Has anyone gone to court over a modification of custody? I’m dealing with an issue with my son. But my daughter is getting thrown into the mix too. My ex wants me to agree to the same custody agreement as my son… with my daughter. But the only thing is, …is my ex hasn’t tried at all to have a relationship with his daughter in a year now. He wants me to agree that his daughter now goes to his once a month bc I’m trying to see my son; he wants to make things difficult for my daughter to make me back off … I find that ridiculous that he wants me to agree to that. Why should she be forced to go see him when he’s not tried to see her, text her, call her, nothing? She is in counseling bc of how much crap he’s put her thru; she gets really bad anxiety when she thinks we might run into him at the store; it’s that bad. So my question is… would a judge still force her to go see him. Or can I get her out of that altogether since he refuses to have a relationship with her…
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Will a judge force my child to visit her father?
Let the counselor testify as to what is in the best interest of the child(ren)
Have the counselor weigh in their opinion. daughter wasn’t forced because it was against the judgment of her counselor for the best interest of the child
How old is your daughter? After a certain age she’s considered swear able and may be able to speak for herself. Definitely have the counselor testify and bring documentation to prove your case
Depending on age, yes
So you have custody of your daughter and he has custody of your son? Why? Why would you split kids up like that? I have full custody of my son. His dad is suppose to get him once a month. He has seen or heard from him in over a yr. No way in hell am I sending my son. As a matter of fact Im about to file abandonment and have his rights taken away!
Does he pay support?
As long as you haven’t been the one feeding her your negativity and keeping him from her you should be ok
So you have 2 kids together, but you have custody of one and he has the other, correct? I’m trying to understand the facts in order to be able to actually respond.
How about you both grow up and let the children have a relationship with each parent and their sibline
Unfortunately yes. I was told to put them into the car kicking and screaming.
Request a guardian ad litem
Here’s the thing. Its your Job or your attorneys job to prove all of that.
Don’t let that back you off. If you are doing what’s best for the kids, then it’s a no brainer to say no and tell the Judge why articulated.
That’s going to depend on what state you’re in and how old your daughter is
I think you should encourage her to have a relationship with her father, even if it’s in logical progression. It sucks he’s waited a whole year to figure out it’s important to have a relationship with her however if he’s trying and willing I would encourage it. He needs to be understanding though and let it happen little by little until she’s comfortable.
All you can do is go to court make sure you have a good lawyer and pray the judge see that… in my experience the judge forced my granddaughter to see her dad even though he wanted to give up his rights to her the judge wouldn’t allow it he forced him into her life and now he’s a big PRICKBASTARD to my granddaughter…so good luck
After 6 months of no contact its considered abandonment. Make sure the judge knows he hasn’t seen her in a yr!
It depends on the age of the daughter if she can speak for herself, if she’s too young then the courts won’t just take your word for it, you have to get a guardian ad litem to speak on her behalf.
Doubt you’ll get her out of it
At least until the age of about (13).
Went through it myself as a child
She can be given a child advocate. Who is looking out for the child’s best interests. If she doesn’t want to go, and expresses that to the advocate and they think it’s best, they will speak on behalf of the child in court.
Talk with child protective services and an attorney. Good luck
It sucks that he hasn’t tried to have a relationship with her however if he really wants to try for whatever reason and he isn’t unfit to be around then i don’t see why once a month wouldn’t hurt…it also would depend on the age and sounds like you all have a confusing situation so hopefully you all can talk things over and make some kind of agreement and maybe someday she can actually have her father in her life.
Unfortunately courts are rarely in kids favor! They don’t think kids are sound of mind or mature enough to make decisions such as this! But with you already having her in counseling maybe see if the counselor can appear in court and testify for the Child! Someone mentioned a Guardian ad Litem and I agree! Talk to your attorney and see if they can request that for her!
Yes and you could get in trouble if not. Maybe he met someone who is wanting him to be a good dad. Sometimes it happens that way. I know any man I will be with, I’d expect them to be active in their kid’s lives and it would be a huge red flag for me if they weren’t.
Depends how old she is,in Canada the child gets to decide when they’re 12
Based off of everything I’ve dealt with….yes. They will.
Just because he doesn’t exercise his rights, doesn’t mean you should prevent him from seeing them. If anything, him having visitation rights, and CHOOSING NOT to see them, will prove who he is to them. You don’t need to do that.
I would have a heart-to-heart with your children. If you (and your children) feel strongly about not wanting to be legally bound to a visitation schedule, then you should counter-sue him for a modification of support, primary custody, and/or more limited visitation.
If he pays child support, you can also request that that be modified—your position can be easily argued by providing the judge with a list of missed dates of visitation, proving that even with a schedule, he is not acting responsibly, nor is he taking an active (%) role in his child(ren)’s life/lives.
Example: Let’s say you don’t get child support, or the current support money is based on a set visitation schedule.
If he isn’t exercising his parental rights and taking responsibility for the children during his requested/set visitation time(s), then YOU are having to be more financially responsible for the children. Therefore, the time they spend with you is more of a financial burden, and the support money should also be recalculated to match.
Children are only asked their opinions at the age of 14, in GA. Every state, court, and judge is different, though, as far as how much weight they put into the child’s preference—and their ages will factor in, as well. Additionally, for a child to say one thing to one parent, and then, have to say it in an open courtroom, in front of the other parent…those are 2 very different (and traumatic) situations.
Probably. And maybe you should open your mind to him having a relationship with her? Unless there is abuse or active addiction why not have them begin visits and see what happens?
A judges job is to follow and order the law.
Unfortunately considering feelings is not in their job description
Everything in a court has to be proven speculation and aligations do not matter.
And unless your ex says “im doing this to get back at my ex and make her pay” its all hear say.
Ita bullshit really. There are women who post horror stories about their ex husband’s who still have to send their kids to their dads.
If I were you I’d be making every single attempt to get him to see her
Get them familiar and DOCUMENT AND RECORD EVERYTHING
Before it happens take your daughter to some type of therapy to express her feelings about the situation .keep records and take them to court with you. Legal documents always help a case
Leave it up to the girl
Hire a Guardian Ad Litem. They can speak to the therapist and on her behalf. It may help your case.
get a lawyer and ask for her counseling session notes to be used in court and give them to the judge
Ask for a child advocate. My daughter had anxiety with her dad and his wife. Between her meeting with her psychologist and the advocate they were able to suggest to the judge that she not be around her stepmom at all and that she shouldn’t be with her dad until the counselor felt it was beneficial for her.
Be prepared to pay for the guardian, 3 to 500 depending on where you are, since you’d be the one asking for it they’d likely make you pay it. But, it’s worth it if you’re child is in a bad situation.
Depends on how old she is as to whether or not she is listened to by the courts. However, since he hasn’t seen her for a year he will likely start off with short visits during the day with her anyway if a judge was to grant visitation for him with her
Hopefully your daughter manages a relationship with her father. It’s important for children to have a relationship with both parents. It will be good for her in the long run and you should try and facilitate a way that is comfortable for her and see if he will agree to that. Baby steps at first but let them build their relationship.
Ask for a child advocate for both of them.
Not enough back story to actually answer this …how old is your daughter .if the father had no contact in over a year why the anxiety …but technically yes the judge can give him visitation rights and if you don’t follow through than you can go to jail for not following a court order and then he will have her the whole time you are in jail .is there a custody set up by a court if not that can open up a whole can of worms …
Guardian ad Litem seems like the best option in this matter. I’m going back for modification and it is absolutely stressful. Wish you the best
Probably they want the kids to have a relationship with both parents.
It depends on the laws in your municipality if theyll let her have any say, but you can request a child advocate be assigned to speak on her behalf. Also ask the counselor to provide a letter to the courts speaking to the impact (good or bad) they feel visitation with the father would have on the child.
Courts normally try to keep parents in the childs life and will agree to what he is asking for unless it is proven to NOT be in the best interest of the child. If a court ordered advocate and the therapist tell the judge it would be harmful to the child (mentally and emotionally) to go over his house the judge will deny his request.
The chances of her not seeing her father are really slim I would push for supervised visits but he’s definitely going to get at least visitation of some sort I can guarantee you that even if he hasn’t tried to see her in a year that’s just how it works I am so sorry you’re in this situation I have been a similar one myself and that’s the only reason I know all this I had to learn the hard way but chances are is he won’t even get supervised he’ll probably get full blown visitation he’ll probably get whatever you get
Depends on her age and but I’d still try to voice that you’d like that cleared with her therapist. May even have supervised visits.
The short answer would probably be yes. But there is probably a lot here we don’t know like why no contact for a year? What specifically was done to her? Why is she having such bad anxiety over it? What age is she? Why don’t you have custody of your son? And even if we knew every situation can be different. She may be able to speak for herself and you may be able to get her counselor to talk to the judge. Talking to a lawyer would be good. Ask the courts about someone to advocate for her. Bottom line is I wouldn’t let his threats stop you from trying to see your son.
She can terminate his rights as a parent.
It depends on how old she is. I went through this as a kid and when i turned 11 i was legally allowed to choose for myself where i wanted to stay and the court couldnt force me to even do visitation at the other parents house.
Get a child advocate and have her therapist speak on her behalf in court or write up something showing her concerns
It depends on her age
More than likely, they’ll put them on the same schedule. This situation happened with me. Unless I have rock hard proof he is an unfit parent, there’s nothing I can do. The judge will want them on the same schedule.
I’ve seen judges make decisions that shocked me so I would say that noone can answer that question. I agree that with others that you should ask for a child advocate. Not sure if there’s a cost for that
Sorry. To. Say. But yes a judge. Can. Inforce. This. Had. The same. Problem
Depends on age. If it goes to court I’d have the judge speak to your daughter herself about the situation
You could be held in contempt if there is an order and one or both of them don’t go.
Has a guardian ad litem been assigned to your children? Work with them to get what’s best for your children.
Yes. Unless she is 14, in some states she can voice her choice in court at thst age and the judge will take it into consideration when deciding. My partners niece is currently in the same situation as your daughter. Her dad has never made an effort to see her until she was 9 and his wife wanted to spite my sil. Niece hates going there, talks about how he doesn’t even spend time with her. He’s too busy with his “plants” (legal state) and she’s with the wife the whole time. Her mom has told the judge to start with supervised visitations and slowly extend visits but judge said no and gave dad every other weekend and holidays. Sil has put daughter in counseling now and is slowly trying to build a case. Gather your proof and evidence and get a lawyer is my best advice to you. Best of wishes to you and your kids
Yes, a judge can make you send the child to the other parent
He should have both [email protected]
Judge probably will. My ex son in law who is a registered sex offender got visitations and joint custody here in WI. The kids screamed and cried but judge still Mae them
I dint know the legality or the process, but a testament from her therapist might make a big difference.
The child belongs to BOTH the parents. Because you split up does not mean the children have to pick whose side they are on!!-if this is a simple split no abuse then yes!!! And encourage the children to go.
The court sees 6 months no contact as abandonment
Depends which state because in Pennsylvania abandonment is a year. After 6 months he can loose his parental rights if you have proof that is. You could also have her counselor testify saying it’s not good for her to just to be pushed back into an environment with him.
So your son lives with his dad and the daughter lives with u?? I would never agreed to that if that’s the case.
Well it depends where in the world you live. Your ex does not get to dictate when and where he decides to see his daughter. Since its been a year, get legal advice, where I’m from, he has to earn his rights back after a year
I’m sorry to hear that im going threw something with my 7yr old grand daughter her mother does things on spite. My son takes care of her every need he tries building a bond. But mother tries to find anything to use against us. But judge only gave him 1 day out week and I don’t think that’s fair. My grand child loves her dad. But in ur case the courts always try to have the parents bond wit there kids cause he has rights. So becareful with ur choice of words in court. And yes get someone to speak with ur child evaluation so the judge has something to look at. We sending my grand child and father to counseling so we have our report ready to show the judge my son is a good 22yr old dad
If your ex is looking for parental access to your daughter, it appears he is interested in a relationship with her. Unless there is abuse, which you have not mentioned, you should be encouraging a relationship with their father
No one can make him do anything. It’s his choice. The judge can put it in writing and if ex violates the court order the judge can make him go to jail.
He’s trying now, why is that a problem?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Will a judge force my child to visit her father?
Consult an attorney…
Depending on her age, some judges will take her wishes into consideration
Depends on the situation. A judge wil always permit a father to see his child regardless of emotional issues. If there is a criminal charge that’s different. Both parents needs are always met. Ya for the better of the children. you need to get an attorney.
How old is ur daughter depending on age and state at 8 the judge will listen to the child and 12 they can choose as long as it a safe environment
Be the adult and let him love both children. This world is hard enough without parents using the kids. Encourage both kids to have a relationship with both parents. More love is what is needed.
Have an emergency temporary custody agreement until you two can figure out what’s going on with her and what she needs for their relationship to work
depending on how old she is where im at you can’t make that choice till 14 as a child
Judges are kind of messed up. I know a family that just went through court. They gave the father every other week. When they were not married, he wasn’t even in the children’s lives. Didn’t call, visit any of that but he decided he wanted to be a part of their lives and took the mother to court after almost three years of nothing and he got fifty fifty. They spent thousands of dollars for an attorney for pretty much getting their lives screwed. So ya I think a judge would make her see him.
Depends on how old she is. But I’d honestly let the therapist know what’s going on. If the therapist thinks it might be a risk to her mentally or her mental health the judge may take therapist recommendations into concideration. It’s different everywhere but most places agree that they don’t want to cause more distress than needed on the child. They may give it a try but if it starts affecting her in a negative way change it.
I had the same experience with my daughter I got a lawyer from the court to represent her it was a children’s lawyer they are wonderful helpful people
Yes they will… unless something crazy happened… the courts keep siblings together on the same schedule
He has EQUALrights. The relationship of father child is very important.
They may none of us can say for sure but he could order reunification therapy especially since its only been a yr
Let your daughter talk to the judge request it from your lawyer there will be a stop sign put to him
Yes, the judge can/will enforce visitarion.
You can request to go back to mediation every six months in CA. A mediator is often much more receptive to the nuances in a case like this…and more than judges, they really do try to recommend what is in the best interests of the children. Attorneys can help as well, but only if you get a good one. And it is hard to know that from the outset. I would at least talk to one who isn’t court ordered, if possible, for a free or cheap consultation.
The issue from what I read is dad has zero consistency in her life. That’s just as bad as having no relationship. It hurts the same.
My kids went through that with their dad. No contact from dad for months then wanted to see them like he did nothing wrong. Kids will internalize their hurt to not upset anyone too. It’s not healthy.
IF HE CAN offer consistency at whatever that would look like - once a month ALWAYS or twice a month ALWAYS then I’d suggest stressing the importance of that through the court and her counselor. You will be the bad guy to her as she gets older if you don’t.
IF HE CAN NOT maintain the bare minimum - then as a mom you have the right to protect her again, through the court and her counselor.
If yu can provide proof he has had nothing to do with her…take it with you
…any and all evidence yu can put forth to the judge to show this child is not feeling comfortable with the idea at hand shes being made to be put thru…if she has anxiety that bad…she doesnt need to be around him…and if yu can surely show proof of him being nowhere near her or having paid any money for anything…not even candy…then take it with you
…the more yu can prove to the judge the more likely the judge is guna be to want to hear ur side of the story and want to ask why? The child isnt wanting to go and maybe the judge will understand and take that into consideration b4 making a decision…I dont see why a child should have to go anywhere that they dont wana go!!
Ask if the therapist would agree to write something saying that he is emotionally damaging to her
This must be flusterating for you both I take it she is under age if she is old enough to know why she is afraid to see thats not good you should take her to your lawyer so she can say what she needs to I look at as if she is that afraid to see him pushing it will only make matters worse for her how old are they
I would suggest that he go to family counseling with her if he wants a relationship. No matter what her age is, she shouldn’t have anxiety about seeing him. Same for mom and son. Children need a safe environment to express their feelings and parents need to be able to listen without prejudice. Contrary to what others have said it is not mom’s responsibility to fix dad’s and daughter’s relationship. Nor is it dads to fix mom’s and son’s. Each parent owns that responsibility.
If the situation was reversed and it was you trying to see your kid more, would you still be asking the same question.
My daughter is 10 and her father hasnt seen her, talked, or text het or myself in 2.5 yrs. He took me to court to get out of paying child support because he doesn’t see her and my daughter doesn’t want anything to do with him. He abandoned her in her eyes… i agreed to sign off on child support if he signed off his parental time and visits…i already had full physical/ legal custody! Now he has no say in what we do, where we live etc… he also can not see her unless she wants to! If she wants to see him, before she is 18, i file for support again. She had a lawyer who spoke to her alone and he made it so it was her choice !!! Keep fighting and good luck! We are in a happy place now… no more worries for my daughter
Courts will give him 50/50 if his name is on the birth certificate as he has equal parental rights
If your daughter is in counseling then I would asked the counselor testify to what is going on with your child! The counselor might be the only one who can say what happens with your daughter and her anxiety!
Does one of you have custody of your son and one have custody of your daughter??
Tell your lawyer you want your daughter to talk to the judge. Maybe that may help??
No advice but goodluck.