You and his dad sit down and explain the family dynamics. Her new husband has been around and has acted like a dad…so I wouldn’t say no you can’t call him dad. Perhaps have him call his biological dad—pops or something. And he can call you mama…let her get a taste of her own medicine. Over all keepl oving the boy, be there, let him know he is just as important as the other kids that live there full time. He will understand one day very soon. Mom may have got a slash, may temporarily won that battle but her actions will cause her to lose the war. She struck at your husband to HURT him for it not working and ended creating a confused 9 year old who is in therapy.!!! That alone, barring very tragic event, should’ve woken her up. He also feels that he can’t talk to her…that’ll be great when he hits his teens. She’s failing.
Well that was long and honestly skimmed the middle. It sounds like if bio dad is okay with being called his name then that’s fine, If he wants his son to call him something he will tell him. And you never know if they have private convos and if they don’t I would encourage bd to talk to him and have that fatherly talk and stuff. I wouldn’t go sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong
Don’t speak to her, if child says to leave it alone I would fully respect his choice in the matter as it’s him going through it with his biological parents, not you (in a way you are but ya know what I mean). Wait till he says he would like someone to intervene.
I’d respect his wishes and leave it be. But bless him I just wanna give him a hug x
Call her by name and leave it be.
Follow him . Let him guide this…
Just be there to talk to him and listen to him.
He asked you to leave it ,don’t betray his trust or he won’t confide in you again you are his safe space right now . I would also let him know it’s ok for him to call both of them dad. If he sees the step dad as a father figure then he’s “dad” and of course his dad is dad, tell him it’s ok , all of this is so unfair to him. Why does he have to choose .
Just have him gently remind his son he is also dad.
That’s it.
Kids with gay parents have two dads.
Kids with poly parents have two (or more) dads.
Don’t fuss about anything else. Dad is dad. Don’t preach “biological” because step parents can and often do bust ass more than bio parents. Foster parents too.
Let Dad reinforce that he’s dad, if he wants. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t. Forget everyone else.
“He told me he wanted me to leave it”
There you have it. Leave it.
You asked him, he answered. And now you are thinking about breaking his trust??? All for what, for your husband to be called Dad? A title? Instead of your husband being called Dad, I would just make sure your husband continues to act like one (not saying he isn’t). Dad is a title, just like the word Mom, just words. Show the child how a Dad is by actions. That old saying, “actions speak louder than words” I suspect one day in the future your stepchild will figure this all out on his own and his Mom will have some tough and difficult questions to answer. It will all come out in the long run.
I would respect that he wants you to leave it alone but I would urge him to tell his counselor about all of this and how he feels about it.
Respect his wishes and listen to him. His mother doesn’t and he is aware of that.
You have earned his trust. Don’t lose it by betraying that trust. He will become a much better man from the love your family shows him. Make sure he is allowed to see his Dad, sisters and you as ordered. Keep it peaceful, fun and loving. He will put the pieces together on his own and honor your family! Be patient and loving. You and your husband can vent to one another when little ears won’t hear. He will cherish the fond memories you make with him!!
Just leave it alone and be there like u have all these years. When he gets older…his mom will have to answer some questions. He knows who his dad really is and that’s all that matters. That child is smarter then you think. Wish the best for all involved.
“Nana and papa” are his step grandparents, but still “nana and papa” … Saying that kind of negates your entire point about him calling his stepdad “dad”
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Its a hard situation but I think u should do what u feel is best, go with your heart 
My son calls me by my first name. And that’s cool with me!
Be there for him but he gets to decide how to cope. It’s on his terms.
Lisa Bell This story is really something. Smh.
The title dad is earned sorry to be blunt but when the child is ready he will call him dad and I think that will be the best feeling in the world for your husband because he’s earned it and the little boy isn’t calling him it coz he has too just be patient
Respect his wishes xxx
Bruh. I’m so glad my lifestyle isn’t like jerry springer. 
I’m in your boat hunny, I’ve raised my step son since he has been 2 years old, he is now 12. Unfortunately you need to let him have that say, when he gets even older if he wants somthing like more time, your most likely going to have to let him fight for it with his actual mother and you guys just back him up. Until he really stands up to her, which I promise you he will there is nothing you can do but tell him as much truth as you can, and let him vent and get it out.
Maybe we can just dispense with those formalities altogether.
Just call people by their names.
With all the broken homes these days very few are ACTUAL dad’s anymore, and as such do not deserve the honorific.
You asked him what he wanted done about the situation, he told you to leave it.
So… leave it.
If he wants help in the future, he’ll ask… if you go against his wishes, you’ll lose his trust for sure.
id just leave it so he can still feel like he can trust you. its so sad kids get dragged in the middle. my daughter knows she has 2 dads but her bio dad is controlling and abusive because i didnt get his permission to be with who i want. ur son may end up in alot of trouble abd not trust you. maybe talk to his dad about it. so sad he so confused
Respect his choice and leave it alone but let him know that if he ever needs to you advocate for him in anyway you will be there to help. If you do it after he said no it will feel like a betrayal and you will lose that line of communication that is so open
This is all about her getting you to send her money.
Keep your dirty laundry at home.
I only read the first half of this. First thing, this is complete PARENTAL ALIENATION. This is now being recognized in some states and provinces as illegal and highly emotionally abusive to a child. Second, go join some of the father’s right’s groups and step mother groups. Third, follow the CO to a T and be completely accommodating. Neither of you give into anything she says. NOW what you need to do, start documenting every single communication made to both of you. Document if child’s medical/educational needs are met, and document how high conflict she is being. You can open a word doc for this and record all dates, times.
You can make anyone call that dad dad it it not his really father. Leave it along like he said. My Neice don’t call her step father dad and he race her from a child she don’t call him anything. She just live it along. So that what you need to do. Until he want to do it.
If he trusted you enough to talk to you about it but told you to leave it (I’m taking that as meaning to not talk about it to bio mom) I would respect that. However, if I were you and your husband I would talk to an attorney. It sounds like she is trying to alienate your husband from his son. If he is in therapy and is discussing this in therapy those records need to be shown in court. He needs to fight for 50/50 custody and get court orders stating she cannot force your son to call his bio dad by his first name unless HE wants too and to not talk negatively about each other in front of the child. She’s already doing the damage. You need to take her back to court and have it court ordered for him to go to therapy to show what she is doing to him. They can interview the child and do it to where they can discuss what mom is doing and what she has said. Especially if you all have proof. If it was me I would be begging my husband to take her back to court. That poor boy is being pulled in so many directions and they need to get it to where she cannot degrade your husband like that in front of him.
It sounds like the son is working it out for himself. Sit him down and answer any questions he has. It’s not unusual for a step-Dad to get called Dad if the child lives with them. Make the son find what he is comfortable with. This isn’t about his Mum. It’s about making the kid feel safe and happy. He will eventually realise his Mum deliberately created a wedge but he will also still love her and you so he’ll need you so much more.
Fighting it will only harm the boy more in the long run. They have you do parenting class if you’re divorcing with children, and 100% of that class is telling parents NOT to do this because it’s harmful to them to constantly berate and tear down the other parent. Even if you feel like you have to defend yourself or in your case your spouse, it only makes it worse for them. Let Mom do what she does and eventually this kid will see her for what she is and what she’s done, and your stepson will also see who were the parents that had his best interests at heart. In the meantime, document document document and take the case back to court if need be about the parental alienation, and just let that little boy know that he is LOVED above all else and that when he is in the presence of you and his dad he is allowed to call anyone by the names that HE is comfortable calling them.
Talk to his therapist and he or she will be able to better help him understand and go through and unpack his emotions in a healthy professional manner. Just enjoy your time you do have with him. Itll be ok 
Idn this seems out of place
So the situation sounds messed up in a few ways! She definitely manipulated your husband in the past to sign papers by bribing him quite more time only if he signed them. How was your husband as far as presence goes when she was pregnant, stepson was a baby, etc. I am trying to decide if she is just super awful or if she did what she did/doing for a reason. Was husband not in a good head space? Was he not really present? However that is in the past and none of you can change it. If I were you, I would leave it. When your stepson gets older, he will start to put things together and figure it out for himself. He calls his stepdad “dad” because that is what he knows/understands. He grew up thinking his stepdad is his dad so he calls him dad. If he calls your husband dad but no around his mom, clearly he wants to show loyalty to his mom and who he thinks is his dad (stepdad) and he likely wants to avoid getting in trouble by his mom. Not just that but if the stepdad has been in his life for a while, has been a constant,and stepped up to help raise him (when he didn’t have to) - I can see why he would call his stepdad “dad”. Was your husband always around as much as he could be prior to you guys being together? That could impact why he calls stepdad “dad”. Even though you and your husband don’t agree that it is right for him to take over your husbands position but again, if he has stepped up, been a constant since stepson was little, been a father figure to your stepson - then I don’t see why an issue is there for him to be another father figure. He’s only nine so the situation is already confusing to him. However, if he trusts you enough to slightly opens up to you, don’t betray his trust. I am sure that is something he will work through with his therapist. Leave it alone. Stepson will find out the truth in the future as he gets older.
From my experience, if you bring it up to their mother, she will just yell at him which is why he’s probably saying not to tell her. It’s not going to change her behavior, it’s just going to make him not want to speak about it. Just explain to him as you have been.
Leave it. I’m 30 and have called my mother by her first name for as long as I can remember.
Don’t betray his trust. Be his listener. Help him to understand
Just encourage him to be thankful that he has an “extra” set of parents to love him when some kids only have one set. This is something I have told my stepson through the years when he would get frustrated going back and forth. Sounds like he is figuring it out. Just keep reminding him when he needs reassurance that his bio dad made him and his moms husband is an extra parent.
I would just leave it alone. Hope the older he gets he will be able to sort it out himself. If you try to bring it up to the mother things will probably get worse and I doubt she will listen or care.
It’s parental alienation if his mom won’t let him refer to his father as his dad. I’d talk to his psychologist about how to deal with it, and also to an attorney to find out what legal steps you can take. Kids should never be put in the middle of adult discord. Good luck.
I’m not sure what you should do here but one thing I can tell you is he needs your guys relationship right now so don’t tell good mother anything. He feels he can’t trust anyone but you right now he needs to be able to count on you so don’t say anything to mom for sure
You could try my approach and give him some ways to say how he is feeling to his mom. I had to do this with my step daughter. It was hard on all of us but it helped her relationship with her mom, and I. It was a different situation though. Don’t tell the mom yourself because he trusts you. You don’t want to break that. It is important for his relationship with his mother though that they do talk if it is bothering him. Maybe he could start with something like…Please don’t be upset mom, but I would really like to call my dad dad, but I’m scared it will hurt your feeling and I will get in trouble…unless she is mental…having a 9 year old approach her like that should do something…it might take time but it will make her think about what she’s doing, and consider how he feels more. She probably doesn’t even realize what its doing to your step son.
Sounds like he trusts you and if you bring it up to the mom she will only punish him and he will no longer feel like he can talk to you. Dont break his trust, he is figuring it out for himself. Just be there for him.
Maybe come up with another name for his bio dad, like Papa or father in a foreign language until the child is old enough to refute his mother’s ridiculous lies and ultimatum.
I’m glad you’re close with him. I’d respect his wishes and not intervene unless he wants you to. I feel for your family. 
This should have been presented to the court a long time ago. Parental alienation is frowned upon by the courts, and y’all wasted a lot of time by allowing this to go on so long.
Sounds like he is figuring things out. Don’t betray his trust and respect his wishes to leave it. He will understand it all eventually.
From what you say about the mum might be best to leave it or you run the risk of making it worse for your husband and the child
So I don’t think there is much the court will do, even though this isn’t in the best interest of the child and is incredibly confusing, I don’t really think they’ll step in. In my state and most others when a child turns 12 they can decide which parent they want to live with. I think by the time he’s 12 he’ll see his mother and step father for exactly what they are. Don’t tell him “when you turn 12 you can decide to live here and not with you mom” I’d break it down as much as possible without using those exact words. Let him know he does have choice and you and his dad will always back him no matter what choice he makes. He’s asked you not to talk to his mom for a reason, whether it’s because he knows his mom will get mad or yell at him, or because he knows it’ll start trouble, he’s confided in you, don’t break his trust.
I went through something similar with my stepson. We petitioned for custody and got custody. Malicious mother syndrome is a real thing. Look into it. Having the counseling ground work will help too.
You’ve done gained that baby’s trust. Don’t ruin it by going to his mom after he told you to leave it. He’ll do it in his own time. Good luck to y’all.
Simple. Listen. Don’t talk to the mom. Yes it sucks for you and your husband but I guarantee he talks to you more and is more comfortable with you two. When he gets older he probably won’t want anything to do with his mom because if all this. Do your best for now and be there when she can’t keep lying. He’s gonna need you 
Just here to say you are amazing! Being a step parent is hard THE hardest thing in the world and the fact your step son can tell you everything means your already doing everything right so just know that right now is enough 
I think you have to listen to your step son he trusts you and unless he’s being harmed physically or emotionally just be there for him to tell you everything and as he gets older he will absolutely start to understand. You can’t change his mums actions but you can keep doing what your doing and provide an alternative safe loving trusting environment for him to open up well done 
I’d respect his wishes on not speaking up however I’d keep speaking with him about his feelings as often as he’s wishes. Guide him towards being brave awhen it comes to Mom and stand up for what HE WANTS. Does he want to call his Dad by his name or does he want to call him Dad? Does he call Dad “Dad” when mom isnt around? Standing up for yourself is a very good quality to have in life. Teach him that! Will he get yelled at? I guess he will, but teach him to be strong and to brush it off as best he can for a short time, hopefully mom will clue in that it is what the child wants, if she doesn’t and continues… that is something that can be taken to courts shortly if he stands up for what HE wants and she if she does choose to continue to use parental alienation as a weapon - maybe a custody change can happen. He doesn’t have to stop calling his step dad dad (if he doesn’t want to) changing that part of the situation can just make things even harder. But work on teaching him that Dad is DAD and he will always be DAD! He will always love him. He will always be along side him. And if Dad would be comfortable saying so, have Dad let him know that it would mean the world to him to hear him call him Dad and that he would be incredibly proud of his boy for being brave to stand up to mom.
I’d leave it alone! One day he will know the truth! Just love him and listen to him:two_hearts: actions are stronger than words sometimes!
Parental alienation is abuse. Perhaps its time to go for full custody with the childs therapist’s notes
I would leave it as he’s asked he’s trusted you enough to open up! Have dad get a copy of his birth certificate so he can see him self that dad is dad that way he knows as he gets older he knows the truth an can do as he wishes with the info when he’s ready
When my kids ask me something that I’m not sure I can explain the best, or something they aren’t comfortable actually talking to me about and just sit there all weird and awkward 
I find stuff online they can read, then they come to me with any questions. I know all the types of families- nuclear, biological, etc etc- but I don’t know if I could explain it all in a way my 9yo could understand. My kids have grown up in a very atypical situation I am a lesbian married to a woman, who has a child by her ex wife whom she adopted, and their dad is married to a woman with a step child, and they have a baby together. Then I have an older son who I had by a man I was with out of high school. That child calls my younger kids dad, dad. But his bio dad is also his dad. We just all get along and co parent so they call us what they want. So familial relationships are a lot to dissect, but they grew up in it and they know exactly what’s what because nobody ws lying to them.
Different than your situation by FAR but my point is, next time he comes over have info for him on different types of families and terms so he can learn about it on his own
Keep it to yourself and Dad. Somethings are better left unsaid. If you all see the same family therapist, let he/she do so. Just love him and support him. Answer his questions to best of your knowledge. This is so sad.
This is pure psychological abuse of a child! He will grow up and see exactly what his abusive mother is doing and she will suffer the resentment!
I’d mind my business and just be a support to the child
I would leave it or he’ll never trust you again and that Lil boy needs someone to trust. Talk to his Real Dad about it but DO NOT bring it up to the mom.
If he says leave it leave it he knows the truth now n he opening up to u if u go to her he gonna get in trouble n he might not trust u know more he knows the truth now i say let him decide and support what he wants this is only my opinion
Oh jeez… All I’ve got is good vibes and love to send your way!! That’s a rough situation!
Oh momma, leave it, don’t break his trust in you! This child is smart, just young, he will soon realize what has been going on and he will need YOU. Keep answering his questions with honesty and truth, good bad or ugly. I’m sure if you look there are books for young people that can help him understand more of what is going on. Expose him to all things that will educate him on divorce, blended family and so on, equip him with knowledge. I will be thinking of you and hope that gives you strength to guide him through all of this. Your doing great keep it up❤
Parent alienation has a negative impact on a childs mental health. Maybe his dad should get a mediator involved like a social worker or psychologist to bring the message across to the mother that what she is doing is harmful to her child. Thanks to you for being the mature and loving step mom. He is lucky to have you
I would respect your stepsons wishes and leave it alone. However you explained so much to him and ot is now up to him to decide what he wants to do. And trust me he will see what his mon is doing and be tired of it .