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QUESTION:
"My fiancé and I have been together for over 2 years, we have a child together and own our home together. He really is a good man, and I love him so much. Anyways, I went through the contacts in his phone a few weeks ago and found about a dozen women that he used to sleep with before we met. I also found a few women saved under names such as “sexy” and “hot”. I found 4 contacts saved under names like that before I couldn’t bare to look anymore. So I really don’t know how many more contacts he has saved like that. I confronted him about it, and he told me that they’re all old numbers that he just hasn’t deleted and didn’t remember were in his phone. I believe him. I do not think that he’s cheating on me, at all. But, i asked him to delete the numbers of women that he used to sleep with. That was two weeks ago, I brought it up again 4 days ago and asked him again to delete them. But he still hasn’t. He laughed and said the fact that I feel they’re so important is “sad” last time I mentioned it. Like I said, I do not think he’s unfaithful to me. I just feel so disrespected in my relationship and disappointed in him. Am I being ridiculous? Do I even have a right to ask him to delete the contacts? I’m a Pisces, I never know if I’m being too emotional or not. Lol"
RELATED: Do I Have the Right to See My Husband’s Phone After He Cheated on Me?
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"That comment about how it’s “sad” that it’s important to you is a red flag. What’s ACTUALLY sad is that he didn’t respect you enough to delete them as soon as you brought it to his attention. If he genuinely just didn’t remember they were in there, that’s one thing… But to not delete them AND put you down about how you’re feeling about it is sketchy AF…"
"He’s not respecting your feelings that’s a huge red flag"
"I keep old numbers so I know which phone calls not to answer or reply to. Maybe that’s why he’s kept them? So he knows to ignore them."
"I have almost all my numbers from god knows when on my phone. I don’t use them. Phones get backed up they are saved in the cloud. It is kind of silly to be harping on it if you say you trust him. Do you have all old hookups or flings removed from your socials and phone? Change your name in your Facebook convo to sweet cheeks or whatever sweet he calls you. You're causing yourself stress."
"Honestly, I’m less concerned with the fact he has the numbers and more concerned with his reaction. He said you were “sad” for feeling uncomfortable with him having “sexy" and "hot” contact names saved in his phone? Sis, he wouldn’t be adamant about keeping said numbers if he A. didn't talk to them still, B. wasn't keeping his options open, or C. had any regard for your feelings or respect you at all. I’m not saying we should control who our SO talks to but they should care enough to protect your relationship on their own. He obviously doesn’t. Are you trying to convince us or yourself he’s a good man and isn’t being unfaithful? You said it twice in your post. At the very least he could change the names to appropriate ones if he feels the need to keep the contacts. A good man would acknowledge your feelings even if he didn’t agree with them."
"I always wonder the going through the phones. If you feel like you need to go through his phone then say over and over you trust him. Doesn’t sound like it to me."
"He probably did just forget honestly. I haven’t gone through my contacts in years! Lol But the fact that you’ve specifically asked twice and he’s not respecting your very reasonable request is a little disturbing. He should show you that respect."
"My ex used to tell me how “sad” it was that I didn’t trust him or have enough confidence to not be bothered. One showed up at his house pregnant and ready to pop BEGGING me to give him up so her baby could have a Daddy. I invited her in took my house key of my key ring and handed it to her and told her deal it’s all yours. NEVER looked back."
"First of all, there is a problem if you feel you need to go through his phone without his permission. Second of all, I still have numbers in my contacts from 20 years ago. If he hasn’t been calling these numbers, leave it alone."
"Your zodiac sign has literally nothing to do with this post. Tell him to delete them or get deleted. And put the engagement on hold because calling it “sad” is belittling and condescending."
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