Here’s a list of the things she does that I do not know how to handle.
- Refers to herself as “mama” on accident (has happened many times)
- Cries when she sees a photo album in our home that she is not included in (we live in different states and she is in some of the books)
- Regularly makes me feel guilty for wanting to live close to my own parents while simultaneously begging us to move near her every chance she gets
- Shares drinks with my toddler even though I have told her that I do not feel comfortable with it
- Asks me to “pick what she wears” when she is visiting and we are going out. I’ve told her that I’m happy to provide feedback or my opinion on different choices but I will not physically CHOOSE her outfit for her
- Mimics my every interaction with my children. If I say “it’s okay sweetie” she will say “it’s ok sweetie” if I grab their hand she will too etc.
- Insists we take home her restaurant leftovers when we go out even though I’ve told her nobody wants a hamburger with five bites out of it, asked her to cut off the parts with mouth contact/told her we aren’t interested in eating them.
- Asks to see the menu before sitting down at a restaurant to check the prices. We walked in and out of TEN different restaurants on one particular outing. She is not poor, just cheap.
Every time she leaves our home after a visit (usually visits once every month or so from out of state) I have a nightmare that I die prematurely and she raises my children as her own and erases all memory of me. I know this is irrational but I cannot stop having the dream and I believe there is an unhealthy dynamic going on that is causing psychological distress. I never feel weird like this about anything/anyone else.
These are just a few things I can thing of. I can’t really talk to my husband about a lot of it because I don’t want to hurt him. Any advice? I may get a therapist just to deal with my MIL drama. Thanks!
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. A list of why my mother in law bugs me
WOW. No words. I think it’s sad when women can’t/don’t respect the woman who raised the man they chose to spend their life with. You’re a perfect example of a monster daughter in law IMO. Ever heard of being selfless every now and then and just appeasing every now and then to make your husbands mother happy when she leaves. After she’s gone throw the burger away. Drink a glass of wine to unwind. These are ridiculous reasons.
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Sounds like you’re the drama!
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That’s not drama that just u picking apart everything she does
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It sound very familiar to my mil and it sounds like early onset dementia.
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be single and see a therapist 
so you don’t have to deal with her.
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A lot worse MILS’ out here
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Nothing she did hurt you. It’s you. Grow up.
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#7 don’t eat it
#8 why didn’t you offer to pay at the first resteraunt instead of leaving?
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Yeah uhh, pretty sure his mom could be a saint & you’d still find something to nitpick about. Pull the stick outta yer butt!
You sound petty. Nothing there is too much of an issue.
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What’s hurting you, should be a concern for your husband and he should handle it. It’s HIS Mother causing the problem so it’s HIS responsibility to talk to her about it.
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It’s once a month, allow her to feel needed. Maybe ask her to watch the kids while you and hubby have a night out? I feel like maybe she wants to feel needed in some way or be a help.
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Thats annoying but my ex mother in law once punched me in the back of the head because I made her son angry when i caught him cheating, Could be worse 
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Making excuses for overstepping boundaries doesn’t help anyone. My MIL would never do any of these things because she respects me as a person, her son’s wife, and mother of her grandchildren. She goes above and beyond to show love and support.
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Urm, would you rather she wasn’t in the picture at all?
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Wow.shame on you.maybe you can ask someone to pray for you and why you are so petty. I bet your mil doesn’t have a running list of the things that are annoying about you.
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The only problem I see is her drinking after the kids. Besides that, you’re being petty. You don’t respect the woman who raised your husband.
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She certainly seems to have boundary issues!
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Wow… she is emulating you… wants your opinion on what to wear etc… it sounds like her just breathing gets on your nerve. This happens in 2 cases… 1st case: She has been horrible and tried to get between you and your husband…ignores your parenting style and rules and has.no respect for you or your space. So now everything she does bothers you. Case #2 You moved your husband out of state to be by your family…and have no respect for him or his family…and are petty and spoiled. Pretty obvious…you are case #2.
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Lol you are whining about the littlest things
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I think you’re lucky, stop the drama thing 
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The drink thing would bother me and a few of the other things you mentioned are valid concerns. Some of the list you probably should let go of. A therapist might help you establish boundaries and figure out what things are rational behaviors and what things are over the top.
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Sounds more like you’re the problem…and that’s not what you wanted to hear.
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Honestly she doesn’t sound bad at all…nobody is going to agree on everything, but some things are worth letting go when it involves people who love and are good to your children. The dream part being added here I think says a lot about your underlying feelings, when you feel that way about somebody everything they do is going to seem awful to you.
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- Unacceptable. This isn’t an accident.
- I can understand her feelings. I’m sure she misses her family, but this sounds like control issues.
- Unacceptable. Again, a control issue.
- Unacceptable
- This would make me uncomfortable as well, but also oddly flattering.
- Weird, but maybe nicknames didn’t come naturally to her so she’s learning from you
- Fuck that. No means no. Quit asking.
- Google the menu BEFORE leaving the house.
Bottom line : respect boundaries or fuck all the way off
seems like she’s loving and is trying to be good to you guys. Count your blessings.
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I mean sounds like she’s pretty nice to me. I love my MIL sometimes she can get on my nerves but I think that’s expected. But honestly I have had a nightmare MIL also where she has tried to kick me out her son’s life and was really mean to me and said her son could do better etc and out me down to my kids. This sounds a little petty to me. Those are things you could look passed even though you hate it and you don’t have to eat her left overs lol. She already lives in a different state so I don’t know how she terrorizes you that bad tbh lol.
Oh Lord!!! I’m a mother in law and now I know why my daughters in law and ex daughter in law love me so much!!!
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You sound a little petty. Everyone has their irritating quirks, however it’s his mother, your childrens grandmother and some things you will just have to suck up and live with. She needs to respect not sharing drinks etc…but choose your battles. It sounds like shes a little lonely, maybe a little insecure and wants to be included a little more.
Some of these comments are so rude …this would get on my nerves also she should not share drinks with your children …and I wouldn’t want her leftovers either if she was not the one that was going to eat it The wanting you to move closer is understanding considering she only visits once a month but don’t feel guilty about wanting to move closer to your parents …also the mimicking everything you say would drive me crazy!! The asking you to pick out her outfit might be an effort to be trying to be closer to you …the photo albums I can also understand …but going to 10 different restaurants looking at a menu then leaving is quite embarrassing I would just pay when she visits and go where you want to go or at least have her look online at prices before you get dragged out to 10 different places just to leave sounds like maybe a little bit of a control issue…she does sound like she over steps some boundaries I would have your husband have a talk with her if some of the things she does make you feel uncomfortable
Besides letting your kids drink after her all the other things sounds like she’s lonley… I mean really is it that hard to have a motherish/daughterish relationship and help her pick a cute outfit every now and again?. How many kids does she have? Does she have any biological daughters? Maybe she was expecting when her son got married that she would get that type of relationship from his spouse. I mean set healthy boundaries but most of these things just seem to be things your annoyed at and that’s your problem not hers. And on that note yeah you need therapy to find out why your mother in law trying to be a mother in law bothers you so much
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You sound an absolute joy… 
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Set healthy boundaries. Sit down with her and talk to her face to face about your problems and concerns.
I’ve had many problems with my MIL, far worse then yours- the only thing that worked was me walking away from the toxic environment because it was putting a damp on my mental health.
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You sound like a bitch. Most of them things are petty as hell. Sounds like you are trying to find reasons to not like her and they are ridiculous.
I’m gonna say… therapy. For you. Some things I agree with, sharing food and beverages is a no for me… but yea, therapy
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To me, it sounds like maybe she’s just trying to form a relationship with you. She probably feels like she doesn’t really know how, and she’s trying her best. These do not sound like huge issues to me. I wish I had my mother in law to build a relationship with, but she passed when my husband was a toddler. Be grateful your child has their grandmother and your husband has his mother because our family isn’t as fortunate. 
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You HAVE to talk to your husband about this. End of. Your house, your rules. IMO, the visits need to stop.
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When you say she’s cheap and look at the menu and want to have leftovers take home, it means she’s the one PAYING for the food when you eat at the restaurant, right? Just be thankful she seems love and want to be with your kids and she likes you … Think of what kind of MIL you will be then ???
Wow 
I loved my MIL I wish she was still here…
those are litto things u can live with… my mil used to do most of the things u listed too but I didn’t say anything… we lost her in 2020… ur gonna feel guilty after she’s gone… me and my inlaws were close… I loved them like I love my parents… and we lost both of my inlaws in 2020…
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As a MIL X3, myself it’s so hard to understand some of these women, when all we want is our children and grandchildren to be happy and hopefully we can enjoy a small amount of time with them. After all without the MIL they wouldn’t have our sons:+1:
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Talk to your husband that’s what he’s for…the end…
You sound like you’re real pleasant to be around…
Good lord, I feel bad for your MIL 
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You are definitely not “the problem”. People are dumb. For one thing, ALL of that is beyond obnoxious behavior and #2 it doesn’t matter what she’s doing if she doesn’t respect your asking her to stop. It’s never cool to blatantly disregard someone’s feelings and continue doing what they already expressed that they don’t like
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I think your a ungrateful DIL. When someone only sees you once a month and you probably see your parents all the time. She doesn’t see you guy’s that much to know your habits and ways. 12 times a year She sees her grandkids and son. For God sakes lighten up. Your more of a problem then her. How would you like someone treating your parents like that?.
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You’re tripping, hard. Got a problem with her sharing drinks with a kid but your fine with putting your mouth on the man that came out of her 
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Theres a monster in law support group on fb. Lots of people have terrible in laws.
You and your husband need to have a discussion about boundaries. Maybe she needs to come stay less or needs to get a room when she does. Also if shes that annoying to go out with just go to the same place every time.
A list. You sat and made a list of things someone does that annoys you. You need help- you’re allowing her to live rent free in your head.
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She visits once a month. She sounds sensitive and lonely, we’re not all made the same. I know it’s probably annoying but you can be nice once a month. Even though the drink thing wouldn’t be a big deal to me, if it is to you then have a serious talk. She really is just trying to be nice and fit in, calling herself momma is probably a mix up, remember she’s getting older…
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At least she visits and shows an interest.
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I wish i had you’re monster in law issues ,wanna trade😬
Fan Question
A list of why my mother in law bugs me.
Here’s a list of the things she does that I do not know how to handle.
-
Let it goooo
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Let her cry - let it go
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Let it go
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Get your kid her own drink- teach her to say no thank you
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Have hubby buy her a few new outfits- tell her to choose one of them when going out
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Let it go
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Take it- dispose of it. Say thank you
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Preselect the restaurant- send her the link to the menu options and prices. Or just say we will eat in.
Every time she leaves our home after a visit (usually visits once every month or so from out of state) I have a nightmare that I die prematurely and she raises my children as her own and erases all memory of me. I know this is irrational but I cannot stop having the dream and I believe there is an unhealthy dynamic going on that is causing psychological distress. I never feel weird like this about anything/anyone else.
These are just a few things I can thing of. I can’t really talk to my husband about a lot of it because I don’t want to hurt him. Any advice? I may get a therapist just to deal with my MIL drama. Thanks!
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I only see my mother in law about once a month and whenever we do, she never tries to take over or steps out of the boundaries my fiance and I created. She doesn’t do anything with our son unless she asks and we say yes. I completely understand where you’re coming from because my son’s father and I never let anyone tell us how to parent or do things we don’t like. A mother in law had her chance to be a parent, so now she can back off and let you and your husband parent. She has to respect your boundaries that you and your husband set
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All MIL over step at times even when they may not mean to. What you have listed is petty and yes you need therapy. Put the boot on the other foot if she made a list of all the things that annoyed her about you, how would you take that? I think your husband needs to be aware of what’s going on, maybe you haven’t said anything cause your the one being irrational.
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The things that I truly believe are bullshit are 1, 2, 3, and 4. That’s still half your list, so it’s still bad.
I hate this, my son’s father’s mother (I guess my ex-“MIL”) was like this EXACTLY.
I wasn’t even “allowed” to post pictures of my family and my son because she would be so upset she wasn’t also in the picture. I couldn’t post pictures, couldn’t see my family, couldn’t spend holidays with my family. I would get so nervous to even mention my family because she would cry.
You need STRONG boundaries. I promsie you it only gets worse. It’s not healthy, and it emotionally destroyed me. Please talk to your husband too. He should be saying something to HIS OWN MOTHER. He needs to have you and your family’s back on this. Good luck, this is a shifty situation.
I mean, about the only things here that are something that are truly “bug worthy” are trying to guilt you for where you live and crying about photobooks.
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Be lucky you have a mother in law!!!Mine was one of the best and we miss her so much !!!
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No one is perfect. I’m sure there are many things about you that get on her nerves. There are ways to help your situation. For instance, just pick her outfit. Maybe she has trouble deciding things. The restaurant problem? Look up the menus with her before you leave. You can Google almost any menu with prices. The eating and drinking after a toddler is pretty yuck (backwash 
) but that’s what we have immune systems for, I guess. If drinking or eating after grandma is the worst thing your kid ever puts in their mouth I’d be shocked lol And darn tooting I’m taking home leftovers if I paid for them. Waste not want not.
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I hope my son’s marry women that like me enough to want me around. This is just sad!
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You are petty af. Do you not see what some of the women in this group deal with when it comes to in laws? Thanks for the laugh today though. I needed it.
You need to learn to be grateful for the little things in life. You have a mother in law that is actively there & trying to relate to you anyway she can. Get over yourself.
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The nightmare of her mil raising her kids is a joke. Her mil raised her son and she married him.
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She sounds sweet! Please enjoy her while she is still here. I pray when I grow to her age, younger people would tolerate me 
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I’d really try to grow and be thankful someone else shares in the love of your kiddo.
My mother passed away, and my daughters never knew their other grandmother. Being a huge feminine presence in their lives is fine and I’ll always try my best, but I’m grateful for their Aunts and also my fiancé’s mother, all that are sweet and good to my girls. 
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Sounds like she should make a list on why you are an insecure immature daughter in law. Some of the stuff on the list is you being immature
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This is so sad 
I feel sorry for moms of boys who grow up to marry such selfish women. I’m sorry to be ugly, but you need a look in the mirror. It’s once a month and that’s his mama. She made the man you love. Make room in your heart for her and her faults, if you truly love him.
Wow. It sounds me like you need to lighten up and learn to let small things roll off your back sometimes. None of these seem like huge issues to me. Yes she should respect your boundaries and rules when it comes to your kids. But other than that, you sound pretty uptight and are nit-picking about small, insignificant things.
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I would deal with any of this shit to have my mother in law back she passed last month from covid 
I lost my mother and my mother in law - grow up and be a decent human - you will miss them when they are gone. Grandma’s just want to be Grandma’s
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I had the most horrible MIL ever but this MIL just sounds like she wants to be included , she’s trying too hard and lonely she just wants to be needed and loved.
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Yeaaa. My MIL lives 3 streets over. I don’t feel sorry for u one bit:rofl:
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Uh, you literally don’t even see her often.
Try having a mil with munchausen by proxy who tried saying your 6 month old has autism, who’s actually ahead and advanced for his age now at age 6. Who also gives you a list of chores to do in your own house. Who at one point would come over and just walk in your home when you were or weren’t there, possibly naked. Who is literally so bossy with your child that you have to go off on her and she doesn’t understand because again, munchausen. Then rips your massive pumpkin plant out of the ground. Who also tried to get me to talk to her other sons therapist and say he has issues. Then, goes to my mother and talks about all the issues my husband has and tries to get her to make me put our son up for adoption. The list goes on. What you have there is a saint, you need to grow up and realize you’re blessed.
I will take your mil.
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I’d cut her off I’m mom and if you can’t respect what I say or my rules your not I’m my child’s life I don’t allow shared drinks either Or kissing on the mouth
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The mimicking would bother me. She needs to find her own way to express her love. She may have low self-esteem.
As for the sharing of food, that’s not okay. Especially now with Covid. If you don’t want her sharing drinks with your child make it a point of getting a new drink when she does it and let her know it’s okay she can have that one. You can be polite and take her leftovers home. No one needs to eat them.
I do think you need a therapist but not in a bad way (good Hod this lady needs therapy!). If the situation is causing you to have nightmares and so much stress and anxiety you need someone to help you talk through it.
Won’t change if you don’t say something. Husband and you must be on the same page as well.
I won’t judge what’s driving you nuts, and won’t tell you to just suck it up… people only share what they are comfortable sharing. Who knows how much more you could say
I AM THAT MIL that happens to be VERY PROUD of her family…not one thing you listed is justified for so much resentment towards her. You too will one day be a MIL and I pray you grow up and learn how to treat a human being who is only trying to love you and your child. How selfish for trying to deny her of that right. She raised your husband to the best of her ability…let her enjoy the fruits of her labors and watch him raise his son. Be kind to her and in the meantime… go make a gratitude list because you are very ungrateful. Do you treat your own parents this way? One day your son will do the same to you! I have 3 DIL’S who I don’t always agree with but I love them and they know it…Get YOUR MIL on this feed because I’d love to hear her side to all this…bottom line…Get some therapy and stop being petty to your child’s grandma…from the looks of this feed you stirred up a bees nest and you are the only one getting stung by your pettiness. Signed…a pissed off grandma AND MIL…
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You’re the one with the problem mil is trying to love her familly.young girls think they know everything now days…wise up no one is perfect.
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The fact that you found the time to type this whole thing out, proof read your book on reasons you hate someone and then felt confident enough to post it and didn’t see the flaws in your own personality says A LOT about you as a person. ALSO! I bring my leftovers home from restaurants too, that’s what boxes are offered for.
Your the mom your rules she can get over it!!
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I can’t get over you not wanting to pick out an outfit for her. What is the reason you refuse? It sounds to me that she likes your style and is subtly asking for your help in fashion. Why would that bother you so much?? And then complaining about her wanting your family close to her….of course she wants her son near her. Just like you want to be near your family.
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Tell her to cut it out or you’re going to limit the time your family spends with her. It’s that simple
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My ex mil literally tried to kidnap my baby. This list is a joke
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Most of these are little annoyances that you should just ignore tbh…she’s lonely. Lives far away and loves her family…but maybe doesn’t know how to be a loving grandma without stepping on your toes.
Be tolerant
Ask her advice on things…even if you never take it …
.always make her feel loved, welcome and useful…let her help you get the children ready to go out or read them a story.
Left over food and price checking…thats her age. All us oldies do that lol
Clothes …maybe she wants to be suitably dressed and not embarrass you .
Sharing drinks with your toddler is not acceptable. Be firm on that one …although I used to spoon the froth off my coffee for my grandkids. My bad lol
I dont do or allow mouth kissing. I always kiss foreheads even if they offer their mouth
She wants to feel part of your family for the short time she’s there. Try to enjoy the time because she’s not going to be in your children’s lives forever and your children will feel the tension but not understand the problem.
The nightmares …you need to relax. Tension is causing that and your subconscious mind is playing back your fears
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Sounds like your a drama queen n need to grow the fuck up!
Honestly she just seems like a weird woman. Thankfully she doesn’t live close and I suggest you never move near her lol. Just ignore it. Its all small details and yes she sounds really difficult but just try to avoid her as much as possible.
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I think you should get a therapist so the therapist can tell you what is going on with the MIL. Obviously, there is a diagnosis there…but I can’t figure it out. Borderline personality disorder?
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I feel like you’re just trying to find reasons to not like her…
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Here is mine. I wish I could love mine, but it is hard…
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She outcasted my daughter (7 at the time) denied buying her ice cream truck because “you are not my granddaughter.”
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Always told my son (step son been raising since 4 now 16) that I don’t love him and I’m mean because I made him eat veggies.
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Only makes the girls clean after family gatherings (I guess it is a cultural thing, but I think it is shit.)
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Would never NEVER help watch our new edition (now 7) so I could go to my credential program. I had to drop it, but she now watched all the other grand kids-for date nights and parties for his brothers.
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Now that she has T2D she critiques the things my 7 year old eats-remember she was mad I didn’t let my son have a 24oz of soda at 8a.m.
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She has never acknowledged all my love and effort for my son, whose bio mom lives 10 min away. The last 12 years has been all me. At my son’s birthday party-yes I invited his bio mom, and my mother in law hugged her and told her how much she missed her.
I could go on forever. Thanks that was very therapeutic. I’ve heard over and over again, if you are a strong person people don’t feel the need to help you. I’ve never been one to ask. We have been fine without 
Your mother in law is no monster. Just a bit annoying.
Hi everyone. I wanted to claim this post and respond.
Firstly, some of my original message was cut off and I think that starting the post off with “a list of problems I have with my MIL” immediately cast me in a negative light and caused some of the more judgmental commenters to respond in hurtful, unhelpful ways.
Secondly, thank you to the few commenters that helped me feel some solidarity in knowing I am not alone in navigating a difficult relationship (amid the stressors of motherhood) 
Some of the items on the list may seem petty but they are a culmination of a lack of boundaries and respect that has been occurring continually for years. Once you reach your limit with someone, every little thing feels like the final straw.
There are many things I love and appreciate about my MIL and it goes both ways. I have entered therapy to learn how to set appropriate boundaries so that the relationship can continue to grow in a healthy way.
Hopefully the admin will delete the post because it was hard to read a lot of the comments and did not feel reflective of a supportive community for mothers.
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Honestly you sound like a picky asshole. Most of those sound like attempts to bond with you and her grandchildren. Also you’re mad she wants to be near you guys while you actively push her away🤦🏼♀️
I think you need to grow up
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Ha my mother in law just called the cops on my husband bc they had an argument and then she evicted us.
i have the best mother in law i miss her terribly!
I completely understand where you are coming from. Its your house and your children. She needs to respect you in your home and do as you ask. Talk to your husband and her.
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My first reaction…chill out! I really don’t feel any of these things are massive issues or warrant you having such a problem with her (aside from the food thing, but if she’s cheap she’d hate waste!) If she was undermining you, calling you horrible names, being emotionally or physically abusive etc…then I’d understand, but this is ridiculous. Maybe you are subconsciously threatened by her??..
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MIL needs to respect your wishes when it comes to your child and home. Other than those I do think maybe spending a day with just you and her where y’all can talk would be good for the both of you. You just need to tell her how you feel
Sarah Ledwith not to mention she only visits once a month
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