Who is in the right?

I have two children. The kids father and I haven’t been together for 3 years. We have a great friendship I’ve known him for about 8 years. We had this thing for tax season where we alternate each year where I give him 1,000 one year and then the next year he gives me 1,000 and vice versa. This probably went on for only 2 years. This year, the 3rd year I was supposed to give him 1,000 but before he helped me file my taxes I told him I don’t want that agreemet anymore where we give eachother 1,000. I don’t have a job and I’m trying to save all my money for a down payment. It’s not much and the more I spend the less I have for a down payment. He got really mad because even though he had a job he never seems to have money. Well he pushed my taxes through either way even though I said no more 1,000 for either of us. Now that I received my taxes hes mad and pushing and pushing I give him the 1,000 because he wants to spend it on dumb things because he never has money. He even said our older child is going to start living with him even though hes irresponsible. He’s doing this all of a sudden because I won’t give him the money. Am I the bad guy here for going back on our agreement of 1,000? He said if I don’t give him the money he will report me for claiming our children and doing taxes “without his knowledge”

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Who is in the right?

Idk how much your refund is. But if he helps with the kids all year. I think 1000 is fair. If it were his year to file and give you 1000 , you might be upset if he changed his mind.🤷

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Sounds like someone has an addiction :thinking: You each did the 1,000 thing once it’s fair to end it now. And his reaction is very telling.

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If he was suppose to give you the $1,000 and decided he didn’t want to, then you would be mad too. It’s $1,000 out of how much? It doesn’t matter what he spends it on. Stop being petty

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You would be upset if it was his year and decided not to give you the money. I think your agreement is fair.

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Give him the money. You have no say in how he spends his. I mean, unless you wanna marry him or something.

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I think giving him the $1000 is worth keeping him from doing anything stupid especially if you guys agreed already. Imagine if the roles were reversed and he changed his mind.

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Whoever the kids live with full time is who gets to claim them. Stop asking him for help, file your taxes yourself and live your life. If not get a custody order and take him for support…

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Imagine if he did it to you :rofl:

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Tax time really brings it out in ppl lol if have an agreement, keep the agreement.

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It’s easier to just go through the courts and have the tax court ordered, that way there are no fights about them.

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Don’t need him. U got your kids u claim and spend. Not him. Nothing is in writting

Stopping it because you don’t have a job isn’t his problem.

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So…does he pay child support? Where’s do the kids live, with you 100 percent? You have the right as the mother to request child support and claim your children. Even if you don’t work you should still file . Unless there’s a decree of a sort you can do what you want with your children if they live with you .

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You arbitrarily cancelled and agreement without talking to him. Yes he has the right to be mad at you. You don’t get to decide what he spends his money on is pointless or dumb. That’s not your right.

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We’re going through this. It’s court ordered for my ex to claim his two girls. But they live with me more then half the year. We have joint custody (not 50/50). Irs says he CANNOT claim them as they live with me more then have the year. This year he is on disability so he can’t claim them anymore. I had to have the last three years ammended to get them put on my taxes. He will have to pay the IRS back. Court orders don’t mean crap to the IRS it’s who the kids live with more then six months a year.

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He has a job but never has money… Probably has these things called bills to pay, on top of child support… You don’t have a job, yet want a down payment on something… You called him irresponsible… Might want to try looking in the mirror before you toss words you apparently do not understand around.

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Sounds like a really petty thing to end a positive co parenting situation over imo. You’ve been doing it for years, it’s more than fair and fr you’ve gotten extra money for claiming the kids this year so you wouldn’t even feel it. Ask yourself if this was his year and you were depending on that $1000 for your down payment yourself this year rather than it being this way… Would YOU be upset with HIM???

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First of all how are you claiming taxes with NO job? How will you buy a house with NO job? Do y’all have 50/50? If not do one pay child support? He can’t make you give him $? Those are your children and don’t need his permission to claim them on taxes unless court papers say you alternate every other yr or something.

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Not giving him the money because you don’t have a job, is not his problem. What he spends it on, isn’t your business. If roles were reversed, you’d be pissed.

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Why don’t each of you claim one kid. :face_with_raised_eyebrow: Also if u don’t have a job how are u getting money back anyway?also u want him to help u file and do all this stuff and then just cut him off right before he file FOR YOU? U know if it was his yr and he pulled this ud be pissed… give him the 1000 and say starting next yr, and come up with an agreement since your the one who wants this you should take the loss not him :woman_shrugging:t2:

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So you guys had a deal. But because he has a job and you don’t you should get to cancel deal? Trying to save for a down payment? For what? Going to be hard to afford payments on anything with no job. You are calling him irresponsble for having a job and no money? Maybe because he pays bills? You are in the wrong. You should have discussed this LONG before tax season. Give him the $1000 and get a job.

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Pretty sure verbal agreements are still binding.

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If it’s been an agreement for so long then just give it to him if the kids are with you both of you then it’s only right! Regardless if he has a job or you are broke! Should be split between both of you if you all share the kids honestly!

You’re wrong for not keeping your word.

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Down payment for what??? You said you have NO job. You’re not gonna be able to buy anything with no job even with a down payment. Do what you have already agreed too

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My kids have always lived with me 90% of the time. However we each got a kid.

How are you gonna spring that up on him last minute? I’m sure he was looking forward to having extra money. You can’t just say, “I don’t wanna give you what I’m supposed too and what was agreed upon after you helped me do my taxes.” It doesn’t work that way. I guess it does, but guess what? It makes ya look bad. You both made those kids. You’re both taking care of the kids. It doesn’t matter if he has a job or not, things aren’t cheap, living is expensive, so no ish he doesn’t have any money. You’re wrong. Absolutely wrong.

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Sooo what your saying is you think you can do whatever you want to benefit you, and he should just shut his mouth? You sound like a gem. :joy:

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I only ever got 800 per kid but idk I’d explain to him how important it is for the kids

Does he help pay for the kids and live with him??? That makes the answers different and who got the money for the months the government was giving advance child tax credits?

An agreement is an agreement. You’re in the wrong here. Your circumstances should not become his problem and his personal finances are not your concern either.

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Yes you are, especially if he kept his word, you can’t just change up because you have something else to do. That’s :snake: ish

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So you’re not keeping your word.
What are you claiming anyway if you don’t have a job?? Don’t you have to work to get anything back??

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Whatever is court ordered

Yes, you’re wrong. Who cares what he spends his money on from his job. You said you don’t have one. Let your kid go live with him if they want to. He had a stable income to support them.

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Why ain’t you working?

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So if it was his year to claim them and you were counting on the $1000 for whatever then it would be OK that he just canceled the deal on you? Sometimes you need to put yourself in the other person’s shoe and see if you would like it if they did the same to you.

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If you don’t have a job, then who’s paying for the kids? You know you would be mad if the shoe was on the other foot and he was jobless and wanted to keep all the money. Don’t be selfish…

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You are wrong. You cheated him out of his money on your year…not fair.

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You guys made the agreement, you should stick by it. Also, maybe not call him irresponsible when you have children and no job to support them. Whoever is financially supporting your children should get to claim them.

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You just answered your own question.

Each claim one then, after you give him the 1000$ you agreed upon

You agreed to something, stick with that. 1k isn’t going to do much for a down payment these days

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You should still pay him this year but then stop for the future. You don’t get to just spring a change on him like that right before it’s your turn to pay. You should have brought this up 6 months ago or longer. Your definitely in the wrong.

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How are you going to buy a house if you don’t have a job?? Down payments will only take you so far if you don’t have the income to pay the mortgage. Does he provide for your children? If so, you’re totally in the wrong. Who cares what he spends his money on as long as your children have what they need. And how would you feel if he was the one refusing to give you the money? You’d be furious! If you have more than one kid, why don’t you both just claim one and then there is no back and forth?? In my opinion, you’re the one acting childish :woman_shrugging:t2:

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If both kids are with him why not each claim one child? Much simpler that way. No giving each other money that makes no sense.

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1st of all if he did this to you would you be mad? Deal is a deal.

You’re wrong. You can’t go back on it like that. You should have told him months ago if that’s what you wanted to do.
If he did this do you you would he extremely mad. It’s not his fault you don’t have a job. He’s not responsible for you.

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Sorry but you’re in the wrong. How he spends his money isn’t your concern. If you’re saving for a down payment maybe go get a job yourself instead of judging how he spends HIS money. You had plans for tax and per the agreement he probably had plans for his $1,000

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Lmao if the role was reversed you’d be taking him to court! Hell yah he had a right to be mad. Give him his $1000 then next year he can also keep his $1000 since you don’t want it anymore. He’s irresponsible yet he has the job and you don’t :thinking:Gtfoh

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Also it isn’t your business what he used his money for and not his business what you spend yours on

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Do what the courts ordered in your case. If there isnt a court order there needs to be. The LEGAL way is right no matter what anyone here says

An agreement is an agreement. What if he all of the sudden pulled this when it was you that was due for the $1000?
It’s not your business how he spends the money like it’s not his how you spend yours

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You’re wrong, pay him. Get going.
Down payment with no income or less income will not help. Find a job and save money. End the agreement after you pay him this time.

Think If the roles were reversed it was a deal u made u stick to it honestly not much he can do with the irs especially if the kids live with u but ur sounding greedy to be honest

Get off your ass and find a job rather than relying on him

I would not pay him.

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All these posts about money. It’s just sickening. Use money on kids. Take care of kids. Worry about kids. All this nonsense between parents and exes fighting eachother over claiming kids and money. It’s just sick in my opinion. If you can’t figure out how to care for your kids year round without taxes then maybe you shouldn’t have them. Not just saying for this op. This is the third tax related and kid claiming post I’ve seen this morning

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Sorry babe , but you are in the wrong … it’s not your business what he is using the money for you are not together ,
also as long As the kids are being taken care off. Then that’s really all you need to know .
And just deciding the deal is over bc you decide so it’s completely :snake: material .

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Think if this was switched and he wasn’t paying you’d be pissed

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And what’s a down-payment on a house gonna do anyways u have to have steady income to get a house :house:

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I think you’re in the wrong. :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Also if he has a job u would of got way more money letting him claim them

Not enough info. What us the custody arrangement? Who supports them financially? You will have to find a compromise that works for both of you, rather than just rescinding the previous arrangement.

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You wrong but you already knew that lol

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Wow you agreed to this. Would you be ok with him wanting to change the agreement if it was his year This year?

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You’re wrong. Period!

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You made an agreement, and you need to adhere to it.
In curious though, how are you saving money for a down payment of you don’t work?

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You are wrong to go against your agreement. But He sounds ignorant to tax laws! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
Take him to court and the friend of the court will let him claim on even years and you on odd years.

Yes you are wrong,an agreement is an agreement,you should have planned your savings around that 1000,like you never had it at all,if he did it to you,you wouldnt like it,he prolly already has plans for that 1000,whether its stupid or not ,thats not your choice, honestly coming from our end and asking us our opinions, i see alot of us say it isnt fair

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Wait. If you don’t have a job, what’s the down payment for? A house? An apartment? If so, what are you going to pay your mortgage/rent with? I’m so confused.

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Just go to court and get an agreement on the children. I’d be pissed if I was him too if you backed out on yours alls agreement. It’s not his fault you don’t have a job and need to save money. The money should be spent on the kids!

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You claim one, he claims one and just keep it at that then no one gives anyone money

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You are wrong.
Who cares what he spends his money on.

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How the hell are you gonna get a loan for anything without a job? Girl, you are wrong.

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I just wrnt through something similar. It absolutely does not matter what any piece of paper says. The only thing that matter is the address the child uses as their main address. Whatever parent that child goes to school with/under, the person the child lived with for no less than 7 months…that is who will be allowed to claim the child. Irs doesn’t care about anything other than who the child lives with majority time.

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For IRS purposes, whoever has physical custody of the child over 50% time gets to claim the child for tax purposes. So, unless the children are living with him primarily, it’s an empty threat on his part.

But whatever agreement you have chosen to make on the side, that’s on y’all.

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You’re wrong … but not legally. It’s just a shitty thing to do to the father of your children. Back out of an agreement at the last minute. One thing to ask him if it’s okay and another just to say that’s how it’s going to be. Next year are you okay with the $1000 not coming to you? Or are you going to change your tune again?

I understand where you’re coming from completely…you feel as though you need it more than he does right now & you don’t want that money wasted on unnecessary things. However, he could use it against you for not sticking to the agreement so you need to protect yourself from that.

I would give him the $1,000 for this year and then make different arrangements after this year. I suggest maybe talking to an attorney and setting up a new agreement but if you all can’t be on the same page you’ll have to let a judge decide.

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Ummmm find a damn job

You are definitely in the wrong how can you not see that. Not your concern where his money goes, sounds like your being selfish! Imagine if he did this to you out of no where, you’d be just as livid.

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You’re definitely wrong. If you made an agreement, you should stick to it. You probably wouldn’t like it if he decided not to give you the money even though you have an agreement. You can still save money even without that $1000

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Why are you guys not splitting it 50/50? Each of you claim a kid each year

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It was an agreement…no matter what he wants to spend HIS money on…you agreed to it

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Be careful bc if he made more than you he can claim the kids and you’ll be responsible for paying back the credit you got for them.

Yeah it’s kinda crazy that you backed out the deal you had now. Especially without a prior discussion (prior to taxes and not just im not doing it this year). If the roles were reversed, how would you feel? What he does with his money isn’t your concern. And you backed out the deal when it didn’t benefit you. You got greedy and didn’t keep your word.

Him threatening to take one of the kids is just as childish and immature. In the long run, $1k is nothing and definitely not worth all the drama on either side.

That’s a crazy agreement to make. Is it because you are claiming for kids on your tax return? You’ve each had a turn to pay eachother so you are even. He obviously banked on this money for something specific and that’s why he’s mad.

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Yeah that’s not fair of you. How would you feel if he took back the agreement on his year? And gave you nothing. I think you’re wrong here.

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How can you say “he has no money” when you don’t either :joy:

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So you want to back out of the agreement because you are irresponsible and don’t have a job? If there are 2 kids this is easily resolved, you each claim 1 kid every year.

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Who collected the payments all year? Where does the kids reside the most?

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Maybe you both start claiming one each

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Do you have a legal document with all this in writing? Does he pay child support and have visitation for his children? Morally wrong to go back on your verbal agreement but I’m sure the IRS could care less! You definitely need to get Everything in writing with an attorney and visitation rights,child support, health insurance for children, erc. It’s a very long road raising children and you both need to get things in perspective for the children’s sake, otherwise there could be many more bad vibes with you and their Dad along the way!

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Yes, you are in the wrong. You had an agreement and broke it.

It doesn’t matter what he spends it on. It was the agreement.

Honestly, you each should just claim one child every year since there are two children. That’s the fair way to do it.

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If you had an agreement then I understand why he is mad. You would be upset if he did that to you on a year he was supposed to give you money. Also if you don’t have a job then I don’t blame him for taking the child to live with him. You not having a job he could easily win custody if he were to go for it.

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You broke it…you are wrong…if he did that to you bet you’d be mad

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You don’t need his knowledge to file taxes on the kids if they live with you majority of the time as long as it is not set up in a court order nor a binding document. Secondly if custody is not yet established go to the court and file for custody.

You have 2 kids together? Why not each just claim one and split it? Seems weird to give each other $1000 a year.

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Im assuming you received the extra tax credit this year as most have,you are wrong to allow you’re greed to break the agreement!!! You are wrong

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