Would you date your ex husband?

Anyone in here has been married, separated, divorced, tried again with your spouse, and it worked?? I finally have the opportunity to be back with the man I thought I always wanted but now that the time is here, IDK anymore. I just had a baby with my current boyfriend. We’ve been at odds the entire 15 months of our relationship; the pregnancy didn’t make it easier. My son is now one month old. Less than a week after having him, my ex-husband told me he would like to date me again. Try all over. He was waiting to see how this relationship ended before wanting to tell me his feelings, but I guess the birth of the baby made it come out sooner. I asked for two years for all I just got not even a week ago, and now that it’s here, Idk what to do or think anymore. My current boyfriend is trying harder than ever to keep us together, longggggg story, and now my ex-husband wants to try. I told them both I need time and would like to be alone for at least 1-3 years as I need to just get myself together but daily thinking about it, I’m just getting headaches lol any advice ??

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Would you date your ex husband? - Mamas Uncut

You told them both to wait for you for 1-3 years?? :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post: i hope neither of them choose you, sounds like they both deserve better

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I think taking time from a relationship and focusing on yourself is a great plan. Without you knowing yourself you can’t make a decision on where you want to be.

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If you want to try again and you both are going into work on everything then maybe try it again…just remember having a baby brings lots of stress and that you guys will really have to be a team…but just date…have fun…take things slow

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My advice is one month after having a baby, you got too many hormones rolling, and to much stress with not enough sleep. I wouldn’t make any big changes at the moment. :heart:.

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Why did you and your ex husband separate? If he cheated. I would say no. Don’t go back to him.
Asking them both to wait is unfair. It sounds like you aren’t ready to be with anyone right now and that’s fine. But don’t be upset when both of these guys are settled with other people when you decide you are ready to be with someone. Leave them alone and move on.

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He is your ex for a reason. Work on you it will help you figure it all out

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Let these men go and be happy. Take care of your baby and you.

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You sound toxic! Let those poor man find happiness with someone who will treat them right

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No, but I would pick him up from the airport when he came to Chicago from Az. We lived a couple of blocks away from each other when he was in the city We had 4 kids & they where the glue that kept us civil

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Post partum is definitely NOT the time to be making life altering decisions.

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I mean, it definitely sounds like you need and want to be alone to figure some things out. You sound very confused. And honestly the fact that you can’t decide which one you want tells me neither of them are for you. It’s good to take time for yourself and I think it’s important, but don’t expect either man to be there when you get yourself sorted. You can’t expect anyone to just wait around so you can be single for a while, let alone two people.

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I would say no to the ex husband. Have you stopped to think that maybe he doesn’t want you but her doesn’t want anyone else to have you either…… you know him and he knows you….why date? I just wouldn’t do it.

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You divorced him for a reason

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Girl, take those 1-3 years! I stepped away from dating for 3 years and it was the best thing I could have ever done. Be picky and they are ex’s for a reason lol You do you girl, you don’t own anyone a damn thing :kissing_heart:

I would never ever ever get back with with ex husband. Ever. One im in a relationship have been almost 5 yrs with two kids with current… it didn’t work out for a reason. He was a cheater and got my then best friend pregnant during our marriage. Never. I’m good on all that. We are civil as we have two kids together.

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No don’t do it…that’s like trying to put poop back in your butt :rofl::joy::rofl:

I never go back!! I always make sure before I leave or I’m done that I am truly done because I never go !!! Just saying

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I think there is an ‘ex’ there for a reason. How convenient is it two years later your ex wants to try again? Just seems fishy. I can see your current boyfriend trying harder with the baby. My advice, tell the current boyfriend all the things that you need (or need to be changed) in writing. That way they can’t say ‘oh I didn’t remember’.

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Get far away from both

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My husband & I split up for 3 years. I took him back. We’ve been back together for 12 amazing years & I wouldn’t change a thing

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No freaking way! He started molestating my grandson when he was 3 or 4!!! Was finally caught and spent not enough time in jail!!

If it didn’t work before, it won’t now, especially if you have another man’s child. Focus on you and your child and coparenting.

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My advice therapy seriously put them on hold ex are exs for reasons and new babies bring mew pressures into relationships so.cuples therapy would be a good idea aswell

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Well don’t think anyone is gonna wait a couple years for you to figure it out. They’ll be moved on by then lol

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Alone for time to know who you are? It’s nice to be wanted times two but you don’t sound ready for any relationship. Learn who you are for now. Therapy

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Yeah I would give yourself some more time to sit and really think about it. Especially if the man you are with right now is really trying. He at least deserves one chance before you go and give someone a second one. It sounds like you need to be single from both these men and think it over. But over all I would give yourself more time because your emotions are all on 10 right now. Just enjoy these precious first few months with your baby.

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He is your ex for a reason, is all I’d say…

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Girl, you do what YOU feel is best for yourself :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Be alone & co-parent.

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Stay by yourself you do not need to go back forth back forth. You need to figure out what you want

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No one knows your relationship like the 2 of you. People do change. People grow up. Depending on your situation was that a reason for the divorce? If it was something more serious…then no. Remain where you are. Maybe neither of them are meant to be in your future

No way in Block him .He is your ex for a reason.

I personally wouldn’t. You’re ex husband is your ex husband for a reason he did things that lead you guys to divorce. If you did try and things didn’t work out then you ruined something that could have been amazing with your current boyfriend and things wouldn’t be the same and he might not take you back if you ever tried to if things didn’t work out with your ex. You just had a baby so you have a lot of emotions but if you’re wanting to have time to yourself I wouldn’t make them wait for you to decide and make up your mind on which one you would want to be with. If tables were turned would you want to be an option and have your bf decide between you or someone else? Knowing he still wants to work things out with his ex and possibly not want to be with you? It’s just a bad situation to make your current bf feel like he’s not good enough. I was once In your situation but your bf shoes. It doesn’t feel good. Just think it over clearly before you make any big choice

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Can it work out absolutely, if you both have grown and changed. But the fact that you are unsure you even want to try with either. Makes me feel you don’t currently want to be with either. And that’s ok. Do you. Raise you baby. Find yourself and see what happens in the future

Wow what a mess but your not alone you have a baby who need a father you will have to co-parent but take some time because when you’re pregnant and after you have a baby your hormones and emotions are all over the place so I think it would be hard to make a decision but you have to think about your baby too best of luck

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My parents were married in ‘94. Divorced 10yrs later, separated for 4 yrs. after those 4 years and learning what needed to be learned (ie: my father needed to grow up) they have been back together together for a long time now. It can work.

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Go with your heart. Lots of reasons for a break up. Personally I wouldn’t take back my ex. But your story is different than mine.

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Helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll noooooooooo don’t do it!

Honestly it just depends on the reasons you guys separated in the first place. I’ve seen many couples separate, work on themselves and get back together after each partner has grown and matured and they’ve had good relationships after getting back together. Everyone’s situation is different, so asking advice based off of what other people went through, isn’t going to give you an answer as to if it will work or not.

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The timing of you having the baby and your ex expressing his feelings at the same time is not a coincidence, sounds like he’s just jealous

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I actually remarried my ex-husband. We were both so young when we first married. He was controlling and verbally abusive. I got out of that mess. I knew I would rather be alone than treated like crap. It was honestly the best thing I ever did. I was alone, raising 4 kids on my own. I learned a lot about me. I am a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need a man. This changed the dynamic between us greatly. I no longer had to put up with his shit. We were divorced for 3 years. We still dated occasionally. My change is what changed him. We celebrate 16 years married this year. He’s now the most amazing husband. He knows I don’t NEED him, I want him.

I think you need to analyze your situation and decide what’s in your heart. Determine what caused the divorce. Decide what’s changed since then. You now have a child as well, with someone else. There’s a lot you need to think on and no one else can make the decision that’s best for you except for you. Some people think he’s an ex for a reason, and that’s true, but if what was happening before has been resolved, and you both still have a heart for each other, it can work. But remember, relationships are full time jobs that you both have to work for.

My ex is currently sleeping on my couch because he broke up with his live in GF. I love him, he’s my family, but nope. Any lingering questions about getting back together have been answered this week.

Smart lady! Stay single for some time and then you’ll have a clear head.

There’s too much missing info, especially why your marriage ended, and why you are at odds with your BF. Do you have kids with your ex? Only real reason you even should be communicating is if you have children with him, and certainly not about both your feelings for each other. It’s really not a good look on YOU, and this certainly looks like emotional cheating. TBH, you have plenty enough going on to make such a big decision and I agree, you probably need quite a bit of time to yourself.
If the problems with either of these relationships was infidelity or abuse—cut your losses now, move on, work on yourself while taking care of your child. :blue_heart:

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My parents actually did this and just celebrated 26 years of their second marriage.

My parents split… 15? Years ago? (I dont remember exactly.) But they got back together almost 3 years ago and things have been going good. So… I mean :woman_shrugging: its honestly up to you.

I feel like you are stringing both these men along. You are pretty much telling them both you need time to think this out… you are playing both of them.
I say be single… you obviously don’t love either of them because if you did you wouldn’t be messing with both of their feelings.

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Kids amplify problems. Just gonna put that out there

My uncle did it. Was with a woman for like 5 years had a kid. Then they divorced were apart for like 7 years and remarried each other and have been together 20+ years since they remarried. I would agree you need time to figure you out but you are not alone. You do have to co-parent with the child’s father. Why did you guys divorce in the first place if you don’t mind me asking? To me it sounds like your were in love with your now boyfriend while you were with your husband.

You’re a mess…yea I agree with others. You shouldn’t be dating at all. Focus on your kids.

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Go with your heart. No one knows how you feel and what would make you happy! At the end of the day whatever your heart desires is what matters.

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It’s great to want time to do you and your baby…

My husband’s parents were divorced 20+ years but have been back together for like 3 or 4 now.

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They call them an ex for a reason.

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You need to get into therapy. Your ex is an ass to spring this on you while super postpartum. He’s selfish. Do you want a man who was thinking only if his feelings and wants when he old you? Also if you’re considering it just leave the BF and let him move on in peace. It’s a good idea to be single from both since you don’t care for either that strongly or you wouldnt be questioning it.

It doesn’t always work out in some cases!!

I don’t know why everyone seems to want a significant other, rather than be alone they seem to settle for less than they deserve.

Why do people get pregnant so soon into a new relationship?

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I think you answered your own question. You want time alone. Jumping from relationship to relationship and back again is what is confusing you…ley alone just having a baby. I didn’t feel back to myself for a year after having a baby. That time was about the baby and me bonding and growing.
There is a reason your relationship didn’t work. Try to focus on yourself and your little one(s).
That is what you want. Reread your post.:hugs:

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Be alone for awhile.
Do YOU!

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It can work but I’d look into why he’s an ex husband in the first place. If you feel in your heart that’s the right decision then stick to it. But if you have any doubt in your mind…don’t.

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Be with neither… do you and your baby…and you will probably find out in the next year…you don’t want neither of them.

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Yeah… it didnt work for me… he played who i needed and wanted him to be for about 6 months after getting back together… after that… he went right back to the man I left.
I Tried making it work again because we have 2 children together.
Big mistake. Dont do it.
They dont change sis, dont let him fool you.

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Yes I we was married for 16 years got a divorce after 7 years we got back together and now going strong 10 years
We had to work on what the problem was and work at it
Communication and trust is the biggest issue if you don’t have communication and trust you have no relationship

Wait. You want them both to wait around 1-3 years until you figure it out? That won’t happen, I can promise you. Focus on being a mom and not exposing your kids to this mess.

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If you are trying to make a choice between two men, it tells me your heart isn’t fully in either place.

Be single. It can be empowering and help you figure out who you are. And I mean single single. No flirty conversations or hooking up with either. Be 100000% single for awhile, at least a year and then see where your mind and heart are.

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I wanted to respond to this accurately until I started reading that you told them both you wanted to be single for 1-3 years while you decide which one you want to be with. All while your child will suffer either not being with the actual dad, or having a step dad… this sounds like a MESS.

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Well first of all telling them to wait one to two years. That’s that fair. Wait until you make up your mind! They should move in! You don’t need either apparently. If they are, then maybe it’s meant to be for you and your ex. And yes it could work out. Sometimes people do need time away for it to work! Good luck

Would I date my ex husband was your question??? I’d rather die a slow painful death than EVER have to spend even one second breathing the same air as him.

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I think that taking time for you to figure yourself out is a great start. As a Christian, I would encourage you to pray on it daily and give it to The Lord. Ask Him to help you stop fixating on it and to guide you in the right direction. That being said, I have two friends that have separated, divorced, and reunited happily. I should include that prior to their divorce, they did not include God in their marriage and upon reuniting, they did. One of the couples I mentioned is now happily entering over ten years married and the other is happily in her 3-4 year back together. I’m sure there are many others like them. I also agree with some of the comments above… why did you divorce in the first place? Be honest, if it was you or him… and whatever your answer is, has that person changed? You need to be as honest as possible with yourself and with Jesus, all things are possible :heart: prayers that you find joy and a future with the right man and that you can heal :heart:

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You need to focus on you & your kids!

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I did…Married 2 & 1/2 years and got divorced and 2 & 1/2 years after the divorce we got back together, now we have been back together 22 years. And we have 8 kids now.

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Sounds like you need to be single and co parent for the baby. Your ex is an ex for a reason

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When the time is right you’ll know and maybe not even want any of them. Just work on yourself and the baby. Your hormones are still up and down. Your son is only a month old. You could still have the baby blues or some postpartum going on so don’t make any decisions right now.

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Your ex husband could just be wanting to sabotaging a good thing you have now. In sense being manipulative because he wants you to be unhappy if he’s unhappy. Not saying it’s that for sure, but people can be vile and hide their true intentions while scheming. Finding yourself is always a good thing. :+1:

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It can work out if you’ve both grown & matured, but seems you got a lot going on & two men pretty much fighting over you & pouring all their emotions out now cause their scared to loose you or want you back?!! What is it you & the bf are at odds bout? Is it not worth sitting down & having a conversation? Ppl can tell you all day long how they feel but if you don’t comprehend what that person is trying to say then your back to just communicating, there’s a HUGE difference!!! Is the bf backing his words up with actions? Think I’d have to step back & figure out my true feelings, you have a baby so your feelings are all probably still mangled with all the boy/man drama, work on those/on you, be a Mom, be true to yourself & don’t jump in or out of either relationship, take all the time you need. Best of luck on your journey!!!

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I think it would likely depend on WHY he’s an ex-husband. Is it due to infidelity, abuse, etc. Or did you both just throw in the towel instead of fixing minor issues. All of that will help you determine of it is a good idea. There is usually a good reason someone is an ex so starting relationship with them again is usually not a good idea.

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If I were them I would dump you!!! For good…

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So you have 2 men fighting to be in you and your child’s life, but you’d rather be alone for 1-3 years leaving you both alone? I get wanting to work on yourself but this sounds like a whole mess.

Kudos for wanting to figure yourself out being a new mom and single for a while first but please don’t hold the expectation that these men will wait 3 years for you. I definitely feel you should focus on being a mom and your new baby and figuring that out before you jump into things with either one.

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I know one couple that remarried after divorcing. But they were apart I think over 10 years. Both did a lot of growing and soul searching. And so far so good. My ex of 14 years (at the time) said that he’d get back with me, and I said if I wasn’t still in a relationship with someone else, I’d be maybe willing to give it another shot. A lot of time had passed and we had some good talks and realized both our mistakes, and that we had made changes. But right now you need to take time for yourself. There hasn’t been enough time elapsed for the two of you to grow and change the things that split you apart to begin with. So you would go right back into the same habits as before and you’d be doomed before you even started. Go do you and find yourself, and encourage both of them to do the same. If you don’t want to be with your current bf, no arms on prolonging it.

I personally wouldn’t do it with my ex-husband, but my mom is on her 4th marriage, the last 3 have been with the same guy…long story lol

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Got with my husband at 16… Together10 years before separating… Were separated3 years… Got back together aand its been almost 4 amazing years!!

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And with that said… My mother and father were married in 89… Divorced in 1990… I was born 91… And they had almost30 wonderful years together! Lol… Never remarried tho… Lol…

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If you are questioning either relationship than perhaps you should be single! You would already have the answer internally

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It never works out! You’re not together for a reason, that is why he is your ex. And obviously you dont wanna be with the boyfriend either. You need to be alone and let them both go. If you find someone else great, if not, worry about your babies.

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Who do you want to grow old with? Who would be the best dad for baby?

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Focus on yourself and your baby.

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I think maybe you should focus on being a momma. You just had a baby…head and hormones all over the place. Just enjoy your baby. Why make any decisions rn unless current bf is slacking and not being a good dad? Why be with either of them?

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No!!! I personally would not.

Be single and love yourself for atleast a year no hooking up with either for a night and messing with y’all’s feelings and see who respects your wishes! If they don’t respect what you want then they don’t respect you

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Follow your heart and what makes you happy

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Hard to just date a ex feelings are already there stay single for a good little while and get in a good routine for you and your baby don’t miss lead or take advantage of the situation just rock on alone till you are killing it then decide if you want to re try

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He’s your ex for a reason. Stop listening to your hormones, and move on.

You need to focus on you and your child(ren).

If you have it good with your current boyfriend, WHY leave him for your ex?

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You think you are so special that two men are going to wait around 1-3 years to decide what you want. REALLY!

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You have a boyfriend who is also the father of your child who wants to be with you and you are contemplating leaving him for your ex-husband? Sounds like you don’t deserve either one of them. Your child is the only one that matters just worry about being a parent.

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Sounds like you couldn’t possibly be serious about either one of them. Just focus on being a mom. This is messy.

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