Will a judge force my child to visit her father?

I asked the judge to speak in private with my children and he did and I told the judge I would go along with whatever visitation the children wanted separately. My son got to make the choice if and when he wanted to visit and my daughter goes every weekend. I think this has strengthened their relationship with their father and they are growing positively now instead of stuck in the past of what happened. I am now able to communicate with my ex so we can co parent somewhat better now. I have full custody and he is supposed to pay child support but that is what the judge ordered:
Do not put your feelings first or your ex’s this is about what the kids want if they are making a decision that is based in reality.
I was in this abusive narcissistic marriage for 11 years and still I put my feelings aside and did what was best for my kids. Yes he is still a narcissist but my job as a mom is to help my kids…. So when they didn’t want to go I fought for that. When they wanted to visit I fought for that. My kids happiness means the most. I obviously made sure they were safe and knew an emergency code word to tell me if they needed help and thank God in 4 years we have never had to use it.
If your daughter doesn’t want to go I would do everything in my power to make it her choice so if she decides to later she can.
Just my opinion :woman_shrugging:

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The thing that got me confused in your question is the fact that he’s trying to visit with her but you’re saying he hasn’t made an effort at all. So now that he is trying to make an effort why is it such a problem ? Just curious

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New Zealand the children have their own lawyer

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You lot are missing the point here, from a mans point of view you may have been difficult to deal with, usualy the man has to leave the home and find some where to live, deal with the extra expence of maintance and keeping himself , fight the courts who usualy favour the mother and try and keep a straight head while most if the time being on his own, please look at it from the other side of the fence to, the guys probable been dealing with a shit load of issues you may not have considered

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I am curios as to why she doesn’t want to go. The one thing I regret so much is ever saying anything negative about my children’s dad in front of them because it made them doubt his live for him. I am wondering if there is more to your story than we know because usually kids daughters want to be with dad. Has he hurt her, does he have a new woman in his life your child doesn’t like? There is a reason she doesn’t want to go other than the fact that she hasn’t seen him in a while. She needs her dad in her life. I was raised without one and it does something to us to not have both our parents in our lives. I pray things work out so she can be with him.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Will a judge force my child to visit her father? - Mamas Uncut

I’m not sure what state you live in but typically a judge will hear the child’s side (although there is no guarantee) around 12. I would get any all documentation you can to prove your claim. Ultimately though a judge will decide.

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If she’s in counciling for this get a note from her councilor stating what they have noticed and y and then take it to the judge and tell the judge this is what is said they can even reappoint one to redo the diagnosis because if they have a child go throu that anything vould happen they can actually end up pitting a mental state on her that can turn badly and her councilor can help u with all that stuff as well if need to b

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In Ohio they will have to continue visiting and there is extremely little they will accept to change it. A 16 year old can choose if they would rather spend time with friends during their visit, but must still be on their visitation schedule. It doesn’t get easier. Trust me! I love my daughter, but her father is very irresponsible and petty. At 11, I am still paying for his mistakes through more and more issues in court​:woman_facepalming::broken_heart:

Document everything and you should also be able to ask the therapist to write a recommendation for you as to if she can mentally take visits with him or not.

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How old is your daughter. At a certain age (or at least in Fl) at around 11 or 12 they can choose not to go see the other parent if they dont want to. And since shes in counseling because of him and ita documented then the judge could rule in your favor.

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Depends on your state’s laws. In CA. at age 12 the child gets to make that decision. Providing it is the biological parent.

However, if your child is suffering with PTSD or anxiety issues, for which she has “been” seeking mental health (counseling for) and is under the age of 12 … I would take it to family court.

I would in NO way, let him, nor the court, force my child to be “further” traumatized. Simply so he can power play.

I would “also” ask that HE be required to attend mental health OR counseling by HIMSELF.

Because if he hasn’t made ANY effort to parent in over a year, and he is the FATHER … then something is seriously wrong on his end. That in itself, is sending messages of rejection, and issues of self worth on top of whatever else she is currently going through.

He needs to deal with his own issues, before trying to parent TWO whole human beings.

Just my thoughts :thought_balloon: for what there worth.

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Well he’s trying now… not sure what happened before but give them a chance to build a relationship. Don’t put ur negative feelings on ur daughter… Unless he’s been abuse

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Yes it’s possible unfortunately. But let the judge or moderate no he’s not wanted contact with her in over a year. get a note from her doctor because this causes her anxiety. I went through this with my daughter. Good luck mama

If he is her biological father and there was no physical/sexual abuse he has a right to see his child. The judge should allow him right. We don’t really know the whole story other than you don’t want him to see her! A child has two parents, she is NOT just “my child”.

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Do what you feel is the right thing to do for the kids, don’t really matter what anyone thinks, only the kids matter

Fight for whatever you think its the best for your daughter and show her to fight too!

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Both my kids have had issues with their dad and cried every time I had to take them to his house. We went to court when they were 11 & 12 I got it put in our paperwork that it was up to them if they went on his weekends. Some times they both did or one may go and the other stayed home. It can be done, but we live in Texas so not sure about where y’all live. It definitely doesn’t hurt to ask.

Unfortunately with my daughter I didn’t have a choice. He even had a domestic violence record.

Depending on where you live! In NY around the ages of 10 to 12 the judge will ask them themselves! Having a letter from her counselor about her feelings would help you out to.

Stop thinking of yourself and do what’s right for the children.

Depends on age. If she’s older they will ask her her thoughts.

Get a note from councilor

I’m sure you’ll get perfect advice here on wastebook. The absolute best level of advice no money can buy!

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Will a judge force my child to visit her father? - Mamas Uncut

She needs to see her dad regardless of YOUR feelings about him. Quit bad mouthing your ex and making her feel bad about seeing him. I think that’s the problem here. Let’s face it kids don’t want to do a lot of things they have to but it sounds like you are the one who doesn’t want her to see him!

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Most likely, I was in the same situation with my father, told the courts I didn’t want to go, and was still forced to go.

I mean they can have whatever they want in the court orders you still don’t have to make her go you wont get in trouble. They can’t force a kid to go with anyone. That’s my experience here anyway. Your state may be different.

It would depend where you are, Ontario Canada anyways children can be appointed an OCL who will usually see to it the kids wants needs and best interests are met, at 12 a child could get on a stand and say I want to live with my mom or dad and the judge is to take the childs wishes into account. A statement from her counselor who would also have the inside scoop as well as credentials could write as to why said child dosnt wish to go and why and how it would be detrimental at this time to force access.

If he refuses to have a relationship with his daughter then why is he taking you to court? Sounds like you’re the problem.

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My father was never a part of my life growing up even though we lived in the same town. He decided he wanted to be a part of my and my sisters lives when I turned 12. I told him exactly what I thought of him and how I felt, he has a relationship with my sisters I refuse to forgive him for deserting us because we weren’t the sons he wanted. Maybe having your daughter tell him how she feels might help her.

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There’s a lot of unknowns here. Unless you can prove you havent added to the anxiety of your daughter, there’s a good chance a judge will let her father have joint custody. And it sounds like you both need to start acting like parents instead of enemies. You both should be in both kids lives, and I’m sorry but many times I find it’s the mother using manipulation tactics- causing her kids anxiety.

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My 11 year did step child feels the same about her mom. She has lived with her dad and I since March and is supposed to visit mom for the weekends but she usually puts up a fight about going. Or will go for one night and want to be picked up the next day. Her mom keeps threatening to get court appointed visits but why force a kid go somewhere they are not happy?

Since your daughter is having anxiety issues over this, you could petition the court to have the father attend counseling (most men refuse to do this) before she is subjected to his whims at his house. It will also show the courts that you come from a place of concern and not attack. Best of luck.

Any biological parent has the right to visitation etc regardless of maintenance or place if residence etc. Apart from if it was court ordered otherwise. No parent can refuse visitation and courts will always see it in the child’s interest to have a relationship with both parents. The best route to go is to see a family advocate and they can appoint counselors etc to assist with them building a relationship.

I’d rather answer my child’s question as to why I wanted her to have a relationship with her dad when she’s older than why didn’t I try to help her to have one. Just a thought.

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I feel like there’s a lot of questions I’d have for this.

For example: how old is your little one? What are the reasons behind her anxiety? Is her father dangerous? Have you both ever argued in front of the child and that’s why she gets anxiety? Are things told to the child that directly attack the other parent?

Now, if he’s dangerous and harmful to her then of course I’d fight against it.
But if he’s finally growing up and trying to spend time with her then it may be an opportunity for him to become an actual dad.

Maybe think of not just counseling for her but all of u. It takes a team to raise a child

This is coming from experience btw.
No judgement here at all, I’m just giving an opinion from my personal past events

Also, take a look from both sides.
I’ve seen parents bash another parent in front of the child , and in my opinion, that does nothing but negatively effect the child and the other parents relationship
I’m not saying you do that by any means.
If he talks about you to her then I’d address that as well

You got this :heart::blue_heart:

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If it’s Court order you should talk to the judge, but make it about the kids u Kno theirs alot of people that don’t have parents

Personally I would try encourage my daughter to go to atleast one visit, even if it’s just to speak about the way things are, maybe that would really help her with her anxieties too, I’d hate to think my kids were trapped in the middle of a war of parents and I can’t imagine it’s easy on any of you z

Get a court appointed guardian at litem… and have the therapist/counselor to testify on behalf of kids

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Depends on the state you are in what the age is to be able to tell the judge what she wants. If she’s old enough per state to make that decision I don’t think the judge can force it

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When the child turns 14, the child can decide if she/he wants to have anything to do with a parent. Sorry, but I will not encourage my child to have anything to do with her father if she does not want to. There has to be a reason. And when it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it is a duck. Respect the child for once. Explain the consequences, but let her be. She is not a boy.

My goddaughter went through this and the psychologist told the judge it would not be good for her mental health. She doesn’t have to see her dad now

If she is 12 or older I believe she has a say in the matter

He obviously wants a relationship with her looks like the moms more the problem to me she needs to stop putting her daughter in the middle of her personal feelings

How old is she? What state do you live in? Is there a legal custody agreement? Does he pay child support?

If she tells the judge she don’t want to I’m not sure he can force her. My sister was the same way with my father and they didn’t force her too but I guess it depends on the judge.

A parent always has rights unless the court states otherwise which is an extremely rare occurrence. The judge will let him see it but it will start out as small visitations then get longer.
Visitations vary due to age.

Beth there are no guarantees that it will be one of those kind of situation where the kid is eased into it. Like your friend mentioned it doesn’t always happen like that. And if there’s some reason or another that they can’t visit without supervision they’ll make it so he has to have supervision either at a facility or with other people around. But other than that he’ll get visitation. My daughter went to this then they went through the shared parenting

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I would have everyone who works with her conselor therapist and whoever else to write a letter stating this would be very damaging to her mental health

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I think 13 is the age the child can choose

Depends on age, courts don’t like to take into account children’s opinions until they’re older and even then they don’t listen half the time. If she’s old enough (teenager) you can’t force her to go and neither can he, she can’t be dragged by the arm to visitation and all you can do is document those refusals. Document everything and bring it to the attention of the court. Also pull her medical records for the court, and your attorney. Ie medication and therapy.

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I feel like we don’t have all the info here…
What has caused her anxiety?
Is the son with u or your ex the majority of the time? If with your ex and not you why?
How are we supposed to give advice based on half a story. And yes the judge very much can decide that.

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I just went through that same situation about a year ago the judge was gonna make her go he didn’t care that they didn’t have a relationship at all. Or did he care that her dad had anything to Do with her he made her stay over night visits my daughter would call me all the time crying through the night and day and she was 15 they wasn’t even going to let my child testify…this is how I see it people in the court system don’t even know nothing about how things go on in it but they are the ones who gets to make the decisions which I think is horribly insane

Seems like you are the one creating the lack of relationship and anxiety in your daughter… It APPEARS (based on your vagueness) that he does want a relationship but YOUR personal feelings are in the way… Talk good about visiting dad and maybe she wouldn’t be getting anxiety… After all, there is another child involved that isn’t “scared and damaged” from dad who’s doing just fine… Said son probably doesn’t have anxiety going to see you because dad doesn’t shun you as hard as you’re shunning him…

Again, vagueness is the baseline for my response.

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Request counsel for your daughter… my cousin’s daughter doesn’t have to see her dad unless she wants too… which is never… he’s never been apart of her life but tried to get visitation because he doesn’t want to pay child support… but judge told them, I will not force a child to be in an uncomfortable environment against their own wishes… but you can also request counsel for your child or have your child’s therapist give a testimony…

All the best, hun!!! :two_hearts::pray:t3::two_hearts:

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Yes a judge can force visitation.You would have to force her to go if she resists or you would then be in violation.

Some do and some won’t. Speak to a lawyer in your area and they can tell you what to expect from the Judges there.

In Canada it is the child’s right to have a relationship with their parents. As long as that can be done safely - Ie. supervised access centres in cases of abuse and neglect, then yes, the non custodial parent can have a chance to repair the parent/child relationship. If this doesn’t go well then lawyers need to be involved, including the Office of the Children’s Lawyer.

If hes granted visitation ask for supervised visitation…unfortunately he will be granted visitation

Probably. courts are forcin my son and hes 4, never had contact and my ex is proven to be violent and abusive

Get a good attorney and have the request an attorney ad litem. They act on behalf of the best interest of the child and would meet with your kid and take her wants into consideration. Also collect therapist notes and get their recommendations.

Definitely have her therapist testify and if she is able to testify or at least write a statement. Let your daughter testify that she doesn’t wanna go. If she isn’t able to testify hire a GAL guardian ad litem for her to speak on her behalf so she doesn’t have to testify infront of her father if she feels she isn’t able to. The GAL is basically her voice/lawyer who speaks on her behalf. I would go the route without the GAL first and if the judge still sides with the father wanting to see her when she doesn’t want to then get a GAL involved. At a certain age they are able to make the choice for themselves.