Would it be wrong for me to move?

Would like to ask a question. Should I be able to move or is it wrong of me? I currently share two children with my ex-husband. We currently have 50-50 custody although he is required to travel for his job and will often times be gone for week‘s at a time. I have recently been offered a position that will require me to move about 45 minutes from where I currently live and where he also lives. I have asked him to do a modified schedule and he is telling me that I am being selfish and not thinking of my children. Although I feel like the move would be best for all of us considering that I do not have to travel for work like he does so realistically I am here for them all of the time. His ideal scenario would be for me to leave them here where we currently live and when he travels they will be staying with his mother. There have been a lot of incident’s in his home where inappropriate things have happened to my children CPS gives him a slap on the hand and they have had access to adult content on multiple occasions he also has a DWI. Somehow it has been written in our court ordered custody agreement that we have to reside in the same county. I am remarried have another child and I’m ready for a change for my whole family including my other two children. The past 8 years o have had to love with a few miles of two baby mommas of his, his entire family and himself and his current new wife because of the court order … is it wrong for me to want the fresh start and move the 45 minutes and take him to court to try and get a modified schedule,or should I stay in the county where I currently reside with him. I feel torn, I feel like I have been controlled by the current court order for 8 years and as I see him advancing in his career taking flights and traveling for his job freely. I don’t understand how I’m selfish for wanting to make a move with a 45 min difference for my job.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Would it be wrong for me to move?

You go to court and take care of you too

Move you have to do what’s best for you it’s not like your moving out of state or .hours away

Go to court. Don’t even ask his opinion, it doesn’t even matter.

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Go to court and get it modified. 45 minutes really isn’t a big deal, I drive that just to go see my doctor.

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Don’t just move obviously. But it’s not that far , you have a good case.

Move and live your life. Break free of his control.

This must be the states. In cananda your supposed to
Live within 50 km unless otherwise agreed. And if you took this to court you’d win.
You are not selfish. And your kids won’t suffer unless he makes them suffer. Hugs.

You have to do what’s right for you.

45 minutes is not far at all, do what’s best for you.

45 minutes is not like moving to another state MOVE!!!

File for a modification of the court order if you want to make this change and you cannot come to an agreement.

The court order is more binding than his wants. And right now that is preventing you from moving too.

Make sure whatever you do is legal. You can be held in contempt of your court order if you move out of the county since it is stated in your court order.

When preparing your argument for why this should be approved, focus on why it would be in the best interest of the kids.

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No, moving less than an hour away shouldn’t be a problem. Go back to court and figure out a new schedule.

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Go to court to have everything legal !

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Go get your court order modified and your making it sound like he’s at fault for the order lol you both agreed when signed

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If by you moving us going to improve your life and your kids lives then you don’t need his permission! Take his entitled a*s to court and have it modified.

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You’re not selfish. Go back to court to modify your order.

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It’s 45mins so definitely worth taking to court, it’s not like you would be moving 4hrs away

Take the position and commute to work? Then petition the court to have your order modified. You can’t just take the kids and move, unfortunately.

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Request the court date to modify. Thats rediculous all the stuff you’re having to deal with from the ex. Get the permission and move up and move on.

Move, it’s 45 minutes it’s really not that far.

Go to court and get it the move approved! Selfish people all too often try to tell other people they are selfish for wanting to better their lives because it’s not convenient for them. 45 minutes? That’s not
Too far! You should be allowed to live your life too and 45 minute drive is definitely reasonable. Good luck. Don’t let them make you feel bad for wanting to do and be better!!

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It’s only 45 minutes away! When I first started reading i thought you were going to say you were moving to a different state. I’ve commuted further than that for jobs that I worked everyday! You aren’t being selfish, he is.

What do the kids think of this if it means seeing the dad less?

Whatever you do, cover your butt with the court system FIRST, AND EVERY TIME! That said, this is 2022, NOT 1987! Times change, and in todays’ economy you go where the money comes from! That’s responsible parenting!
Do it for the kids! :love_you_gesture:t4::cowboy_hat_face:

45mins is not far… like at all. If the court order specifics you have to live in the same county legally you can’t though. But I’m almost positive if you went for a court hearing and told them it’s for your job they would revise it. These things get revised all the time

Court isn’t going to let you move if he doesn’t agree . They’ll tell you to commute to work .

Go to court. At least modify where you can live. I assume one our two counties away. Rational judges will grant it. Typically if you move, you pay transportation costs.
My ex moved 100 miles away. His new girlfriend got quite pissy that i wouldn’t drop our daughter off and pick her up. I had to frequently tell her i wasn’t the one that moved 100 miles away

It may only be 45 mins, but what happens with kids and school when they are with their dad? You expect him to drive 45 mins twice a day to get them there?

Gonna have to talk to an attorney and go back for an altered custody agreement. You should be able to do some things for your own good, but it’s time for legal advice

Get a better lawyer and change the custody agreement.

Definitely take it to court

In michigan you can move within 100 miles without modifying the order. Check your state law

If you have a court order, you will have to go to court to get it changed ( have proof that you are doing it to advance your career)or if you could move to the farthest point of the county where you live,( that’s closest to your new job)how far would you be from work?

You are not being selfish but you should file a motion with the courts before doing anything since you said it’s in the order that you can’t move outside of the county.

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If you’re going to move, you definitely need to get the court order modified first so you aren’t breaking any laws. But I also wouldn’t moved based just off of a new job? What if you hate it

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You’re not selfish.

Lawyer’s kid here. Most parents want 50/50 custody to avoid paying child support. It has nothing to do with the kids. It’s all about the money. But you’re going to have to take him to court to get a revised custody agreement. That said, his DWI won’t help him. It means it’s unsafe for him to drive the kids and signals that he might be abusing alcohol. Even though CPS has only slapped him on the wrist, the fact that they found anything is significant.

Call an attorney. You need help with this, but it’s definitely the best thing for the kids.

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Get a lawyer and go back to court.

Imo ask your kids if they are old enough how they feel about it. How you and dad feel matter too but their feelings matter the most

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Take the position, and petition the court to be able to move. If he’s gone for weeks at a time for his job, driving 45 mins to see his children should not be a major issue in my opinion.

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45 minutes isn’t that far. Thats how far we traveled when my parents split up all they did was a meeting point halfway and it worked. Plus isnt it selfish to be gone for weeks at a time knowing you have a set schedule in when you get your kids?

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Can’t believe 45 minutes would make a difference.

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Just move … that’s all I have to say after reading CPS

45 minutes is nothing. Is there a court order? I couldn’t move out of state but it takes several hours to get from one end of the state to the other. 45 minutes is a traffic jam in my town. No you’re not wrong - move. The worst that can happen is you meet halfway to drop off or pick up. You could also take the job and commute seeing As it’s only 45 minutes/ or move to the county line so your distance is shorter . I’ve commuted up to an hour amd 45 minutes from home to work, simply because the real estate taxes and cost of living were nearly double there

Go back to court. Good luck

People that say 45 mins isn’t far obviously have never dealt with it, that’s 2 hours round trip, my ex wife did this to me and I was so upset, I can’t just go get my daughter and have a dinner then bring her back to her mom, makes things very difficult especially while she’s in school.

Not being selfish at all. It sounds like he’s a questionable parent at best.

Do what’s right for you and your kiddos. File for a modification of custody and go from there.

Show proof of him with the CPS case and the DWI.

Show proof how this new job would benefit you and your kids.

If the judge approves it, go for it and don’t feel guilty.

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Try to find something that’s the absolute furthest corner of the current county and in the direction of your new job! Or take it to court I’m thinking that after 8 years the judge will understand you wanting to grow!

Yeah you’re not being selfish at all. Def get a lawyer and get it modified! There should be no reason that you HAVE to stay in the same county. If he won’t agree to it then get an attorney. Better yet get one regardless bc he could turn around and accuse you of kidnapping if you do move without a modification

Follow the court order.

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Do you have a court order? Moving of any sort has to be discussed and sometimes you have to go back to court to fight for the move and have proof on how it would be in best interest of your children. He does have every right to argue it unfortunately in the courts eyes.

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It seems like if you proved that the move makes life better for kids it would be ok’d

It is 45min not 1000 miles! Take it to court!

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45 mins isn’t anything. My ex and I live 50 mins to an hour each way. I moved back to the city after we split and he stayed on the outskirts. Don’t feel guilty !

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45 minutes is not a big deal. Take the opportunity.

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In my opinion it’s not wrong or selfish just a new way of life that he needs to get over. But first get it modified! 45min isn’t a bad move.

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I moved 88 miles from my ex husband. Out of state when we separated. He tried to fight it but he didn’t win. I later moved 200 miles away, kids were teenagers then. He threatened to take me to court. I said go for it. Nothing happened. Kids just did longer visits when they saw him and we stopped the every other weekend visits. I’d say the age of your kids might matter. But he is already out of town alot. The same rules should apply to him.

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Go back to court 8 years things change hopefully the court will be on your side especially since he travels do much

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45 minutes? do what makes you happy. he can adjust. sounds like he does what makes him happy, you should be happy in your career just as he is.

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It’s 45 mins there’s tons of people that have to travel every pick up. Go ahead to court. Nothing selfish about wanting better for your family. 45 mins is still close!

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Call your lawyer. I bet the judge would give you permission they want best for the kids

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There is a process for you to notify him that you’re going to move and if he doesn’t Vaillencourt to stop you then it’s a done deal. I would suggest go have a free consult with an attorney.

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45 minutes is nothing… I live almost 2 hrs. from my job. No it’s not selfish. Give notice and talk to your lawyer. I find it odd if it states you have to live in the same county. Usually, it’s worded like the only way you guys can do 50/50 is if you reside in the same county. For a better opportunity and job offer, you should be easily able to move.

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Take him to court and ask the judge for permission. The fact that he does NOT have them for most of his time will be in your favor. Driving 45 mins to pick up his kids is not that far. Even if y’all meet halfway that’s only about a 20 min drive. I’m sorry but you have the right to move and better yourself and your life for your children.

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Take care of yourself and move on. 45 minutes isn’t much.

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You go back to court. You have a right to live your life.

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The fact many here can’t read or understand that it’s not the 45 min that’s the problem it’s because you’re switching counties, shows you probably shouldn’t listen to their advice.

You including irrelevant info painting your child’s father in a bad light doesn’t look good on you, stick to relevant facts. Mentioning he has a past dwi is irrelevant if there isn’t an actual concern for the child and makes you sound vindictive.

This sounds like something that should be able to be settled by adults but it’s obvious neither of you are, so go back to court where only the lawyers win.

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Do it period stop asking for approval u know it’s the right thing to do. Just do it.

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I don’t think your being selfish at all. You have met his demands these last 8 years and abided by them. His circumstances have changed and you and your children have adjusted… now it’s his turn.
Time to talk to your solicitor first though, just to make sure that your going to be successful in your case.
Good luck!

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Make the move. 45 minutes isn’t that far away, I can’t imagine any court would object.

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Go to court with a mediator, but because you want to move it should be your responsibility to take them to their other parent. If it is not a safe environment take documentation of the other complaints. God bless.

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I would petition the courts to let me move the 45 minutes so I could advance on my job. Don’t let him dictate to you. Get permission from the court and be done with it .I’m surprised your husband hasn’t moved in, since your ex husband has more control if his house than he does. Interesting. Yea

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Go to court and modify it. As long as you can prove it’ll be in the best interest of your kids I don’t think the courts will deny the request.

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Hire an attorney to help you get it changed. Make your residence primary with visitations on an open schedule based on school schedules and his work schedule, allowing more time on school breaks having them back to your home before _____ set time the night before school starts. I also suggest setting it up where visitations are to be agreed upon through text or email one week prior that way the visitations can work around his being out of town for work.

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If your custody agreement has stipulations about where you live then go back to court and get it changed. You both need to put needs of the children 100% first. Document how often he is gone. All details. Your lawyer should tell you what you need to do.

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Go back to court. Get the custody modified. The distance isn’t that much. Agree to meet in the middle for pick up and drop off.

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It’s 45 minutes! Sure, take the job! Regardless if you re-locate, take the job. Then if you and your family wishes to move, by all means, go get your fresh start. But the child agreement doesn’t/shouldn’t have to be modified due to you moving 45 minutes if that’s truly what’s holding you back. I drive 30 minutes one way to work & back every single day … what’s another 15?

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You should always do what’s best for you and the kids!

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You aren’t being selfish. He just doesn’t want any disturbance to his routine and schedule, no changes means he has to do as little as possible.
Don’t pay attention to him. 45 minutes is completely workable and reasonable for your family and what’s best for them. And your children spending less time with you and with your in laws more isn’t what’s best for them. Get the custody agreement modified if you can. Good luck on your new job and congratulations!

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Do it! 45 minutes is nothing, my daughters father and I have lived further apart then that and we make it work. Don’t put you on hold for others!

Depends what your custody states of how far your allowed to move without his or the court’s permission. It’s not about you or him it’s about the child. What happens and who they stay with on his time is his time and his business not yours. That’s a losing battle in court

Try for the move . 45 minute is not working unreasonable I’m sure you can move within the state and be a similar distance. Argue your case as above calmly xxx

Have you considered asking the kids how they feel?

All i can say is good luck. There’s a location boundary for you through court and he’s likely going to fight you. Something which won’t be resolved right away if you want this new job now. Your fate is in the hands of the judge. Some will understand your side. Some won’t.

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I’m going to agree with the masses. Take him back to court to have the agreement modified so you can take that job. I would also mention to the court that he travels for his job and is often gone for weeks at a time. :woman_shrugging:t4:

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When you were divorced you lost your ability to move with a custody agreement as long as 18 yrs old

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The court says you can go within a 150 miles of one another

If the court says your not allowed to I’d go back to court and see if you can change that 45 mins isn’t bad but I wouldn’t do it without the courts permission

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Speak with an attorney its free first time speaking to him.

Girl just do it, why doesn’t he want you to succeed? Doesn’t he want his children to see 2 working parents, making a better life for them. If anything he is being selfish, you shouldn’t have to keep accommodating him and all his baby mama drama. Take him back to court, its legit 45 minutes away I’m sure he can manage since he travels all over the place for work.

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Yr ex is pissed because you are not doing something for him. Pack yr things…you are moving. Get a revised court order first. Then yr ex can add another pop on the wrist. Nobody has you in mind but you .
Travel safe and wishing you a great life in yr new city.

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How old are the kids? Are they young enough that they won’t mind being uprooted and will consider it an adventure? Or are they teens who have already lived through enough turmoil with being shifted back and forth between parents? They really don’t deserve any more disruption in their lives. Put the kids first, and figure out what’s best for them.

As long as your babies are safe - do it - move and you all have a fresh start. It’s your life - take control of it!! :heart::v:t4::rose:

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It’s only 45 minutes do it

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Go get a reorder done from judge… It’s not that far away for him to see the lids

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Go back to court to have the order modified. It’s an 8 year old order and is no longer practical for you. Your career advancement means stability for the children where his traveling and home situation does not. If necessary go for full custody and see what happens.

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Do it girl! I moved and I never thought I’d be this happy! Congrats on the job!

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Your career provides for those babies, why it that shelfish?selfish? He’s holding you and your fily back from a better life, ypu need a modification. A 45 minute move is not the end of the world.

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I would go to court and see what your rights are

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