I need some serious input. I’ve been with my fiance for 2 years. In those 2 years we’ve been intimate only a handful of times. It’s been 18 months since he’s been intimate with me. He always has what seems to be an excuse as to why. Is this weird? He was the one who pursued me in the beginning of the relationship. What’s everyone’s thoughts?? He’s got no social media outlets, we moved to a new town so he doesn’t know anyone here, he doesn’t drive. Not to mention I work and he stays home with the kids. He does cook and clean the house. Idk maybe he’s just with me so he has a place? Idk what to think. I just think it’s very strange. Especially for a guy. Thoughts???
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Why does my husband all of a sudden not want to be intimate?
Talk to him, is he depressed? Does he have a medical issue? Could be countless reasons and only he can tell you why he’s feeling the way he feels.
The real question here is , why are you still with him
Sounds to me he’s getting it other places
Could be depression or some other health concern. Could be many factors. Id sit down and talk to him about it. Let him know your worries and concerns and confusion. Maybe he just has a low sex drive🤷🏼♀️
Have you spoken to him about it? Communication kills assumptions.
I agree with all of the above but also is there a chance he may be gay? My friend had the same issue turned out he was in the closet.
Many woman have a low libido when they small children in the home and a primary car taker so I could see how that could effect your husband since he is playing that role. He could be touched out by the end of the day.
It sucks that neither your husband or fiance are intimate with you.
Use separate rooms maybe that will open his eyes
He might be depressed
Before jumping and dumping…find out if he’s suffering from ED.
So many men deal with this and to ashamed to discuss it.
Depression…low testosterone… in the closet or unsure. Talk to him and he needs to sort it out with a professional.
Is he on any medication? He might be hanging issues down there and embarrassed. Do you think he might be attracted to men? Can you guys try therapy?
Have him get his testosterone checked. Low testosterone kills a man’s libido. Good luck
Talk to him. Being a stay at home parent is exhausting and if he’s doing it all he’s probably burnt out and needs a break. Take him out for a date night and spend some time together as a couple and try get that spark back again
He sounds like a housewife. He might be losing his mind. He probably needs to feel like a man. Encourage him to get a job!
Low testosterone or gay
first off sounds like he depressed hes stuck in the same house daily no car and kids. i work from home and i get depressed because i feel i have no life outside of children and work.
Low testerone, depression. Was he ever different?
As a stay at home parent. It is mentally, physically, and emotionally draining!! People don’t seem to realize that! He is probably literally just drained by the end of the day, and that’s the last thing on his mind. Talk to him about it. You initiate it, see how you can help the situation!!
He may be depressed being stuck jome with the kids all day, not making money to help contribute, not even being able to drive somewhere, no friends cause hes in a town where he knows no one!?!
Depressed, loss of drive
Is it possible he’s asexual or sex repulsed? Some of us don’t figure that out until later in life.
Is he too stressed?
Women’s drive peak as men’s decrease.
He may not value sex. I would also worry he’s actually just not into women… Or he’s totally knackered (too tired to have sexual energy) from looking after kids and tidying all day! Maybe ask him and say it matters to you.
There could be a number of medical reasons or maybe he’s gay and hasn’t come out yet.
It’s a wild idea but if you talk to him you wont get seeds of doubt planted in your head about all the “could be”
But be prepared for any answer even if it’s not one you want
Don’t get married unless you want to enter into a sexless marriage. Find you someone that has your same drive.
Most men think they should be head of the household and since he is the one staying home maybe he is feeling a little depressed.
I’d be worried he was gay
Depression, erectile disfunction, meds
Definitely needs to go have his testosterone checked. And could be depression issues. Men have hormonal deficiencies just like women.
Could possibly be depressed… definitely have an open and candid conversation with him.
And as others have mentioned possibly get his testosterone checked too.
Maybe he’s depressed, have you talked to him about reaching out to a therapist? Or maybe yalls primary care dr can help get him started on some meds… but also be understanding to the possibility he could be gay? I’ve seen it happen with a friend of mine and her spouse. It’s a tough situation to be in either way.
I love how everyone is jumping to gay or depression and yes depression affects our libido. But some people just have a lower sex drive and that’s normal; not every man is sex crazed; I mean if you’re bothered by it get into couples therapy and talk it out. If a low libido is something you cannot deal with that’s okay but it’s best to end the relationship.
Talk to him.
Is he depressed? Stressed? Needing tome off/away? Have testosterone problems? Is he okay with your arrangement? Some men don’t feel ‘manly’ if they’re not contributing financially.
There is also the draining of kids all day, cleaning, cooking, tending to everyone’s needs.
There can be a lot of reasons that don’t particularly pertain to you, but if you’re concerned have a chat with him. He may enlighten you or hurt your feelings. Either way it’s best to get to the root of it instead of constantly wondering why.
Also, some people just aren’t as physically demanding or needy as others. Give them a little and it goes a long way. He may have a naturally low libido or just not wanna be touchy.
Is he on any new medicine? Take him to the doctor to get his testosterone checked
He is probably depressed
Just leave its not worth it. If has medical issues he needs to man up but time is to short to be his momma. You won’t be happy.
a medical reason for
not wanting to be intimate? you need to have a serious talk with him about how your feeling . maybe depression is playin a role
Husband or fiancé? Those 2 are very diffrent
Definitely could be depression.
Maybe he is actually going threw something. Best to sit him down and explain how your feeling and hopefully he will tell you.
Depression or he’s gay or he’s a wanker
Sounds depressed, or possibly gay. ?
He needs to go to the doc- could be some meds he’s on, low testosterone, or depression
He is cheating on you or hes gay
Either depression or it could be medical and don’t work or his testosterone levels are messed up. Talk to him about it ask him what’s up and if he wants to see a doctor or if it still works.
One of the greatest misogynistic myths. Most men don’t like sex as much as they would like you to believe. See a counselor if it’s a deal breaker.
Being that y’all basically switched household roles he’s probably exausted and not in the mood. Probably a lil depressed too. Just like alot of stay at home parents. Take him out and give him a good bj with a sexy outfit on then offer to do laundry and let him sleep
He’s depressed by being a house husband! Maybe he needs to get a job. Maybe he’s using you for a place to live. So many things could be the cause. Have you tried date nights? Could be you’re not giving him enough attention. Good luck
Depression !! My spouse has this and because of meds and depression it is hit or miss
Some of these replies are just wow. It sounds like depression. You said you had just moved, he stays at home with the kids, and he doesn’t drive. That is a lot right there. I would sit and talk to him, and ask him IF he is OK. Check-in on him mentally because it doesn’t sound like a cheating situation with no social media, new town, and doesn’t drive.
Medical, depression or it is possible he does not have a sexual attraction with you or he doesn’t have a strong sex drive. It does not always mean cheating It’s something you two need to sit down and discuss very seriously to figure out where both of you stand and what is going on.
Why do I see this so often?? Seems pretty common actually… I think these men are lazy… probably looking at porn all the time
You need to discuss with him. It could be many things…
Maybe he’s just tired. Staying home with kids is extremely draining. I know when I was a sahm by the end of the day I didn’t want to be touched. I was tired, mentally and physically. Couple that with depression and libido is nonexistent.
When women don’t want sex it is okay, but if a man doesn’t he’s gay or cheating? Weird but okay. Men have emotions too, they may be more physical than women most of the time, but they still have depression and other factors that can hinder their sex drive.
Talk to him and stop assuming.
Talk to him. Maybe do something nice for him to lift his mood up.
You were literally only intimate for the first 6 months of your relationship, so this could also just be his normal. I find it strange but some people simply couldn’t care less about sex. I know a few🤷🏽♀️
Some men have low testosterone. It is probably embarrassing to talk about. If he loves you he will talk about whatever the actual problem is. Maybe ask him and tell him how you feel.
Have you tried talking to him?? Not every guy has a high sex drive. Maybe he’s depressed. Maybe he has ED and is embarrassed. You didn’t think it was weird over a year ago that after 6 months he had no interest in sex??? TALK to your spouse!
Men are not emotional creatures, so he’s probably not realizing how it’s effecting you. Sit him down and without blaming him or pointing fingers just ask him, “hey are you ok? You seem really down or tired lately, I’m worried about you. You’ve become quiet and I miss you!” See what he says. Because this sounds like a man who’s depressed and very tired.
Sounds like depression or exhaustion. I know when I keep my grandkids, nothing else gets done.
Does he feel emasculated because you are the breadwinner? That can do some crazy stuff in your head.
Sounds like he could be depressed.
He’s probably depressed. I would be if I lived in a new town , knew no one , didn’t drive and had to stay home with the kids all day . I would lose my mind actually
Been together 2 years how many kids do you have? If they are all babies under 2 then the man is tapped out by the end of the day.
He should go to the doctor. Could be depression, or low testosterone
Maybe he realized hat he is gay
He is home with the kids and knows nobody in the town you live in? He has nobody to talk to about anything on his mind unless he calls them by phone, and the kids play a part in him not being intimate its hard to get in the mood when you have kids who are kicking and screaming, i dont know how old they are but i know that being a stay at home parent can make it hard getting in the mood when you spend all day cooking and cleaning, taking care of kids, by the end of they day we get drained and all we want to do is relax and get some rest. I recommend trying to get a baby sitter and going out just you and him, a little break from the kids plus the one on one time he will get with you might help
Talk to him! Tell him how you feel and Encourage him to reach out to a doctor or therapist depending on what he tells you if going on.
Someone who takes care of the kids and home could very well be exhausted; if they are also isolated socially they could be depressed; however, they could also be on the asexuality spectrum (“Ace”) or sorting out LGBTQ+ identity. The best thing may be to ask open-ended questions without judgement, and perhaps explore couples therapy together.
Could be a few things…hard to tell if we don’t know your relationship dynamics.
Some people settle and get married to someone “safe”, not necessarily someone they’re attracted to. He may not feel a burning passion for you.
Could be that his drive is on the low side and doesn’t match yours.
He could have either a health issue (low hormones, thyroid, not able to get erections, etc) or a mental health issue (depression will knock sexual drive off its ass).
He could be bonking someone else. I hope this isn’t the case.
Whatever it is, it would be mighty kind of him to be HONEST with you and have a decent conversation about what’s bothering him.
Strange indeed. I feel like I need to know more insight to have a better response or better advice. Like, how was the sex life before? Is this random? Have you spoke to him about it? Etc.
Depression, porn addiction, cheating, erectile dysfunction issues, testosterone/hormone issues, gay, the list goes on and on. Seems like you need to talk to him about how your feeling and try to get him to open up.
Could he be Asexual? It could be any number of things. This was just the first thing that popped into my mind. Maybe try to get him to open up about it.
I guess my best advice with what we got here is talk to him. See what’s going on, if he’s depressed, if there’s anything you can do for him etc. just be honest and request honesty in return.
Could be depression maybe burnout…or like women hormones are off track…so many variables you need to be talking to him not on here asking strangers
Maybe he’s asexual? But also, you’re questioning if he’s using you, so I assume the kids aren’t his. Just ask him honestly. What are his “excuses”?
If he isn’t “turned on” by being close to you , he’s either No longer attracted to you as a woman , he’s no longer capable of arising to the occasion for medical reasons and too embarrassed to say or there’s another Woman , either way you should confront him as soon as possible to Prevent your own heart from being broken ! At least you’ll know !
My friend who’s a guy (gay also!) was like not interested in sex at all then all of a sudden he was he might be depressed OR very burnt out from watching children xxxx
I say he doesnt feel like a "man "
That’s how I feel too. He just needs a place to live. No intimacy for going on 3 years. Didn’t even consummate the marriage. Just roommates at this point.
So you’ve been together 2 years, haven’t been intimate in 18mos, but have 2 kids together? Unless I’m missing something, math isn’t adding up. Anyway could be a number of things, a medical issue, touched out, mentally drained from taking care of 2 kids all day and not having any adult interaction orrrr there could be someone else.
Stays home with kids, cooks and cleans. He’s tired and touched out. It’s just the season of life, especially if they’re littler kids, being a SAHP is isolating. Maybe he needs a part time job so he can socialize with other adults and not feel institutionalized at home 24/7.
My first thought was either gay or Low testosterone needs to see a doctor most men all you have to do is look at them￼
Could be a medical problem
18 months? That is not all of a sudden
Depression. I have depression and it makes me not have much of a libido at all, and I’m taking meds for it and low and behold the side effects of many of those: low libido. So they make it worse but I need the meds. Also, being a stay at home parent, that could also be affecting him.
Sounds like depression
This sounds like depression…
Maybe give him a break here and there, it’s draining staying home with kids and taking care of the house regardless of how big a house or how many kids. Being a stay at home mom myself; all it might take is you taking some of the stuff at home when you’re home off his shoulders might help.
It could be many things but unless you have a conversation with him you’ll never know. It could be age, medical issues, mental health, maybe he feels a breakdown in the relationship, etc. I’d push for marriage counseling and let him know what your hard boundaries are.
Just like women, he may feel unappreciated. He cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids. Might also be depression. Could also be that hes realised that he might be gay.
How long did you know him before dating ?
How long did you date before becoming in a committed and intimate relationship ? What was he like then ?
How long after becoming in an exclusive relationship did you get engaged and what was he like sexually then ?
In 2 years you have only had sex a handful of times? Sounds like he is just not a very sexual person. My grandparents were like that apparently after they had my mom they never had sex again because for one she had a bad heart so she wasn’t even supposed to have my mom but she also said that my grandma said he was not a sexual person.
Possibly depression but overall that’s not normal.
Is he on any kind of prescription medication? I know for a fact that my seizure meds took away my sex drive! And he stays at home with no outlets? Could be depression! I have no desire to be intimate myself but I do it anyways, just to make sure that my husband stays happy maybe you should sit down and have a chat with him. 18 months is a long time to go without! Damn, I don’t even like being touched. My husband is the cuddling type and I get too hot easily so I don’t even like to cuddle but we talk about it and have open communication
date night or watch tv
Sounds like depression.
#1 don’t put off talking to him about it!
#2 regardless encourage a doctors appointment for testing. He may have medical issue he doesn’t know about that doctors can help him with
#3 being a SAHP isn’t easy. We never gets break. There’s always something that needs to be done & kids can stress you out! Sometimes I think if I had a job I would actually get a break. Housework & kids are absolutely never ending & doing everyday w/o a break is tuff. Although my husband takes our daughter off so I can stay home alone because I’m a homebody, I still don’t get a break because I feel guilty for resting.
#4th please don’t think I’m accusing or take out of context!!! It would kill me because yes it would be in my mind he’s getting it somewhere else. I’m staying positive but just want to bring awareness (based on awareness the video that came across my news feed~ trust no one with you kids, loved ones or spouse~ always listen & see if things seem off). Trust no one, loved ones husband~spouse (step parent) family or friends)
I trust no one with my girls. & if I had boys it would be the same!!! I pray nothing has or will ever happen to anyone’s children, sometimes there are red flags that so many of us miss. Not in a situation like this but a family member was sleeping with my then husband. Had no clues yet the more I thought about it the red flags were all there. I just trusted to much my own family! My niece tried to tell what her poppy was doing to her, I seen how he was with her & it all came to more light after he died. She endured so much pain & now is on the drug road & always a mess!! No one would listen to her as a child & it went in for years & years. It sickens me.
I pray that he just come to a medical issue easily fixed if you guys have a great relationship or it comes out that he’s gay & nothing has happened to the children. I do apologize in advance for being straight forward, but something is definitely off & you need to find out! I just thought sharing my trusting to much would help make you more aware but like I said I pray & send good vibes (whatever your beliefs are) that it’s simply medical that can be fixed.
Sounds like he’s either depressed or testosterone problems… Every women out here always thinking it’s them when men go threw just as much as women do but keep it bottled… Sounds like y’all need to sit down and have some open Communication with each other and figure out what the problem is and work on it… Maybe MAKE time for date nights so he can get out the house and enjoy time alone with you ￼￼… I think we all battle our own demons… are used to think my husband wasn’t attracted to me at some point in our marriage myself thought it was me … never realizing he was working around the clock and was just exhausted… we went in vacation for a week and let me tell ya after day 3 of Rest and relaxation he was like a new man and i couldn’t keep up with him😂 Just gotta communicate and sometimes read between the lines Good luck ￼￼￼￼￼