there. Even though they are divorced he has been around your babies since they were born. Sisters new beau will have to deal with ut
He’s an ex that’s ya sister out with the old n welcome the new man wow