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QUESTION:
"Anyone in here has been married, separated, divorced, tried again with your spouse, and it worked?? I finally have the opportunity to be back with the man I thought I always wanted but now that the time is here, IDK anymore. I just had a baby with my current boyfriend. We’ve been at odds the entire 15 months of our relationship; the pregnancy didn’t make it easier. My son is now one month old. Less than a week after having him, my ex-husband told me he would like to date me again. Try all over. He was waiting to see how this relationship ended before wanting to tell me his feelings, but I guess the birth of the baby made it come out sooner. I asked for two years for all I just got not even a week ago, and now that it’s here, Idk what to do or think anymore. My current boyfriend is trying harder than ever to keep us together, longggggg story, and now my ex-husband wants to try. I told them both I need time and would like to be alone for at least 1-3 years as I need to just get myself together but daily thinking about it, I’m just getting headaches lol any advice ??"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"I think taking time from a relationship and focusing on yourself is a great plan. Without you knowing yourself you can’t make a decision on where you want to be."
"My advice is one month after having a baby, you got too many hormones rolling, and to much stress with not enough sleep. I wouldn’t make any big changes at the moment."
"Why did you and your ex husband separate? If he cheated. I would say no. Don’t go back to him. Asking them both to wait is unfair. It sounds like you aren’t ready to be with anyone right now and that’s fine. But don’t be upset when both of these guys are settled with other people when you decide you are ready to be with someone. Leave them alone and move on."
"He is your ex for a reason. Work on you it will help you figure it all out"
"Let these men go and be happy. Take care of your baby and you."
"Post partum is definitely NOT the time to be making life altering decisions."
"I mean, it definitely sounds like you need and want to be alone to figure some things out. You sound very confused. And honestly the fact that you can’t decide which one you want tells me neither of them are for you. It’s good to take time for yourself and I think it’s important, but don’t expect either man to be there when you get yourself sorted. You can’t expect anyone to just wait around so you can be single for a while, let alone two people."
"Girl, take those 1-3 years! I stepped away from dating for 3 years and it was the best thing I could have ever done. Be picky and they are ex’s for a reason lol You do you girl, you don’t own anyone a damn thing"
"I think there is an ‘ex’ there for a reason. How convenient is it two years later your ex wants to try again? Just seems fishy. I can see your current boyfriend trying harder with the baby. My advice, tell the current boyfriend all the things that you need (or need to be changed) in writing. That way they can’t say ‘oh I didn’t remember’."
"Yeah I would give yourself some more time to sit and really think about it. Especially if the man you are with right now is really trying. He at least deserves one chance before you go and give someone a second one. It sounds like you need to be single from both these men and think it over. But over all I would give yourself more time because your emotions are all on 10 right now. Just enjoy these precious first few months with your baby."
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