Why is my husband different since I got pregnant?? He has always had a issue of staying up his family’s butt and never wanting to come home, we have a son at home and we are currently pregnant again. When he comes home he will sit on his phone and play “games” and ignore every word that comes out of my mouth, when I try having a conversation with him about how I feel he will either make it out to be a big joke, or he won’t say anything at all. He wasn’t like this until I got pregnant, he refuses to hold my hand in public, refuses to even knowledge I’m around half the time unless he wants something, he doesn’t talk to me or anything. Before I got pregnant we would play with our son and he would actually talk to me and would never stay in his phone the way he does now… I just wanna know what is going on
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Why is my husband different since I got pregnant?
Did he want the baby?
ask him… and ask him if hes checking and whats goingo n… (and if u shag him… tel him to be careful. he might get bit )
If it looks like a duck, it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, usually it’s a duck. Games is in " so is he really playing games or did he meet someone? I would definitely be asking HIM these questions tho because you already know that there is something going on so you need to find out what…
He’s cheating, or he didn’t want the baby and is taking it out on you. Or both, they may have something to do with each other and may not if it’s both.
How do you look? Im not trying to be mean here. It may be a thing. Ive seen some dudes i know in public and meet their ladies n these dude just look…miserable being near them… Its pretty sad… But its valid. Regardless of what anybody here thinks on it cuz if the roles are reversed it would be understandable. Ive seen it both ways hahs
Men can go through postpartum depression/anxiety just like women can. Maybe he’s suffering from mental health issues? Just a thought.
These are the kinds of things you don’t ask social media unless you want to be scared. He’s the only one that can tell you. Everyone else can only give you perspective, and most of it will be biased anyway. He needs to communicate.
You need to talk to him
I hope you know your worth and if you have faith, I pray you cling to Him to feel the love you already have on your life. This is like reading my own life and I just pray that this man doesn’t break you. You are a diamond and this child on the way is going to bless your life with or without his father’s love to you. You are valuable.
My first thought was he’s cheating. BUT obviously I don’t know the whole story. Maybe he’s nervous about the new baby. Maybe he’s scared to have another kid. Maybe you’re doing something you don’t realize and it affects him. Maybe he’s depressed. There could be SO much that’s going on other than cheating but unfortunately none of us can tell you. That’s a convo you need to seriously have with him
He’s either got someone else who’s captured his attention, and/or he’s regretting his choice to have a family and be tied down. He could also just have an aversion to pregnancy and the concept of it could turn him off. You never know until you sit down with him face to face alone or with a therapist and try to talk it out.
I would talk to him. Perhaps he’s worried about finances or something else… But only he holds the true answer, and you have to find it out from him. I wish you the best!
Sounds like someone possibly using drugs. The gaming becomes obsession. The kids get played with less. The affection becomes non existent. Drug test him. Look thru his phone. By the way he’s acting you will not get answers out if him. Find proof. Any other situation I would of said ask him and communicate. But there’s no way in heck that a man who loved his child a few months ago and was playful is now ignoring his kid over emotions or cheating. Talking will help usually but if he’s on drugs or cheating on u he is just going to make u feel crazy and you are pregnant. Get your answers.
Tell him y’all need to have a serious conversation or you’ll leave. It obviously bothers you. I’d make a big deal out of it and tell him he needs to listen up!
maybe he’s irritated that you refer to
as being pregnant
because you say
Hell I’d just ignore his ass back.
Sounds like he doesn’t want another child and resents you. He might also be cheating. Like 50% of cheaters start when their wife gets pregnant. Don’t know why but they do. Make sure you get your std screenings done. Best of luck to you.
Maybe he didn’t wanted to have another kid and blame you for the pregnancy
Can you convince him to go to counseling together or tell his family. Maybe they can get him to admit what is up so you can address issues if he refuses to talk to you. There could be a lot going on but until you get answers nothing will be resolved. Otherwise give him an ultimatum either share or you and he will have to make some hard decisions cause his carelessness is not fair to you or his child and one on the way.
Bye Felicia sounds immature and childish to me. Tell him if he doesn’t grow up and communicate with you then he looses you.
Probably thinks your “stuck” and won’t leave so he’s acting how he wants cause of it
Time to check his phone and see what he has been doing…
If you dont find anything then sit him down and say if things dont change you will be leaving
I sure as heck wouldnt be putting up with this crap
And i suggest you dont have anymore kids with him till ge grows up and changes maybe he didnt want anotger child because the more kids you have the stressed out he becomes
Its sad when he doesnt acknowledge you
But you also said he never comes home so it looks like you were already having problems
Lol yall always assume it’s someone else
He could be going through things like depression or stress .
He could be afraid to have another baby and doesn’t know how to tell you bc he doesn’t want to upset you.
Hormones could have you overreacting.
Was the baby planned ?
Men go through things emotionally also and it can be hard for him to communicate. If get a chance to sit down to talk calmly dont talk just listen and don’t judge him
Im only giving you my experience here but I always say go with your gut… but from personal experience with the exact same situation while I was pregnant the phone thing was bc my hubby was talking to someone else …and he is the type he would lie through his teeth till the very end … I only found out bc I caught him red handed with a spy app smh I hope it’s not the same case for you
Cheating. Upset you are pregnant. Only things I can think of. Talk soon or get him out to force the issue.
You teach people how they are allowed to treat you.
Which simply means do not tolerate it or you risk enabling it.
Respect for yourself and your child should always come before any man, even the father of your children.
Whatever his reasons there is no excuse! It’s not your job to fix him, you’re not his mother and it’s shameful that he would treat you and your son this way when you’re carrying his baby. Yes, it sounds Narcissistic but the word is easy to throw around, maybe read into the types and strategies. Like love bombing and gaslighting and crazy making… see if it resonates.
He sounds horrible, neglectful and abusive. On a mental emotional and possibly financial level?
Whatever his reason he seems confident he has the upper hand with no or little fear of repercussion.
How’s your own support network? It’s common for abusers to behave this way believe it or not … you and your son don’t have to tolerate being devalued by his indifferent and condescending attitude.
I’d be visiting my own family more, maybe a holiday and thinking of ways to even up the power dynamics. Move closer to your support network and speak to a lawyer because I don’t believe nice men behave this way.
Is he of another culture? The whole staying out with his family sounds like he could be of a different culture to you?
If so, cultural differences are something you have to be able to navigate and overcome/compromise.
The phone thing - ask him to put his phone down so you can talk and explain that your son misses him playing with him.
He could be nervous about having another baby. Men find it difficult to talk about their emotions and feelings. Maybe he doesn’t want to upset you, although his actions obviously are (sometimes they don’t see it or it’s easier to upset you like this rather than talk about his own feelings etc).
Conversation is needed. Y’all need to be on the same page. Why is so different? I’m not saying run like others but what can be worked out? My husband loves his Facebook videos and I have to repeat many times to be heard. Total senerio is needed.
It takes 2 to make a baby. He either explains himself and steps up or goodbye. He has responsibilities and he needs to grow up
Yes Dam phones taking over I feel this to mine sits in the chair on his phone all the time he’s home makes you feel alone an it’s sad Tractor videos an farming all the time
Kick him to the curb…
My husband was the same. He ignored me and I irritated him according to him during all 3 of my pregnancies. Before and after being pregnant he was the same amazing husband… He got toothache, backpain and pigmentation in his face… When baby is born everything goes away… Hang in there my dear…
While. …, am guessing you married an someone whom has not grown up yet. Who on the phone is more important than family?
Run. Hes got someone else
Red flags he’s up to something sorry to say whilst your pregnant not what you want to hear.You,his son and your new baby should be his priority.He needs to shape up or ship out.xxx
This sounds like he’s not interested anymore. Y’all need to have a conversation and that conversation is gone suck, but it needs to happen.
Sounds like someone else got his attention
Ask him straight up is there someone else cause honestly your not that important anymore and that it takes two make a baby plus you have needs that he has attend too. Also I recommend couples therapy
When you need him the most but he act like a child. Tell him you get pregnant on your own. He need to think twice before he pull his pant down next time🙄. That is childish, I don’t care how moody you are. He shouldn’t treat you like that. Sometimes I wish men know how it feels to carry a child. Or maybe he’s talking to someone else. You better check that out
I’m not pregnant but my husband does the exact same thing !! Don’t know what to do
Sounds like he didn’t want to have another child so he’s blaming you for getting pregnant.
Why is every females conclusion is that a man is cheating. Freaking sad. Men don’t just cheat. He could be stressed and dealing with it the best he thinks he can. Maybe he didn’t want another child. If it’s effecting you badly tell him calmly you guys need to talk and communicate about what’s going on honestly or you will have to move on with your life on your own.
“We” are not pregnant. YOU are. And from the sounds of it your partner wants no part of it or you. Cold hard truth. Maybe he wasn’t mature enough to start a family. No secure job or savings. Instead of him discussing the issues with you he runs and buries his head in the sand. Just as you can’t force someone to have ambition. You can’t guilt someone in to feeling something they don’t. Your disappointment in someone is directly related to YOUR idea of their potential!!! Move on girl.
Hes not “playing games”. Hes texting someone else
So sorry you married a man child. Maybe he didn’t want another baby. Was this baby planned ? Flat out ask him face to face if he wants out of the marriage. If he says no leave if he says yes tell him things need to change between you.
Tell him either it changes or ur gone. And stick to ur guns. I went through that for a long time and at the end wish I would have acted sooner and saved myself the stress.
Most likely he is just struggling and worried about being able to afford everything. As a pregnant woman with hormones all over the place you do need his support however lots of people do not understand just cause the man isn’t the one carrying the child doesn’t mean he don’t need support as well. Just talk to him or right little notes for him. If you make his lunch for him leave them in his lunch. Let him know everything is going to be ok. Keep playing with your other child and so forth. The more he hears you both having fun he might just come around. Don’t change what you all use to do just cause he changed. If he doesn’t come around after baby is born or help after baby is born I would just ask him why? Why are you being like this?
Sounds like he’s texting someone else.
it’s hard to slide down the food chain of importance, once there were two of you and you had work and you had each other, now you have work and you go home and you have work, and the each other time becomes less and less.
Run fast. You deserve better. Regardless of the kids he should also be open to communicating with you and if not then he is obviously not too concerned with how things are making you feel. Cheating or not it is not healthy for you or those babies and sometimes being a co parent or a single parent gives them better stability than living in a hostile household because they too are affected by the tension
Dealing with the same thing. Our youngest kids are 6 and he definitely doesn’t like me the way he used. Doesn’t like how pregnancy has affected my body in certain ways. Get out while you can
Maybe he’s stressed out? If y’all struggle financially already, maybe he’s worried about the future with the baby. My fiance was the same way when I was pregnant. Some men just don’t like showing their feelings and distance themselves without realizing it. Doesn’t mean their cheating,
He prob didnt want more kids and is being a butthole to you. Tell him to shape up or ship out.
Could be a lot of reasons…that phone addiction gets on every last nerve I have. Look at everyone…always got their face buried in the phone. They do text, play games, watch porno, and they do get addicted…you can tell or ask him but he really doesn’t know he’s addicted. Start planning activity where the phone is secondary.
The stress of having you pregnant and having a son already is probably getting to him and he isn’t coping try and get him to open up a little or ask if there is anything he needs to say with zero judgment. Us as men are taught not to open our emotions and taught by society to just deal with it.
Going thru something similar although I am not pregnant. What I’ve noticed from my situation is I feel as if he settled with me, now that may not be the case for you, I’d check to see if he’s cheating first, since you already have tried telling him your feelings and he pushed them to the side and continues to do the same exact thing then he may regret getting you pregnant or he settled with you. I’d just tell him to either start talking about what’s bothering him and change his behavior or you’re leaving because you don’t deserve that at all.
I had the same issue but not while pregnant. You’re just going to have to put your foot down, and I’m sure many many times before your point gets across because men frankly just don’t listen or don’t care. Ask him why he’s doing what he’s doing and say this is your one chance to tell me what is going on or if there is someone else because if you find out from someone else or on your own it will make the situation worse. Simple as that. Just don’t cuss, don’t yell. Be very civilized. Whatever you find out just remember to keep your hands to yourselves because things can get heated if it turns out to be an answer you aren’t wanting to hear and you don’t need any family violence charges or child endangerment charges either! Stay safe hope you figure it out.
In addition it could always be his mental health. If there isn’t anything he’s hiding on his phone normally it’s mental health when it comes to men or they don’t know how to communicate feelings. If it’s just that I’d kinda suggest downloading Agape it’s helped my relationship some by allowing us to remember the good in our relationship and talk out the bad. I do the free version, don’t pay. It’s just a new question everyday.
He sounds more like a man with another relationship versus a man with a lot on his plate. Do you know for a fact that he is with family when he’s not at home? I usually think that jumping to that conclusion is the result of an insecure woman, but your guy is acting like a typical cheater.
He’s cheating…who else is at his parents house, and why do you not go with him…
If you read what you just typed out, you should know your answer.
Ask his family they would know if he isn’t being fair with you.
Every comment expresses a woman’s inter fears and past trauma
any one can make a hundred guesses but all that’s gonna do is make you crazy
Adults talk this kind of stuff out
Check his phone when he sleeps!
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You’re going to have to talk to him about it. Maybe he’s not even aware he’s doing it. Maybe he’s stressed about something and doesn’t know how to talk to you about it, maybe he’s freaked out about a second baby. We can only speculate about it, only you can actually ask him about it.
We have 6 children and I can tell you with every one of my pregnancies our relationship changed a bit while pregnant. My hubby would be scared and nervous about having another baby, being able to provide for everyone, being a good dad, a good husband, he would be terrified of having sex lol. And the way he dealt with all that is by shutting down. And to a hormonal pregnant wife we take it as “your ignoring me”. He wasn’t necessarily ignoring “me”, he was just in overload and ignoring life. And his way of doing that was playing games on his phone, XBox, staying late after work with the guys, etc. And hormonal me thought every bad thing my Brian could come up with. When in reality we were both just scared!!! And being that men do not communicate well at all, especially when directly confronted, he would turn into a gosh darn brick wall lol. I’ve found that my hubby communicates wayyyyy better through text messages lol or like when driving in the car so that he doesn’t have to look at me and he has something else to concentrate on. Going through pregnancy is hard on both you, it’s a huge change, and change can be terrifying! Try going to him and saying your scared, let him know your scared of the same stuff he is. Once the baby is born things return to normal, or a new normal, and we always fell right back into the same groove and our physical affection and sex life went right back to normal. Hope this helps Hun and hope you have a healthy baby and an easy safe labor and delivery!!!
I would ask him if he’s seeing someone else
Does anyone want to think maybe he’s worried about how much more money they have to have now? Was it planned or even talked about before it happened?
A d you can’t figure it out ???
I’d remind him that he’s teaching you how to be okay without him… see what he says then. If he’s okay with it then I guess you know the answer. My ex did the same thing… well he didn’t come home much though… that’s when I also discovered the major drug problem and cheating he had been hiding from me… it’s like he decided I couldn’t leave him after getting pregnant so he stopped bothering to hide his crap. M
I’m a firm believer that men can have perinatal anxiety/depression similar to women, as well as postpartum type anxieties and depression. Could be this. He could be going through something personal. I’m sorry that you’re experiencing this.
Honestly, sounds like depression or anxiety. I am always on my phone, but it helps keep my mind away from things that stress me. Does it cause conflict? Yes, my guy always says I’m on my phone and I don’t pay attention, but I’m just trying to keep my brain from having anxiety. Perhaps tell him Inna kind manner that you feel he is avoiding you, never accuse anyone, that will always make them defensive.
Men deal with stress different than us women they keep it all in.Because that’s the manly thing to do.I guess.Dont assume he’s cheating that will stress you out more and your pregnant.Worry about you and that baby girl.He’ll come around.
It is past due, you need to sit down with him and have a conversation iron it all out & put everything on the table. If he won’t or things don’t add up your FBI skills need to come out and snoop. I am not saying hes having another relationship. I am not saying his family is putting things into his head. I am not saying he struggling mentally, physically, emotionally, financially. However these are all a huge possibility. You need to figure out what’s going on. If it’s something you two can handle, work on fix or is it time to walk.
You need to communicate with each other.
Sounds like cheating signs
Was he with you during the birth of you first? If so, he may be scared. Seeing a birth can traumatize some men.
It could be several things & I don’t want to speculate. I recommend marriage counseling and go from there. The counselor may advise him to do additional solo counseling.
His priority should be time with his NEW IMMEDIATE family (you and the kid(s)… I hate to say it but sometimes we learn a man ISN’T ready to be a husband bc he cannot prioritize the family he CHOSE to create. (Leave and cleave)
*If he ISN’T willing to do counseling you have to reevaluate your marriage.
I personally would tell him ABCD has to STOP NOW bc it’s what the kid is learning and that is NOT ok. So we can do marriage counseling to try to save our marriage or he can move out. You have to be prepared for either answer. Sometimes if they choose to leave it wakes them up…but not always. You and your kids deserve better. Always remember what 1 man won’t do another man will.
People act like it’s a huge sin to go through a man’s phone. GUYS SUCK. Go through that damn phone sis. U have every right to and it’s not weird to require security every now and then. Just because u check their phone doesn’t mean u don’t trust them at all, just means u need security really quick. If he’s got nothing to hide it shouldn’t be a problem, AT ALL.
I don’t’ think anyone really knows what is going on except him, But I will say before you got pregnant, was this something you both talked about & wanted or was this something that just happened???
Maybe he didn’t want another baby. It sounds like there’s some resentment somewhere. Stop talking about how you feel and ask him how he feels - about the relationship, being married, having another child, his employment, your finances, if he’s happy, and how can you help him.
Depression? Maybe wasnt ready for another and stressed… or someone else … my ex was like this when I got pregnant … he was cheating on me w multiple women … it might not be the case but could be possible … need to have a real sit down conversation w him
Take his phone out of his hand and ask him
If he won’t answer threaten to break it
COMMUNICATON is key at this time. Who really knows what is going on with him. It could be a matter of a dozen things or more. I would HIGHLY suggest that you both seek counseling at this time. Seeing a therapist together and/or apart would be advised.
Well…maybe he didn’t realize the changes his life would take when you get married and have kids
I love how all the nasty little hens in the comments first go to is divorce.
Time to sit down and see if y’all are on the same page in he relationship. If not I guess a divorce will have to be done…or separation papers. Sometimes one way will help a relationship. Marriage counseling…
Time to schedule a girls night out. Let him be the Dad for a change. I would also ask to see his phone. He sounds like he’s hiding … stuff. Sit down together ( NO PHONES ) and talk. I recommend counseling
Could be scared or depressed. That’s a huge responsibility.
Maybe because he found out it’s not his!
Seems like he didn’t want a second child and he’s mad at you for getting pregnant. Even though it’s obviously half his fault as well. I would also wonder if maybe he is cheating… personally I’d check his phone after he went to bed one night. But that’s just me
He’s entertaining someone else
He’s probably anxious and stressed and needs some support too. That being said, he is handling it poorly but, it sounds like an honest and open conversation with no phones is needed.
Why ask Facebook? Ask him what is going on.
I definitely would not become pregnant again.