Once a month is honestly A LOT of togetherness, especially as you expand your family and have conflicting schedules.
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Ask her politely to respect your boundaries and then give a consequence if it’s not followed. Sharing drinks causes unwanted germs to be shared. Not limited to periodontal diseases. And then I’d try and push the visits out once every other month. Or limit the days she stays. But you definitely need to talk to your husband about it. Because he needs to know how it makes you feel so he can also have a convo with his mother.
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I wish my MIL was like this 
she’s sooooo cold and distant idk. Just sounds like she really wants to be involved, and the mimicking you and wanting to pick her outfits seems like she really likes you. It’d be a compliment to me lmao
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You sound dramatic asf . 
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All I’m thinking is the mother in law sounds really lonely and that she’s trying to get you to like her? The copying what you say to the children makes me think she’s looking up to you, seeing that it’s helping and in her own way thinking she’s helping by doing it too. I don’t think she’s trying to steal your family just be a part of it. She wants you to live closer because she longs for a more active role in your life. I don’t think negatively of you, I just feel maybe you haven’t given yourself a chance to see it from her side. She sounds desperate trying to fit in and copying you to make you like her. Wanting you to pick her outfits- she wants your approval, she wants to please you. I think maybe instead of getting annoyed about these little things ignore them and you and her could start a great relationship?
Maybe suggest that she moves closer to you, then she can have a more active relationship, visiting for a few hours once a week instead of a few days once a month… a couple hours weekly is less likely for her to get under your skin that a few days at a time… and then she’s closer to the family she’s longing to be close to as well as your being close to your family… plus would it really be that horrific her being such a close part of your children’s lives. You love your husband, she made him so she can’t be that bad really
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All of this sounds irritating. Have you tried talking to her about all this?
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Sounds like she isn’t respecting boundaries, have some jealousy and/or dependency issues, and wants to be treated like a child
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Ummm #5 is weird af lol that would trip me out
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Oh can I make a list?
Honestly, she sounds quite delightful…no advice.
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She seems lonely. Needs attention and approval. Wants to be a part of your lives and routine. Best thing to do if she’s only around periodically spoil her a little, might have a different affect than you think and you will actually feel better …for reals ! Sharing drinks with the kids though …if your not okay with it you are the parent say no way !
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Really hope you settle things as it appears your MIL seems lonely and perhaps misses her grandkids and son. And I’m not an expert but it also appears she is trying in her own way to fit into your world, as you said you live near your parents. Have you tried speaking to her?
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This list seems childish and you seem to be digging for reasons to be “annoyed.” I’d like to see her “reasons my daughter-in-law bugs me” list. I would give anything to have been able to meet my mother in law and for her to have met her grandchildren before she passed away. Count your blessings that you have supportive and involved family and cut her some slack. Help her pick out a damn outfit and look up menu prices online before stepping into the restaurant. For effs sake 
I think you’re making something out of nothing, there are grandparents that don’t even acknowledge their grandkids. She sounds like she’s seeking your approval and probably knows you don’t like her. When you have grandkids you’ll realize you love them the exact same way you love your kids, as if they came from you. I feel bad for her for all the judgment that’s being passed. FYI my grandkids all call me “mama” it is a grandma name…
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Lol be greatful and stop acting like a bratty child about your MIL. She sounds like she wants to fit in and is looking for your approval.
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I suspect this MIL needs to check for Alzheimers /Parkinson or Dimentia. I understand you feel it irritates you yet you live close to your parents, what about this mom, maybe she just misses her son and grandkids. However please take her for a full check up. Kindly put yourself in her shoes. After all we don’t know the full story or both sides but from what I’m reading I’m sure you can give your MIL a break a little when she visits. I guess some of us have and live nightmares with In Laws be glad she is not one of those… Hope all works out.
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Um your an adult and so is your husband. Be an adult and have an adult conversation with your husband:woman_facepalming:
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Uhm you sound very rude, and im sorry your MIL is trying to be nice and involved with you guys. I hope that lady finds an approval somewhere else, so she won’t have to around you anymore!!
#3 is actually quite telling. This woman is lonely and feels like she’s missing out on a LOT. Now YOU want to live close to YOUR parents and that is fine. I’m assuming you want it that way so they don’t miss out on seeing their grandchild growing up, right? Did you ever ask your husband how he feels living so close to your parents? The only issue I see is her sharing drinks with your toddler. All the rest of this stuff seems minor. Now if it really bothers you, then you should talk to your husband. But be prepared because he might have some feedback about YOUR parents. 
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wouldnt hurt ya to be kind to your MIL you only have to put up with her occasionally …maybe your husband should move closer to his mum, its not just about you and your family…i can see why she would get annoying but im sorry you sound rude, at least she’s trying…she doesnt get to see her grandkids as much as your parents…there are some real grubby dead beat family out there give her a break… My mum annoys me sometimes when it comes to my kids but shes the last one they have left, all my granparents and my father have passed on…Stop being petty…
I think you getting a therapist sounds like a great idea 
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This not that bad
Try a MIL keep stating she wants to buy my child from us she insists on watching my son while I’m sick to help out but then talks shit the entire time that I can’t care for my own child, she is jealousies my cooking and feeding her son homemade meals Becuz she wants to be known as the only one that can cook tasty meals, she hates when I would put makeup on cuz she complains I’m taking too much time for myself and not watching my child (it takes 30 min or less), doesn’t include my other children, acts fake and doesn’t allow her son to have an opinion also wants him at her house every weekend and declares she is my son mother and has tried to get me arrested that I’m breaking in her house when I’m only trying to pick up my son, knocking on door. trying to give $ to but my son and said it like 50 times but says she joking but she’s not Becuz then she stole him another time got her son to devalue me.
This is definition of an evil MIL
There’s more to story
I moved on and not with a mamas boy and We don’t talk to her anymore
Yes get therapy to work thought that
And tell ur hubby
But I think she just misses u guys and copy’s u Becuz she like ur style
Give her a break. Especially if this is her first grand baby. You’re being a harsh helicopter parent. Ease up
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#7 sounds a bit of a latin trait (in a latina woman ) and theres nothing wrong taking home left overs. wow this mother in law doenst sound bad at all
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Damn I can’t relate. I have a great relationship with my MIL
I just dont think whatever she does will please you you just dont like her we have all got to get old you will be there yourself one day
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Girll, you doing to much. Only like 2 of these I can understand.
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Honestly it just sounds like she is trying to be a part of yours and the kids lives as much as she can since she only sees them occasionally. Trying to make up for lost time, which is totally OK. Talk to her about your hard nos, like the sharing food and drink, but maybe try to look at things from her point of view, how would your mum act if roles were reversed and you lived closer to your MIL instead? Wouldn’t she try to be as much part of the children’s lives as your MIL when she visits?
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Sounds like she is just wanting grandma moments with the kids. Maybe she is just trying to get you to have a bound with her. When asking to pick her clothes. Sounds like she feels not wanted. Try to have doing something with just you two. I feel if you would form a bound with her. Things would be better. It sounds like she just wants to be apart of your lives and be as special as your family
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All of these seem so small… like take the leftovers and toss them, no need to tell her no. The mama thing just correct her when she says it by saying Nana or granny or whatever. The clothes must do it by picking a outfit and ask her if she agrees. The photo album, what’s wrong with adjusting the books to include her? The menu thing not a huge deal and the sharing drinks, be firm and tell her staaahhpp!! I’d love to have this mil honestly… trust me when I say it could be a whole lot worse, A WHOLE LOT!!!
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This is MIL drama? Lmao
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You have the right to feel how you feel. None of these are small if you feel a type of way. I would be feeling some type of way to especially sharing drinks. Also, she can walk out the restaurants herself while we sit and eat.
She sounds lonely tho tbh. She may feel like you took her son. Either way, she has to respect your wishes.
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Maybe write a list of things she does right. She cares…your very lucky.
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Get a therapist. You can learn to bend or ignore.
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Nah you just don’t like her.
This list is ridiculous also EVERYONE accidentally calls themselves mama at one point if they have kids
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Talk to your husband!
As a MIL she is only trying to be close to you the kids and her son. The clothes issue is most likely her not wanting to under or over dress. It sounds like she values your sense of style and opinion. She may be treating you like the daughter she never had. She is comfortable visiting often and loves you and y’alls kids and her son, be thankful. You do sound a tad controlling and well uppity. It’s your husband’s mother be kind. Since you didn’t mention grandpa I assume she’s alone. Oh and past generations were proud to not be wasteful of money or food. Knowing you have a young family she’s trying not to be a burden on you financially. When she’s there take some me time enjoy the help. No charge for the therapy session.
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She sounds like a really insecure woman. Relax on most of it. Restaurants, look them up first and take home the food to give to your dogs or save for her.
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The biggest issue you have is that you can’t talk to your husband
This is great
Sue Allison start doing this!
If this is your MIL drama, I’m jealous!! My ex mother in law was a nightmare and a half…I WISH she had only been doing what yours does!!
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I think your just picking at things you don’t like about her, seems like she just wants to be apart of the family.
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My advice is therapy. You sound overbearing.
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I dont know if i should laugh or say wth
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man mine is worse. lol I wish these were my problems haha
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I see a woman trying her hardest to always be in y’alls life. Seems like she is trying to get you more involved with her (picking out her outfit)
She tries to visit bc she lives out of town.
I’ve called myself Mama to my grandkids bc I was so used to saying it to my children. You should be grateful she wants to be a part of y’alls life. A lot of MIL are hell on wheels
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Y’all really on here like this? Y’all slay me. “It could be worse” you’re right it could be worse TO YOU, not to her, these are her issues with her MIL and they ARE valid issues to her, that shit pisses me off too. Add her to the photo albums? You have got to be kidding. She DOES NOT need to be added to all the photo albums. Why, to save her feelings? Wow just wow. She does not need to be ingrained in EVERYTHING. Oh boohoo this photo album that was a trip they took without me doesn’t have my picture in it. Good gawd. The restaurant thing would not fly with me that shit is embarrassing. I agree that most of this would drive me nuts. The whole saying shes mama thing, if you have to correct her EVERYTIME that shit looks intentional to me but if its every so often I get that because I’ve done it.
Those things are weird. I’m 66, have 6 adult kids with whom I have great “adult friend” type rapport with. I’m about to greet my 1st grandchild. Your post helps me know how NOT to behave as a grandmother. Thank you! 
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I’m just gonna say you are lucky shit . Trying having one that is narcissistic and then trys to raise your kids and act like anything you do is never good enough and is always over stepping boundaries then come back to this lol I left my ex bc of this and all the other crap that came with this . Trust me it could be way worse you are very lucky
Umm you are ridiculous please get a therapist bc its not your mother in law geez
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If you need therapy for the things listed here, your issues are wayyyy more deep rooted than your MIL. This is the silliest post I’ve saw here in a long time
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I think you need to sit down and hand write every thing that bothers you and mail it to her. Tell her your not sure if she’s trying to compete or make you like her more. Tell her this makes you very uncomfortable. Your husband should man up and talk to his Mom.
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Oh and both our daughter in laws call me Mom. It’s a huge compliment. I think she doesn’t feel wanted by you and she’s trying too hard. Good luck
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Couldn’t tell you, mines blocked. 
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If it’s an accident that she corrects herself IGNORE, if not husband handles it.
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She feels like she’s missing out, put up a new picture or two of her or let husband handle it.
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Ignore and let husband handle it.
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Tell her to STOP and continuing to do it is disrespectful and this is a boundary. Then let husband handle it.
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Weird. No is a complete sentence.
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She’s likely not confident in how to act/react to them or what they like. Her modeling her behavior after you isn’t a bad thing. You’re hyper sensitive around her and reading into everything she says or does. If she’s only around a little, ignore it. Or as usual let your husband take care of issues with HIS mother.
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Seriously just take them, thank you and throw them away later.
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Cheap people aren’t poor for a reason
but seriously just pay for her so there’s no excuse.
Your reoccurring dream, you need to open up to your husband and see a therapist. Your MIL isn’t responsible for your thoughts and dreams…
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Tell how you really feel.
Maybe she is lonely and trying to reach out to you. Some day your children will start there own lives and will see you less and less. You live closer to your family and it makes you happy. Be kind because it’s the right thing to do. She raised your husband and really might just miss him.
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You’ll just need to sit down and talk it out. If that doesn’t work then try counseling. If that doesn’t work they limit the amount of time until she can start respecting how things work in your home. It’s called boundaries and sometimes those boundaries Lions get Fried, sometimes you got a rub them back in and that’s what you need to do with the talk.
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Number 5 is alittle weird to me anyone else?? Or is it just me??
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Wow. You seem like a nightmare to be around. Seriously get your mental health checked. The issue is within you, not her.
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My mother in law can be the same way don’t listen to these rude women. In the last 4 years I’ve gone almost 2 whole years without talking to my mother in law because she starts shit she knows bugs me. She will freak out if she hasn’t seen the kids for a week and will complain to my husband I’m keeping them from her. We have 1 car. And my husband works nights. We don’t leave the house much and live 8 blocks away. Set boundaries now. Because it’ll only get worse
Wow. You better hope when your kids grow up and have partners that you don’t annoy the hell out of them just for breathing. You’re really mean. Do you feel that way about your own mom too? Geeze. Get help for your pettiness! You live by your mom and not his! How convenient! And she isn’t allowed to feel sad about this? Sounds like you have no empathy at all. She just wants to be close to you all.
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To everyone defending the MIL, or saying “I have it worse” or “these aren’t real problems”… people are allowed to set boundaries, whether you personally agree with those boundaries or not is inconsequential. It’s not your life, they aren’t your children. These are her boundaries and her MIL is repeatedly crossing them. It shows a level of disrespect, and that’s not okay, whether you agree with the boundaries or not.
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She sounds like a nut job
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I genuinely wish I even had a mom like that…
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This is too much. Idek what or how to respond to this
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Tbh just go along with it if shes only visiting once a month, just tell her straight in a nice way, she might just be lonely, if your that worried about her having your children and raising them in case you die, make a will for your children and state where and who has them if you were both to die simple
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Her asking you to pick out her clothing is probably her way of bonding with you, as far as everything else you sound like a nightmare, she lives out of state so it’s not like you have to deal with it daily and honestly it sounds petty, you sound insecure and jealous, suck it up and get over yourself. 
Sounds to me like you are a friggin terrible daughter in law. These are the worst she does.??? Consider yourself entirely, overly blessed… Even if you don’t deserve it
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She needs counseling. Someone (like her son) needs to explain to her that she’s intrusive, offensive, and disrespectful (undermining your parental authority) he needs to request that she fo to counseling to work on these issues and offer support and attend with her in order to move forward. Now is not the time to “protect her feelings” because as you all pl away, her feelings will get hurt. It’s best to be honest.
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It really sucks because I’m the one with that parent. My mother in law is a saint, she’s patient and never oversteps. My mother on the other hand is a difficult woman (still very nice and would do anything for us) and she drives my husband nuts. I can see the need to remedy this but it’s putting someone (who is used to her antics) in an uncomfortable situation. I mean obviously if it’s a big thing I will talk to my mom, but my mom is old and if she died and the last thing I yelled at her about was folding my laundry while I was at work (she watches my son at my house) because my husband doesn’t like it…
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She raised the man you married. Didn’t he turn out ok? What’s your big worry about her? You look to be knit picking everything she does.
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Here is a list of suggestions on how you can stop being a stuck up entitled brat.
- Appreciate the people that want to be a part of your children’s life. You’re bitter because of yourself not because of her. I would suggest working out your own issues. She is just trying to be a part of your family. You are married to her entire world. (Her child) why don’t you settle down a little and stop nitpicking everything she does.
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Only wish I had a mother in law like that when my child was small. Be grateful she even tries to be a part of your family. Some people don’t want to see their parents.
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Nah. You need to grow up.
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It sounds like a shes lonely, and just trying to fit in to please you!
Pick an outfit out for her once in a while! It’s a nice gesture.
She probably just wants to feel wanted, needed and included!
Does she live alone?
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She sounds insecure & like she’s losing/lost her identity & life. Perhaps giving some reassurance that she’s important as a grandma. Maybe she’s insecure about picking out an appropriate outfit for where you are going- guide her a little like say “what were you going to wear & giving gentle guidance from there?” I didn’t have a mom or mil interested in helping with kids so I’d try & make the best of it.
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Super annoying shit but I’m thinking you’ll just have to suck it up once a month coz at that age she ain’t gunna change …so you need to learn to cope, find a trusted freind with the same outlook and have a wine and a laugh/decompress after she leaves each time …
Wait…we can make a list? I’m gonna need some santa size paper. kidding. i don’t care that much to make a list although i can see the therapeutic benefits.
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I’d like to hear the mother in law’s side of this! This sounds extremely petty!
Holy moly this comments on the post has made me realise never to ask for advice on this page 
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I really hate reading all of these dismissive responses because it seems she is very nearing psychopathic tendencies. The fact that no one picked up on that is very indicative to me of the fact that a lot of people do not understand healthy boundaries.
Your feelings are extremely valid. This is controlling and manipulative behavior. The fact that it is offputting to you enough to reach out suggests that she is causing you distress in other ways you may not recognize or be comfortable verbalizing.
Understand that you are entitled to your feelings, and that they are valid. I would say your feelings are valid regardless, but to me, these are nagging signs of emotional/psychological abuse that get brushed under the rug because no one wants to address them, see their loved ones as being abusive, or accept that they themselves are being victimized. The more I think about these specific events you detailed, the more I wholeheartedly believe they are abussive.
This puts you in a very precarious position because rarely do abusers accept being called out on their behavior, and actively choose to change. More often then not the manipulation and control ramps up when confronted. I would strongly suggest discussing this with your husband in such a way that he understands the severity of her behavior. That her actions are causing you internal trauma, and that you need to come together to find a way to deal with it so you can feel safe and supported and loved, and in return provide those comforts to your children.
And you very well may need to get a therapist involved. From a cursory glance, I would believe that either her behavior is much worse off than you are communicating, or there is something in your personal background that is triggering such impactful responses to her behavior. However, I do not in any way think you are at fault. Having come from relationships with similar MILs, I empathize entirely with your predicament. Your feelings are VALID.
If these are new occurances, which it doesnt seem they are, I would suggest she may be experiencing symptoms of age or dementia, even just general loneliness. But if they have been persistent, that is not likely the case.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck in finding a suitable resolution and peace with the situation. Good luck to you and your family!
I agree this woman sounds weird and annoying but unless there is more than what is here I don’t sense malice. You don’t have to be best friends with everyone and that’s okay if she isn’t your cup of tea. You don’t have to live her just because she’s a caring grandma. I definitely wouldn’t move close to her though 
next time she asks, ask her why she is more important than your mom
Don’t get me wrong…she may be a crap mother in law, after all who are we to judge, but I’m sure there are way worse out there. PM me if you need some examples from personal experience.
I never got to meet my mother in law. She passed away the year before I met my husband. Be grateful you have one 
Ok the mama thing would creep me out and so would the dress the same as me
You both need to set ground rules!
I’m going to hate it when I’m a mother in law. I have 2 sons. Because no matter how nice I am and no matter how much ill try to be apart of my grand babies lives, my daughter in laws will always nitpick at stupid shit like this.
This is it? My MIL literally attacked me. We had her committed god rest her soul