Why do men take so long to propose?

Why hasn’t my bf of 4.5 years proposed yet? We’ve discussed it many times and he says he wants to, says he can’t see himself with anyone else. We have a baby together that’s 5 months old, and he’s told his own mother he wants to marry me, yet no proposal. I see my friends in shorter relationships that are already engaged or married and I just feel like I’m not doing something that I should be or there’s some secret to getting your bf to pop the question that I’m in the dark about.At one point he had bought a ring that I saw, but he returned it to supposedly “get me a better one” because it was gold colored and everyone told him to get silver or white gold. I told him it was a beautiful ring. But then he started saying things like, “maybe we should focus on our health and the house repairs and our baby first” and he returned the ring. I told him I was disappointed because I thought he was going to ask me to marry him and I was excited, and now it feels like that’s never going to happen and I don’t understand. His response was he wants to get me a better ring not that he doesn’t want to get married. It’s been about 3 months since that’s happened and I feel like now we argue more about little stupid things and I can’t help feeling this sadness and disappointment - like I’m not good enough to be with him at that ‘level’ of marriage. I dont know what to think or do or how to bring it up anymore to him or maybe I should just let it go and try to not think about it?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Why do men take so long to propose?

Because he doesn’t want to get married.

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Why dont you propose to him and see what he says

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Maybe he’s not ready :woman_shrugging:t3:

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If he wanted to propose he would

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Move out- he will never

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Mine proposed to me on our 8 year anniversary :woman_shrugging:t2: sometimes it takes longer then others

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He’s not going to.
Leave him.

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Why do women keep having babies with boyfriends?

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Sis ive been waiting for over ten years and three kids later and my man hasnt yet. ive just accept that im not worth it or worth having his last name. it hurts a lot.

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This is a perfect example of ‘if he wanted to, he would’ my husband proposed with a $50 plain band and upgraded me a year later. He’s making excuses.

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Because he already had you and knows he can always have you. He’s not in a rush.

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Maybe he’s not ready. Some people take longer to be ready for some reason. Maybe he’s seen bad marriages and doesn’t want to go through a divorce. Maybe he genuinely wants to make sure y’all are completely financially stable beforehand since weddings are expensive. Just ask him and see what he says!

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Everything happens (or doesn’t) for a reason… Maybe he’s not the one for you after all.

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Damn just wait. I agree with home repairs. Always good to invest in the home because it goes up in value.

Y’all saying he’s not going to move out, like you know him personally lmao!

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16 years and 3 kids …no proposal but I’m happy as can be …dont always need to be married to be with someone you love!!!

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Its expensive give him time

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Because he is keeping his options open. When you know, you know. He clearly doesn’t and you’ve given him no reason to make it a priority.

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Short answer…you’re not the one

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My aunt got proposed to I think… 12 years into her relationship with my uncle. Men are (some) sllllooowww these days. Lol :joy:

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Your pressure is probably stopping him

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Sounds like one of the why buy the cow when you’re getting the milk free things

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Why not buy him a ring and propose to him instead

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My stepson waited 15years before he married the woman of his dreams

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4.5 years is too long. He doesn’t want to marry you

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If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been with mine for 10 1/2 years and we have 3 kids together. Not engaged or married lol I don’t see the rush. You don’t need a piece of paper to show how much you love someone. But that’s just my opinion. I don’t really have any desire to be married.

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Yall are so negative just because he hasn’t gotten down on one knee yet doesn’t mean he won’t. Iv been in a relationship for 3 years with 2 kids with him and im not engaged yet. There’s more important things in life than just a ring. You don’t have to have a ring to be engaged. I’d be happy with a ring from a gumball machine. You don’t need at $3,000 ring to be happy its about the love and not the size or color of a ring

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You have the man,why rush it!I was the same way & we still
Didn’t get married for sometime,but here we are!Just bcus he says he wants to marry you doesn’t mean he’s ready yet!

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If he really wanted to he would have by now. So it sounds like he probably doesn’t want to and is just telling you what you want to hear. Plus now he has everything that a wife would give him.

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Simple answer, you propose to him :smirk::rofl:

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They don’t if they actually want to marry you.

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My brother was with his now wife for 7 years before they got engaged then a year later got married and that’s after done even having a baby ,now they have been together a total of nine years and have an 8 year old ,if it’s meant to be and you know it’s gonna be forever then let it be and don’t push it , let it happen or let it crumble but never push or rush it .

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I mean what is marriage truly! The face that you can say you are married so you can wear a pretty diamond and have a sense of commitment! I have been married and divorced has two children in that marriage! I have now been with a man that I honestly could careless if he ever ask because it doesn’t change the way we feel about each other. We are both divorced and marriage is not on the top of the list. Marriage doesn’t always mean or prove love. Many other things do! We are now expecting a daughter and again it’s not on the top of the list to hurry up and get married. I love him he loves me and we have an amazing relationship. Why does a diamond and a wedding have to be seen to show that. We have been together for 5 years. This my own opinion.

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Probably the pressure of it all and why is it so important, like yes I love the idea of a wedding etc and all that , but if you’re hAppy etc why push it ?

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i remember reading somewhere that a man knows within 6 months if he wants to marry you. I don’t know how accurate that is, but it seems legit.

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The ring can be made out of straw if he wants to.be with you forever he will.propose and you can get married on a shoestring. Just the basics.

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Why don’t you ask him? I asked my husband :blush:

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He already has everything except a marriage license. If you already had a brand new car that someone gave you would you go buy one identical. Go figure. I dont understand when a woman is giving everything to a guy with no strings how she expects him to want to tie up strings…

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It takes some people time. My parents were together for like 30 years under common law. Never legally married. My husband and I got married a year after we met. Some friends were dating 10 years before they married. Maybe try popping the question to him. Take a whole new route! I dont think it’s because he doesn’t love you. Getting legally married is a huge thing. It can be beautiful and scary. And to some people, they do want to find the perfect ring. Alot of people spend about 7k. Thats alot of money that could go towards things now that are cheaper and will build your futures than having to double the price down the road. There could be tons of reason, all with you being his soulmate still priority.

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I’ve known my now fiance for 22 years, engaged for 6 going on 7 in December…don’t push it…you don’t want him to feel pressured, be patient. My brother has been with his girl for 20 years…they just got engaged in December and are getting married in the summer…it’ll happen when it’s meant to

And he probably never will, but then again you never know🤷🏻‍♀️

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Why is it so important that you get married? You already have a child together… Maybe the pressure you’re putting on him is the issue.

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It can take some longer than others but don’t pressure him or you’ll push him away. I don’t buy the ring excuse though it sounds like he’s not ready

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So, I’ve been with my (now) husband for 5 years, september will be 6 years. He didnt propose to me until 4 and a half years. We had a son before he proposed to me. My son was 8 months old when he proposed to me. He wasnt ready when I was. So I backed off. I started doing my own thing without him, stopped doing little stuff for him, I stopped putting his clothes away, I stopped cleaning up after him. Once I started pulling away, it only took 4 months and he proposed. He realized what his life would be like without me in it. Sometimes men dont understand what they’re losing until they almost lose it. Give him some space. If he didnt love you, he wouldnt be with you for this long. I know it’s frustrating. I was in your shoes. Marriage seems like a much bigger thing to men than it does women. In all reality it’s just a piece of paper. But for us women, its declaring our love to the world. Its having a security blanket of our love and family and home. But men seem to think it’s a death sentence until they see how it really is. But the only way to get them there, is to show them what’s missing. Just my opinion.

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He hasn’t asked because he doesn’t want to marry you because if he wanted to he would’ve

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Ummm, do you have any idea at all how much rings cost? It can take years just to save up. Not only that, but emergencies happen and the “ring savings fund” might have to be dipped in to. Hell, I’m saving for a motorcycle and have had to use my savings at least two times I can think of. You’re overwhelming yourself with all this extra stress. That piece of paper don’t change a thing but tax filing statuses.

If I were you I’d get couples counseling so y’all can learn to communicate your wants and desires without arguing. Nothing wrong with pre-marriage counseling. J/s.

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Honestly marriage won’t change how things are now

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He will do it on his own time if he wants to. In my personal opinion, I could care less about marriage. Been with my guy over 5 years and he talks about it but I’m not into it :woman_shrugging:t2:. Some people just don’t want to get married. If your relationship is healthy and you love him, just be patient. Rushing him could push him away and make him resent you. Or you could leave it and lose it all then regret it. Ultimately your choice.

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Making sure you’re not crazy

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My husband and I got married after 9 months

My husband and I had a house and two kids after 10 years of dating before he proposed. We’ve been together 20years and married for 10years. All in good time, but that’s in my situation. Sending positive thoughts.

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What is marriage going to bring you that you don’t already have?

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4.5 years isn’t that long to be in a relationship with someone to be getting married. And also, why is getting married the be-all and end-all? I just think for the woman it’s all about the big day and having all eyes on her but once that’s over what do you have that’s any different to what you had before? The answer is nothing :woman_shrugging: I’m 34 and have no need or want to get married ever.

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I didn’t get married until 5 yrs together! .we have now been together 21 yrs & have 3 beautiful daughters! Best wishes to you!

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Have you set the expectation on your wedding desires? He could fear he cannot financially give you the wedding you’ve been planning.

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Girllllllllll almost 12yrs later nd 4kids in nd no ring yet happiness not based on a ring mamas so dnt ever think u not doing something right :wink:

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why do you think he should? not everyone wants that, and if they do then they are allowed to take as long as they want. also, if he said he wants to wait to get you a better ring then allow it. because it is 100% his choice. don’t add pressure.

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Marriage doesn’t change a thing when you’ve already been playing house. Relationship wise. Do you have unrealistic expectations when it comes to the actual wedding? He may feel like he can’t give you the wedding you want. I’ve been with my SO for 10 years and I am still waiting for him to “pop the question”. But I also understand that 1, he has to be ready for it and 2, we can afford it.

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This is so insanely hilarious. Now because you weren’t born with a Penis means some of you are mind readers and one answers fits all scenarios!?!? I can see why some of y’all are still single.

Again, there can be various reasons that factor into why he hasn’t yet. Parents or family’s or friends experience, etc.

What’s worse is when anyone uses the well, most of my friends have done it already. Then take into account the actual factual statistics to how many of those actually fucking last! Then you got a bunch of single parents who realize they rushed into some shit due to social norms and pressure with a statistically high failure rate due to rushing into some shit they never should have been nor were actually prepared or ready for in the first place!

Girl. I’ve been in a relationship for almost 12 years AND we have two kids! A 4 year old and a 8 month old. I don’t know :roll_eyes: lmk when you find out.

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If he wanted to he would. He doesn’t want to and that should tell you all you need to know. Know your worth.

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I was with my husband for 6yrs before we got married.

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If it’s important to you, figure out how much longer you’re willing to wait. When that day comes and if there’s no proposal, leave him.

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There’s no time limit? Some people don’t marry until 10 years down the road, some get marrried after 6 months. Don’t compare your relationship to everyone else’s, it’s not fair to him or you and puts unnecessary pressure which can cause tension. If you trust him and love him respect that maybe he really does want to save to do justice to the ring, proposal and wedding, and putting that pressure may be doing more harm than good. Marriage needs to be about BOTH of you, not just your expectations.
Apparently a lot of people aren’t going to agree and that’s okay, but that’s how I feel. Plus, a wedding can be a big undertaking (financially). If he isn’t ready yet give him time, or if it’s so important to be married (you probably should’ve done that before having a child with him) and you aren’t happy (because you don’t have a ring) leave. :woman_shrugging:

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When the time is right it will happen, if you keep insisting on it then it’s not going to be very genuine now is it? Don’t be in such a rush for a day that’s over in a blink of an eye and for now forget about the proposal and focus on your baby that’s more important than any wedding ring will ever be!

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Sounds like he doesn’t want to be married. Its a shame he got you pregnant because now you are forever tied to him.

If he were serious about wanting to marry you he would have done it by now. You have every right to give him an ultimatum, but be prepared for his answer. Sounds like you know what you want, but he doesn’t. Time for him to poop, or get off the pot.

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You need to believe him and stop taking it so personally. You’re the one making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. Calm down it’ll happen. He just wants to make sure everything is nice, and he’s probably having some anxiety. Your pestering and judgement isn’t helping. No one wants to be forced into being engaged or married.

I was in the almost same position…except no children yet. We have been together almost 6 years. we had discussed marriage and knew it was what we wanted… and I waited and waited, even brought it up a time or two. and it was the same thing, he wanted to get the ring he felt I deserved. and I told him that the ring did not matter at all that it could always be upgraded later if we felt it was necessary but it always circled around to finances. so I just stopped thinking about it and just focused on us being together because that was more important than getting engaged and married. and my patience paid off because he proposed to me November 2021… just be happy with what you have and be patient. for all good things come to those who wait.

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Engaged within 3 months married by 6 months happily married almost 7 yrs

If a man wants to marry you, he’ll ask :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Maybe he wants everything to be secret so that it’s romantic and when you ask or have seen that other ring maybe he lost his nerve and needs some time. If you act like you forgot maybe it’ll give him his nerve to ask. Give him time, if he does want to marry you it will come.

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You’re holding the ring against him which in turn is stressing you out so just chill it’ll happen I promise it took my man almost five years to propose to me and was there any romance behind it he’ll know he proposed in the middle of a Truck Stop Parking Lot hidden behind the damn truck it’ll happen and I get it he wants you to have the ring that he thinks you deserve so just hang in there it will happen.

6 years and still no ring. I don’t even think about it anymore. If it happens then it happens

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Let him know you’re ready to get married by telling him “hey are we ever gonna get married” and let him know it bothers you that y’all haven’t gotten married yet

Don’t act like a wife. Your a girl friend. Trust me!! I was in a relationship for over 13 years 3 children and he up and left and never looked back. He left the kids too. He got a new life with the chick he was cheating with and I have to take care of everything by myself. You don’t have that ring don’t commit yourself.

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You could propose to him… or just wait it out, it’s a big deal for him too.

It took my husband 7 years, because we met at 16 years old. He was determined we had to have a house jobs etc… our ducks in a row is what he said he had to have before he wanted to get married. It was more about he wanted to know he could provide for me. It was hard waiting, but I’m glad I did. We have been together 15 years and have two kids now. Still have a great relationship. But once I got married I realized it wasn’t he was ready to commit to me, he already was before marriage. It was he wanted to be a man who had his shit together beforehand and now I see clearly it didn’t make a difference when we did marry were going to be together forever, and marriage changed nothing just got taxed more by the government :laughing: we k
Joke all the time we should separate on paper and him rent a room in the house from me and save the tax money :rofl:

What he says and what he does is two different things if he wanted too he would don’t pressure the poor man :woman_facepalming:t5:.

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Well, if you’ve seen other people getarried in a shorter space of time, the problem is NOT men taking forever to propose , it just YOU MAN!!!. Don’t rush anymore, otherwise he’ll run for sure. Let him get house in order, pray about it

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Just ask him instead.

Are you sure he returned the ring or do you think he could be having a secret life elsewhere? Maybe I’m paranoid but I didn’t know you could return rings :rofl: but I also wouldn’t be pushing the issue of marriage and if you have to ask your partner when it doesn’t seem genuine

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He wants to play marriage but be single.

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you don’t need a ring or an engagement, all the two of you need is a trip to the court house and the license, this waiting crap for a ring is BS.

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If he wants to, he will. Don’t pressure

If cost doesn’t matter to you explain that. He may think you want this expensive ring that is in the thousands and that could be holding him back. Wedding ceremonies can be small and cheap too. It could be something kind of breakdown in communication or someone told him it has to all be expensive. Ask him why is he hesitating.
However, it sounds like he’s not ready and is making excuses to keep you around. You have to ask yourself if you want to continue waiting to get married until when or if he’s ready or if you’d want to move on and find someone that wants to get married. What you want in life matters too. He could string you along for years without having the intention to marry you.

Maybe he’s just taking his time?

My husband wanted to get everything in order before he proposed. He proposed at 3.5 years when he had already said at 6 months he wanted to spend his life with me. 3 weeks after he proposed he arranged with my parents and my brothers to get married that week he didn’t want to spend anymore time not married.

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My man told me that we needed to be together for at least 5 years. He proposed on our 5 year anniversary. We still haven’t got married. We’ve been together 11 years…engaged longer than the wait :joy: it doesn’t bother me though :woman_shrugging:

Me and my partner have been together 6.5 years, had 2 kids together and he proposed last month. He’ll do it when he’s ready. Let him know you’re ready, and just wait I guess. That’s what I did😂

Honestly expecting it too much. You need to have patience. He is obviously waiting for the right moment :roll_eyes:

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There is to time expectations on this kind of thing…… if you’re going to walk around comparing your relationship to the relationships of others you’ll never be satisfied…… everything happens when it’s supposed to happen……

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why have children with him ?

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Shorter & faster doesn’t mean better… Most (not all) of those relationships end just as quickly!! Men usually want things perfect with all boxes checked. Maybe he has a set agenda for himself in his mind & isn’t quite done checking boxes.
Owns his own home :white_check_mark:
Owns his own car :white_check_mark:
Has a great job :white_check_mark:
Has money saved & not living check to check :white_check_mark:

Men look at facts & women look with their heart

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Honestly everyone has different expectations on the subject. You know you’re both on the same page, but in different chapters. My husband and I have been together for 21 years, we got married 6 years ago this summer and had been engaged for 10 before that. We grew our family and relationship. We always say we did things backwards lol

Sometimes men wants to settle first. Have a stable income stable home, stable lifestyle. Never push a man towards marriage. I had a friend who dated a guy 14years and she asked if he ever considered marriage, he told her they think differently. Forcing might make him run. My friend is divorced after 2years being married… With lots of debt and 3kids later.

Hang in there, do not take it personal

You could propose to him. 🤷

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Because they are not so damn desperate as some women are