Would you stay?

Relationships
1
This is pretty long but i don't have anyone else to turn to. I have a 6 month old son. His father isn't in the picture due to being in prison. I recently started dating this man 3 months ago. I'm 19, he's 21. I guess I just need to know if I should stay with him or not? I know that if I'm questioning it then I know what I need to do...but he's said he wants to step up for my son since we started dating. I moved in with him after a couple weeks of dating but I've known him for over 7 years. Recently he's been so snappy with me over the smallest things. I cook, clean, take care of our 3 dogs and cats, laundry, picking up his stuff, taking out trash, literally everything on top of taking care of my son. He had a job for a little over a month and then quit because he had an ingrown fingernail. He's been out of work for a month now and doesn't do anything around the house. We've been struggling and going without things and I just found out he has a secret account with money in it he's been harboring. My son needed formula so I picked up a construction job since he kept telling me we didn't have any money. I hadn't gotten paid yet so my mom offered offered pick me up and get some for my son, and as soon as I told my boyfriend that he offered to buy him some. But he knew he's been needing some. That was one red flag for me. We just got a puppy when he started his new job a week ago, the puppy hasn't had his shots yet so can't be potty trained outside yet, well the puppy went to do his business on the floor and my boyfriend was yelling at him saying "no not there" and I asked him "well where else is he supposed to go?" And he screamed at me and said "well not on the fĂ—Ă—king vent!"I didn't know the puppy was trying to do that there, but he had screamed and cussed that at me in front of my son. After weeks of him snapping at me and me holding my tongue, I raised my voice at him for the first time and told him to never talk to me like thay again in front of my son. I said that and he ran to the bathroom and started throwing up loudly. I snuck to the bathroom and peeked at him without him seeing me and saw he was sticking his finger down his throat and making himself throw up on purpose, like he was doing it for attention ?? Or to make me feel sorry for him that he was throwing up? Because usually I run to him when he's sick or needs something but I snuck and seen him doing that. He'll hold my son for 10 minutes and get pissy that he won't stop crying. Gets an attitude if I ask him to help around the house even though he's been without a job for over a month. Another thing that's been heavily on my mind... me, my son, and boyfriend will be in our living room and my son will need a diaper change, usually my boyfriends on his phone or watching TV, and I'll get up to go in the other room to change my son, well he just started following me when I change him. As I'm changing him he just watches me and my son and stares at his privates as I'm changing him...I've started asking him to leave the room or asking him for a "favor" just so he'll get out for a few minutes. I've noticed he rushes to do the "favor" and runs back in the room to watch me finish changing him. As soon as I'm done, he leaves the room. Doesn't offer to help, just stares. Is this normal? Do your boyfriends/baby daddies do this? I've never had a male figure in my life so I don't know what's normal or not..but something is telling me somethings not right. Would you leave? Since I've noticed him doing this I haven't been attracted to him at all and he makes me sick..I drank a couple nights ago and apparently we were getting intimate, I told him not to touch my tummy because I'm self conscious and he said "I don't care if you're fat" I left the house walking and crying. (My son was with my mom) I just needed to vent or need advice on what to do..please no negative comments. I'm already a manic depressant with severe anxiety. I just need help/advice. Would you stay? Am I overthinking? Please help a mama out.
177 Likes
2

I would leave. Him talking like that to you is not okay in the first place as well as acting like he doesn’t have money but with how he acts when your changing you son? Hell no, that is not normal & very weird. Listen to your gut when it tells you something is wrong.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Would you stay? - Mamas Uncut

4

Leave now red flags he sounds like a loser your better off single and he sounds crazy

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5

Get away from this man immediately.

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6

I’ve learned they never change…if they’re actions make u question them, it means ur intuition says go…trust me I ve tried thinking things will change for better, no he never gets a job, never quits making me feel like crap and never takes responsibility…u deserve better than having to take care of another child…

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7

LEAVE! Everything you have mentioned is a red flag! Please leave!

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8

Leave. Immediately. It will get worse.

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9

Leave now. Your son deserves someone he can trust and so do you.

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10

Leave, leave as soon as you can

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11

Please leave him. I’m begging you, leave asap!!!

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12

Leave.
Now.
And as for the puppy, shots or not he can be walked to use the bathroom.
I train dogs and “no shots” is NOT an excuse. If you can’t afford formula, getting a dog wasn’t bright.

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13

Leave!!! It will get worse you need to leave now before something happens to you or your son.

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14

Ma’am you need to leave. That’s a prequel to an abusive relationship, also borderline pedo vibes

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15

If you have a job and can afford to be on your own with baby, please leave… his attitude is far from normal and you don’t need that kind of trouble around… you are young and capable and strong! Don’t suffer because of someone you barely know! Take care and sending lots of positive thoughts

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16

Please ladies my loves stop question ing if you should deal with this bullshit

17

Creep. Run, and fast! Trust your gut instinct!!

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18

Super huge red flags, whatever you were going to do before you met him. I suggest giving that a try and not putting yourself and your child into harms way with his toxic attitude and aggressive behaviors

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19

No, you need to pack your stuff and take your son and RUN.:exclamation: RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN. NOW. :exclamation:

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20

I understand leaving isn’t easy, but you really need to trust your intuition.

21

Get out and fast. Wait til he’s not there and get a few people over to collect everything and leave. If you have power etc in you’re name, get it cut off and ring the landlord and take you’re name off the lease. Leave and never look back

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22

I’d leave soon as a mofo ain’t buy my baby formula but looking at a babies private parts. Cmon get the hell out of there before he sexually abuses your baby.

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23

Go to your moms please and keep the kid away from him

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24

Just read what you wrote. Why would you stick around if you even had these types of suspicions?

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25

Leave safely with your son and don’t look back. None of that is normal.

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26

I ddnt even have to read all of that…babies u needa gtfot pleeeeeeease…please please please move on for u and your son

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27

I got halfway through your long story to realize he’s a bum loser and nuts- leave and don’t look back. He has nothing of value to offer either of you

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28

Um, leave. Before he gets curious with your son.

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29

Girl I’m just hoping you’ll leave that one.

30

Please leave!!! We have instincts for a reason. Go to your Moms, whatever, just go before something happens that hurts you or your son.

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31

You know your answer!! Leave!!

32

Omg…you need to leave like right away.

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33

You have to learn to trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, most likely it is not. As a mom your priority should be your son, which it sounds like it is but it doesn’t seem that he shares the same idea as you. The whole thing about the formula raised a big flag in my mind. I would leave him.

34

OMG get out of there. The end.

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35

That’s Not normal sweetie, not at all. Please get you and your baby AWAY from HIM🙏

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36

Oh hell girl, get away from as soon as you can! Red flags all over the place. You don’t need another child playing mind games, kick him out!

37

You need to get out now. If this is how he behaves after just a few months, you’re in for a life of misery.
You’re teaching your son that this is acceptable behaviour. What would you advise him in future years, or your best friend etc?
You deserve a good life , good luck.

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38

Leave. Soon. Make sure you go to your moms and never look back.

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39

Nope not normal. Leave him ASAP!!! Protect yourself and your son.

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40

Never mind the shouting or his behaviour, he stares at your sons privates every time you change him, out the door!!

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41

Please move to your mom’s place for the time being. He looks like a pervert and your motherly instincts are warning you.

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42

I got to the last part of this and I just want to say GET OUT fast!!! That is not normal for anyone to look at your kids private parts. Baby daddy or not.

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43

Leave leave LEAVE!!!

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44

Ohh myyy goood girl!!! Get tf out of that place and away from him NOW. He doesn’t need to be around your son with the yelling, griping about him crying, staring at your son, and the childish attention seeking crap. Sounds borderline abusive honestly and short tempered. I seriously wouldn’t even question it or make a post. I’d be too busy packing my things and getting out of there ASAP! Like go, now.

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45

Also I would t leave him and your son alone. Start being selective of your men - the first one and the second one are losers- break the habit

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46

Oh my ! Please leave for the safety of your son ! Speaking from one single mom to another you’re better off alone he sounds like scary creep ! Leave now ASAP take your son somewhere safe I’m sorry hun but when we have kids it’s not about us anymore with depression or not you have to put yours son first no man comes before your son !

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47

I think it’s a red flag from you that your on here questioning strangers on fb on what to do , when you literally said he looks at your son in what you feel is a sexual way. This entire post is disgusting, the first second it even CROSSED YOUR MIND. You should’ve done been gone. Come on now, your this child’s mother.

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48

Run as fast as you can

49

RUN, GIRL RUN like Hell!!!

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50

Nothing about what you said is going on is normal so many red flags. Trust your gut instinct & leave!

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51

You need to get rid babe x

52

I’d leave if I was you! Can’t trust that man! No one should want to watch you change your baby like that! That just not right makes me sick thinking about it get out asap and don’t leave your son alone with him at all!

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53

Girl… You already know what to do.

54

Leg it. You only know him 3 months

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55

PLEASE LEAVE NOW!! Protect your child. That’s every marker for abuse. TRUST ME! I’ve been there. I didn’t see it until 8 months and I couldn’t get out so I joined the army. I found out I was pregnant the week before my meps testing. Found out a while later, he messed with my birth control and condom. I was stuck. It took me another 10 years to leave for the finale time. It starts this way. Super quick almost I love you connection immediately. Their wonderful and charming and when your hooked, BAM it’s a whole different person. By then the cycle of abuse has already started. And it only get worse. NONE of this behavior is acceptable! But especially the diaper changing. That ALONE is enough to get your child out. I was your exact age when mine began. I’m 33 now and I’m still recovering and mentally Ill from the psychological abuse. If you need someone to talk to my dms are open. Good luck dear. You deserve better.

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56

Run as fast as you can

57

Please do not stay for the safety of your son and your mental and emotional well-being. You need to find the strength to leave! He is not the man for you!

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58

That was the the worst thing u could ever do never move in with a man u can date do whatever but st the end of the day u got where u living and he is where he leaving now it be hard to get rid of him

59

Get your baby out of their. It’s not about you or your bf anymore, you have a son that is #1. Don’t think it over… Leave

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60

I couldn’t even finish reading this. It only took me a quarter of the way to decide he is no good.

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61

I stopped reading at throwing up, you need to leave

62

Uh I would have left right after he quit his job because of an ingrown fingernail……

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63

oh my goodness! Get away from him IMMEDIATELY! IMMEDIATELY! this man is a danger to any child. GET AWAY FRoM HIM or you will regret it not doing so, this is very very serious, go stay with ur mom or someone else. Your sons’ safety is #1

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64

You need to leave RIGHT NOW!

65

Go with ur gutt instincts. Take yr baby n :running_man:

66

Get that child out of there. These questions are so idiotic

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67

Get out if he’s like that with your son when your around what is he like when you not percent & your son is. Get out

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68

Run he’s nothing buy trouble that facts he’s been hiding money making use all struggle an knows Ur son needs formula yet doesn’t buy it is not a good man no that is definitely not normal that he does that wen u change his bum don’t leave Ur baby unattended with this men prevention is better then cure pack Ur stuff n go

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69

Major red flag sweetie!! When they SHOW you who they are, BELIEVE them!! He won’t change & that’s not a good environment for your son. As a single mother of 3 I KNOW how hard & scary it can be being so young & thinking about raising him alone but it’s better to be a lone & busting your tail for your son than to have him raised with someone who’s NOT teaching him how to love & treat his Mommy!:revolving_hearts:Praying for you! You can do it trust me!! :wink::revolving_hearts:

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Red flags!! Keep your kid and your relationship sperate. I don’t understand the need of women to find a dad for their child.

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71

Please leave! Immediately! Your gut is your gut. This is your child. Leave!

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72

Kick him out. He is a danger to you and your son.

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73

Run…you deserve sweet love♡

74

There are sooooo many red flags with this guy. Since you really haven’t been together that long, you must leave. It’s easy to say this to you because you haven’t been with him for that long. You moved on with this dude way too frigging fast. You are so young. You should just stay focused on you and your son, no one else. Be careful who you bring around your son. He doesn’t need people coming in and out of his life. Give yourself time to be a mom. You are growing with your son. There are so many things to learn. Please be cautious with who you bring into your son’s life. Just because you’ve known someone for “7” years doesn’t mean you actually know them. Give yourself time to grow and develop into your own life more. Your son should be your whole world. Men don’t need to be in the picture right now. Good luck!

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75

They question is why WOULD you stay? Jeeze.

76

Make a plan and safely get out of there! Tons of huge red flags and abnormal behavior, it’s not safe for you or the baby.

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77

Sweetie I’m sorry you’re having relationship issues :pensive: but listen to your mommy intuition I would most definitely leave b4 something not good happens to your baby remember you as mommy has to protect him over a man sorry not sorry :neutral_face: CHILDREN LIVES FIRST!! GOOD LUCK HUN :+1:

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78

Leave!!! All red flags :triangular_flag_on_post: especially looking at your son!

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79

Run Run Run… go to your mom asap

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80

Get the heck out and grow up.

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81

You need to get out while you can

82

Please leave.
Before something happens that you can’t take back, leave.

83

Leave him asap! He sounds like a pedophile from what you said about your son. You don’t want to chance him harming your child. Also he can’t hold down a job but wants to step up as a father? He don’t help around the house and yells at you in front of your child. He isn’t much of a role model I’d want my own child looking up to. You and your son deserve better.

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84

Get out before her hurts your son, the pets or you. Take the animals with you also.

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85

Leave and get a real man!

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86

Oh no hunny… you gots to gooo - it’s not okay for him to be looking at your sons private parts. And this whole post is just a bunch of red flags :triangular_flag_on_post:

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87

U know the answer. And do it quickly.

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88

Girl gtfo with that innocent child. Stop bringing your kids around random men so fast dang. Instead of making fb posts you should have been long gone.

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89

TF did I just read?? Do you REALLY need the internet to weigh in on a situation that YOU KNOW is wrong? Literally nothing you wrote is normal. Why are you still there, asking strangers questions? Your child needs you to protect him!!

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90

U need to get out and to take that new puppy too
This is a very toxic and now disturbing relationship where watching ur son & getting sick are concerned
Take ur son and ur things and your pets also

91

If you feel that something is not right then listen to that feeling! Could you forgive yourself if he did something to your son that you could have prevented? As a mother it is your job to keep your baby safe

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92

I didn’t even get to the end before I came to the conclusion that you need to get your son and R U N!

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93

You need to leave this man especially since you said he’s staring at your sons private area that’s a huge flag by itself and it’s a predator type stuff if he’s doing it. I would pack your stuff your baby stuff and dogs and get outta there before he does something to your son.

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94

You already have your answer
Re-read everything you just wrote. If this were someone else’s post, what would you tell them to do?
This man is abusive, manipulative, lazy, narcissistic, and who knows what else. Sounds like he’s using you.
When you meet someone worth being in your life, you’ll know, it won’t be a question. People who love you, show you. They don’t make you question it or yourself or your sanity.

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95

Please leave… like yesterday!

96

I would leave as soon as possible, especially if your gut is telling you something is off. From what you have described he seems awful. I am so sorry.

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97

Watching diapers be changed and actively LOOKING at the babies privates all on its own is 100% enough to leave and never look back. Trust your gut, get out and find a women’s and children’s center if you can’t go back to your moms. 100% do NOT stay with him. Anything else is just bonus :triangular_flag_on_post: :triangular_flag_on_post: :triangular_flag_on_post: red flags and none of it should be ignored. He is NOT the father and has no right to keep you there under any circumstance. Get out, save your baby as well as yourself.

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98

If you even SUSPECT you’re partner having interest in your child, you leave…like he sounds like an absolute psychopath. Anyone that is interested in diaper changes is an immediate :triangular_flag_on_post: you need to leave before something happens to your child

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99

Hun you know the answer! Now you need to find your strength and get out fast! You need to trust your motherly gut! Something is most definitely wrong!!! Run and never look back!!!

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100

You are fully responsible if something happens to that baby…I’m sorry,but this is crazy that you have to question what you should do

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