I’m not sure how old you both are but maybe he’s feeling pressured to “do the right thing” for his family. Rather than it being his choice. Or maybe he really is concerned with the ring he purchased thinking you deserve better, and feels badly that he can’t provide that right now. It does seem like he’s trying to make sure the other finances are taken care of first. I honestly don’t think it’s about you at all. You didn’t do anything wrong. But you should also just sit down with him and see what his current thoughts and feelings are.
You must be firm about marriage ok don’t accept any more excuses
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He isn’t going to marry you
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I’ve been with my SO 19 years this June. We have 2 teenagers and a grand baby on the way.
I guess I’m different & don’t see why a ring & piece of paper are so important.
We are husband and wife without all that. I’m happy & content the way things are.
Sometimes gfs push the subject to hard & the bfs find that it causes more problems or stress in the end or they get cold feet.
There is also other issues to look at.
1.). is he financially stable to afford a wedding?
If your content with your relationship & he’s worth the wait then I’d wait if not then times time to move on.
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My boyfriend’s best friends are getting married today and it’s so special to see because they’re high school sweethearts and they have a daughter together and they have been together for 7 years!!! A whole 7 years they said the reason why they hadn’t done it before hand is because it’s expensive then they had their little girl and babies well they’re expensive and things got crazy with their life but things have settled down over the last 2 years and they got to work on preparing for marriage and their continuing commitment to each other and now their daughter is old enough to be in their wedding and gets to see her parents get married and see what commitment is all about! She’s 5 years old and she gets to witness something so beautiful and precious that her parents aren’t just taking lightly! All things happen for a reason! When the time is right for the both of you, you both will know and when he’s ready he will just give it time and continue to let your love grow!
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Why don’t you propose to him?
Honestly you cannot judge your relationship by the relationships around you. They have no bearing on your families happiness. It sounds like money for a wedding is weighing on him and he would rather his family be healthy and in a safe place before spending money on other stuff. Also, depending on your state of residence if you reside in the United States, they recognize common law marriages. Getting married on paper has just as many cons as pros that many people don’t know about. It’s not until you have to dissolve a marriage that you find out how entangled everything is. I would give him time, that piece of paper doesn’t make him love you more and lack of it does not mean he loves you any less.
Let it go. Don’t stress. It will happen when he is ready. Or, you propose to him. Be patient and be surprised!
After all that, I would assume he doesn’t want to get married.
4 years is plenty of time, and add another year for wedding planning( if you wouid have a big one),so that’s 5 plus years.
Either he doesn’t want to marry you, or he’s scared.
A “better ring” is an excuse.
If marriage is important to you, you can propose to him, or decide if you can be happy with not being married.
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He’s right, focus on that baby.
What is that saying…why buy the cow when the milk is free. You give him wife stuff already.
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Why is it on him? YOU propose if you want it so badly
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Do not listen to ppl telling u to propose🥲. If he wanted to he would. Give him more time.
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The truth is he doesn’t want to marry you men know when they want to get married he won’t wait that long sorry to say
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Why are you comparing yourself to others? What others have and is going on in their relationship may not always be what it seems. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Either way, others are not your focus. You’re upset. You saw a ring when you weren’t supposed to. Maybe now he feels the moment was ruined and you’ll be expecting it too much. Stop stressing over it, it’s clearly causing you to nitpick at things and you’re ruining things for yourself. Everyone has their own time for milestones. Just wait and enjoy your little family. A newborn is a lot and this year will be a trying one for your relationship just due to that.
Sounds like he doesn’t want to marry you. What happened when you proposed to him?
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Lol tell him you guys are going on a date and drive his ass to the court house 
have the reception later and wear a beautiful dress! Pick a functional ring out later 
It’s because he doesn’t want to get married to you. Once he realized that you were going to be the mother of his child and he didn’t propose, that should have been everything you needed to know. Also you’ve given him everything a wife give at girlfriend and now baby mamas prices so what’s the point 
. He’s not trying to get you a better ring and man that wants to marry you will propose with ANYTHING and worry about getting you something nice later
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Mine proposed after a month. Ask why he won’t commit. Does it matter to you?
Some times it’s the man feeling pressure about doing it that scares them off maybe try and not. Bring it up and let him do it on his own
Okay so it seems like he is insecure about the type of ring he can get you. I would go to pawn shops with him to look. You can buy a really expensive ring for much cheaper if it’s second hand and no one will ever know. He probably bought you a cheap one and was embarrassed and now is worried he can’t afford the ring he wants to get. Go look for second hand ones and fall in love with one and tell him thats the ring you want. Make it not overly expensive but beautiful to you. Even go to pawn shops alone and show him a pic of the ring you love. Men need help sometimes lol. He bought a ring and told his mom. He wants to marry you. He is unsure about how to get a ring for you lol
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Stop putting so much thought and pressure on it. Focus on being parents and let it come naturally.
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As a straightforward and honest person, I think you need to have an honest conversation together. Remind him it’s not about the ring and what he has to offer you, but the commitment you want from him. I couldn’t care less about the size or color of the ring/band. He let me pick mine out which I never expected. My husband was dragging his feet and we talked about it often enough to know it’s what we both wanted too much like you. I told him if he wasn’t serious or looking for marriage I was done. I didn’t have time to sit around and wait for something that wasn’t going to happen. I gave him some space and time to think about it on his own and we were engaged a few months later. At the time we had been dating for 4 years. Talk it out. Turns out when we did, my husband was worried about “what was going to change once we got married.” My answer to him was not a darn thing. We have been together for 15 years and married for 10 now. For most men this is a big decision for them to make. We now have a 1.5 year old too. I encourage you to think about what you want and be straight forward and honest about your expectations and your needs. Let him know where you stand. But ultimately it’s you who gets to choose to continue or not. If he doesn’t want to get married are you prepared to walk away or stick it out without it. That’s your choice. I dont think youre wrong for wanting that commitment, but he may not ever offer it. Good luck and hope you have the outcome you are hoping for.
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In the state of Missouri after 7 years of living together you are considered married in a sense… cause if y’all separate after that long, they treat it just like a divorce 
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Look at it this way would you want someone to marry you because you went on about it all the time, youd then be thinking he only married me because I told him too. Just let it go and when he feels the times right let it be a real surprise not an expectance. Does not mean he loves you any less.
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I was with my husband for 5 years before he decided it was a go. We just got married on 2/22/22. He isn’t a very basic person and doesn’t like what marriage has become to be. He doesn’t like that it feels all for show for everyone else’s pleasure. I said we should just get married spur of the moment for that anniversary date and he was gung-ho for it. We got a wedding dress, his suit, and our daughters flower girl dress and basically eloped with just out close friends and family. I think he liked the idea of not spending a fortune on a venue and it being exciting and not stressful. We just planned to have a reception at a later date. I think it all comes down to communication and meeting in the middle. Sit down and talk. Figure it out.
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Sounds like he may be insecure about the ring he bought you and probably can’t afford the ring he really wants you to have. He wants to be proud of the ring he puts on your finger and may need more tine to save.
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My boyfriend and I have been together going on eight yrs. Both have been married before and do not want to do it again. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want a ring of a simble of our love. But what’s more important is I have him and he has me. Is the happiness you had before this first ring worth the misery your feeling now because of this ring. Just be happy you still have him and that he loves you, because a ring and a wedding being thrown out there all the time could be the thing that is causing the stress and tension. Why the rush? Just be happy that you have each other still.
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Why push it? If everything is going good and yall have no issues, he shows you love and supports you and your guys kid then why push for marriage? Marriage is a huge thing, do easy to get into and so hard and financially expensive to get out of. Just enjoy what you have
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Either he is feeling some pressure which could make him stall or he isn’t sure . My fiance bought a ring within a month … he said he just knew it was me he wanted to be with … it’s a huge step and maybe he is nervous… or not ready or like i said not sure all men are different
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Um…they should. Wtf. Lmao. It takes years to get to know a person well and you should be 100% sure you want to risk what you do with marriage. It doesn’t mean anything for love or commitment to you. Rushing before a few years together is more worrisome and likely to end in divorce.
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Because you’re not the right one for him
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It sounds like this is something important to you, and it’s something you agreed upon and had conversations about…
Maybe just give him a heads up that you want to discuss something that is weighing on your mind and heart, and tell him to hear your side of the issue before responding….watch his facial responses as you explain how you feel. Tell him that it is the next step in order to feel more like a family, it doesn’t have anything to do with the ring. It’s about committing to being a family with each other. If he responds with “Oh I want to marry you but it’s just not the right time” or “Marriage doesn’t mean anything” then reply with “Okay, your responses justify the feelings I was getting. I can see that you don’t want this to be a long-term relationship…And I will just have to move on from this. Why would I invest so much into someone that won’t fully commit?”
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Might not necessarily be you. some men see marriage in their future and some don’t. And some men will propose after many years, and some men know right away and propose quicker. If there’s one thing I learned it’s that you can’t compare your relationship to other relationships. Each case is individual. But in the end it’s up to you to decide if you can be happy if you don’t get married and move on from there.
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I’m not about the games and it seems like he’s playing them. I would sit him down and have a heart to heart. If he’s really all about wanting to get you “bigger/better ring” then give yourself a timeline of how long you are willing to wait for it. Are you considering leaving him if not married soon? Only you can answer those questions.
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He gets all the husband benefits without being a husband. Why bother with the effort…
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I honestly think he’s telling the truth I know my husband only wanted the best for me and would never let me settle. Weddings are expensive and he probably feels the piece of paper isn’t necessarily a priority if the money can be spent elsewhere. Just because you’re not married by law doesn’t mean he values you any less it might just be the opposite he values you enough to make sure he does things right or what he feels you deserve (the world)
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I sent the exact picture of the exact ring I wanted to my husband that way he knew when I was ready 
maybe he’s unsure of what to get you and doesnt want to spend money on one that he’s not sure you’ll like?
Why do women have to wait for proposal just ask him I asked my now husband
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Give him a choice. Either propose and get me that ring or take a hike.
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It’s not you it’s him. He’s stringing you along making you think you’ll get married but he doesn’t intend to. There will always be an excuse. Propose to him. If he says no & comes up with another excuse dump him right then. If he says yes but is hesitant to set a date & make plans give him a deadline. If we’re not married in a year I’ll assume you’re not serious & leave. Then follow through.
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Stop thinkn bout it he will surprise you
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He secretly knows your crazy and doesn’t want to pay u alimony
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You can propose to him too! I proposed to my husband. He was so happy, like a little boy on Christmas! It’s okay for you to propose to him. Sweep him on his feet. It’s exciting. And totally worth it. We’ve been together 14 years. 
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Lots of people have really long relationships before proposal. Weddings are really expensive. And maybe he wants the perfect ring or was upset that you knew he had it in the first place. It’s kind of hard to surprise someone who constantly brings it up. If you are fighting now it seems like you are putting anger in other places of the relationship. Let the man do it when he is ready, or you ask him. It’s not just about when you are ready. It’s about when he is ready too.
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Agree on a limit. Say ok not now but I want us to be married in ….1 year, 2. Whatever you both agree to. When does he think he can get a better ring/house repairs etc?
My BF of just over a year has already said I’m the one. He’s great with my son as a bonus dad. I was in a horrible marriage for 18 yrs and he knows all that. Never really got a real proposal or wedding so I think he’s waiting and saving $.
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It’s astonishing to me the amount of people telling her “stop pressuring him, just keep waiting, I waited for 10 years…”
I agree he shouldn’t be “pressured.”
HOWEVER… what happens if she keeps waiting and waiting and he never fully commits- and that is something that she wanted for her life- and ends up at an age where she can’t have more babies, and misses out on fulfillment in her life waiting for him?
Nah, sis. You’ve made it clear what you want, you’ve given it time, ya’ll are making babies and playing house- he is reaping the benefits of a wife.
Maybe he needs to get a taste of the opportunities you miss waiting for the perfect time/place/ring.
There is NEVER going to be the perfect time. This is real life. Shit happens, we don’t live forever, and women’s capacity for babies has a shelf life.
Men habitually procrastinate not considering that biological clocks are real.
Ask yourself- are you ok staying with him forever without getting married? If yes- congrats, sounds like you got a good guy! If not, then perhaps you should consider finding a man who doesn’t need to be convinced to commit to you before you realize you wasted your prime years waiting for someone who wasn’t 100% in it.
Good luck.
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What’s the importance of a ring and marriage? Honestly, what you guys have sounds great. If you want a ring so bad, get one and wear one.
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Because he doesn’t want to
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You can’t force him, pressuring him is just gonna make him not want to, just go about your relationship and wait and he will when he’s ready. Or move on if he isn’t going fast enough to your standard
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Well I.would have a talk with him about marriage. God bless.
I’ve been with my partner for almost 6 years, 2 kids and he’s still nowhere near proposing I think if you are feeling like this then a conversation can’t hurt! Communication is key in every relationship 
just try not to pressure him. Honestly though, marriage isn’t for everyone and some people prefer to not have that label. If you are happy and your baby is happy, that’s all that matters.
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Marriage is nothing but a piece of paper all that matters is y’all love each other and maybe he wanted to surprise you and you ruined it by accident and now he’s waiting to catch you off guard just live your best life and love the man it’ll come when the time is right
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Is marriage something he wants?
I mean he also may be trying to save money.
If you wanna get married so bad then you propose to him . It’s just a piece of paper that’s seriously all it is. You already decided to start playing house plus have a baby with him before getting engaged and married so at this point it’s just a piece of paper.
Sorry y’all shouldn’t of being played house like you already married before getting married. You gave him everything a wife does so why get married now??
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Don’t force it …it will not work if u can’t wait any longer just carry on with your life…hes just not ready yet…better for him to wait then get married and it not work…
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I got engaged after 3 months and didn’t get married until 8 years later.
If you argue more now than before you saw the ring, you’re starting arguments about little thing because you’re feeling resentment towards him for returning the ring and not proposing.
It’s 2022. He doesn’t have to propose. You’re adults. You have a family. You can make a conscious decision together to get married.
If he’s worried about finances, the baby, the house, expenses etc, then forgo a big wedding, or a wedding at all, and elope. To many people, women mostly, want what they see on TV and in the movies… a huge wedding, with everyone they have ever met, a huge reception with all the bells and whistles and a honeymoon in some tropical destination. THAT is the wedding. What’s important is the marriage.
I stood, with my now husband, in an AT&T cellphone store in the mall, looked at him, told him I loved him and I’d marry him tomorrow, under a bridge, wearing a garbage bag. We went the next day and got our marriage license and was married at city hall the following day. He bought black dress pants and a white button down shirt from WalMart. I borrowed the white dress my daughter wore to her 8th grade graduation ceremony and a pair of white sandals. We ordered our wedding rings from Amazon. I’ve never been happier in my life because our focus wasn’t on the rings, the dress, the venue… it was on our vowels and our marriage.
So, maybe express to him that the most important thing, is you being his wife. Not the ring. Not the dress. Not the honeymoon. If the dress and the ring and the venue is what’s important, you wanna get married for the wrong reasons.
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Well, it sounds like asking him over and over is making him more stubborn about it. I would be concerned about him returning the ring and coming up with reasons to wait also. At this point I would let things ride. Concentrate on the baby and your housework. Talk to him, but let him know that you’re hoping for more from him. He probably already knows it’s important to you. Don’t hound him, be as affectionate as always, but stay on the quiet side. Don’t always engage him in conversation first. Maybe he’ll start talking to you.
If he wanted to he would
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You need to make it a requirement
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Like my husband says why but the cow when you can get all the free milk for free. So why should he want to get married when he has some one doing all the wifey things for him.
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I honestly think men are oblivious. If you want to get married, tell him.
My bf & I have been together 4 years & he just recently “proposed”… it was more of a “well… do you want to…?” Kinda thing lol we have 2 kids together [6 week old twins] and have been living together since before we were official. If you love each other, it’ll happen.
Be patient mama! It’ll happen
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Sounds like you both need to have a SERIOUS talk. Right now he is getting everything out of a marriage but the actual signing the paperwork so he always has an out. You both need to have a long talk and get on the same page. All I am seeing are excuses.
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My husband ask me to kill him not marry him yea I’m dumb for saying yes lol
Tricky question because it seems like he really wants to give you a ring he thinks you deserve. I’d wait it out a little more. He might also be waiting for a certain date to ask you. I’m sure he has something up his sleeve and he is being nonchalant knowing it’s making you antsy lol. Guys are like that. Just wait it out a little longer. It’s not like either of you are going anywhere else anyways.
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If he wanted to make that commitment to you he would have already. You should never want to be with someone in a marriage that you have to ask or beg to do so. If you have to beg or ask him then he doesn’t want to commit to you plan and simple. Decide what’s most important for your wants and needs. Either continue to be with him without getting married or move on and find someone who will want to marry you and put your needs and wants first.
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Try not to relate your experience with others. There’s nothing you’re doing wrong or some magical thing you need to do for a guy to propose. I was with someone for like a year and they proposed (I broke it off) and then I was with someone else for almost 8 years before they asked me. It all depends. It sounds like he only wants the best for you and once he thought about it he realized he wanted to upgrade the ring. Be patient Id bet he is working on something 
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Why don’t you propose to him?
Let it go. You can’t force him to ask nor get married. Wait until he is completely ready and it will be worth the wait.
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Oh honey I know exactly how you feel. I been with my guy for 16 years and still not married. It took 11 years and me going on a girls trip to Vegas to get the ring. When he proposed he asked if I still wanted to marry him someday. I was very vocal about taking so long. I don’t understand how Ya can’t know within the first year or 2 if you want to spend the rest of your life with me. I always got the excuse I wouldn’t get a ring til we moved to his home state (16 hrs from my home state where we lived together for 14 years) and my response was I wouldn’t move til I got a ring. He always said he didn’t want to get married in my state but in his. Mind you we made 3 trips a year to visit his family. I still make snarky comments because I am very resentful. I do not wear my ring and if the time comes whenever he feels he’s ready I will have no part in the planning. I feel I was being punished due to our geographical location. Like where we lived determined if you loved me enough. And the kicker is he knew I wanted to be married again after my divorce. If that’s not what he wanted he should have let me go years ago so I could find someone who shared the same desire as me. I’m at a point now that I’ll live as I currently am because I just don’t want to start over. I love this man very much and we have a good life together. I understand it’s just a piece of paper but to me it’s more than that. Good luck to ya.
He never will after 2 yr mark they usually do not
My boyfriend and I have been together a couple months shy of 4 years.
We have a 6 month old, a dog, and a house.
Still waiting…we said after I graduate college (I’m about to) that we would talk about babies and marriage, yet our little surprise came early so why can’t the ring)
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Not everyone is religious/wants to Or he’s looking elsewhere. There’s no set time for it.
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Sorry he has had his chance to propose and hasn’t your wasting your time on someone that doesn’t want to be committed.
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You’re pressuring him. THAT’S the problem.
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Tell him the ring doesn’t matter you just wanna be married to him …
The first excuse men use when they’re afraid to get married are that they want to be able to get you the best ring. In reality, it’s an excuse to push out proposing. If you truly love someone, you don’t need a top of the line ring
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My now husband and I were together for about 4 years and had a 14 month old at the time. We had broken up earlier in the year to better ourselves as individuals and parents. And had been back together for about 4-5 months when I asked if he wanted to go to the courthouse and marry me. He said yes of course lol and now we’ve been married for 3 years this September with an almost 4 year old and pregnant with our second daughter. I never pictured myself doing a courthouse wedding, I especially didn’t plan on being the one to pop the question🤣 I was also only engaged for a week, but if I hadn’t asked him, who knows how long it would’ve been🤷🏽♀️ I say if you wanna marry him, ASK HIM TO MARRY YOU!! It is 2022, women are POWERFUL now. Don’t let society’s idea of tradition stop you from asking the man you love to marry you.
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He. Just. Dragging. His. Feet. Cause. He. Knows. What’s. Next
… he said he wants to focus on the kid. Let him be a good dad before getting what you want. Its a ring. Comparing yourself to other people is ridiculous. Just be happy right now and focus on your kid and your house and your health. I don’t understand women who only care about getting married and will stop at nothing to do it lol. It’s a piece of metal and a piece of paper…
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Best advice anyone gave me.
“If a man wants to he would”
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They don’t want to be married 
My husband and I dated since high school (2006). He didnt propose until christmas eve 2013. We were stable then. Thats why he waited. He wanted to be sure we were stable and had something to offer. He finished school and was making good money at a great job he loved. Once he was on the track he wanted to be on, he asked.
Maybe thats why? I don’t know
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No one thinks about how expensive it is??
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Been with my for 19 years… still waiting
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I think your boyfriend is an airheaded immature brat. He should never have let you see the ring he bought if he was going to return it. I don’t see him ever making the step down to he isle.
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Honestly that shit is expensive…between the ring and the wedding. That’s probably why it’s taking a bit longerr
Leave. Maybe that will jolt sense into him. But either way let this be a lesson, never let a man make you into a mother before he makes you into a wife.
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Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free??? Maybe chill him out for a while & when he asks why, tell him because he has to get his priorities straight.
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It will happen when it happens. My husband and i took 5 years to wed and had a 3 yr old together and now have a daughter. You cant pressure, if he doesnt propose it shouldnt be a biggy because he does love you and its honestly just legalities afterwards. There could be a reason that hes trying to save up for the perfect ring, honeymoon, and wedding too.
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Propose to him, tell him to shit or get off the pot.
I proposed to my husband and he loved it we were together for 3 almost 4 years. We have been married 6 year dec 31
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He bought you a ring and then RETURNED it? Naw, he doesn’t want to get married.
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Maybe she needs to get a job, save her money and start being a little more independent- might make him think - - - what is she doing? Is she going to leave me?? He needs to grow up - - - .
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I hate to say it but you only have two choices. Stay, let it go and raise your child with his father or leave and find someone new… My friends boyfriend of 6 years (the one who said he couldn’t live without and that when they were financially stable she would have the wedding she always dreamed of 
) proposed to his new girlfriend in less than 1 year! 
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Cause he’s looking for someone better and your not it .Money is not the problem it’s just he thinks he can do better and is waiting for her to come along.
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