This is not going to change. He has been telling you for 11 years what he is…an emotional if not a physical cheater…so it’s high time you believe him. You need to take your babies and yourself to a place of sanctuary and next stop to an attorney to file for a divorce, child support, and alimony. Your children deserve more than being raised by an emotionally distressed, insecure person. This is what they will pick up as a normal behavior and carry it into their adult lives. I really do care.
I hate to say this but this is a huge warning sign! And when someone shows you their true colors. You need to believe them. He is just getting sneakier and hiding things because he values his friend relationship more than your feelings, going to counseling, and everything. This is beyond normal having “friends”. I think that as much as these things hurt, you need to slide that rug out from under him and let him hit concrete. Your marriage should mean more than any woman out there!
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Its wrong for many reasons. The only reason any spouse needs to stop doing anything IMO is if it bothers the other spouse point blank. No other reason is needed beyond that and dont let him tell ya any different. Prayers. Go with your gut.
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You know the answer.
He erases his call logs. You dig through phone records. You’ve expressed how this makes you feel and instead of stopping it, he hides it. I’m sorry you are going through this. He has more interest in talking to these other women than respecting you.
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No matter if they’re just friends or not if its something that is making you uncomfortable he should respect that over any friendship. And if he’s made no effort to introduce you to these “friends” then I call BS . There’s nothing ONLY work related to talk about from 9am to 9pm . I’d do less talking and more changing the locks 
at the very least he’s emotionally cheating on you .
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Gut check 
Follow your intuition. A woman’s instincts are usually spot on which is why we don’t trust ourselves. It’s fear that we are right.
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Even if they are not having sex he is still cheating. Is cheating on you emotionally. Please do not take this! You deserve better! Tbh if he is deleting texts then there is stuff he doesn’t want you to know or see. Either way he is cheating!
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I agree with Elizabeth Small the work place is usually where the affairs start calling at 1 am in the morning crossed the line an what made her feel comfortable enough to do it there is more to this that meets the eye good luck but if he is straying catch it now or thinking about before it goes to far i have been you an he was talking to them he lives with one now an doing the exact thing to her me im happier than i ever been its someone else headache now GOOD LUCK SWEETIE DONT SETTLE FOR LESS THAN YOU DESERVE
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This isn’t just speaking with female coworkers. This is beyond that and its been discussed multiple times. He doesn’t respect your feelings or boundaries. I would walk and not look back.
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I dated a man like this for more than 3 years. It never stopped no matter how many times he got caught and we argued. This is crossing a line of having “acquaintances/friends ” of the opposite sex. Hiding, deleting and constant contact are all signs of unfaithfulness. At a minimum, it’s cheating emotionally but often there’s more going on. I’m sorry but my advice is to find someone who’ll treat you right. It’s not easy to walk away from someone you love when it seems like your request should be easy for them to do. But the reality is, it won’t stop. And you will find someone else who loves you the way you should be loved and will never make you feel like this.
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It’s not ok to talk that much to your female co workers. If he is hiding calls and texts what else is he hiding from you. If I were you I would check your bank statements and credit card statements also. There is no reason for that behavior when he is a married man with kids. Good luck sweetie.
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Disrespect is never okay. If he knows it upsets you and continues, it’s rude. Have you met her? What’s the point in a 1am text?! Nothing good happens after midnight. I’d clearly tell him it’s not acceptable, and if he doesn’t stop, then you’ll just have to find some male friends too!
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Yes, I would be. I do have male friends at work (I work in a male dominated industry) and my husband has some female friends. But we don’t talk to them constantly. My husband can hear my conversations, I don’t do them secretly. His best female friend from work, or “work wife,” along with two of my best male friends from work were at our wedding, lol. Friend relationships that existed before we got married. Granted, we’ve both made new friends over the years as people come and go from jobs, but there are no 1 am texts or talking for the entire day.
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He hides it cause you are acting like a spy. He has every right to have friends outside your relationship. You have the same right. I couldn’t care less to whom my partner is talking to and how long he is talking or texting to anyone. Why the hell do you touch his phone. If you’d touch mine you’d be out in a second.
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Yeah, nah. There’s being friends which is fine, but this seems beyond friends. When other women are taking up that much time and priority for him it’s a bit concerning
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The fact that you’re on here looking for advice is your answer. He’s wrong, and you know that already. It makes you uncomfortable, he knows that and does it anyway. It’s time to face facts that he does not respect you. I’m sorry, it’s time to find your own way in life and maybe someone that will put you first. 
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He sees no issue with it therefore will never stop and just do it behind your back. Spent six years feeling how you feel and it is so nice to feel secure again. If he can’t actually change I’d create my own life without him
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If you don’t trust him and he’s continuing to do the things that make you not trust him I would leave. He obviously isn’t going to stop.
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I wouldn’t be able to trust him! This keeps happening and he says they’re just friends…bull…it’s not going to change, so decide if you want to live your life as it’s been or get rid of this user baffon!..it will be tough if you get rid of him,but you’ll feel a whole lot better in the end!!
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Ever hear the expression “A leopard doesn’t change it’s spots?” He’s hiding something and I agree with Sara Stout-leave before it gets worse
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Uhhhh yes! I would be beyond pissed and my husband would know that’s not okay. My husband has had female friends in the past, but the type of behavior you are describing is not okay for a married man to be doing, hiding or acting like. Some guys are naturally flirty but if he’s spending more time talking or texting them than you, or is acting shady in general and the other women avoiding you, that’s some major red flags. I feel sorry for the kids involved, but if he loved you he would make sure that you were okay. Maybe offer to invite the coworker over for dinner some time and see how they truly act around each other and get a feel for if there may be something more going on.
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I say trust your instincts. He’s trying to make you second guess yourself. I hate to see anyone’s marriage end, especially when children are involved, but if you are giving him an ultimatum, stick to it. I pray that everything goes well for you, and if he really cares about you, your feelings and your family, he will stop.
I’m sorry but you have definitely given more then you should have. It’s been years and different incidents, it’s time to walk. I know the kids hold you back and so does your feelings but this behavior doesn’t change
Dump his ass! It never really stops with some! One of my pass relationships even took it as far as to get to involved with another and bring her home to the house stating he thought we’d become good friends then one day he didn’t come home didn’t answer calls until the morning. Said he couldn’t get out of bed so early and was waiting to put her child on the bus! I know this Does Not happen in all situations but in a lot once those boundaries are crossed…
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Yes. He shouldn’t be talking to any woman that much. He knows it and so does she. Women know not to message married men that much or that late so he’s obviously doing something to make her think it’s ok…You don’t hide something if you don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. He knows what he’s doing and I think you do too. You deserve someone that puts you first and doesn’t lie to you.
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Yes I am afraid this isn’t innocent chatter. If he is deleting call logs and hiding it then he knows better than to be doing it. I think he is enjoy the attention from other women.
Of course, I would be upset!! I would not put up with it for a minute! This man does not want to be married. You’re allowing him to have his cake (you )and eat it (other women), too. If you feel hurt, anxious and disrespected then what’s the point. You need to move on with your life…without him.
Deleting anything is questionable, the fact that you have already discussed and it continues to happen is questionable. Go with your gut, something is definitely going on. There should be no reason a man is communicating with any woman other than his wife, mother or sister, all hours of the day and night. IMO
I would be angry too. Does he have male friends that he talks to? Yep don’t ignore your Gut feelings or Red flags. He’s chasing the attention of other women. Don’t put yourself through turmoil.
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There’s definitely more he’s not telling you if he’s deleting the call logs and text. That doesn’t add up. Why hide them if it’s not a big deal? The anxiety is not healthy for you and neither is the relationship. Think about you and your children
Best advice,you need to put a stop. If he really loved you,he would stop. But he continues doing it because you guys are ok until you catch him again
My ex husband has a baby now with his "just friends " coworker lol. Do whatever is right for you but don’t feel obligated to stay and put up with disrespect.
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He keeps saying “it won’t happen again.” I’d be done. I wouldn’t be disrespected like that. Hes not willing to change. You’ve tried to work things out with counseling, and confronting and talking things through. You’ve done all you can in my opinion. I’d leave and just coparent. I personally wouldn’t take him back either if he claims he’s changed.
Walk away he already cheated whether or not he had sex if you told him that it bothered you how disrespectful not only was he of your marriage but the women he was just “friends” were also if he can’t respect you behind your back hes not going to respect you to your face
If he’s hiding it then something is going on. Maybe not physically but emotionally. Get out now. You tried counseling. It’s not gonna get better. Your gonna go in circles with him.
Never leave the home stay there with your kids tell him to leave. Second, married men and women need to gave boundaries with friends of the opposite gender. He has no boundaries as on calling at 1am good for responding to her. Girlfriends don’t belong in marriages especially with this frequency. It’s all looking to me liar, liar pants on fire. Be strong monitor those calls confront him and show him the door. Get a lawyer. Or just see how it goes if he is trust worthy no one knows him better than you. Keep the blinders off. Best if luck.
If he enjoys chatting with them so much, they can have him. Throw his stuff outside, change the locks and tell him to get lost. You👏. Can👏. Do👏. Better👏.
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If you can’t have one of the fundamental components of a relationship, trust, why stay in it for so long. Even if he isn’t physically cheating, it’s emotional. Which is just as bad. If he can’t respect how you feel in all this, you should leave now.
I’m sorry but I don’t know how you can continue to trust someone that keeps disrespecting you. Your worth more than that.
RED FLAG! Same situation…(and have heard TONS similiar experience) hard to do but trust your intuition here…you know more is going on. Sorry you are experiencing it
He’s disrespecting you. If he’s got nothing to hide and the female workers were “just friends”, why delete the logs? All of his "sorry"s are due to the fact that you caught him. He didn’t change so it was never an apology. Ask him if you did the same thing to him —texting/calling your male friends the whole day then deleting the logs— would he be okay with that? Been there and the anxiety doesn’t just leave after everything is “back to normal”, it stays there and you can’t help keeping an eye on him everytime. Trust your gut. Anyway, it’s you who knows your husband the best. Just know that you deserve to be happy. You deserve a peace of mind.
I have 2 “ work husband’s” that are like family but very very seldom do I talk to either of them outside of work… we are friends but that’s all… I wouldn’t consider talking more to them then my husband or bringing them gifts
He’s not gonna stop he’s just gonna try to find a way to hide it more. Before it blows up into something your kids see just leave. This is not a healthy situation for you or your children.
The fact that he knew it really bothered you and continues to do it means he doesn’t think your feelings are valid. I think having friends of the opposite sex is possible but if it bothers your partner it’s easy to avoid out of respect for their feelings. You deserve to feel at peace, respected, loved, and secure in your relationship.
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I think you have plenty of reason to feel the way you do. Just reverse everything you said to you doing it and see how he would feel, I’m sure he would feel just as you do. He “knows” you will just forgive him and keep giving him chances because that’s the pattern that’s going on. I’d definitely set boundaries and if he can’t respect them then I’d move on!
Would I be upset lol Girl, you better be upset with this kind of nonsense. I know it’s not easy to leave but that man does not respect you or care about how his behavior mis effecting your relationship. And the worst part is he is unapologetic and doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong. He’s having an emotional affair with this woman. Not ok.
If it were my spouse, I’d be getting a divorce. It will never change. Trust me. Had to deal with that with my ex. He’s my ex for a reason
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Yes i would be upset. Maybe get a guy friend and do nothing but talk to them see how he feels. Seriously it could even be a fake guy. Call and talk about everything. If you get new clothes are something good happens. See if he changes his attitude about his convos.
Yes I would be pissed off … but to be honest I have had this happen before … my first husband did this…he texted a another army female all the time but he was just a plain cheater and he is still proven it . I would love him and find someone way better u deserve to be treated like a queen
You have the insight and you know what you need to do… no need to ask anyone so you can feel validated… validate yourself and next time find someone that would treat you how you deserve
You shouldn’t have to spend your life having to keep check on your spouse. You need to have a “Back to Jesus” moment with yourself. He is not going to change. You are going to have to change. Either leave his cheatin ass or stay with him resign yourself to having a cheatin ass husband.
my husband was doing same thing,well my X was,he worked at a place right across from our house n on 2nd shift,as soon as he would get up he was on his phone texting every morning…I would ask him who he was talking too n he would say “guys on 1st asking me what needed to be done”…he was no foreman just an employee…FINALLY a co worker kept noticing he was outside all the time n got to watching him talking to a lady parked in the parking lot…So the co worker told me about this n I started watching parking lot,seeing a woman pull in and setting in the dark n my husband going out to her car alot…well 1 night,I had it n while she was setting in the dark I walked over to her car n she was setting there naked “waiting on her boyfriend”…I even had my marriage license in my hand,when I told her he was married she didnt believe me so I showed it to her…she said “oh you are the 1 he just divorced”,to finish the story,we did get divorced n he got fired from his job…BUT it was all my fault he lost it…actually the coworker told on him
Yes, same thing happened him. My bf was older and one of his co workers started calling him Daddy or Dad. I found that uncomfortable and he said it didn’t mean anything he was old enough to be her dad. So I found this to be disrespectful. We broke up!
Everyone here can tell you to leave him or you are overreacting…but the answer is deep in your gut. Listen to it, it is never wrong. Good luck.
You need to make an exit plan. I had a husband like this once upon a time. He never stopped and destroyed my self-esteem.
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look if your hubby is talking more times to others it till me he not into you as his wife and is more happy playing with your feelings i would get upset if that was my hubby and it not right how he is doing all this to you i would live and be happy .
If you can’t show the texts to your spouse it’s not ok… even if he isn’t having sexual contact with these women it is a hidden relationship. It can be a emotional relationship which will lead to a physical relationship.
Those who hide nothing has nothing to hide think about that I would run away from him not walk run
You’re only hurting yourself for staying. He doesn’t respect you or your marriage, I wouldn’t put up with that type of disrespect.
Hell yes i would be upset! Not cool at all. Trust your instincts especially as this seems to be happening repeatedly and hes trying to hide it. No ways can someone talk that much about work and then still want to talk at 1am?
Start talking to some other men. And enjoy yourself doing so! Don’t let someone who is betraying you keep you from living your best life! You only live once!
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Going through something similar with my bf and his female friend. He insisted they are just friends and it has caused many fights. He has his conversations from me. I told him it either ends or we end . Give him the damn ultimatum
It’s nothing work related that takes these many text and calls, he will continue this behavior because he knows you will keep excepting it, so you are either going to choose YOU or continue to be his doormat
I have been in this same situation as far as him talking to a coworker the min I found out we talked, he hadn’t been trying to hide it though, I just don’t check his phone or anything. Anywho the min I found out it stopped she is blocked I was not ok with it and they do not speak at work, she tei d overstepping a boundary so he no longer speaks to her
You do not have get over everything you have spent over a decade changing your expectations and accepting things you don’t like for a man who is just a bad human and sounds like a narcissist. You deserve better you do not have to settle for any human being on this earth you know what you are worth yoy just need to believe in yourself and make a change. Ask yourself is this truly how you want to live out your days ???
He’s playing you for a fool. Dump his ass. Or hey. Text guys at all hours of the day and night. Bet that would really turn the tables.
But really. Dump his ass.
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Mmmm nope I personally would not be ok with any of it ! Sounds hinkey af. Any guy is deleting messages or phone calls something is up! Id leave. But allow him to be a dad . clearly he isn’t Monogamous material 
They always say it’s the last time and it never is. As long as you keep forgiving, he’s going to keep doing it because at this point he has no respect for your boundaries. Leave him for a couple weeks. Stay with friends, family or a little vacation. See what goes on. I’d personally leave him.
The fact that it’s happening over and over should tell you something… it sounds like he doesn’t care about how his actions make you feel & that’s not ok. Plus he’s also hiding it, and if it’s really that innocent why not keep it and show you look see we talk about this. And I hate to say it but from personal experiences it’s not gonna stop and there’s probably more than just hiding texts and random late night calls.
The issue isnt with talking to female co workers. The issue is him hiding & deleting things. If he cant be honest & you cant trust him than the relationship will never be successful
Anytime you hide something, it’s because you know it’s wrong. After the first time, he knew it would hurt your feelings. He did it anyway. He’s repeatedly breaking your trust and knows it. You’re not wrong. He definitely is.
Leave leave leave. He will never stop and the fact that he is ignoring your concerns and not respecting you enough to stop means he has already left the relationship in his mind. Leave.
Tell him hit the curb if he can’t respect you enough to listen and stop. Get joint custody
Been there with my now ex-husband kept saying they were just friends and he suddenly put a lock on his phone and wouldn’t let me know what it was even though he never cared before he even said that there weren’t any females that worked where he worked come to find out he was having multiple affairs with different females including one that worked where he worked which is why he’s an ex husband now
He is NEVER going to stop and I suspect you know that in your heart or else you wouldn’t be on here talking about it.
Cheating doesn’t start in the bedroom… he knows it’s wrong and that’s why he’s hiding it from you. Now he’s trying to gaslight you.
He doesn’t have respect for you and hasn’t since the beginning. Run as fast as you can…
I saw this on TikTok awhile back, and it has always stuck with me…maybe you need to hear it too 
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It’s time to leave. He does not respect you or your relationship. It’s just going to keep going.
Tbh love Ihis told you 2 or 3 times he wont do it again tbh you’ve gave it your best shot and he still intends on doing it and he knows it makes you insecure if he loved you there would be no need to phone or text other women and yhats for those women they know his married and they should tell him to do one if I were you I’d give him no more chances and give him the biggest shock of his life and throw him out ,dont know how old your children are but I’d get myself done up get babysitter phone a friend and start going out maybe once or twice a week and start enjoying yourself then after sometime meet someone else but dont jump into a relationship as quick it sounds like he uses you as a skivvy some to wash cook clean and lok after his kids while his having fun enough enough hope everything goes well for you and good luck for your future happiness you will never be happy as long as you stay with him and dont it make your kids miserable think of their happiness as well as your own no kids like their parents to split up but you cant stay with someone who makes you feel insecure and worthless cus it rubs off o the children and they become insecure and un happy
You won’t get over it. It will always be right there in the back of your mind. I wouldn’t go as far as to leave him yet, but if your gut is telling you something isn’t right then listen to your gut. 95/ of the time your gut is right. If I were you I’d just tell him again to stop being sneaky…let him know your seriously thinking about walking away and that if you do leave you won’t look back.
Leave the choice up to him. Either he stops or your gone. And please don’t take crap from him. Tell him to make up his mind and that it’s his decision. Let him know that no one ever died from a broken heart and you’ll get over him.
if he hasnot crossed to cheating it is just a matter of time before he does he is just making sure he dont get caught you already have the red flags of it
He doesn’t respect you. Which is a huge problem. Also, in my experience…they’re never “just friends.”
I have 9 words for you my mother taught me long, long ago. “If there is nothing to hide you hide nothing”
Something is definitely going on behind your back. Counselling didn’t help. It’s probably best to end this relationship.
Unless he owns some mind blowing, multi million dollar job, then co workers don’t have to talk until 8am. Or, he can invite these females with their husband’s over to your house so YOU can ALSO become friends with them.
They are always " just friends" ,I know from my own experience!
Dump his ass. Seriously, do you even have to ask for advice? The cards are laid out right in front of you.
Too many red flags! Get rid. He is spinning you nothing but lies. No respect for you whatsoever.
I’d restrict his phone. Put a screenshot app on it so you can read the texts he’s sending. That’s if he wants to stay and you’re willing to give him another chance.
I kept forgiving cause it was always the last time for 27 years it’s an Awful life don’t do it
Sounds like my ex. He’s 100 percent cheating on you.
He was definitely cheating with the first lady co-worker and is cheating now. Leave
I would pack me and my kids up and leave he’s running behind your back
He keeps crossing the line. My ex-husband did the same thing to me. He said they ALL were just friends until I discovered the truth. Work friends are just that - friends AT work. Don’t let him make you think you’re crazy. He knows he’s in the wrong because he’s emotionally cheating. You can’t keep letting him get away with it… at some point you have to walk away.
Sorry he’s cheating I have been there. I guess with my experience I knew the whole time but didn’t want to believe it until one day one of the girls husband got my number somehow and called sent over every txt from them and a video that caught the two. Yet my ex husband still strives to deny it at the time thinking he could play his guilt trip and mind games on me but it wasn’t working. This was going on with multiple females for 5 years. He did all the same things, coming home late, delegating txt and using the “just friends”. He clearly doesn’t respect you and you need to decide who is more important yourself or him?
Ignoring red flags because you choose to believe the good, or love someone, will cost you a lot later…and that price is extremely high!
Keeping secrets is negative on your marriage. People who do not listen to you when you’ve shared your heart are not listening and at present are not paying attention to YOU!!
I agree you can’t trust him so its hared to do leave before its get to bad that you end up ill
Yes I would be mad… honest answer… I truly hate cell phones because of this…
Stay with him for what? So he can run back and tell those other B***hes everytime yall get into it? All the while making you look and sound crazy to them.
He probably lied about you to them and make you out to be the bad /nagging wife