How do you all handle bad attitudes with a child going through puberty? Should it be handled the same way as if they weren’t? I know there are a lot of hormones and emotions with puberty, and I do not want to damage my and my child’s relationship at such a vulnerable time in their lives.
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Good luck. But sit down and tell them you know what they are going through. Qnd your there no matter what decisions they make and can always call you.
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You’re so loving and concerned it’s great but children need to respect others no matter what they’re hormones are doing. Talk to them about appropriate behavior, guide them. But you can’t be afraid to discipline them
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My plan is to acknowledge the emotion, reinforce that we all need to remain respectful and that it’s totally normal to be feeling how they’re feeling 
let us know if you need a snack or a nap. It’s a team effort.
Basically just look back at your own phases and think about what you needed.
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They still know the difference between right and wrong. We all understand, we have been there but it is not an excuse to be disrespectful. Point… they get an attitude with my husband, but not me. That right there shows me they can make a choice. It’s all on you and what you decide to let them get away with. You are their parent,not their friend.
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I’ve always loved and gone by the manta of loving but firm.
Patience, understanding, make sure they know you understand what they are going through but don’t put up with bad attitudes, back talking and not doing what is expected. I could help more if you mentioned if it was a girl or a boy, there is a huge difference. Also make sure they know what they are going through is puberty and that everybody goes through it.
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I tell mine if they can’t be nice, be quiet. I’m teaching them to not speak in anger. Calm down, be rational, and then come back. I also do the same. If I’m getting frustrated, I step outside and reboot. We are human, not perfect but disrespect isn’t allowed.
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I just had an emotional exchange with my 13 year old son, I’m a single mum and his dad just recently reached out to him after 3,years, creating deep emtion, I got heated, I was defending my mom status, but as soon as I realized why he was reacting the way he was, I confronted him and gave him a hug , then talked to him for hours about his favorite game, they really are us without the mental maturity to evaluate their true emotions, I sent him to his room for a nap, and after he came down and apologized for taking it out on me, to which I responded, that’s my job as a mum, and no matter what, were in this together and I’ll always love you, and never leave as a parent, we have to be a rock that they can always know will be there
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Do some research on parenting styles, specifically authoritative parenting in adolescence. Google scholar has some decent articles. It really helps to understand a bit about what influences their thinking and interactions at that age.
Hi! I would say to let them be. Do not try to force them to make them feel a certain way. Let them express themselves and make their feeling valid. Many children struggle to express how they feel and they feel like their feelings are not valid. Try to keep composed and be understanding.
It really depends on what they are doing. When its emotional attitudes, i make us hot chocolate and sit down at the table with her and listen. I tell her “ok kid, talk”. If shes being disrespectful and out of control, I stop her, and put my hands on her shoulders, and tell her i know this time of the month sucks, and theres a lot going on, but you are really hurting my feelings right now. I want to help you, but this is out of our control. So please, go calm down, and come find me when you can be nicer.
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This is a great time to teach them emotional intelligence. Just as we are not born to walk we aren’t equipped to recognize or handle our emotions in adolescence. Be patient, give them grace, and have many conversations that help them figure out what they are feeling and teach them healthy ways to handle each emotion. Set guidelines and boundaries making unacceptable behavior clear and offer redos when they make mistakes. Punishment will ultimately make things worse. I highly recommend looking into trust based relational interventions (TBRI)
It is truly changing household for the better.
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Honestly…this isnt someting i look forward to…i think i will just send her to my mom…lol…forgive me…but i just dont know how i will deal with a crazy teen!
In my house, you’re allowed to have all the emotions … but you’re not allowed to be disrespectful!
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My son is as grumpy as hell some days, I pull him up on his attitude and remind him who he’s dealing with, he will leave the house in a complete sulk and come home and give me a hug and apologise:relaxed: he’s gone from being a really bright in the morning kind of kid to a post apocalyptic zombie 
he’s hilarious!! Remember to show them it’s the behaviour you don’t want not the child behind it!! Good luck
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I have no advice. My daughter is 12. Send help lol.
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Good luck is all I got!!
Rules are rules. They still need guidance. Remember u are the parent not their friend
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With my son I make sure he knows that it is ok to feel mad or emotional but that it is not ok to be disrespectful. That if he needs to be by himself be polite and let us know and we will give him his space and private time. There are consequences when he becomes disrespectful mouthy and rude weather he loses his games, phone ect. You just have to find that line and explain to them that yes they are allowed to have feeling but they are still children and bad attitudes and acting a fool will not be tolerated. It teaches them kindness and responsibility for their actions and behavior. Our relationship is great and alot of the time he thinks me for " teaching him to be a man" as he puts it 
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It was so very difficult! Especially with my daughter. If you find yourself running low on patience, you both need to go to your rooms for a time out. Then once things are coiled down, make some hot tea or cocoa and sit down at the table and discuss your feelings. When your child is talking, don’t interrupt. Listen, hear them, and truly let them know you will work on whatever it is that is bothering them. All relationships take work and patience and communication and commitment. Treat your child as if they were an adult and what they say and feel matter.
My daughter and I put eachother through a lot when she was 13 through 17. I wish I could go back in time and do things this way. I felt she was the child and she just needed to listen! And it really doesn’t work that way. They are coming into their own and finding a new independence. They need positive reinforcement and encouragement at this age.
Yes those issues still get dealt with the same way. You acknowledge that they are having the feelings, emotions and struggle, you let them know it’s ok to have them, but ita not ok to inappropriately use them to handle said situation. Remind them that even with the change in hormones they are expected to act appropriately and seek out help when they do not understand or know how to handle a situation. As well that bad behavior and choices still have consequences. Deliver the punishment with dignity and grace then reinforce with love. Teen years are hard. Personally I think they are harder than toddler years. The last 6 months of 17 is the hardest. Breathe and remember you’re not alone. Take time to allow yourself to evaluate a situation and prepare so not to handle their elevated emotional state with an equally elevated emotional/frustrated state of mind.
I tell my pre teen daughter that she’s allowed to have whatever emotion she has at that time but she still has to be respectful
Going thru this now. My girl is crazy hormonal so when she gets an attitude or is disrespectful I tell her that I understand she feels a million different ways but that she needs to learn to control it when speaking to others because she will have to control it the rest of her life. I try to be understanding when I see her struggling with her temper and mouth but no way will she ever get away with being disrespectful. She is still disciplined but I try to talk to her and let her know that I get it.
I have 5 kids…almost 17, 14, 12, 10, and 8. My oldest is literally the perfect kid and has been all his life but my number 2 has been a bear. I was venting to my mom one day because I felt like knocking her out. My mom’s best advice with the attitude is to listen to what she’s saying not how she’s saying it. Also, giving more affection and one on one fun time has made her grow closer to me. My goal is to not push her away because the teenage years is when they need us the most.
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Honestly when I was hitting puberty I always gave a warning if I was in a fuck you and everything you love mood. Mostly bc I wasn’t going to say sorry for it.
Also, don’t try to fix their problems, or comment that you don’t know why a certain issue is such a big deal. Sometimes they can’t help feeling that a small problem is the end of the world and they just need someone to talk to to process the emotions they’re feeling. And if it truly feels overwhelming or like they spend a lot of time being angry or sad, it’s okay to seek counseling. Counselors work not only with the child, but also their family, to come up with strategies to weather these storms.
I must take the time to read these comments…I’m dreading having two boys who will be teenagers together…they are 8&9 now, so I have a few more years. Although, there is a little attitude coming from the 9 yr old already.
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It is a ride for sure. I have a boy and a girl going through it. Attitudes are at an all time high. I don’t take it personal. I do make sure there are boundaries so there is no disrespect allowed. Doors will be slammed though and words will be said and that is ok. Just let them be and let them know you are there when they need to talk. It has been easier raising a boy through it than a girl. Girls are emotional. Your teenage boys might not want hugs but teenage girls still need them.
When I noticed that my kids were starting to act “crazy” … I sat him or her down and had a hormone conversation with them. Told them it’s perfectly normal to not be in control of your emotions during this time. You have a lot of things you are processing at any given time and stress is a big part of that. I remind them that I will respect their feelings and things they are stressing about as long as they do the same for me. Stress never goes away but you need to learn how to manage it in a healthy way.
I have shown my son weight lifting and different exercises that some he hated and some he loved… now he boxes and weight lifts…
My daughter I will walk, hike, and do yoga or workout videos with her. She also lost someone close to her recently and I helped her through those emotions as well.
Each child is different. And I just explain the emotions I see them having and help them figure out ways to manage. Remind them it’s important to respect those around us no matter what we are feeling.
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My daughter is almost 12 and omg off the hook with emotions recently her sister is 9 going on 10 and she hasnt started the emotions yet thabk goodness just hang in there mamas
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They’re humans. Being children or teenagers means they actually have less control over themselves than adults do but we expect them to have more. I have a 5 year old and a 6 year old and the attitude is already unreal some days. Nothing changes their attitude faster than me saying hey, you’re not being very nice right now, what’s wrong? Sometimes they tell me to go away and I do until they ask me to come back. Sometimes they ignore me so I sit next to them until they talk. It works. I learned these moves working in a group home with 16 teen girls. Hopefully these moves still work when my daughter’s are teenagers but I think in general people act mean or disrespectful when they need kindness and respect the most. Teenagers have a huge need for control so let them think they have as much control as possible.
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I always tell my children that they better check themselves and drop the attitude because mine is bigger and it will just cause them to have to do more.
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