Advice on introducing my husband and kids to my autistic brother?

I have a 14 year old brother who is autistic and has adhd. He does not like change so how do I introduce my kids and husband to him without setting him off. He already is shutting down once again from all the changes. So without making any changes how should I do it. He met my 2 girls 1 time before his mom died, but since he has been shutting down. So need advice on this to not startle him


This is probably a better question for those who know your brother personally, maybe teachers or a therapist he might have?


I would do 1 person at a time.instead of all at once. Does he have a favorite restaurant maybe take.him for dinner

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Slow. Let him know who will be with you and hope all goes well. Let him know that it is ok for change and he can get to know them at his own pace.

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Has he seen pictures of them before? I would start there so he knows what they look like and maybe alleviate some anxiety. I hope it goes well!


One at a time and somewhere he feels comfortable and safe

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I would suggest photos. Let him have a photo of each person then after a week or two provided him. With photos of you and each person. Make sure you help him recognize each person in the photos. Then slowly introduce him to each person. I’d start with whomever he took a liking to in photos then go from there. Its not going to happen overnight and it might take a few months but if you work with him and show him you understand and that none us of harm and the love you have for him and your family he should come around


Why would you marry and have kids without him being aware of this all along the way? It’s sounds like you haven’t been involved in his life. You need professional advice not FB “help”


I would recommend a behavioral therapist, and a saport group (on line or in your community) that have and are walking on your shoes.

Can you print off pictures and put them in a album?

Maybe have his care giver go over the pictures with him with everyones name?

Then slowly bring each person to meet him for a short introduction.


I am new to this my son was recently with both autisn ADHD and more, but I’ve been told is to focus on what he enjoys, right now he is all about LEGO’s, but then again my son is 6.

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Maybe talk to him yourself first, see if he’s ok with meeting them. Maybe take pictures with you and let him see them. Explain the best you can that you would like him too meet them but if he says no maybe let it be.


Explain the meeting first set a time and date ( they do not like surprises or unexpected things to happen )
Write it down and put it on fridge or :date: calendar this way he will look forward to it
Also meet at his house ( a comfortable environment)
And make sure no screaming not loud noises when meeting


He will react like by just saying Hi :wave: and that maybe it so do not get excited after meeting he may just want to be alone

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I have a son with autism and when I remarried my husband had 2 kids that came in weekends so I did it slowly not making him spend alot of time all at once he had a bedroom set up with his stuff and could go there and feel comfortable and I gave him alot of attention where he wasnt so overwhelmed so he needs a place of his own to not feel like its to much.


could he and the kids do a activities he likes and maybu get him to teach them so he feels in charge of the meeting

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An Autistic child especially at that age needs patience from family members. Before you even introduce them to your brother, prepare your husband and kids first. Help them understand and accept the challenges your brother can’t help without judgment. This is why we have Autism Awareness. And to help your brother, introduce them in baby steps. Photos to start. Talk about them often. Then start with bringing them in person. Seek a behavioral therapist. But you guys need to seek professional help on how to handle this sort of situation properly.

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Speak to him first and gently bring it up

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Just calmly talk to him n ask him if u can u introduce him to ur little family n c what he does look into talking to a therapist they can help u also.

So your married and your husband has never met your brother??

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Show/send photos first. Then if he’s comfortable using a phone, short videos of them saying hi. Then phone calls, then face time & finally in person.

Go to visit his family, bring your family, but don’t greet him. Let him come to you all when he’s ready to engage. Shouldn’t someone in his family know how best to introduce him to new people? As long as he has a safe space where he is living, a space to retreat to, it should be fine. If he’s curious, he will come around. You can’t force him to socialize or introduce him to people he doesn’t care to meet. :woman_shrugging:
The more you’re all around him, the more comfortable he’ll feel.

There is some excellent advice here and I can’t think of a thing to add. As a mom in the autism community I’m deeply grateful for your questions. Wanting him to be comfortable and to know y’alls family is beautiful. I pray all goes well.


Im grAndma so heres what i would do, i would do your husband and your kids, slowly, if you can, it will be better that way, one one is better.