AITA for being upset about my husband buying me pens for Mother's Day?

Do I have a right to be upset about the way my husband celebrated mother’s day for me? First let me say I lost my mom years ago and mother’s day is always hard for me. I woke up before him and when he got up he said “what’s up?” Not happy mother’s day or anything else. I was feeling down about the day but when he asked what I wanted to do, he never plans anything, I suggested we go out for breakfast and take the kids to the water park. Which was a great way to spend the day, except I plan everything which I am tired of. But anyway we went. When we were at breakfast he noticed I was down and thought I was mad at him and got annoyed that I was mad. I finally told him mother’s day is hard for me and he changed his attitude and gave me a hug. We had fun at the park and came home. He gave me a gift… A wireless charger for my phone, which would have been okay if I needed one but he bought me one for Christmas and forgot he bought it. Also a pack of gel pens that I had in the cart already. So basically I got pens for mother’s day. No card. I guess Im bothered that he didn’t even say HMD all day, no card, no planning only my ideas, and no thought. We’ve been together for 17 years and there have been other holidays and birthdays where he puts little to no effort. I always do nice things and get creative gifts for him. I’ve also told him on previous mothers days, to take our boys shopping for me, I really don’t need a gift from as I’m not his mother. Btw, I had a gift made for his mother so he didn’t even have to that. I feel so unappreciated.


Personally I say get over it :woman_shrugging:t3: I plan my Mother’s Day every year because it’s about what I want to do. My husband goes along with it and that’s all that matters. I feel appreciated every single day by my husband and children even on the rough days. I’m their mom and a day doesn’t define it. It may hurt and be upsetting but ultimately you guys did do what you wanted… he could have said nahhh to expensive let’s just make breakfast and stay home.


I think too many people compare and it messes up a lot of otherwise, very nice things. My husband didn’t really do holidays, for years and years of our relationship. He came from a messy family and for so long, holidays were just a reminder of all of that for him. So I never pushed or made him feel bad(worse bc he did Already feel bad). He showed me he loved me in a million other little ways, and I’ll take those over a couple of holidays a year, every single time over. As our kids got older and I continued to form our family holiday traditions, it started to feel more and more like OUR holidays, and I’ve watched him chance change and begin to actually enjoy these times. Sometimes we’re broke and we can’t do much, but sometimes he goes big and all out. Each time, I tell him I love it, I love him, and at the end of the day, it’s not really about those few days… It’s about our life together every other day of the year, which is more than I ever dreamt of


It’s been 17 years and you’re just now upset about it? If you’ve talked to him on years past about expectations and nothings changed, nothing is going to change.


Well it sucks but it sounds like your love language is gifts and his isn’t. It’s not an excuse but you have way different expectations for him for special days that don’t occur to him. I’m the same way. You two just need to figure out how to make this work and if you know how he is after 17 years don’t expect him to wake up and just get it. He won’t. I’m sorry about your Mom. You two need to find away to work through your different love languages so you don’t feel so down and unappreciated. If you both are receptive try a little marriage counseling. It may help you both see and understand each other better.


Communicate this to your partner. Men do sometimes become lazy when you’ve been together a long time. They don’t need the same level of intimacy as we do. Let him know you are feeling unappreciated. Also you will not plan anything make it know it’s on him and it’s expected. Men are not mind readers. You have to express plainly when your needs are not being met. Also he may find it easier to let you plan because he has no idea what to do or has been met with criticism in the past. So I find it helpful to give examples of things I like or would like to do. Hope this helps.

Worked on mother’s day. Got a card from my older twos dad and not even a happy mother’s from my youngest kids dad and we live together.

My day went on. My kids are 11,6, & 11 months
I dont expect anything from anyone for mother’s day.

I know my babies love me and that is enough for me :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:


Mother’s Day does not define you as a mother :clap:t4::clap:t4::clap:t4: looks like you still have to get in there and communicate with your hubby more about what you like and you don’t like. Men are men, they don’t see the importance of little things like we do. I’d anything, go out and treat yourself :massage_woman: I’m sorry about your mother, must be hard.

Didn’t the children make you a card at school? They could have got you some flowers with their pocket money.

You’re not his mother nor is he a mind reader. If you’re upset talk about it instead of being passive aggressive and expect him to know you’re upset.

I’ve seen so many of these “should I be mad he got me a dumb gift for mothers day” posts. If he’s a good man and has treated you right for 17 years why act like this? It’s childish.

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Sounds like a (typical) clueless man. I learned I have to tell him what I want and need. The mother’s day pens were a disappointment. Tell him. Be gentle because we all know men’s egos are fragile. But definitely talk to him. Unburden yourself. He’s your partner.

You’re not his mother though… with kids he should’ve gotten you something from them yeah, but not from himself

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So after 17 years, now it’s an issue? Just a little reality check


As a mother, to me Mother’s Day isn’t a big deal, one day shouldn’t define how special I should feel and one day to be showed I’m loved and appreciated, Its every day that I’m shown love and appreciation what is important to me. It’s the little things for me :heart: just another day :heart:

Some people just arent great at gifts and holidays. I wouldn’t reply on them to make it special. You can make it special yourself buy your self what you want bc you deserve it and who better to pick it. If someone else decides to get you something the. Appreciate it or even if they are just spending it with you. I didn’t want to do anything this year so it was like a complete normal day and honestly I was just happy to have a family day.

Get him pens for Father’s Day


Your not his mother :woman_shrugging: my Hubby gets me a card and tells me to pick dinner so I don’t have to cook. He knows how hard I work all year around…I don’t need a day for it

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You show up way too much for him… Make no efforts also n just send his mom a HMD text only

Most men are not planners. Another Hallmark holiday (like Valentine’s Day) and people are really upset that they didn’t get gifts or got “crappy” gifts. If you’ve been together for 17 years and he’s like this with other holidays, why are you surprised or even upset? Being upset over something you have no control over does you no good. All it will do is ruin your day. You stated you had a great day so be grateful for that day and just forget about the “gift” part of it. People have made these holidays about gifts and it’s sad. Just like Christmas isn’t about gifts, but it’s gotten that way.

My mother too is gone. It’s life’s natural order. Honestly it just sounds like you’re having a little pity party for yourself. Water Parks aren’t free. That is part of your gift. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You pointed out, you’re not his mom. He doesn’t owe you a gift or anything. If you haven figured it out yet, men suck at planning things.
You sound like a spoiled little child that didn’t get her way. I can bet water park isn’t high on your husband list of fun things but he wanted you and the kids to have fun. Instead you whine. If I were him I’d give up.

Ive been married 26 years. I’ve never been bothered by not getting a HMD from my husband. My own mom died Feb of this year so my first without her that wasn’t easy. I get more satisfaction from getting homemade gifts from my kids if I get any then getting something from the store. Now my grandsons give me mother’s day gifts homemade from school because their own mom isn’t in the picture.

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At least he asked and did. My husband really didn’t do anything for me, but our kids did. Our son made me coffee and breakfast. Our daughter made everyone dinner (with a bit of help from our son). However they are 15 and 17. Most of the time we don’t make a big deal out of those special days though and if we do it’s actions more than things. At least he somewhat tried. That’s better than some moms/wives/girlfriends get. However if it bothers you that much communicate with him.

I buy myself gifts for mothers and my birthday of what I want. It’s so much more then gifts. If he treats you right and takes care of you year round and does the little surprises and things that’s what matters to me. How I am treated year round not one day. Mine sucks at gifts for holidays majorly but puts effort in when I least expect it


Stop doing for him on special days and make him buy his own mother his own gifts on special occasions. Put in same effort he does


Not necessary…your not his Mother but if the children are young he should of made plans and got something for the children for you…


My husband never gets me anything for bdays Christmas or anything…. So i guess im use to it


Girl I got a card and balloons and still had to cook dinner.

I would love to get all the things in my cart, for Mother’s Day! :grin::grin::grin:

People will treat you, how you let them…do for yourself…go shopping, no kids no hubby…mani pedi…spend…spend… spend

had the same problem with my husband so I just returned the favor to him did nothing for him for a few years he now remembers them all

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You can handle this 1 of 2 ways:

  1. Let him know how you feel. Tell him EVERYTHING that you told us. (This is highly recommended because a lot of men are totally clueless when it comes to stuff like this)
  2. Be passive aggressive and put little to no effort into his gifts. :woman_shrugging:t4:

Wow people are so ungrateful

You do not do special things for others expecting the same in return .You say that he has been like that always so why you still getting mad about it ?
The lack of gifts, cards etc should not be more important than the way he treats you all the year , I prefer to be loved, respected every day and not just a few days during the year .
He did what you wanted , got you something you ready have in your car and you still mad about it , you should be grateful that at least he asked and took you out


its not down to him to wish you happy mothers day, your not his mum

Not surprised stop getting him anything

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Match his lack of thought/effort


At least you received something. At some point he did in fact think about you when he got the pens and wireless charger. Something he knows you use. :smirk: yes you sound like the a**hole!!! Some of us had our SO request to work on mothers day get a “happy mommy day” text and literally that’s it. Didn’t have the kids say it or do anything (they are little) so a week plus later…some of us get a flower delivery and found messages that said I HAD to do something and then a necklace and the package was just thrown at us like whatever here (came by mail) SO YEAH could have been a lot worse…appreciate what you do have…girl even that hug would have been more than enough for me

Girl I so feel ya. My man doesn’t plan a single thing. We’d do nothing if it wasn’t for me. Mother’s day sucked for me as well. I didn’t even get a gift. My youngest didn’t even say HMD. I went and did something I freaking love beyond love and after felt guilty about it because I spent a little more money than I should have. When I was feeling really bad, I told my man and he threw it back in my face like I should feel that way. I hope next years MD goes better for you :heart:

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I’ve been with my husband for 17 years as well they just don’t understand as much as ur going to tell them at this point I have just given up for me it’s not only Mother’s Day it’s birthdays, Christmas and anniversary’s I’m just done with it. Now I tell him I want something and I give him a period of 2 months to buy it and if he doesn’t buy it I get it for myself the. Tell him like oh lol what I got and he’ll be like oh I WAS going to get that for u

Stop doing creative gifts. It sounds like your love languages are different.

Do the same thing for him for fathers day

I’d be annoyed as well. Why are you still honoring him on his bday & fathers day when he doesn’t honor you?