So my partner and I have been at odds the last few weeks over something that is slowly, I feel, killing our relationship. We can’t seem to agree or be able to talk about it without it turning into an argument or them walking away so I am desperately looking for neutral advice.
So here goes…I am currently working from home and my computer recently required what seemed to be a million updates, including one for my internet browser. I was advised to test it after the update to make sure it saved all settings. Well a few months ago my partner asked to use my laptop quick for something on their Facebook. I told them I didn’t care but that I don’t have control over the settings or what gets reported on my work laptop…they were ok with it. Well almost everything, including social media, on my laptop is set to store login information and auto-login everything. Well when I went to go and test my browser, I just clicked on the Facebook icon thinking it would open mine. However, I was surprised to see it still logged into my partners (I rarely use Facebook on my laptop, prefer my phone).
Well in a bad twist of wrong place, wrong time…at the same time I realized it was the wrong profile, my partner was messaging a friend of theirs, of the opposite sex, trying to setup plans to rent out a mansion for a day and take illegal substances together. We have children together so I was so not okay with this. I had a previous marriage end due to infidelity that started with shady activity such as this so this triggered me in so many ways.
Well when I tried talking to my partner about this, they said I was the one that was crazy, obsessive and psycho for “hacking” and going into their stuff and basically flipped it around on me. I made it clear that I didn’t go LOOKING for this, I don’t know their password, this was 100% accidental and I admitted that I could have closed the page once I saw it wasn’t mine but the convo was happening and the plans they were making would have been hard for anyone to ignore.
So now we are at a crossroads…my partner says this person is like a brother/sister to them and nothing was going to happen if I said No when they were going to ask. In my gut I feel like they were never going to ask me because they know this crossed a clear boundary for me and would never allow it. They already admitted they didn’t know how to even ask me because I’m too “sensitive” to allow it. My partners now claiming that I am trying to change them, they will never respect my boundaries/rules and I will never settle for disrespect and another relationship where it’s a free for all until they grow up.
Was I in the wrong for reading those messages? Even with 100% trust, would you be ok with your partner going to a mansion, swimming and getting high on strong illegal substances with someone of the opposite sex? How do we fix this if they don’t see they did anything wrong/disrespectful? I’m so at a loss here so any input is appreciated